


Resilience

by mandaree1



Series: Resilience [1]
Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Blood, Death, Gen, Illness, Kitnapping, Medicine Cats, No intentional harm will be done to any kits, OCs - Freeform, RiverClan (Warriors), They're loyal to the Code, Violence, WindClan (Warriors)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2018-10-21 03:52:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 87,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10677117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandaree1/pseuds/mandaree1
Summary: With a harsh Leaf-bare on the horizon, the Clans are in a bad way. Petalkit is growing up under the stern gaze of her father, Ravenfur, when suddenly everything changes. Stuck in RiverClan until WindClan can produce enough catmint- something no Clan has in these temperatures- she does what any kit would do. She adapts.





	1. Ravenfur

* * *

**Allegiances!**

**WindClan:**

_Leader: Beetlestar- white and brown she-cat_

_Deputy: Ravenfur- all black tom_

_Medicine Cat: Birdleap- stone gray tom_

_Warriors:_

_Shadestorm- brown and black dappled she-cat_

_Maplewing- red and white tom_

_Stagclaw- black and white she-cat_

_Redeye- albino tom_

_Heathertuft- white and brown she-cat with white paws_

_Cloudear- black, white, and brown tom with snowy ears._

_Foxpelt- ginger tom_

_Brackenheart- white tom_

_Queens:_

_Raintail- gray she-cat with white belly and paws. Mother to Stripekit (gray and black striped tom), Petalkit (black she-cat with white paws and belly), and Beekit (gray tom)_

_Lichenfang- brown and black she-cat._

_Elders:_

_Silverstep- silver tabby she-cat_

_Firefoot- flame-point tom_

_Tinytooth- small lilac tom_

**RiverClan:**

_Leader: Graystar- gray long-furred she-cat_

_Deputy: Volespring- brown she-cat with small ears_

_Medicine Cat: Whitestripe- brown and white tabby she-cat_

_Warriors:_

_Carpjaw- speckled tom with distended jaw_

_Tallblaze- brown and white she-cat_

_Sandstream- yellow tom_

_Hawktail- gray and white tom_

_Dawnbelly- black and white tom with bright green eyes_

_Cherryfur- calico she-cat_

_Fluffywing- creamy yellow tom. Formerly a kittypet_

_Cloudwillow- long-legged mottled tom_

_Queens:_

_Littlepelt- lithe white she-cat. Mother to Sedgekit (brown and black tom) and Lionkit (white tom)_

_Blackstorm- gray and orange calico she-cat._

_Elders:_

_Swiftmist- small brown she-cat_

_Stonebird- gray tabby tom._

**ThunderClan:**

_Leader: Foxstar_

_Deputy: Unknown_

**ShadowClan:**

_Leader: Brightstar_

_Deputy: Unknown._

* * *

The breeze in camp was chilly but not cold, carrying with it various scents of prey. Petalkit fluffed out her small pelt and curled closer to Raintail, feeling Stripekit and Beekit stir. She'd heard their mother talking with Lichenfang about Leaf-fall, which was far away but still closing in. She didn't know what that meant, really, but it didn't sound happy. _Is it the wind changing? 'Cause if it is, Leaf-fall can go away!_

The steady thrum of voices kept her from falling back to sleep. Warriors were being assigned patrols, Raintail had told her. It wouldn't be long before the gray and white she-cat nudged them all to move, stretching her long legs and going for her morning walk across the territory.

 _I'm finally old enough to leave the nursery and see it for myself!_ She just barely stifled a purr. _We'll get to meet everybody soon enough._

"Looks like I'm too early," a low voice murmured. It sounded surprised and a little bit embarrassed. "Fox-dung."

Petalkit's ear flicked. She slowly gathered the energy to sit up and turn, blinking big eyes. "Hello?"

The warrior jumped, then seemed ashamed of himself for being startled. He was all black, a bit like her, with claw marks across his muzzle and side. He looked fairly intimidating, to Petalkit, despite sticking half-in and half-out of the nursery.

"Awake already, are you?" He rumbled gruffly. "Good sign for a good warrior."

 _Raintail always says I just hate being left out of things._ "Thank you?"

"My name is Ravenfur," Ravenfur meowed gently. "I'm your father."

"You are?" Petalkit's head tilted to the side, mildly disappointed. She'd never met this cat in her life- why hadn't he brought Raintail prey, or feathers? "You mean we're not Brackenheart's?" He always played with her. Petalkit rather liked him.

Ravenfur frowned. "No, darling."

"Okay."

Raintail stirred beside her with a yawn. "Hmm?"

"I'm just talking," she quickly explained. _I didn't mean to wake her up!_ "No need to worry."

"Who are you chatting with this-" She paused. "Oh, Ravenfur. I wasn't expecting to see your muzzle around here."

"I got too excited to wait," he meowed sheepishly. _He certainly didn't show any interest before now._ "Aren't they lovely, Raintail? That one looks almost exactly like me."

Petalkit glanced down. She had white paws and a white belly and chin- Ravenfur had no white on him at all. _Of course not, rabbit-brain. You get that from Raintail._ "I'm Petalkit."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Petalkit," he answered politely.

Raintail flicked her dusty gray tail over Stripekit and Beekit's noses, making them sneeze. "Up and at 'em, kits. Your father is _dying_ to meet you."

Stripekit bounced to his paws almost immediately. He always did wake up the easiest. "Hi! Did you bring any food? That's what Brackenheart does."

Ravenfur broke out into a purr. "You can get your mother all the fresh-kill she wants, now."

"It's not too cold, is it?" Beekit asked, begrudgingly slipping out of their nest. "I don't like the cold."

"You'll just have to get used to it, son. WindClan is a gusty place." The dark warrior backed out of the entrance. "Once your fur thickens, it'll get easier."

Raintail straightened a bit, gesturing to the kits in order with her tail. "This is Petalkit, as you know. The other two are Stripekit and Beekit."

"Good names for good kits," Ravenfur purred. "I can just see you all in front of Beetlestar, getting your warrior names."

Petalkit felt a bit uneasy as his words. Raintail never pressed them about the future like Ravenfur was. It made her uncomfortable.

Raintail nudged them forward. "Your father is deputy of the whole Clan, kits. He has... _ambition_."

"Deputy?" Beekit echoed. "Is that important?"

Ravenfur's eyes lit up. "One of the most important roles in the whole Clan!"

Stripekit bounced on his paws and ducked between Ravenfur's legs. Beekit followed at a much more hesitant pace, whiskers quivering. Petalkit glanced at Raintail for a final time, promising herself she'd bring the queen a rabbit later before slipping outside. The wind cut through her fur, making her shiver and press close to the ground.

"Come along," Ravenfur urged. "I'll introduce you to the Clan."

 _Aren't we supposed to explore by ourselves?_ Petalkit thought, feeling cheated. She'd looked forward to greeting her Clanmates, but it seemed her father planned on doing it for her. It was less special, that way. Beekit's ears flattened irritably, but he didn't say anything. Stripekit followed at a skip, eager as always. Petalkit envied him. _I wish I could accept change as easily as he does._

First, Ravenfur led them to the medicine den, greeting Birdleap with a respectful nod. The gray tom looked a lot like Raintail, and Petalkit wondered if they were littermates, but was too overwhelmed to ask. The only warriors left in camp were Maplewing and Heathertuft, but their father made sure to thoroughly introduce them. Next came the elders, whom Ravenfur promised they would visit often.

"That's the apprentice den," he finished, nodding to a dusty-looking den. "It's empty, for now, but give it a few moons and it'll be yours."

"Isn't that a bad thing?" Petalkit meowed. _If I act interested, maybe he'll move on to something less boring._ "Having no apprentices, I mean."

Ravenfur set her an appreciative glance. "Technically, yes, but RiverClan is just as empty. We don't seem like an easy target if there's more than one Clan going through the lull."

"Cool!" Stripekit cried. His nose was buried in the apprentices' den. "It's so _big_!"

Ravenfur turned to her fully. He hardly even glanced at Beekit as the gray tom scrambled away. "Do you know the names of the Clan leaders?"

"Uh..." She hesitated. _Why ask me?_ "Yes?"

"Recite them," he prompted.

Petalkit took a deep, steadying breath. "Beetlestar, Brightstar, Foxstar, and Graystar."

"Good," Ravenfur purred warmly. "Which Clan do they belong to?"

"I... don't know." She admitted, ears falling. "I'm sorry."

The deputy gave a small nod. "Beetlestar is WindClan, of course. Graystar is RiverClan. Brightstar and Foxstar are ShadowClan and ThunderClan, respectively. Think you can remember that? I don't want to push you."

"I'll try," she promised.

"Good. I'll ask you again sometime."

The intensity in his eyes was disconcerting. "Did I do something wrong?"

Ravenfur blinked, and he was another warrior again, not a teacher. "No, not at all, darling. I'm very proud of you."

_For what? Knowing something every warrior knows?_

* * *

Petalkit turned over in her nest, kicking out to get the feeling back in her leg. It just barely missed Beekit, who was already in a bad enough mood. _I don't think he likes Ravenfur for all that much._

Raintail yawned and lifted her head. Her white fur glowed a bit in the darkness. "What's wrong, Petalkit? Bad piece of prey?"

Petalkit shook her head. She was always careful to avoid things she wasn't certain of the smell of. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Are you mad at Ravenfur?"

"For what?"

"He never came to visit you."

Raintail glanced back at Lichenfang. The brown and black she-cat was practically bursting, and was forced to sleep uncomfortable on her side. She snored worse than ever. "Oh, no. We were never like that."

"Like what?"

"Lichenfang and Brackenheart, dear," she put her head on her paws. "We weren't mates in that sense."

"You don't love each other?"

"Not really. We've always been decent friends, but never have we been in love with each other. Ravenfur wanted kits, so he came to me."

"Oh." _For a cat who wanted us so badly, he hardly noticed us before now._ "Did _you_ want us?"

Raintail leveled a lick to her ear. "Of course I did, dear. I'm so happy you're in my life. You're all very special to me."

Petalkit buried her nose in her mother's gray fur. "I don't think Beekit likes him."

"Beekit doesn't have to _like_ anyone if he doesn't want to. None of you do."

"He asked me about Clan leaders."

"Ravenfur is a very Clan-minded tom. He wants his kin to be the same way. He wants to teach you how to run a Clan and be what he believes is a loyal warrior. All that good stuff."

"He's kind of boring."

Raintail's eyes flickered shut. "He can be. Take my advice; don't let him get going about RiverClan."

"I won't."

"Good night, dear."

"Good night, Raintail." Petalkit squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't feel very tired. "Love you."


	2. Birdleap

"Alright, Petalkit. Give it a try."

Petalkit swallowed, squinting at the gathered warriors. They all looked fairly supportive, waiting politely and nodding when she met their eyes. The morning had started normally enough. Ravenfur nudged her awake just before dawn to wake the other warriors, then had her sit with him while he sorted patrols.

Except, of course, he wanted her to do it. Was this a joke? A test? Why would he _care_ if she knew who was best for what? _He's the deputy, not me!_

_Just take a deep breath. You can do it._

"Shadestorm, Stagclaw, and Heathertuft should hunt. Their fur matches the landscape." She glanced at Ravenfur, but he said nothing. "Which leaves Maplewing, Redeye, and Cloudear for border patrol."

"And Brackenheart?" He prompted.

"He can stay and take care of Lichenfang." _The kits are due any day now- he won't be very focused._

"You heard the kit," Shadestorm meowed. Petalkit thought the warrior looked pleased. "Time to go."

"Hold on a second." Ravenfur crouched down beside her, lowering his voice. "Are you absolutely sure this is correct?"

 _How would I know? I'm barely even two moons old!_ "No?"

"Always be sure of yourself, darling." He sat up. "You did your best. My only suggestion is that you pay attention more to their builds and personalities over their pelts next time."

_Change my entire approach, then. Thanks, dad._

"I'm more of a border patrol cat myself," Stagclaw admitted cheerfully. "Rotten hunter."

"Too bad." Heathertuft's tail lashed. "You're not coming back without fresh-kill."

"None of us are," Shadestorm put in gently. "You did a swell job, Petalkit. We're all proud of you."

Petalkit sunk down into her shoulders. _I know they're just trying to make me feel better, but I still messed up in front of Ravenfur. He'll never let this go._

"Heathertuft is usually a lot more agreeable than that," Ravenfur told her after the patrol departed. "She's just worried about stocking the pile as often as she can before Leaf-bare. Which, really, is my job. Worrying."

She blinked at him. Was he really so willing to move past her error? _All last moon it's been no, Petalkit, that's not quite how it works, Petalkit, pay better attention, Petalkit._ The far-away look in his eyes soothed and ruffled her all at once. _He's not forgotten- he's just distracted._ "Is Leaf-bare bad?"

"Leaf-bare is a season. I'm not sure a season can be good or bad." He meowed thoughtfully, glancing around the dusty camp. The heather barriers were beginning to droop a little at the edges. "Mostly, it's just cold. The prey all hide away to keep warm, so hunting is a nightmare. Everybody is hungry and wet and cold."

"Oh." _I don't think I'll like Leaf-bare._ "Why?"

"Nobody knows, honestly." He shrugged. "There's no explanation to it."

 _But I bet there's a story to it_ , Petalkit thought. _Ravenfur never tells me stories. It's like he thinks I'm too big for them._ While the black and white she-cat liked being treated as an equal, she also missed the days she could curl up beside Raintail and not move all day, or play catch the mouse, without Ravenfur being on her about her crouch or visiting the elders.

"You know, you forgot to assign me to a patrol," Ravenfur nudged her, long black tail twitching. "So I guess I'm going on a solo hunt."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You're still learning." The deputy stood and stretched. "Alright, here's your assignment for the day. I want you to sit here and wait for the patrols to return. When they do, have them tell you what they've seen. After that, report right to me. Do you understand?"

 _Of course I do! I'm not a rabbit-brain!_ She bit her tongue. "Yeah, I got it."

"Good." Ravenfur took one last sweeping look around the clearing, paused, and awkwardly licked her ear. "I'm very proud of you, darling. You'll make a great warrior."

 _So will Stripekit and Beekit. You'd know that if you spent any time with them._ Petalkit shuffled her paws, stifling a sigh. _Just because I look like you doesn't mean I_ am _you._

* * *

Things were very different now that Ravenfur was in her life. Raintail always let them explore on their own, going for walks or chatting with warriors. She was eternally nonplussed. Ravenfur checked in on her at random times of the day, giving Petalkit 'assignments' and making her shadow him to see what being a warrior was like. He treated her less like his kit and more like his apprentice.

Petalkit glanced longingly at the nursery. _Beekit and Stripekit don't have to sit on a patch of dirt and wait for the patrols to come back. Not that Beekit would._ Ravenfur poured all his time and effort into her, ignoring her brothers almost entirely. Neither of them seemed to mind all that much, playing quietly by themselves. Beekit in particular had a personal vendetta against their father, chucking balls of moss at his head 'accidentally' when the tom got too close. Stripekit was neutral, from what she could tell- he wanted to be close to him, but he also wasn't too perturbed that he wasn't. _You can't miss what you never really had._

_Lucky. I wish I looked like Raintail, like they do. Maybe Ravenfur wouldn't press so hard._

The sun scorched her black fur as it rose. She felt like she was on fire by Sunhigh. Ravenfur hadn't stopped by the fresh-kill pile that morning, leaving her hungry and a little disappointed, but surely if she moved now the patrols would return. _Maybe I'll get to eat a rabbit when they get back_ , she thought. _All by myself_.

Crickets screeched over the moor. A breeze moved her fur, hot and heavy. Petalkit licked her lips and laid down, eyes trained on the entrance.

Petalkit thought she might have napped for a short bit, because when she woke sturdy paws were touching her back lightly. Petalkit jumped. They didn't linger or pause, drawing away as soon as they appeared. "Just as I thought- too hot. That's not good for cats, you know."

Petalkit recognized the deep voice of Birdleap almost immediately. The medicine cat blocked out the sun, providing her with some luxurious shade. "It's really warm out," she told him.

"'Course it is. Leaf-fall may be comin', but Greenleaf is still going on strong." Birdleap frowned down at her, whiskers twitching. "What are you doing out here?"

"Ravenfur told me to wait."

"Did he? Well, I'm telling you to come into my den for a bit to rest."

"But-"

Too late. Birdleap's jaws sunk into her hot scruff without flinching, lifting her off the ground.

"Your father may be deputy," he mumbled around her fur, setting a brisk trot to the medicine den. "But _I_ am the medicine cat of this Clan, and _I_ have a much bigger say in what cats need."

Petalkit had only been in the medicine den once before, when Ravenfur introduced her. It was much cooler than the clearing, and darker. The only source of sunlight came in through the entrance, which was just big enough for a full-grown cat to squeeze through. Petalkit wrinkled her nose at the smell of herbs; it was powerful but not overwhelming.

"Stay here." He growled, setting her on the spare next. "I keep damp moss handy during Greenleaf."

Birdleap grabbed a wad of moss off some brambles, setting it in front of her. Petalkit lapped at it greedily, suddenly feeling very tired.

"I'm hungry," she admitted finally. "Can I-"

"I'll get it." He offered quickly, then ducked out of the den. He returned with a mouse. "Honestly, you're too young to be starving yourself when there's prey on the pile. Eat."

Petalkit guilty nibbled at the prey. "Sorry."

Birdleap shook his head. "You were just doing what you were told. I'll talk to Ravenfur later."

"Please, don't."

"Why not?"

"He'll be mad."

"At me, not you. Don't worry about it."

The gray tom was attentive to her as Petalkit ate, checking her reflexes and muscles. Petalkit admired how calm he was; never once did he seem worried or out of his element. _Maybe the smell soothes cats over time, or something._

"How do you feel?" He asked finally.

Petalkit sat up, cleaning off her whiskers "Okay. I was a little dizzy before."

"That's not surprising," he assured her.

She glanced at the holes in the ground where the medicine cat kept his herbs. They were tucked in the corner, out of the way. "Can I look?"

Birdleap willingly moved out of the way "Don't eat anything."

"I won't."

Petalkit wasn't so sure she was supposed to be moving right now, but Birdleap didn't argue. She reached out with tiny white paws to peer over each hole. There were flowers and leaves and seeds, and they all smelled different but also of Birdleap. _These little things can save lives?_ "Wow."

"Wow?" Birdleap hovered over her, squinting. "Did a beetle fall in? They do that sometimes."

"No, no beetle." Petalkit meowed, feeling slightly embarrassed. _Getting so emotional over some leaves- what would the others think?_ "The herbs. It's just so neat, I guess? That these little things can heal wounds or soothe aches."

She expected scorn, but the medicine cat's eyes lit up. He crouched down beside her. "It is pretty amazing, isn't it? Do you know any of them?"

Petalkit looked at him oddly. "No? I've never even looked at them before."

"That's true, but there's always those herbs that every cat knows. You hear about them so much you might as well be an expert on them," he gently nudged her flank. "Give it a try, if you'd like."

Petalkit hesitated, took a slow look about the stores, and finally pointed at a small pile of black seeds. "Those are poppy seeds, right? They help with pain."

"You're absolutely right, Petalkit." He purred, drawing her paw away. "Careful- they stick to you."

"What are those?" She pointed at two different piles of flowers. "They look a lot alike."

"Oh, not at all. The smaller ones are coltsfoot- you chew them up and they help with short breath. The bigger ones are marigold- you chew _those_ up and apply them to infected wounds."

Her nose wrinkled. "Blech."

"Oh?"

"Sticking chewed up flowers to wounds sounds icky," she answered.

Birdleap laughed. "It can be. But it helps, and that's what matters."

Petalkit hardly noticed time go on as Birdleap pointed out different herbs to her and their uses. The medicine den was naturally dark, making it hard to judge time if you weren't used to it. Juniper berries for bellyache and breathing, dock for scratches, lavender for fever, tansy for coughs; she hardly remembered any of them by the end of it, but that wasn't a big deal. She thought Birdleap might telling her just for fun, as if he enjoyed having someone to share his knowledge with. When he finally let her be to go talk to Ravenfur, she didn't feel as worried as she was before.

"Petalkit?" Raintail's soothing voice made her purr as the she-cat poked her head into the medicine den, visibly relieved. "Are you feeling any better, dear?"

"Yeah," she stretched, yawning. "Sorry about worrying you."

The queen shook her head, picking her up by the scruff. It felt cool now. "Your father and I will talk this through later, but... it's not your fault- you understand that, right?"

"Are you mad at each other?"

" _I'm_ mad at him, and he's mad at himself. Ravenfur needs to understand that you're too young to do certain things quite yet." Petalkit gently bobbed in Raintail's jaws as she slipped into the nursery, setting her down on their nest. "Until he does, he won't be calling on you anymore."

"Okay."

Beekit settled in beside her, tail flicking. "Good. He's a jerk."

Raintail closed her eyes and gave a small nod. "I won't try to convince you otherwise."

"You smell funny." Stripekit broke in, sprawling out on the edge. He was purring. "Doesn't it bother you?"

"No," she meowed, setting her head on her paws. "Not at all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just felt like writing more Petalkit, honestly. -Shrugs-
> 
> "I don't think I'll like Leaf-bare" Oh, just you wait, Petalkit.


	3. Lichenfang

Petalkit slept hard that night, deeply relieved that Ravenfur wasn't able to give her any more assignments, but she felt no less exhausted when she woke. _I'm never sitting in the sun again._

Dawn was yet to creep over the horizon. Petalkit was used to waking up this early, and found it hard to fall back asleep. She listened from the comfort of her nest as Ravenfur woke and assigned patrols, taking mental notes. _Stagclaw does border patrols best; Heathertuft is hunting again, since she's so antsy; Brackenheart got skipped again; Redeye-_

Beekit roughly shoved her, growling. "Stick to your own side of the nest."

Petalkit self-consciously moved closer to Raintail, eyes squeezed shut. She pulled all her limbs in and kept them that way. _It's not my fault Stripekit takes up half the nest all by himself._ The smell of herbs still clung to her pelt, and Petalkit found herself trying to remember the names. _Tansy for... fever? Maybe. Probably not. Juniper berries for breathing and bellyache. I know that. Poppy seeds for pain, they make you sleepy. You chew coltsfoot and marigold, and you smush one of them onto wounds... that's still gross... I'm terrible at this._ Still, she found herself being amused by the few plants she remembered. _This is a lot nicer than telling cats where to go._

A low, moaning yowl came from Lichenfang's nest. Raintail jumped and lifted her head off her paws, voice concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Ooh, I don't think so," Lichenfang sprawled out onto her side, legs twitching. "Get Birdleap. I think the kits are coming."

Raintail quickly got to her paws, bending down to pick up Stripekit, still half-asleep. She nudged Petalkit and Beekit out with her foot, then took off for the rest of the territory. "Stay out of the den and Birdleap's way," she instructed, calling over her shoulder. "I'm going to go find him."

"Well, now that we're up, what'll we do?" Stripekit asked.

"First things first," Petalkit meowed, padding over to the warriors den. She stuck her head inside. "Brackenheart, the kits are coming!"

" _What_?" Brackenheart burst into the clearing, just barely avoiding stepping on her. His white fur was ragged from sleep. "Lichenfang, I'm coming!"

"Rabbit-brain," Beekit snorted. "What help is _he_ gonna be?"

"I dunno," Stripekit stretched, stripes rippling. "If I was kitting somehow, I'd want my mate with me. What about you, Petalkit? You're the one here with the belly for kittens."

Petalkit shrugged. "No idea."

"Fair enough."

* * *

Birdleap returned to camp with a bundle of herbs in his jaws and Raintail by his side. Petalkit had never seen her mother so jumpy before- Raintail was always a relaxed and go-with-the-flow warrior, in her mind. _Is she scared the birth won't go well?_ Birdleap seemed much more calm, setting the bundle by his den.

"Go get some wet moss and a stick, if you want to help so badly," he told her. Raintail nodded and ducked out of camp. "Ah, Petalkit. Would you be a dear and sort those herbs I brought back? Just set them in little piles in the sun so they can dry."

"Really?" _He trusts me alone with his herbs?_

"Of course. I know you won't eat them," he glanced at Beekit and Stripekit. "You two want to help?"

Beekit's eyes lit up. "Can we?"

"You're all smart, sensible kits. You won't swallow anything."

Beekit nodded eagerly and nudged Stripekit with his head. "We won't let you down."

 _I've never seen him so excited before._ Petalkit followed at a much slower pace, head quirked. _It this what Beekit needs? To feel useful?_ It would be many moons- four, to be exact- before they were made apprentices. _Sitting around must be making him restless._

Lichenfang's yowling swelled with the heat, going long into the day. Raintail slowly worked herself to an exhaustion, curling up in the shade to nap. Brackenheart only left to make dirt once. Birdleap never left at all.

"What's this, do you think?" Beekit nudged a tiny white flower. "It looks pretty."

Petalkit squinted at it. "I think that's yarrow."

The gray tom blinked at her blankly.

"The plant that makes you puke."

"Ew!" He cried, flicking it away with a hiss. "I don't wanna touch the puke plant!"

"Oh, quit it," she sniffed, carefully plucking the flower up with a leaf. "Touching it won't make you throw up."

"It's still gross."

"Eh, not as much as chewing flowers up to press them to wounds. Yarrow, I get. I mean, if I swallowed a bad piece of prey, I'd rather get rid of it then let it sit in my belly."

Stripekit rolled onto his back, marigold clutched in his paws. "You might feel like Lichenfang, then."

"Stripekit, don't compare a bad bellyache to kits."

"Why not?"

"I dunno. It just sounds _bad_." Petalkit gingerly set another fern-like plant by its others, using a rock to keep them from flying off. "This is nice."

"I guess," Stripekit rolled onto his paws, putting the flower with the rest of the marigold. "I'd rather be playing rabbit tag, honestly."

"We're _helping_ ," Beekit sniffed.

Stripekit's head strained towards the nursery. "Lichenfang's stopped."

The silence struck Petalkit like a blow. For the first time that day, the she-cat felt worry for the queen. _Just because Birdleap_ looked _confident doesn't mean he was, or that things will be okay. Maybe he messed up, or something._ Beekit and Stripekit sat stiffly, looking out into the nursery. It felt like they were holding a vigil of what-ifs, of things none of them were certain about.

"Kits?"

Beekit's fur bushed out, the moment shattered. He sent an accusing glare toward Ravenfur as the deputy padded up to them. "What do _you_ want?"

"To know why you're getting into Birdleap's stocks," he meowed calmly.

"Birdleap asked us to dry them out," Stripekit purred, blinking at their father happily. "We had a leaf fight."

"Not with his herbs, I hope."

"Nope! Just normal leaves."

Ravenfur scowled at them. "Birdleap says it's okay to see the kits now. Let's go check in on them."

Petalkit's heart soared. "Everything went okay?"

"Just fine. A she-cat and a tom."

Petalkit felt her heart sink as Ravenfur nudged them, one by one, to their paws. _Why is he so snappish? There's nothing wrong with knowing basic herbs, is there?_

"Raintail?" He said. "Are you sure it's-"

The gray she-cat sat up and shook her pelt out. "They're kits, Ravenfur. Not Twolegs. They know what they can or can't eat."

They shared a look, then put the conversation behind them, slipping into the nursery. Petalkit followed.

Lichenfang looked exhausted, long tail and ears drooping, but nonetheless pleased, purring contentedly at the two bundles of fur against her belly. Brackenheart lounged against her other side, tails intertwined. Birdleap nodded a greeting and slid out into the clearing without a word.

"Congratulations, you two," Ravenfur meowed awkwardly.

"They're lovely," Raintail purred.

"Oh, thank you," Lichenfang sighed. "I'm thinking of naming the white one Wolfkit. She certainly fought hard enough."

Petalkit glanced at her belly. The two kittens- one white, one brown and white- looked so tiny. _Was I ever that small?_

"Wolfkit is a wonderful name," Brackenheart said. "And how about Deerkit for the other one?"

"Wolfkit and Deerkit," Lichenfang repeated, then nodded. "Perfect."

Ravenfur cleared his throat. "Well, I should probably get going."

"Perhaps you should," Raintail answered coolly.

 _Brackenheart and Lichenfang are a lot different than Raintail and Ravenfur_ , Petalkit thought, watching the pair talk quietly. _I guess it's because Ravenfur is so busy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No worries, Petalkit. Your fam is chill too.
> 
> We're finally starting to rev up! With Wolfkit and Deerkit born, Leaf-fall is starting to close in. With Leaf-fall comes Leaf-bare, and we all know how these things go. Poor Petalkit just wants to do her thing, man. Instead, she's got all this crud on her fluffy little shoulders.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	4. Deja-Vu

_In her dreams, Petalkit was tall and long-legged, mostly grown. Muscle rippled under her black pelt as she ran, feeling a deep exhilaration fill her veins. Fat clung to her chest and belly._

_She was in WindClan territory, or what she assumed was WindClan territory, seeing as she had never left the camp. Dusk flitted across the early Greenleaf sky. Wind blew the heather flatter against the ground, shuffling and moving like claws that couldn't pierce you. Tiny little dots lit up the area, and she rose to bat at them with her paws, purring._ Fireflies! _, she thought joyously, though Petalkit had never been able to stay up long enough to watch them before. She just knew._

_She landed back on her paws, laughing. Petalkit felt as if she were not alone, like there were warriors following close behind, but she didn't feel wary. Quite the opposite- she'd never felt safer._

_Two flashes of color caught the corner of her eye, and Petalkit looked, whiskers quivering. Two large cats were pelting towards her at top speed; one was black and striped, the other all gray. They looked strong and healthy._

Beekit and Stripekit! They've come to welcome me!

 _Stripekit- though, at this size, she supposed he wouldn't be Stripekit anymore. Stripepaw? Stripe-something?- hit her first, knocking her onto her back. He was on her in a second, cleaning her face, jumping and rolling playfully. Beekit blinked down at her, and she craned her head so they could nuzzle each other. Relief bloomed in Petalkit's chest._ They're so happy to see me!

_Stripekit eventually got off her chest. Petalkit sat up as her brother stood, side by side, chattering animatedly. They flashed her glances to make sure she was keeping up._

I can't hear them _, she realized, but didn't feel alarmed. Something told her that was just a side effect of it all being a dream._ This will all make sense soon enough.

 _Petalkit glanced up at the slowly brightening sky. A firefly landed on her paw, and she brought it closer to her face. Its antennae twitched at her._ How silly! _She almost laughed._ It's saying hi!

_The firefly flapped its wings and flew away. Petalkit-_

"Petalkit!"

Something small but heavy landed on Petalkit's back, knocking the air out of her. She lifted her head off her paws, trying desperately to catch her breath as Wolfkit rolled off her, giggling.

"I'm up, I'm up," she panted, tail wagging with irritation. _I was almost home!_

Wolfkit came around the side to greet her. The white she-cat had proven to be a menace; clawing at tails and pouncing on paws. One time, she tried to climb Ravenfur's back and bat at his ears, then wailed to Brackenheart when he shook her off. _Why couldn't it have been Deerkit? He's much more well behaved._

"Tonight's a Gathering!" Wolfkit said excitedly. "Did you know that?"

"Of course I did." Petalkit put her head on her paws and squeezed her eyes shut. _Rabbit-dung, I can't fall back asleep now. But the dream wasn't over!_ "They have a Gathering every full moon."

"Unless clouds cover the moon," Raintail volunteered, nudging Petalkit into a sitting position. "Or the weather is just generally bad."

Petalkit blinked at her. "You usually go for a walk by now."

"Yes, but it's not often you sleep in like this. I didn't want to wake you up."

"Oh. Thank you." Petalkit wobbled a bit, tripping and bracing herself on her mother's belly. Raintail reached out to clean her gunky eyes. "My head feels like my belly does when it's bloated."

"Sleeping in'll do that, sometimes," she agreed.

"Petalkit, Petalkit!" Wolfkit shook her side eagerly, determined to win back her attention. "Do we get to go?"

Petalkit shook her off. "Not until we're apprentices." Hadn't Brackenheart taught her _anything_? "When you hit six moons old."

Wolfkit's face fell. " _Six_? But that's five whole moons of nothing! That's longer than I've even been alive!"

 _By a factor of five, even_ , Petalkit found herself thinking. _It's weird to think I'm three moons old now. I'm halfway there._

"You'll manage." Raintail meowed curtly. She stood and stretched, relieved to be up and moving. "I think I'll go for that walk now."

"Okay." Petalkit shuffled closer to Wolfkit so her mother had extra room to squeeze out of the den.

Wolfkit's nose scrunched up. "Raintail is weird."

Something defensive flared up in Petalkit's chest. Deep down, she knew the kit was commenting on how she was raising her and her brothers, how she went for walks and left them alone and didn't mind that they'd never called her 'mom'. _Just because she doesn't fawn over us doesn't mean she's a bad mother!_ "Well, we can't all be like Lichenfang."

Wolfkit blinked at her owlishly. "I guess not."

Petalkit stood and left the den. At first it felt like she had no destination in mind, but she found herself turning to the medicine den. _I should talk to Birdleap. He'll know what my dream means._ Something odd pricked at her. _Why do I feel like it means_ anything _? I'm a kit with a big imagination; it could've been a weird piece of fresh-kill._ Her pawsteps didn't falter.

"Birdleap?" She called into the den.

"Come on in!" Birdleap's voice sounded muffled.

Petalkit slipped inside, mouth open to tell him about her dream, when she suddenly realized she wasn't alone in seeking his help. Beetlestar sat patiently in the spare nest, holding a paw off the ground. She looked bigger and more intimidating than any warrior Petalkit had ever met.

Petalkit backed away. "Sorry. I didn't know-"

"It's fine, Petalkit," Beetlestar rumbled soothingly. "Come sit with me?"

She hesitantly plopped down at her side. Petalkit had never been this close to the white and brown she-cat before, nor had Beetlestar ever addressed her. Petalkit was mildly surprised she even knew her name. _Of course she does. I'm Ravenfur's kit. Her deputy's daughter._ "What happened?"

"Thorn in my paw," she meowed, shrugging.

"Alright, all done." Birdleap pulled his head out of the stocks. A scrap of something clung to his whiskers. "Good morning, Petalkit. I was just fiddling with the herb placements."

_Why is he talking to me? Shouldn't Beetlestar come first?_

Birdleap must've noticed the look on her face. "Would you like to help?"

 _Why is he always asking me that?_ "How?"

"Thorns are fairly simple to get out. You could pluck it yourself."

"I don't mind," Beetlestar added, sensing her hesitation. "Good thing for any cat to learn."

Petalkit took in a deep breath. _Birdleap knows what he's doing, and she doesn't mind. I can do this._ "Okay."

Beetlestar held out her paw. Petalkit crept closer, sniffing the area. It felt warm.

"Lick it until the thorn comes out a bit," Birdleap urged. He had taken a seat next to her; close, but not enough so to feel suffocating. "I'll tell you when to pull."

Petalkit swallowed, then rasped her tongue over the puncture. Beetlestar watched her quietly. She made no noise nor suggestions, quietly suffering with the annoying prickle. _Am I doing something wrong? Somebody would tell me if I was, right?_

"Just relax, Petalkit," Birdleap murmured close to her ear. "Right now, she's not your leader. She's a cat who needs your help."

 _She needs my help._ The words stuck in her mind. Beetlestar was looking to her to get the thorn out. She trusted her to do so. She couldn't let her down.

"Do you feel it?"

Something hard but slightly pliable brushed her tongue. Petalkit started to close her teeth around it, forgetting to wait for Birdleap's command, but found herself pricking the skin of her pads and drew away. Beetlestar said nothing. "Not really."

"Bit more licking, then."

The next attempt was a success. Petalkit felt ridiculously proud of herself, thorn in her jaws. _I did it!_

Beetlestar stood, placing her pad firmly to the dirt. "Great job, Petalkit. It feels much better now."

"Come back if there's any signs of infection," Birdleap said sternly, then added; "and keep walking to a minimum."

Beetlestar dipped her head, thanked them, and left, tail high. Petalkit spat the thorn out. Birdleap went back to his herbs, gesturing for her to sit beside him. "Now, what is it you wanted?"

"I had a dream."

Birdleap glanced at her. His face gave nothing away. "A dream?"

"Yeah. Since you're the medicine cat, I thought you might know more about it."

"If only it were that easy!" He sighed, then laughed at himself. The medicine cat moved to sprawl out on the dusty floor. "Tell me about it."

She did, from the firefly on her paw to the way she couldn't hear her littermates speak. It seemed so surreal, and splotches of darkness had already begun to fill in what was once a delicate patchwork, but Petalkit wanted to go back. Claw her way into the dream and find the ending. _I've never felt like this before. Normally, I don't even remember my dreams._

Birdleap's eyes flickered shut as she spoke, contemplating, finally opening when she finished. "And you said you were in WindClan?"

"I think? It's not like I've been on a walk through WindClan. It looked like how I always imagined the territory to be."

"Hmm, fair enough," he shrugged, ear flicking. "Sounds to me like you had a deja-vu dream."

Petalkit blinked at him. "A deja-vu dream?"

He nodded. "Sometimes, cats have dreams, or visions, about things to come. How and why tends to fade over time. You probably won't even remember it by tomorrow. But there'll come to a time when you'll go running and meet up with your brothers and play and it'll be familiar. You'll know you've seen it before."

"But it wasn't like I just went out running," she tried to explain. _I hadn't been home in a long time. I just know it._ "I was just coming back from something."

"Maybe you went on a journey, or a long hunting patrol," he suggested. "These things happen. Either way, there's nothing we can do but wait."

Petalkit felt a bit uneasy, but nodded anyway. The more she thought about her dream, the more off she felt about it. _I was moving a little funny- like I was hurt. And what about Beekit and Stripekit? They were thin as twigs, even with all that muscle!_

_If this is deja-vu, what does that mean for us?_

* * *

Petalkit said a quick goodbye to Ravenfur before the Gathering patrol left before curling up between Stripekit and Beekit in the nursery. She clenched her eyes shut and tried to fall asleep, desperate to dream that dream again. Something told her it wouldn't come.

"I tried to catch a minnow today, mama," Wolfkit whispered to Lichenfang. Petalkit heard a shuffling.

"Did you, darling? That's amazing!"

"Was there even any water puddles out today?" Deerkit broke in hesitantly.

Wolfkit gave a little 'hmph!' "Why do you think I said _tried_?"

"Oh. Okay." A pause. "I caught a leaf today."

"Congratulations, darling. I'm so proud of you both."

"You did good, Deerkit," Wolfkit added. "We'll be the best hunters in WindClan if we keep this up!"

Petalkit shifted awkwardly. It felt like a spotlight had lit up, shining down on them. Raintail wasn't asleep- she never slept well on Gathering night. _I could tell her about the thorn. It was a bit weird, helping the Clan leader like that, but I felt really proud when I was done._ She hesitated, opening and closing her mouth. _But if I did that, we all know what would happen. Raintail would say she's proud of me, and Beekit would get jealous and cranky because all he did today was play climb the hill._ _It's not his fault, really- Birdleap only needs one helper, and there's no one else to help. He can't get moss for the elders or use mouse bile, and Lichenfang and Raintail can take care of themselves._

It felt a bit like keeping a secret. No one would ever know how she felt right then- sure, Birdleap could tell them about it, but he didn't _feel_ it. It felt personal. It felt respected. Petalkit found she preferred it that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme tell ya, deja-vu dreams are few, far between, and typically about the silliest of stuff. But they can happen! And you'll forget the dreams, but then something will happen and that feeling'll sink in and you're like 'wow, so THAT'S the context to this.' and you shrug it off and move on.
> 
> (My dreams are weird, is what I'm saying.)
> 
> Final Petalkit chapter for the weekend! I might write some more next week.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	5. Certainty

"Good morning, darling!" Ravenfur called, putting on a burst of speed to walk with her. "I hope you rested well."

Petalkit hesitated. It was the first time they had been alone since the overheating incident. "I guess I slept okay."

"Good!" He herded her into a turn. "Raintail and I have been talking, and we both agree that you're old enough now to continue my assignments."

Petalkit's stomach clenched. _Already? I thought I was done with that until I was made an apprentice._ "Oh?"

"Yup. With Leaf-fall so close, you're not bound to overheat, and you're old enough now to take care of yourself." His tail proudly wrapped around her. "Soon you won't even be stuck in that cramped nursery anymore."

The kit glanced over her shoulder longingly. Birdleap was arranging some herbs outside of this den. _Messing with plants is much more fun than Ravenfur's rabbit-brained assignments._ "Okay."

Ravenfur looked at her quizzically, like he expected a more positive reaction, but kept right on going. "We'll be talking all about the Gathering once the dawn patrol gets back. You can't sit with us, being a kit, but you _can_ watch from the nursery. That's your task for the day."

Petalkit slipped into the nursery with a moody flick of the tail. She couldn't shake the thought that Ravenfur wanted to keep her from visiting Birdleap. _I could have sat with him and listened just fine. Make myself useful, even. That thyme looked really sticky._ Petalkit was shoved out of the way as Wolfkit and Deerkit dove into the clearing, Beekit close behind. Her brother had designated himself as the younger kits' caretaker. She admired his patience with them.

Raintail crouched down next to her. They watched in silence as the warriors gathered before Beetlestar. For once, Petalkit was hit with the enormity of what her father did as he stood by her side. _He has more responsibility on his shoulders than any other warrior in WindClan._

"Let the meeting begin," Beetlestar called finally. Petalkit wondered how her paw was doing. She looked incapable of being hurt, standing up there; a StarClan warrior with no stars in her fur. "I believe it is in our best interest to keep the RiverClan border more heavily guarded."

" _Border patrols_?" Heathertuft repeated, incredulous. "We need to worry more about what we're going to eat!"

"WindClan has survived many Leaf-bares," she reminded her. "We will be fine."

Tinytooth cleared his throat and stood up. He looked small and fragile in comparison to the other warriors. "I'm with Heathertuft. It's never gotten so chilly so early. Not in all my seasons. It's a bad sign, I say."

Ravenfur stepped forward. "Which is _why_ we need to keep up our borders. If RiverClan gets any more desperate, they won't hesitate to use force."

"One sick elder isn't an epidemic," said Cloudear.

"But it was enough to worry Whitestripe and Graystar," returned Maplewing. "Admitting weakness has never been easy for RiverClan."

Petalkit glanced at Birdleap. Surely, if anyone was able to judge how infectious this sick elder was, it's him? _Why won't he say anything?_

"RiverClan is full of tricksters and liars," Ravenfur meowed, eyes narrow. He seemed to be daring someone to disagree. "I wouldn't put anything past them."

Foxpelt snorted derisively. "You're only saying that because one managed to beat you. You've always been too fluffed up to see past your own nose."

Ravenfur hissed, claws unsheathing. "Care to put your words to the test?"

Petalkit flinched. She'd never seen the tom so angry before. _Does he really hate RiverClan that much?_

"Ravenfur," said Beetlestar, mildly. Her deputy retreated with a unsatisfied growl. "Foxpelt, you are to treat Ravenfur with respect. Next time you _will_ be demoted to taking care of the elders."

Foxpelt nodded. He didn't look particularly worried.

Beetlestar's tail lashed, just once. They all fell silent. "We will increase border patrols along RiverClan," Heathertuft's jaws opened with outrage, " _but_ our main focus will be feeding the Clan. Survival is what every cat struggles for every Leaf-bare, and we are no exception. This meeting is at an end."

"That was short," murmured Raintail as they dispersed, "and ultimately pointless. Beetlestar gave them the feeling of having a choice, but you'll notice her choice is what won."

"Do you think there'll be war with RiverClan?"

Raintail blinked at her, slow and a bit sluggish. "Doubtful. The odd scuffle, yes, but not a _war_."

 _That's still a fight_ , she thought, heart sinking. Petalkit buried her nose into Raintail's fur and tried to relax. The thought of battling scared her. _All that blood and pain for some scent lines._

Raintail bent her head to clean Petalkit's ear. "What's wrong, dear?"

"Is it scary?" She asked. "Fighting cats from other Clans."

"Well, it's not fun, but it's a great honor. Protecting the Clan is what every warriors strives to do." She gently picked her up by the scruff, moving her out of the way of the entrance. Her breath was warm on her fur. "We all follow the same code. We all want to protect what's our's."

 _Then why fight at all? We could live in one big Clan. No fighting or borders or anything._ Petalkit knew not to say. Such words would only offend warriors like Raintail, who had given her whole heart to WindClan. _Our sacrifices can never be in vain._ "Were you ever unsure of what you wanted to be?"

"No." She set her down in their nest, shaking her head. "But every kit is different. Do what will most suit you, dear. No one will judge you for it."

_Except for Ravenfur. And Beekit and Stripekit. And pretty much everybody._

Raintail gave her a quick nuzzle and stepped away to give her space, mentioning she would be back soon with prey. Petalkit watched the gray and white she-cat leave without speaking. _I don't think I'll make a good warrior._

Again, Birdleap came to mind. Birdleap seemed to enjoy her presence. He liked to teach her things. He didn't act like she was too young or too old for certain things. Petalkit liked the smells of the herbs, the feel of them on her paws. _I could do that._

But, then, would she even be qualified for such a position? Didn't _StarClan_ decide who did or didn't become a medicine cat? Regardless, not just any cat could stroll up to the Moonpool in search of guidance. _It's a big deal. I couldn't just walk in there and ask, could I?_ Even if she could, this was a decision to be made out of passion, not personal comfort. _Am I passionate about herbs?_ She just didn't know.

Petalkit closed her eyes and brushed away her indecision. _I'm only four moons old. I've got two left until I have to choose. That's plenty of time. If StarClan calls me, I'll go. If Birdleap never says anything, I'll do what I have to. I'll become a warrior._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things'll be kicking up a notch soon... I think the main reason I've been writing these so fast is because they're all little background and context things. The actual plot of the story hasn't begun yet- the characters are born and living, but they're still waiting for whatever to come and do with them as fate does.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	6. The Greatest Kits in all the Clans

At five moons old, the nursery proved to be getting more and more cramped. Beekit and Stripekit weren't exactly small, and Wolfkit and Deerkit were shooting up fast. It didn't help that Brackenheart liked to sleep next to Lichenfang most nights. Even her nest felt cramped. Petalkit haphazardly draped across her brothers and slept.

 _One more moon_ , she told herself every night. _One more moon and then I'll be an apprentice._

Something soured in her stomach at the thought. She hadn't spoken to Birdleap since Ravenfur started up her assignments again, and the gray tom hadn't exactly gone out of his way to speak with her, either. _He never needed me. He probably just wanted someone to do the lifting for him._

Petalkit woke before dawn, listened as Ravenfur sorted patrols, and watched the rest of the den stir. Stripekit eagerly got up and slipped out to get some prey. Raintail said good morning and went to join a border patrol; she'd started going out with them more and more. Wolfkit and Deerkit pestered Beekit to play chase.

"Okay, okay," he grumbled, shaking out his dusty gray fur. "I'll race you to the prey pile!"

 _Beekit is so patient and gentle with kits._ Petalkit watched them leave, ears pinned back. _I don't know how he does it._

"You better not be glaring at _my_ offspring, little missy," Lichenfang meowed, eyes glittering.

Petalkit jumped, hesitated, and said; "No, Lichenfang."

The brown and black she-cat gave her a knowing look. "I'm not blind, Petalkit."

She shuffled her paws. Petalkit prayed she wouldn't tell Ravenfur. "I'm sorry."

Lichenfang reached out to pat her head with a paw. "It's okay. I understand."

"You do?"

"Yes. Not every cat is destined to get along." The queen stretched with a relieved sigh. "Don't be antagonistic and we won't have any problems."

Petalkit nodded.

Lichenfang suddenly leaned closer. Petalkit could smell finch on her breath. "You wanna know a secret?"

Petalkit found herself edging nearer, ears pricked. _I'm acting like a two moon old._ "What?"

She glanced left, then right, as if making sure no one was around to hear, and then looked back to her. "Wolfkit really looks up to you."

Petalkit blinked at her. Surprise fluttered in her belly. "Me?" She squeaked.

Lichenfang nodded. "You."

"But- she's so mischievous! And she gets to play all day! Why would she like a stick in the mud like me?"

The queen laughed. "You just answered your own question. She admires how mature and serious you are. She wants to be a gruff, stiff-chinned warrior when she grows up."

Petalkit boggled at the thought. _Why would she want that?_ I _don't want that. I hate sitting and waiting for the patrols to return and listening to the warriors ramble about Leaf-bare._

"Give her a chance," she urged. "You might be surprised."

Now Petalkit sat on the gentle hill in the clearing, peering out into what little of the territory she could see. A chilly breeze blew through her fur, but the kit didn't shiver. Refused to. Her belly was full and warm from the rabbit she'd shared with the elders. Prey was starting to get a bit more scarce. _Soon I'll be hunting for the whole Clan._ Petalkit wasn't sure how she felt about becoming an apprentice during Leaf-bare. _The elders need to eat before I do. What if I'm a terrible hunter and never bring back enough? Going hungry sounds horrible._

A flicker of white caught Petalkit's eye. Wolfkit was peering around the side of the warriors den. She caught sight of her staring and scrambled away. Suspicious, Petalkit padded after her, keeping low, as if she really was hunting.

She wasn't alone. All of the kits were crowded around the barrier, whispering. Petalkit was mildly surprised no one had seen them sooner, but perhaps they were just used to them all playing.

Stripekit spotted her. "Well, it was fun while it lasted."

They all jumped apart, trading various looks of alarm. Petalkit was a bit offended. "I'm no snitch. You know that." They _did_ know that, didn't they?

"Good!" Wolfkit excitedly nudged her closer, lowering her voice. "Look."

Petalkit blinked at her, then at the barrier. "It's a hole."

"A hole into the territory!" Beekit hissed, rolling his eyes. "Duh."

"Okay," she meowed. "So what? We go out there- and then what? Roll in the heather?"

"We could go see RiverClan."

Petalkit snorted. "Not really. Every cat in WindClan is watching the border."

Wolfkit shrugged. "Then we'll go see ThunderClan. Whatever. Either way, we'll be the only kits in all the Clans to ever cross a border!"

"That _does_ sound impressive," Petalkit admitted. Lichenfang's words came back to her; _give her a chance_. "I'll go. But we'll have to be careful- none of our pelts blend in."

Wolfkit gave a little skip. Deerkit shied away.

"I'd rather not."

"Then don't."

"Okay."

"I'm staying with Deerkit so he won't get lonely," Beekit added. "Stripekit?"

Stripekit shrugged. He didn't seem very interested. "We'll be 'paws in a moon; we can see the territory then."

" _You'll_ be 'paws," Wolfkit answered. "I've still got three more moons of waiting left. Come'on, Petalkit. _We're_ not mouse-hearts."

The white she-cat plunged through the hole, getting caught almost immediately. Petalkit looked around camp one last time to ensure no one had seen and followed, getting tangled in the heather. _It's no wonder the warriors hadn't noticed- I can barely even get through!_ Wolfkit was bouncing on her paws as she stood and shook herself out. "Which way is ThunderClan?"

"The way that _isn't_ swarming with warriors."

They crept through the long grass together, mouths hanging open for scents. Something light and only slightly familiar tickled her nose as the trees came closer ad closer. Petalkit's legs began to ache. Wolfkit hardly seemed to tire, whiskers quivering. _Well, if she won't ask for a break, neither will I._

"It looks empty," Wolfkit said.

"I noticed. Maybe they're still sleeping."

Still, Petalkit took the lead, feeling a bit uneasy. Leaves crunched under their feet as they walked across the flattened dirt path and into the trees. Bushes and brambles tugged at her fur, which was used to the soft heather of WindClan. Petalkit didn't look forward to soothing it out later. _There's no way Raintail won't notice- I'm going to be in so much trouble!_

"We did it!" Wolfkit cheered. "We're the best kits in all the Clans!"

" _And_ the most tired," Petalkit meowed, flopping down on her haunches. "I need a minute."

"Well, yeah," she added sheepishly. "But I expected that."

_I didn't. It was all so sudden._

"Petalkit?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for coming with me. It means a lot."

Petalkit swallowed and jerked her head in a curt nod. "Let's go."

Wolfkit stood. Her white fur was ratted and curly. "Okay."

"Oh, but you just got here. Wouldn't you at least like to take a look around?"

Petalkit's heart stopped as the deep voice reverberated across the trees. Wolfkit let out a tiny shriek and dove behind her legs. The moment they touched her heart started up again, moving fast enough for both of them.

The trees were empty. Silent. Almost ethereal.

"Do you think it was a ghost?" Wolfkit whispered.

 _I wish._ Petalkit forced her fur to stick out, making her meager form look a bit bigger. She summoned her courage and called out; "Who's there? Come out!"

"Alright," the voice agreed breezily. "I'm a bit stuck, so you'll have to give me a second. Thorn in my pad."

 _Just lick it_ , Petalkit thought. _It's not hard._

Rustling. She scrambled to the other side to protect Wolfkit as a hulking tom quietly stepped out of some thickets. Thorns clung to his black and white pelt, but it was so thick and shiny she wasn't sure if he felt them. His tail idly moved, swishing in an arc.

_This is bad. He's a full grown warrior._

"You shouldn't be here," he said.

"No," she said, then, catching his scent; "But neither should you."

The tom's eyes widened. "How can you tell? Is it the general disarray of my pelt, or the fact I'm alone?"

"Neither." She grit her teeth. Petalkit felt like he was mocking her. "I've smelled RiverClan before. It's on the border patrols' paws when they get back to camp."

"Hmm, fair enough." He started pacing a wide circle around them, examining. "Judging by that, I'd say you're both still kits." He bared his teeth in a smile. " _WindClan_ kits."

Wolfkit flinched. Petalkit didn't think her body would let her, frozen to the forest floor.

"How did you get here?" She asked. "Did you sneak through WindClan? Or was it ShadowClan?"

"Yes," the warrior replied. He cleared his throat. "Well, I should be getting you rascals home. It's like the code says- kits are every Clans's problem."

"I don't want him near me, Petalkit," Wolfkit whimpered. "He scares me."

Petalkit nodded. The warrior was coming closer. "When I say so, run. And don't look back."

"But-"

Petalkit looked at her. Wolfkit fell silent, muscles bunching.

_StarClan, please, give me the strength. Lichenfang's counting on me to bring her daughter home._

"Time to go, kits," the black and white warrior meowed, bending down to grab Petalkit by the scruff. He didn't get the chance. Petalkit reached up and bit down hard on the side of his muzzle, tiny claws striking his lip.

The warrior whipped his head back and stumbled. Petalkit fell and hit the ground, stunned.

_Get up! You can't wait!_

"Run!" She screeched, getting to her paws.

Wolfkit didn't hesitate. She sprinted into the trees, hooking a turn that brought them through some thicker foliage. Petalkit could hear the warrior cursing and tripping behind them. He was fast, and much stronger than they were, but the bumpy terrain had put them all on equal footing. _Good thinking, Wolfkit! He'll never get us through here!_

"RiverClan is full of tricksters and liars," Ravenfur had said. _Just try to trick your way out of this one, fish-face!_

The peaty smell of WindClan hit her like a wave. _We're almost there!_ There was no way the warrior could avoid being seen once they were back in the open air like they belong. _Pick up the pace, Wolfkit! We can't be far now!_

Wolfkit broke free of the treeline, crossed the dirt path, and into the grassy fields. Petalkit admired her stamina; every single one of her joints and muscles were creaking, and she thought she might've torn a claw. _Birdleap can take care of it. And then I'll tell Ravenfur about the warrior, and he'll send a patrol to-_

Leaves crunching and a sudden gust of warm breath on her neck was all the warning Petalkit had before teeth roughly fastened into her scruff, throwing her back into the woodlands. Her back met the unyielding force of a tree, then the ground, letting out a feeble 'omph!' The warrior, covered in scratches and brambles, pressed a paw to her back, tongue lolling. Claws glittered out of the corner of her eye. He took a seat, tail wrapping around to block off her side.

"Gotcha, he growled. His eyes were bright, like the sun was lighting them.

Petalkit looked out into the long grasses of WindClan. She could see them bend and shift as Wolfkit pressed on without her. _Look back_ , she pleaded silently. _Notice I'm not behind you and look back._

Wolfkit didn't look back.

Petalkit felt her hopes wither like the grass in Leaf-fall as the warrior sunk his teeth into her scruff, lifting her off the ground. She watched with a growing sense of horror as her home faded away from sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woot woot! Time for the bulk of the plot to begin!
> 
> -Mandaree1


	7. RiverClan

_This isn't happening. It can't be happening. I was just waiting for the patrols a little while ago; this is too sudden, too extreme._

Petalkit dangled like a piece of prey in the RiverClan's jaws, ears flat against her head. Lashing out had only gotten her shaken, and she wasn't sure if that was damaging to her or not. _Birdleap never taught me anything like this._

She tried to imagine the scene. Wolfkit sprinting into the clearing covered in burrs and other things, wailing pitifully for Lichenfang. _The whole Clan'll hear and come to see if she's okay. She'll tell them what happened- did she notice me call him a RiverClan cat?- and Ravenfur will come get me._ Petalkit tried to force the image of her mother out of her mind; her fur disheveled from a lack of grooming, looking around for her children. "Where's Petalkit?" She'd say. "Where is my daughter?" _She won't panic. She's Raintail. She'll just... slump over and wait. Pull Stripekit and Beekit close and wait. Oh, StarClan, I wish I was home right now._

Petalkit thought about screaming for help, but the words wouldn't come. _What do I even know about ThunderClan? What if they're just as bad, or worse?_ She would just have to hope his jaw loosened enough she could surprise him into letting go.

She didn't have long to wait. The warrior dropped her, pressing a paw threateningly to her back. He was sniffing the air.

"Cherryfur! Fluffywing!" He hissed quietly. "Over here!"

 _There's_ more _of them?_

A brief pause of hesitation heralded a calico she-cat and a creamy yellow tom. Petalkit pressed herself closer to the ground, overwhelmed.

"What in StarClan..." the she-cat- Cherryfur?- meowed, blinking down at Petalkit. "Dawnbelly, that's a _WindClan_ kit. We're here for _ThunderClan_ kits."

"Who cares?" Dawnbelly answered imperiously. "So long as we get the herbs we need. Besides; just look at her."

Cherryfur examined Petalkit, whiskers twitching. She tried to move back, but the warrior's paw was firm. "She's black and white," she meowed finally, turning back to Dawnbelly. "So what?"

Dawnbelly shoved her irritably. "She's gotta be one of Ravenfur's, fish-brain! Just look at her shoulders, the shape of her ears- there's no doubting it!"

Cherryfur still didn't look convinced. "Beetlestar isn't the type to play favorites."

"Even with her deputy's litter? _Please_."

"Uh, guys," the creamy yellow tom cut in nervously. "Maybe we should wait until we're out of ThunderClan territory to have this conversation?"

The she-cat's tail lashed. "And how are we going to get back? WindClan's going to be on high alert."

_They'll know where I am. Wolfkit will tell._

"We'll just have to go the long way," the black and white tom decided, bending down to pick her up again. He gestured for Cherryfur to lead.

The trio of warriors skirted carefully through the trees, just barely avoiding a hunting patrol. Petalkit got a glance at the ThunderClan warriors; they were smaller than WindClan, shorter, but much more muscular. They padded into ShadowClan territory as night fell, traveling long into the night before climbing a tree- the dizzying lack of balance scared her. _Who in their right mind would ever do this? Cats belong on the ground!_ Fluffywing guarded the old owls nest she slept in.

 _Raintail must be so worried. Beekit and Stripekit, too_ , she thought, trying to relax her aching body. _Maybe they think I'm never coming home._

They made it into RiverClan the next day. Petalkit yelped as they slid into a stream to cool off, catching a trout to share before continuing onto camp. _This is almost as bad as getting rained on!_

Cherryfur passed Petalkit to Dawnbelly before diving into the water again, this time coming up on a little patch of land in the center. The two toms followed. Two cats guarded what she assumed was the camp entrance.

"Good morning, Tallblaze," Fluffywing purred awkwardly to one of the guards. "Believe me, I know we're in trouble. Can we take the kit through?"

Tallblaze sniffed her. There was a scar on her muzzle. Finally, she stepped aside.

Dens of reeds covered the camp. Petalkit caught scent of herbs somewhere, though it was muted by the overpowering odor of fish. Cats watched without speaking as the three warriors appeared, staring suspiciously at Petalkit. A queen grabbed her kits and took them inside. One of them- a fluffy white tom- blinked at her cheerfully as he was pushed away.

_I don't want to be here either- believe me._

An imposing gray she-cat pushed out of a den and jogged to meet them. Her long fur made her seem that much larger than she already was, face blank. She looked them over without speaking.

 _This must be Graystar._ Petalkit pulled further in on herself. _What if she says I'm not good enough? There's no way they'll just set me on the border. I don't want to die here._

"And what is this?" She asked, voice deceptively calm.

Dawnbelly set her down and shoved her closer to the she-cat. "A way to get the herbs we need."

"With a hostage?"

"They were too greedy to share when we asked. They need an extra bit of convincing." Dawnbelly cleared his throat, flicking his tail over across the crown of her head. "Well, here's your argument."

Graystar glanced over her shoulder. "Whitestripe- when you can- would you mind taking this kit off our paws? I'm pretty sure she's in shock."

"Graystar?" Fluffywing meowed.

She took in a deep breath, eyes blazing. "So, let me get this straight. At the tail end of Leaf-fall, three of my youngest, fittest warriors decided to leave their Clan vulnerable overnight. And to do what? Slip into enemy territory to _steal a kit_ from a mother's jaws?" She was pacing now. "Do you _realize_ what could have happened? Do you _recognize_ that you have set war on RiverClan with your actions? Do you _respect_ the fact that you have made a decision that could _doom_ our Clan, then expected me to go along with it? Answer me, you frog-hearts!"

"We need the herbs, Graystar!" Dawnbelly snapped, moving forward threateningly. "It's too late in the season for a war- everyone knows that. WindClan will give us what we need."

"How? With catmint stocks they assuredly don't have?" Graystar answered coldly. "You have disgraced this Clan with your actions, and you have disgraced yourselves. If we didn't need your hunting skills I'd banish you now. As it is you're back on apprentice duties- and don't complain, this is too light a punishment to be satisfactory. Whitestripe, are you done yet?"

A brown and white tabby she-cat slid out of the den next to Graystar's. "I didn't want to intrude."

"See to this kit," she ordered. "I don't trust these brutes to not have hurt her."

Petalkit began to cower as Whitestripe got closer, but then her scent hit like a wave. _Herbs! She's the medicine cat!_ The kit sprinted over to meet her, ducking between her paws with a rush of relief. _She won't hurt me- she can't!_

"That's it, this way now," Whitestripe said soothingly, nudging her along with her paws, "let's go to my den."

The RiverClan cat led her to the medicine den, then onto the spare nest. It was much brighter inside than in Birdleap's den, sunlight peeking through the reeds. Petalkit dabbed her paws around the nest, feeling the plants shift and bend. _Do they really sleep in this stuff? Blech!_

"Alright, little one," she cleared the silent air with a tail flick. Whitestripe's voice was gentle where Birdleap's was husky. "Do you have a name?"

Petalkit hesitated. _Should I say? I suppose it doesn't matter, in the end- they would've met me in a moon anyhow._ She suddenly realized, with a sinking feeling, that she may never get her apprentice name. "I'm Petalkit."

"Hello, Petalkit. I'm Whitestripe." Whitestripe set a small bundle of green leaves in front of her. "Do you know what this is?"

Petalkit blinked at the herb, mind blank. _Come'on, rabbit-brain, you know this. It hasn't been_ that _long since you last helped Birdleap._ "It's thyme. It's for shock and anxiety."

Whitestripe blinked at her. "You know herbs, then?"

"Just a few." She bent down to take the thyme into her mouth, chewing and swallowing without complaint. "Birdleap let me help him."

Whitestripe nodded. She gingerly laid down in front of the nest, long legs tucked carefully under her. Her eyes seemed almost as intense as Graystar's. "Petalkit, I'm going to have to ask you to be very brave."

"I don't want to be brave," she meowed bluntly. "I want to go home."

"I know. And you don't deserve any of this, believe me. But you're here now, and you represent WindClan to the other cats here. You represent _home_." She gently lifted Petalkit's chin with a paw, pointing her nose to the roof of the den. "You must keep your head high."

Something sour joined the herbs in her belly. _They brought me here against my will and now I'm supposed to_ impress _them? What kind of backwards logic is that?_ Even Ravenfur hadn't expected that much from her.

The medicine cat moved her to lay on her side. "Take a nap. Panic exhausts the body."

Petalkit squeezed her eyes shut, a tide of confusion and fear and embarrassment washing over her. _Everything at home must be so worried, and I'm just sleeping the day away in a medicine den. They're going to be so disappointed in me._

The next thing she knew Whitestripe was shaking her awake. "It's dark out, Petalkit. We should go find you a place in the nursery."

Petalkit lifted her fuzzy head up off the reeds. She didn't want to move, or meet more RiverClan cats. The very tip of her tongue stuck out from her jaws. "Can't I stay in here?"

"I'm afraid not. We need the spare nest."

A loud, raspy snore jolted her awake. Petalkit jolted, tripping over her paws in an effort to stand, hissing weakly.

"Hey, hey, hey, it's okay. It's just Stonebird. He's very sick."

She forced her pelt to relax. The cat hadn't stirred, back facing her. It looked in need of a good wash. "He wasn't in here earlier."

"He'd gone to make dirt when you arrived. I let you sleep as long as I could, but I don't want you getting sick." She nudged her toward the clearing. "Come'on."

Petalkit briefly considered washing her pelt, then decided against it. _Not worth the effort._ Whitestripe led her to the nursery, which was across from Graystar's den, carefully ignoring when the guard at the camp entrance stared at her. Petalkit clung to her tree sap, terrified. _Dawnbelly's sleeping in one of these dens. Cherryfur is, too. Fluffywing isn't as scary, but he's with them._

"We're here!" Whitestripe called into the den, voice low. "This is Petalkit."

There were two queens in the nursery: one, a gray and orange calico she-cat, had yet to give birth, though she looked like she would burst if she didn't soon. The other, a small white she-cat, had two kits curled against her side, sleeping. Petalkit recognized the white tom from earlier settled next to a brown and black tom.

"Oh, look at her, Blackstorm," the white she-cat said worriedly. "Poor little scrap must be terrified. Don't fret, dear- you're safe now."

Blackstorm flicked her ear and nodded. Petalkit thought she looked oddly guilty. _Why?_

"I'm Littlepelt. These two are Lionkit and Sedgekit." She gestured to the white tom, then the brown and black. She then patted a free spot with her paw. "You come right up here with me, then, Petalkit. I won't hurt you."

Petalkit looked at Whitestripe, who nodded. She hesitantly tip-toed over to the nest, sitting awkwardly down beside Littlepelt's head- the place she'd indicated- feeling her fur brush her side. _Her pelt is so smooth... Raintail's was always almost rough, like she forgot to clean it, but we liked it that way. It made her feel more real. Why am I using past tense? I'll be home before they even have time to miss me._

"Poor scrap," she repeated sadly, cleaning her shoulder. "You're safe with me, I promise. Do you have any siblings?"

"Two brothers."

"Then this'll feel a bit like home." Littlepelt nodded to herself. "I know it's not much, but it's all I can give."

Petalkit glanced at Lionkit and Sedgekit. _I don't even know them. I don't_ want _to know them. I want Stripekit and Beekit._ The reminder filled her with a deep longing for her nest, the soft heather and peat and rabbit smell, the wind in her whiskers. _I want my Clan and I want my family and I want my freedom. I don't want Littlepelt and Lionkit and Sedgekit._

"It's alright, little one," she murmured when Petalkit buried her nose into her pelt, a quick thank you, then turned away to curl into a tight ball. "I understand."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason I keep hearing Alexander's part in "Stay Alive" as I wrote Littlepelt and Petalkit. How he shushes Phillip and assures him he's done his best. Yeah.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	8. Graystar

Petalkit's nose was buried in something soft when she stirred. It was warm and nice but ultimately strange. _Did I roll onto Stripekit again? Beekit would've pushed me off by now._ She pulled away, plopping her head on her paws. The nest felt strange, too. _This isn't heather, is it? Maybe it's just really dusty heather._

"Hey." A big paw nudged her side. "Hey, new kit. Are you awake?"

The black and white kit cracked open her eyes. Reeds crunched awkwardly under her, bending but not soft. Disappointment weighed down her chest. _Right. I'm in RiverClan. Which means..._ She looked up, almost brushing noses with the white tom from yesterday. Petalkit let out a shriek and rolled out of the nest, fur spiked up. The white tom followed her to the very edge, the brown and black tom behind him.

"Hi," he said. "I'm Lionkit."

"I know," said Petalkit, heart racing. "You scared me."

Lionkit's ear flicked away a fly. He was big for a kit, with thick, unruly white fur. Petalkit thought he would grow to be very tall and broad. _It must be a RiverClan thing._ "Didja sleep okay?"

"Not really, no. I got woken up in the middle."

"That sucks."

"I'm Sedgekit," the brown and black tom cut in suddenly. "I didn't say that before. Sorry."

"Hi. I'm Petalkit. From WindClan." _They already know that, rabbit-brain._

Sedgekit's nose wrinkled. "Do you really eat rabbits? I mean, wouldn't you rather just have a fish?"

Lionkit shoved him. "Quit being rude." He glanced at her apologetically. "Sorry. He's just hungry."

Petalkit blinked at them, pulling herself awkwardly onto the nest. "Is the fresh-kill pile empty?"

"No, but..." Sedgekit hazarded a look at Littlepelt. The queen was sprawled out on her side, just barely touching the edges of their nest. "Mom's not up yet."

"So?"

Lionkit laid down, seeming pretty cheerful for a hungry kit. "She gets us prey in the mornings. It's our thing."

She stared at the two kits, floored. _They're_ my _age._ "Well, I'm going to go get something."

"But Littlepelt-"

"Isn't _my_ mom," she sniffed, pushing past them both. The word felt weird on her tongue. _I know it depends on the cat and the relationship, but it almost feels disrespectful to call Raintail 'mom'. Like I'm putting her on a different level than me. And not in a 'you're a wise warrior and I'm just a kit' way._

Petalkit hesitated to leave the nursery, unsure if she was allowed, but Blackstorm nodded to her as she passed. She pushed into the clearing, finding most of the dens empty. _I can't remember the last time I slept in past patrol assignment. Those reed nests must be doing something to me._ Her fear from last night had dissipated temporarily, and she almost felt safe. There was no way Dawnbelly had been allowed to stay in camp after being gone all that time; it would make for a bad image to the other Clans. _No one said I couldn't move around- just that I couldn't leave the camp. I've been living like this for moons anyway._

She found her eyes drawn to Whitestripe's den. _I guess that hasn't changed, either- I can't keep away from the medicine den._ The memory of the herbs beneath her paws was comforting. Plants don't claw cats, or rip them from their homes. They don't hurt anyone on purpose. The only time a herb hurt anyone was from improper handling, and that wasn't _their_ fault. Petalkit crouched and crept along the side of the den, tiny white paws dusty and rumpled. _When was the last time I washed? Blech._

Petalkit hesitated at the entrance of the den, nose twitching at the smell. Birdleap hadn't minded her, but Whitestripe wasn't Birdleap. She straightened and gave her chest a quick wash, hoping that would eliminate the majority of her bed-pelt. _I'm polite, I'm quiet, I know not to eat the pretty leaves; as long as I don't step on her tail, Whitestripe probably won't mind. I won't be long- I still need to get that fish for Lionkit and Sedgekit._

"I can smell you, you know." The medicine cat's voice made her jump. "You stand out, if that makes sense. Come on in."

Petalkit tip-toed in with her head low. Whitestripe sounded frazzled and exhausted as she rubbed a white paw down Stonebird's scruff, frowning worriedly. The elder was curled into an even tighter ball, gray tabby fur sticky and matted. The kit sat herself neatly a few feet away, giving them both plenty of space, tail wrapped around her paws. "Long night?" She asked.

"Is it day already?" Whitestripe asked in turn, blinking sluggishly. "I've been comforting Stonebird. He's having night terrors. Too many poppy seeds, I think. His body is starting to fight it."

"Oh," she meowed. "Isn't that a good sign, though? If he's strong enough to fight back, he's strong enough to fight the illness."

Whitestripe shook her head. "It's only exhausting him."

"Have you given him lavender? That's for fevers, I think."

"It is. So is feverfew and borage leaves. And, yes, I _have_ been treating him for fever. It's all I really _can_ do." Whitestripe seemed surprised she recognized even one of the herbs. _That's fair. I'm still a kit._ "Would you mind getting me some coltsfoot? I was hoping his breathing would be a bit better today, but it's only gotten worse."

Petalkit nodded and sifted carefully through the herb stocks, kept carefully to the side to avoid being stepped on. _Coltsfoot is that flower that looks like dandelions. I can find that._ She took the flower in her jaws, carefully, not wanting to break through the skin. With that delivered she went around Stonebird's side, cleaning his side to the best of her ability. It just felt like the right thing to do.

"Wake up, old man," Whitestripe purred quietly, nudging the elder's cheek. "You'll breathe easier with this in your system."

Stonebird stirred with a rattling sound Petalkit didn't quite recognize as breathing until it stopped. He lifted his head off his paws a little bit, more hovering than lifting. "Oh, good morning, Whitestripe. I thought I heard yelling yesterday. Was someone yelling? I hate yelling."

 _He heard Graystar? She_ did _say he was heading for the dirtplace when I first came into her den._ Petalkit stamped down a guilty twinge. _It's not my fault any of this happened._

"It was nothing, Stonebird. Somebody stepped on a thorn." Whitestripe's tail soothingly ran across his other side. "Just focus on healing."

"I think StarClan's here for me, Whitestripe," he meowed dreamily. "Some nice cat is taking care of my old pelt."

_No, not StarClan. Me._

"Here," she urged, pushing the coltsfoot closer. "Eat this."

Stonebird made a face but obliged, swallowing grimly. He smacked his lips. "Tastes like death, I tell you."

"There's far worse herbs out there, I promise you."

"That don't help. Eatin' something nasty and knowing there's worse out there only tells you there's better out there, too."

"Fair enough. Go back to sleep, Stonebird. Maybe your little visitor will give you peaceful dreams."

"Oh, I hope so," he sighed, stretching his joints a little. "I've been a good warrior. At least, I like to think I have been. I was never a Graystar or a Volespring, but I kept on patroling and hunting like I was supposed to. I told you about the badgers, didn't I? Don't answer; I know I did. After all that, I was hopin' StarClan would lemme die quietly. No muss or fuss."

Whitestripe lightly pawed a his ear. "StarClan honors your efforts. And, if they don't, then they're all a bunch of fish-brains. Try and get some sleep, Stonebird."

Stonebird made a rasping sound and shut his eyes. Petalkit came around the front hesitantly. _He seemed pretty nice, I guess._ "What did he mean by badgers?"

"He was in a nasty badger attack as an apprentice," she explained, standing up and gesturing for Petalkit to give him some space. "I'm told that's what happened to Carpjaw. He's been leery of them ever since. I wasn't aware you were some knowledgeable about herbs, Petalkit. I just assumed you'd seen someone eat thyme before."

Petalkit shrugged self-consciously. _I'm not, really._ "Birdleap let me in his den when I was bored. I dug a thorn out of Beetlestar's paw, once."

"Well, I'm sure she appreciated that."

Pawsteps forced Petalkit to bite her tongue. Graystar confidently padded into the den, looking far calmer than she had been the day before. Her long gray fur was clean and straight, tail billowing out like a bird's wing. Personally, she thought the she-cat's fur looked very soft, but would never dare test that. Petalkit had taken after her parents; her fur was almost gritty to the touch. _Stripekit was always the soft kit of us. Beekit feels like when you rub a bumpy stone- it's normal one second, then not, then it is again._

"Is Stonebird any be-" She caught sight of Petalkit and changed the topic, like the elder's weakness was a secret between her and the medicine cat. "Good morning."

Petalkit dipped her head. Her paws were shaking. "Hi."

"I hear Littlepelt adopted you into her nest."

"Does that surprise you, Graystar?" Whitestripe butted in fondly. "Littlepelt has always loved kits."

Graystar shook her head. "Don't be afraid, Petalkit. I'm not going to hurt you. But we need to have a talk."

Petalkit pressed closer to Whitestripe's side, then, gathering her courage, pushed away to walk up to her. The RiverClan leader laid down as she neared, putting herself almost on eye level with the kit. She swallowed and puffed out her chest, hoping to seem a bit more impressive.

"Sit?" She offered. She did. Graystar nodded with satisfaction. "I want you to know that you will be safe here. I don't know what you've been told, but I can imagine. Rivals will always hiss at rivals, even to their kits. I suspect you might think terrible things about us, and I won't refute those things, because that would be redundant. I just want you to understand that we _do_ follow the warrior code here, and kits are to be protected. Don't hesitate to come to me if any of the warriors bother you for being WindClan; I will handle them accordingly."

"When can I go home?" Petalkit asked. It only seemed right that she prod the leader now, when she was being so hospitable. "Are you going to take me back, or do I have to wait until a patrol comes?"

Graystar shook her head, and she felt her heart sink. "I'm sure you've noticed the state of Stonebird. That's not going to _go away_ , Petalkit. Greencough _spreads_ , especially in Leaf-bare, when there's no way of stopping it."

Petalkit jumped to her paws and took a few brave steps forward, almost nose to nose with the she-cat. "You told Dawnbelly that this was bad!"

"It is."

"And now you're just going to go with it?"

"I'm afraid I am."

She hissed with frustration. _I just want to go home! Is that really to much to ask?_ "You're a hypocrite!"

Graystar blinked down at her. She didn't seem surprised. "The running theory is that you're Ravenfur's kit. Is that correct?"

Petalkit scrunched her nose up. "Yes, why?"

"I thought as much. You've got his build." Petalkit scrunched her chin to her shoulders. "Then surely he must've explained Clan politics to you?"

"Mostly he just told me about patrols and how to assign cats to them."

"That makes sense. I don't know Ravenfur personally, but he seems like the type to groom his litter for the deputy position. Unfortunately, what makes for a good deputy is ability, not legacy." Graystar put her head on her paws. "That aside, any leader knows that they must put the Clan's needs over their own. My pride demands I return you immediately to your Clan and your mother, but the lives of my Clanmates are worth much more to me than my pride. If WindClan has even the barest sliver of catmint, even enough to ease Stonebird's suffering... I can't take that chance, little one. I'm sorry."

Petalkit understood, perhaps even sympathized, and that only made her angrier. _I'd do the same, wouldn't I? I mean, I wouldn't steal a kit... but if Firefoot was dying and I needed something to make it better, wouldn't I do anything to get that thing? Still. Why did it have to be me?_

"While you're with us you will be treated like any other kit. You can play and take prey from the pile and no one will stop you," she assured Petalkit. "Think of RiverClan like your second home."

"But I don't _want_ a second home!" She cried, voice rising in pitch. "I want _my_ home!"

"I know, Petalkit. I know." Graystar slowly sat up, dry grass clinging to her belly fur. "I'm going to have to ask you to be very brave."

_Whitestripe asked me the same thing. But how am I gonna be brave when I've never seen bravery before? I never even left the nursery without Ravenfur or Raintail or someone else._

_I'm scared._

* * *

"You sure took your time, new kit," Lionkit meowed as Petalkit appeared in the den, fish in jaw.

"Shut _up,_ Lionkit." Sedgekit shoved him. "She doesn't know her way around yet."

Petalkit dutifully set the prey on the nest, then curled up in the spot she'd taken that night. _Will Littlepelt let me stay as long as it takes? Did she take me in knowing it'd take so long?_ The white she-cat was awake now, humming a happy little tune, tail flicking back and forth contently.

"Come on, Petalkit," she urged. "You too."

"Not hungry," she grunted. Especially for that. _How do you even eat a fish? Can you swallow scales? I feel like it'd be dangerous to swallow scales._ Loneliness pressed in on her. Even the food here was different. _I wouldn't mind_ trying _a fish, that's one thing. But knowing I can't have a rabbit later makes it feel less like trying new things and more like they want me to forget the old things I care about. The grassy moors... StarClan save me, I only got to see them once, but it felt_ right _. I was home._

There was a shuffling, a mild scuffle between Lionkit and Sedgekit, and then Littlepelt was setting a small piece of fish meat next to her. "For when you _do_ get hungry," she meowed, then turned away to give her space.

Petalkit hesitated, then pulled it closer, sinking her teeth in without relish. The smell of it clung to her fur and her whiskers, choking her, but she scrunched her nose and kept on eating. _I'm gonna see the moors again. I have to. And I can't do that if I don't eat._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos to Petalkit for getting up the guts to hiss at a Clan leader. I don't normally come up with scenes like this thinking 'yeah, this'll look super cool!' Nah. Petalkit- and kitties like her- just kinda evolve in personality as we go on, and Petalkit really doesn't take hypocrisy well. It probably stems back to how Ravenfur was a bit of a 'do as I say' kind of dad.
> 
> I enjoy writing leaders in bad situations, like Graystar here.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	9. Swimming Lessons

Lionkit and Sedgekit seemed very excited to teach Petalkit all the kit-games in RiverClan, showing her how they leapt up at the cattails and pretended to hunt fish with the few leaves piled around the camp, but Petalkit hadn't really played a lot of games before coming here and certainly wasn't interested in trying new ones now. They seemed content to let her watch from where she laid in the clearing, shaded by a tree, and, when the patrols returned, they didn't hold it against her when she went back into the nursery and refused to leave. They even included her while sharing tongues, Lionkit getting that itchy spot between Petalkit's shoulder blades. _As far as hostage situations go, this could be_  much  _worse. I just hope everyone knows I'm safe._

Her sleep schedule had returned to normal by the next day, and she cracked open her eyes before anyone else did. Petalkit glanced around, taking in all the sleeping cats around her. She felt a bit too big for the nest, but that was probably because she was nearing six moons. Petalkit yawned, stretched, and went to sit at the entrance of the den. The sun was just starting to rise.  _It's not WindClan, but this place is pretty, I guess._

It didn't take long for a warrior to appear in the clearing and notice her. The brown she-cat confidently padded over, tiny ears perked. "You should be asleep," she meowed. Of all the greetings she could've used, Petalkit thought that was pretty bland.

"I'm used to being up this early," she whispered, shrinking back a little. If she told her to return to Littlepelt's nest, it was probably in her best interest to listen. "Ravenfur- my father, I mean- he always wanted me to watch him assign patrols. It's a habit."

Her eyes softened, if only a little, but her stern demeanor didn't melt a moment. "I can understand that. You can watch. But  _only_  if you stay in the den until Littlepelt wakes up."

 _I wasn't planning on leaving._  Petalkit dipped her head. "I will."

The warrior left her, then, trusting in her word. Petalkit watched with mixed parts admiration and surprise as the brown she-cat stuck her head into the warriors' den and shouted, "UP! All of you, up! StarClan put you in this Clan to do more than just sleep! And don't make me come get you again, Hawktail!"

The first warrior out- a gray and white tom- was Hawktail, or so Petalkit assumed by the nasty look her shot her. Other warriors filed out after; Petalkit spotted Dawnbelly almost instantly, but he didn't so much as glance at her. The only ones she knew by name, save for the warriors who'd taken her and the guard Fluffywing had introduced, Tallblaze, was Carpjaw, thanks to his distended maw.

"I see someone already managed to irritate Volespring," Tallblaze sighed. "Thanks to whoever that was."

"You should know better by now," Hawktail returned. "Volespring doesn't know how  _not_  to be irritated."

"She has to sleep sometime," Carpjaw pointed out sensibly, but he was purring.

"StarClan is testing me," Volespring growled at them, "and I'm about to fail."

 _She must be the deputy_ , Petalkit thought, watching them gather around her. She felt a bit rabbit-brained for not realizing earlier, when she was the first warrior out, but it was hard to connect the she-cat with the only other deputy she knew- her father.  _I guess every Clan has a different way of going about leading._ She jumped as a solid weight settled down next to her; she hadn't heard Littlepelt coming. She immediately scolded herself.  _I should've seen her. She's bright white, for heather's sake._

"I see you've met Volespring," she meowed. "In a distant way, at least."

"Is she always like this?"

"Always. Ever since she came out of her mother's belly." Littlepelt chuckled, her eyes fond. "It's an honor to be her Clanmate."

"I dunno, mom." Sedgekit poked his head between them. "She's kinda scary."

"Any smart warrior would be intimidated by her, yes." Petalkit glanced at Littlepelt, but she said no more, watching the deputy work.  _She really respects her._

"Dawnbelly, Fluffywing, I want you two as far away from the camp as possible. The  _last_  thing we need is to start a scuffle. I'm taking you on a border patrol." Volespring confidently nodded to them, then moved on. "Tallblaze, Sandstream, Hawktail, Cloudwillow, I want all of you hunting."

_Almost everyone is hunting. Volespring must be like Heathertuft, then._

"Uh, 'spring?" Cherryfur awkwardly stepped forward. "You skipped me."

"I didn't," Volespring told her crisply, then gestured with her tail for the cats to disperse. She followed Dawnbelly and Fluffywing to the entrance without further instruction, trusting in the warrior to know what she meant.

The calico she-cat glanced around the quickly emptying camp, then sighed. "I do believe I've been left to rot."

"I wouldn't know how that feels at  _all_ , love." Petalkit stared in surprise as Blackstorm marched over to her, having just returned to the dirtplace. The queen was of normal size for RiverClan, or so she gathered, but the gray-and-calico only came up to Cherryfur's chin. She'd hardly spoken since Petalkit arrived, hiding away in her nest, but now she stood her ground, claws digging into the ground.

"Ah," Cherryfur said. "Right. I'm going to die now."

"Don't even  _joke_  about that!" she hissed. "Do you know how worried I was? You just up and  _left_ , Cherryfur. That's not like you. I was ready for them to find you  _dead_  somewhere, drowned or run over or attacked!"

She stared at her paws. "I'm sorry."

Blackstorm wasn't done. "And what do I find when you get back? Were you held up doing your warrior duties? No! You were off _stealing_  a kit! You broke her mother's heart; you broke Petalkit's heart; you broke  _my_  heart." She stepping back, ears flat against her head. "Cherryfur, how am I supposed to trust you around  _our_  kits now?"

Cherryfur flinched and hung her head.

Petalkit looked at Littlepelt. "Are they mates?"

The queen was frowning. "They were  _before_  all of this. I don't know where they stand now. Come'on, kits." She lightly shoved Sedgekit's shoulder, standing up. "Let's give them privacy."

Neither Cherryfur nor Blackstorm spoke as they left the nursery. Petalkit stuck close to Littlepelt's side, away from the she-cat who had taken her to this place against her will. Lionkit and Sedgekit followed close behind, looking thoroughly chastised despite not doing anything. "Where are we going?" She asked once they passed.

"To the stream," she meowed. "We're going swimming."

Petalkit's eyes grew wide. "I don't have to go in, do I?"  _What kind of cat willingly goes into water, anyhow? It's not right._

"No, Petalkit. You can sit with me if you like." A white tail teasingly flicked the underside of Petalkit's chin.

She had never been outside of the RiverClan camp. At least, not without teeth in her scruff. There was bushes and trees everywhere, and while it wasn't as packed as ThunderClan she still felt restricted.  _Cats are supposed to be free. That's the whole point of being warriors._  The ground was wet and covered with leaves, forcing her to shake her paws as they went. No one else seemed to notice.  _I'm probably overreacting. I'll bet WindClan territory gets this soggy after every storm too._

Lionkit and Sedgekit ran ahead, and by the time Petalkit and Littlepelt made it to the stream they were playing in the shallows, flicking water at each other with glee. Petalkit made sure to sit near the queen to avoid looking like she might make a break for it.  _I miss the wind, but the water is soothing, in a way. It's steady, too, unlike the breeze._

"Come on, Petalkit!" Sedgekit cried, splashing water in her general direction. "It's a lot of fun once you get the hang of it!"

Petalkit hesitated. She  _really_  didn't want to go in there and get her pelt all wet and gritty, but it seemed like a bad idea not to.  _If I'm going to be staying here, I should learn how to swim. Besides; what if I see a chance to escape, but I can't do it without swimming? I can't lose that chance._ "I'll try."

The WindClan kit carefully edged closer to the bank, reassuring herself that Littlepelt was watching.  _She won't let me drown._  Petalkit dipped a single white paw into the water and found it chilly. She jumped back, flicking away the clinging drops, then approached once again.  _Should I just jump in, or is it better to ease in? I've never had to do this before._

Her unspoken question was answered by Lionkit, who wrapped his front paws around her shoulders and dunked Petalkit into the deeper water. The cold cut through her pelt with ease as she flailed, gritting her teeth to keep her air in.  _Stretch your paws out, it's probably like digging. That's something every WindClan cat knows how to do._  Petalkit touched bottom and pushed up with her back paws, vaguely swishing her paws in hopes it would help. The black and white kit broke the surface with a yowl, ears flat against her head, teeth bared. Sedgekit yipped and moved away.

"Lionkit!" Littlepelt was at the edge of the stream, looking shocked and worried. "That is not how a proper RiverClan cat behaves!"

The white tom was sheepish. "Sorry, mom. I was trying to help her in."

"You could have  _drowned_  her," the queen huffed, bending down to lift him out by his scruff. "Once you're ready to help Petalkit properly you can go in."

"I'm not hurt, Littlepelt, honest," Petalkit meowed as she tried to work her paws. Swimming was even more complicated than she'd thought it to be.  _Having long fur in all this would be horrid._ "He didn't mean it."

"I'm glad you're not hurt, dear, but that doesn't make Lionkit's actions okay." Littlepelt reached out a white paw to move some white fur out of Lionkit's eyes. "He can handle some time out of the water."

Deep down, she wished the kit would come back. His accidental disregard hadn't been something she enjoyed, but the more cats around her right now, the better. The last thing Petalkit wanted was to drown. Sedgekit corrected her movements and the way she held her tail, and soon she began to do what she felt was a lukewarm attempt at swimming. "This is really tiring."

"You're doing a great job, Petalkit," Littlepelt urged her from the shore. "Keep practicing and you'll get the hang of it in no time."

Something slimy brushed against her foot, and she jumped. "There's something in here!"

"I got it!" Sedgekit dived under without hesitation, splashing Petalkit's face. The brown and black tom came up with a limp green plant clutched nonchalantly in his jaws. "It's just a bit of seaweed, see?"

The sight and smell of the seaweed made Petalkit feel a bit ill.  _I_  touched  _that._  "I don't think I want to swim anymore."

"Come on out, dear," Littlepelt meowed, making a come-hither movement with her paw. "I won't force you to."

Petalkit awkwardly waded over to the shore and pulled herself out, grumbling at how heavy her pelt felt. She'd gotten soaked before, once- during a rainstorm- but this felt different. Sedgekit and Lionkit didn't seem nearly as affected by it, laughing and joking with each other.  _I guess that's just what happens when you spend so much time swimming. You turn into fish-cats._

Littlepelt chuckled at the disgusted grimace on her face, pulling her closer. She rasped her tongue across her pelt with brisk strokes, pausing to spit out some dirt here and there. Petalkit purred a little, closing her eyes. She'd missed sharing tongues. Memories began to crop up, unbidden. Beekit falling into that puddle after Deerkit tripped. Coming back to the nursery covered in scraps of borage. Wolfkit's white fur never managed to keep clean, and she'd always have a stick or something stuck in it. _I can practically smell the camp- the heather and herbs and rabbits... wait._  She opened her eyes.  _I'm not imaging that, am I?_

The queen stood up, fur bristling, which only cemented her suspicion. Her voice was calm. "Kits, get behind me."

Petalkit wriggled out from under her tongue. Suddenly, the stream didn't really matter anymore.  _They came to get me! I'm going home!_  She'd never been more thankful in her life to see Ravenfur's all black pelt as he pushed open the bracken, tail and chin high. There was that no-nonsense look on his face again, though it softened when he saw her. "Petalkit?"

"Ravenfur!" she squealed, sprinting over to him. The WindClan kit rubbed against his side with little trills of happiness. Her chest felt full.  _Take me back. I'll never complain about your assignments again. I'll wait in the sun and be a better watcher to Wolfkit and Deerkit and I'll help Birdleap as much as I can and not feel mad when he doesn't ask for my help in turn. I just want to see everyone again._

"Shh shh shh," he murmured, licking her ears. He didn't seem so against open affection now. "I'm here, darling. Did they hurt you?"

Petalkit shook her head, pressing her chin to his arm as she met her father's eyes. "Not at all. Littlepelt taught me how to swim!"

Ravenfur winced as if the idea physically pained him, keeping a paw protectively on her back. "Well, once things are settled and we get you home, maybe you can show your brothers how."

"Ravenfur," said Beetlestar, sharp and admonishing, as she came through the trees. "By my side. This is business."

The deputy nodded and re-joined the leader, keeping Petalkit next to him. Beetlestar has brought a small patrol- Maplewing and Stagclaw, two of the more respected warriors in WindClan, and even Brackenheart, whom Petalkit was under the impression had come along so he could reassure Lichenfang of her health when they returned. They all greeted and nosed her, checking for injuries, while Beetlestar politely nodded to Littlepelt, who was still holding her kits close. "Good morning."

The lithe white she-cat regarded Beetlestar with caution. "Good morning."

"We're here to see Graystar," she meowed calmly. "Would you escort us?"

Littlepelt hesitated, then nodded. She took the lead from Beetlestar without another word, the rest of the patrol following. Though they didn't speak, she felt safer than she had since coming to RiverClan with her Clanmates all around her. She could just barely make out Lionkit and Sedgekit from between the other warriors' legs, tails drooping as they crept close to the ground.  _They're scared._ She felt a little ashamed of her own happiness, but didn't let it damper her spirits.  _We'll still see each other at Gatherings. And it's not like Beetlestar would attack the camp._

Blackstorm and Cherryfur has taken to awkwardly guarding the camp when they arrived, avoiding eye contact, but the moment the smell of WindClan drifted into their nostrils they sprung into action; Blackstorm rushed to the kits, pushing Cherryfur pointedly towards Graystar's den. The calico she-cat didn't argue, leaping up the stones with grace.

"I've got them," Littlepelt hissed when Blackstorm got to close, pushing Sedgekit and Lionkit into the camp. "Go find Volespring."

Beetlestar nodded politely to the heavily pregnant queen as she trotted a fast as she could into the swampland, gesturing for her patrol to sit and wait. Ravenfur pulled Petalkit close with his tail, glaring at the queen as she guided her kits into the nursery. "This'll all be over soon, darling. I promise."

It didn't take long for Cherryfur to return with Graystar, jumping down and to the side. The she-cat's long fur looked hastily groomed, and her eyes were slightly glazed with sleep. Even so, she came to meet Beetlestar with dignity, dipping her head.

"Bit late for a leader to be sleeping," Beetlestar commented.

"I went to the Moonpool to ask StarClan for advice," she said, then yawned. "They were, as always, obscure."

A quiet, awkward purr rumbled in the WindClan leader's throat before fading out. "I believe that's the one thing we both can agree upon."

Graystar stretched, straightened, and finally surveyed the patrol. Her eyes hardened when she fell upon their youngest mentor. "Petalkit, go to Littlepelt. Now."

Petalkit hesitated, unsure of who to follow, but Beetlestar stood and blocked her from view. "Petalkit is a WindClan kit."

"The key word here isn't WindClan," Graystar returned, just as calmly. "Petalkit is a kit, and should therefore be kept safe. Are you going to ignore the warrior code for the sake of your pride, Beetlestar?"

The fur along Ravenfur's spine rose. His claws slid out. "If you think I'm letting  _my_  daughter-"

"I see you're as stubborn as ever, Ravenfur," greeted Volespring as she pushed through the barrier. "Sorry I'm late for the fight."

"You're fairly early, actually," Graystar murmured, surprised. "You were closer than I expected."

"Fluffywing fell in a rabbit hole." The deputy confidently joined the RiverClan leader at the base of the rocks. Petalkit watched the yellow tom quietly gimp over to the medicine den accompanied by Dawnbelly, who seemed more than happy to leave the limelight.  _Some poppy seeds and rest and he'll be fine_. "I wasn't expecting them so early. Well, to be honest, I wasn't expecting them today at all."

"You took my daughter-" Ravenfur started, but Beetlestar waved her tail for silence.

"Petalkit is coming with us," she stated. "She belongs in WindClan."

"She does," Graystar agreed. "And once we have what we need, she can go home."

"You can't be serious!" Brackenheart burst out, then fell silent with a shameful flick of the tail. Petalkit regarded him with warmth.

The white and brown she-cat didn't seem surprised at the leader's refusal, taking a calculated step forward. "We all will mourn Stonebird, Graystar. He was an honorable warrior, and he's deserved every moon he's had in the elder's den. But if StarClan has decided to call his name, there's nothing we can do."

"Everything," said Graystar. "There's everything we can do."

A deafening silence swept the clearing. Petalkit didn't know who was more impressive- Graystar, with her thick long pelt, solid shoulders, and no-nonsense attitude, or Beetlestar, thin, lithe, made of muscle, and responding to that attitude without hesitation.

"I'm not here for a fight, Graystar."

"If there's even a smidge of catmint in your territory, Beetlestar, I want it."

"There is none."

"Then Petalkit is staying until there is."

Ravenfur's spine bristled. Petalkit's heart sank as the two leaders sized each other up. More of the Clan had heard the news; Cloudwillow and Hawktail watched curiously from the entrance of the camp, while Swiftmist guarded the nursery with Littlepelt. The last thing she wanted was for them to fight.

"Think about this _logically_ , Graystar," Beetlestar pressed. "You'll only have one more mouth to feed during Leaf-bare."

Graystar shook her head. "My Clan has decided. Petalkit will stay."

"Do you always let your Clan do the judging for you?"

"Do you always do the judging for your Clan?" Volespring hissed. Graystar didn't silence her. "Petalkit, get in the nursery. They're leaving."

Petalkit longed to refuse, but violence would only injure her Clanmates.  _There's no way Beetlestar's little patrol can beat all of RiverClan._  She quietly pulled away from her father and tried to ignore his questioning meow, jogging across the clearing. Littlepelt reached out to pull her in by her scruff. Petalkit found herself pressed against the comforting weight of her belly.

"Tell her mother and brothers," Graystar added remorsefully, "that I'm sorry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normal leaders- if an old cat is sick let StarClan take them without a fight, there's nothing we can do, the herbs should be saved. 
> 
> Graystar- that's mouse-dung this whole thing is mouse-dung that's a scam screw StarClan here's 95 reasons why.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	10. Blackstorm

Stonebird was wheezing as Petalkit settled in next to him, pelt to pelt, to help keep him warm. The gray tabby's fur felt like it was on fire, but she knew it was just his fever.  _Maybe we could drape moss over him at night. It might help keep the heat in._  "More coltsfoot?"

"Absolutely." The brown and white tabby she-cat nodded half to herself, shifting herbs around. "And some borage leaves."

The days in RiverClan had turned into a form of routine. Lionkit and Sedgekit would play in the clearing while Petalkit helped Whitestripe with her duties. They'd eat dinner together. Sometimes, before the sun disappeared, Littlepelt would take them swimming in the stream. After that they would go to bed and start things over the next day.  _I'm getting good at swimming, but that doesn't make me hate the seaweed any less. I swear, that stuff is StarClan warning cats to stay away._

Stonebird looked at Petalkit fondly while Whitestripe got the two herbs together. His eyes were glassy with fever. "Oh, Whitestripe, look. That cat from StarClan is back to visit."

Petalkit's ears flattened. She wasn't sure how she felt about being mistaken for a dead warrior.  _I can't blame him for the illness, of course, but it's still weird._  "My name is Petalkit. It's nice to meet you."

"Honor to meet you, Petalkit," he meowed companionably, looking at the medicine cat as she approached. "Can you hear her, Whitestripe? Her name is Petalkit. Poor young thing, coming to comfort me like this."

"StarClan works in strange ways, Stonebird." She shoved the herbs closer. "Here. Take these."

"Do I have to?" he whined. "I'm sick of plants. The wind's are gettin' colder, too. You don't need me around to take from the fresh-kill pile."

Petalkit sat up and touched a paw to his shoulder. "Eat the herbs, Stonebird," she urged. "Whitestripe just wants what's best for you."

He regarded her for a second, then nodded obediently. "Can't argue with StarClan."

Whitestripe shot her a grateful look as the elder bent down to eat the coltsfoot and borage leaves. Petalkit got the feeling that feeding herbs to the elders had always been difficult.  _When you live this long, you get stubborn. It's just life._

"Y'know, tomorrow is your apprentice ceremony," Whitestripe gently brought the idea up as she went back to sorting herbs. "Have you considered it at all?"

"Not really," she admitted. Petalkit had been trying to force it out of her mind. _This is the exact opposite of what I wanted for my ceremony._  "I mean, am I even allowed to get my apprentice name? I'm basically a hostage."

"I don't see why you wouldn't be. You're old enough and strong enough to learn, and Graystar wouldn't want you just lying around, unable to help." Whitestripe nodded to herself, then faced Petalkit. "Have you ever considered becoming a medicine cat?"

 _Of course I have. Every kit has._  "I like the smell of herbs. They're comforting. But I don't know if I want to spend the rest of my life this way."

Petalkit expected Whitestripe to argue, but she seemed unhurt by her dismissal. "It's not an easy decision to make. Just remember- if you don't like it, you can always change."

"I can?"

"Cats have done it before. In the end, the only one who can tell you who to be is you."

She opened her mouth to reply- though what she would say, she wasn't sure- but she was cut off by a low yowl. Stonebird's eyes snapped open as he struggled to lift his head off his paws.

"Sounds like a kittin' queen to me," he meowed gruffly.

"Blackstorm," Whitestripe agreed, standing up. "Petalkit, would you like to join me?"

Petalkit glanced at Stonebird, who was only half lucid, and decided she'd had enough of being called a gift from StarClan. "I can carry the herbs."

* * *

"Feel along here," Whitestripe instructed, guiding Petalkit's paw to the queen's stomach, near her hindquarters. "Can you feel the kits?"

Petalkit nodded, pressing down gently. "There's three."

"Is there?"

She hesitated, re-counting. "Wait, no, there's four. The last one was hiding."

The brown and white tabby nodded with satisfaction, then addressed Blackstorm. "Did you hear that? You've got four babies coming."

"Goody," the gray and orange calico responded, teeth grit. "But I'd much rather have them be  _here_. Is there any way you could pick it up?"

"I'm afraid not," she meowed apologetically. "I can't bend nature."

Petalkit left Blackstorm's belly to sit by her head, cleaning between her ears. "You can do it, Blackstorm. You're so brave. And, just imagine- soon you'll have four kits running all over RiverClan. Aren't you excited?"

"Right now?" She exhaled sharply out of nose. "Right now, I'm in pain."

Petalkit watched in awe as Whitestripe worked, keeping Blackstorm calm, bringing her wet moss to drink. Littlepelt had taken Lionkit and Sedgekit to visit Swiftmist in the elders' den, so she had plenty of room to work with. She finally called her over to clean the first kit; an orange and white she-cat. Petalkit gently placed her against Blackstorm's belly to suckle, marveling at how she stood out against the calico's coat. _She looks like the sunset_. "She's beautiful, Blackstorm." She thought she heard the queen purr in reply, but otherwise she gave no indication of having heard.

"The next one is coming," Whitestripe said, bringing her back to the present. The second kit was a sleek-furred tortoiseshell, and so was the third, which Petalkit placed side by side. "They're twins," she explained, catching Petalkit's puzzled glance.

"I had twins?" Blackstorm lifted her head up to blink fuzzily at them. "Well, I'll be."

The fourth and final kit was a calico with a longer pelt and tail. She curled up next to the twins without complaint, suckling steadily. Petalkit found herself purring.  _I helped this happen, if only be helping guide them to her belly. Whitestripe did all the work, really, but it's okay to be happy, isn't it? Four kits were born today. That's something to be happy about._  "How do you feel?"

"Like I got run over by a monster twice," Blackstorm replied, shifting a bit to get comfortable. "But it could be much worse. Look at them."

"I am."  _Was I really that small once?_  She remembered asking herself that same question when Wolfkit and Deerkit were born, but the thought still continued to boggle her. "They're wonderful."

Whitestripe hummed agreement and scooched closer to see them better. Her tail proudly wound around Petalkit. "Do you have any names ready?"

"I did, but..." Blackstorm hesitated. "Well, they weren't names I picked out by myself. I think it's best if I leave them in the dust. The orange and white one can be Hollykit. She looks like a Hollykit, I think. The calico is covered in patches, so I'll name her Patchkit."

"And the twins?"

Petalkit glanced at the two tortoiseshell kits. They each had a small patch of orange on their shoulders; pressed together like they were, it looked like they made a heart.  _They complete each other._

After a moment of silence, Blackstorm perked up, eyes glowing. "I'll name them after herbs! They do the same thing- heal cats- but they do it in different ways. No herb is like the other. I think that's fitting. The one on the left will be Poppykit, and the one on the right can be Tansykit."

 _Poppy seeds and tansy look nothing alike_ , Petalkit thought. She wondered if Blackstorm knew that, and had done it on purpose, or if she'd just chosen two herb names and went with it.  _Hollykit, Poppykit, Tansykit, and Patchkit. I feel like those names fit, but what do I know? I'm not even a 'paw._

Whitestripe congratulated her one last time and nudged Petalkit, silently telling her the queen and her new kits needed space. Almost immediately after leaving the den she was tackled by Lionkit. Petalkit dug her teeth into his scruff and rolled him onto his side- he broke away with a laugh. She reached a back paw out to scratch her chin, freezing when Cherryfur approached.

"Are they healthy?" she asked Whitestripe. "What do they look like? What's their names?"

Petalkit glanced into the nursery. Blackstorm's eyes glittered as she watched the warrior question the medicine cat intently. Her tail wrapped around the kits almost subconsciously until the medicine cat led Cherryfur away. She closed her eyes to hold in the hurt and put her head on her paws.

Petalkit didn't follow Whitestripe back to the medicine den. The black and white she-cat barely managed to stomach a fish before falling into Littlepelt's nest, forcing herself to ignore how natural this was beginning to feel.  _Littlepelt is nice, but she'll never be Raintail._

"Only one more night in here," Sedgekit whispered into the darkness. "Is it weird that I feel nervous? Half a moon ago I couldn't wait to get out of the nursery. But now it's, like, sinking in a bit, all the responsibilities we'll have."

"It  _is_  kinda scary," Lionkit agreed. "I hope I don't get Carpjaw as a mentor. He's super strict."

"Not as strict as Volespring," Petalkit murmured, watching the white tom's face scrunch up at the thought.

"Volespring scares me."

"Volespring scares everybody. I think it's part of her job," Sedgekit told them.

"Can I tell you guys something?"

"Sure."

Petalkit swallowed, suddenly feeling unsure.  _This isn't like at home. No one will judge me here. And, if they do, what does it matter? I don't live here._  "I think I want to be a medicine cat."

Lionkit leveled her a bland look. "I hadn't noticed."

"You  _do_  follow Whitestripe around a lot," Sedgekit hesitantly added. "I figured it was pretty obvious."

"I guess." Petalkit's ears fell flat against her head. It _was_  pretty obvious, wasn't it? But why did Ravenfur never bring it up? Surely he'd want to try and convince her to become a warrior? "It's just- my father always wanted me to be a warrior. And it feels like, by becoming a medicine cat, I'm almost doing it to spite him? That's how he'd see it, anyway."

"Well, _are_  you doing it to spite him?"

"No," she meowed. "I'd be doing it because I like herbs. I could spend the rest of my life picking plants and be happy."

"Then you aren't doing it to spite him, and if he thinks so he's a fish-brain who needs to realize that not everything is about him." Lionkit plopped his head down triumphantly. "It's as simple as that."

"Since when were you so great at advice?"

"Hey, when you live with Sedgekit for six moons, it tends to rub off on you."

Petalkit soured a bit at that. The kits she'd spent most of her life with were far away. She'd never be as close to them as Sedgekit and Lionkit were to each other. She sighed, forlorn. "I wish Beekit and Stripekit were here."

"Your brothers?"

"Yeah. Raintail, too. I just..." she choked on the words, took a deep breath, and started over. "I just want to go home."

 _They won't even be kits when I get back_ , she realized suddenly. Petalkit hadn't even considered that them missing out on her apprentice ceremony went both ways.  _I won't get to call them Beepaw and Stripepaw with the rest of the Clan. I hope they know I'm safe and thinking about them._

"Hey." A brown and black paw nudged her shoulder. Sedgekit blinked at her worriedly. "We're not them. I get that. But, until you get home, we can be your second best. We don't mind."

"Yeah," Lionkit butted in. "Mom's already adopted you, anyway. We're basically littermates."

Petalkit glanced at Blackstorm. The kits were sound asleep, unaware that a WindClan cat had infiltrated their Clan.  _I helped them. I'm a tiny part of the reason they're here right now._  The thought soothed her, if only a little. "Thanks."

* * *

Whitestripe seemed to be expecting her early the next morning. She asked no questions, and Petalkit gave no answers, but a mutual understanding had been met. Stonebird was still sleeping, deep and restful, and she took that as a good sign.

They left the medicine den together, side by side, as the Clan began to gather. Littlepelt was giving Lionkit and Sedgekit a thorough washing. Fluffywing was abashedly discussing the state of the stream by the border with Tallblaze, who was explaining the directions they flowed and the best places to find wet moss in the stones. Sandstream sat quietly by his lonesome. Cloudwillow was pestering Carpjaw near the back, but they were too far away for Petalkit to discern. Hawktail, Dawnbelly, and Cherryfur all sat together but apart, stiffly silent. Petalkit awkwardly shook out some scraps of beech leaves from her pelt, suddenly aware of how scruffy she must look.

Whitestripe and Graystar exchanged a look as they neared. The leader looked at Petalkit a short second, nodded to herself, and gracefully leapt onto her perch. Volespring gruffly sat beneath her, eyes slitted. Petalkit went to join Lionkit and Sedgekit before the Clan. Graystar waved her tail for silence.

"Leaf-bare is coming, and we all know it will be harsh," she started. "RiverClan needs apprentices. Blackstorm has given birth to four healthy kits just last night, which will need prey to survive. The more hunters we have, the better. I know we will rise above all of this. We are RiverClan. We are strong."

"RiverClan!" Volespring called out. A few warriors joined in. "RiverClan! RiverClan!"

 _WindClan_ , thought Petalkit, but knew better than to say.

"Lionkit, from this moment on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Lionpaw. Your mentor will be Hawktail. I hope he will be able to pass on his wisdom and strength onto you."

Lionpaw gave a little bounce as Hawktail approached, eagerly brushing noses with the gray and white tom. Sedgekit trembled a bit as Graystar turned to him.

"Sedgekit, from this moment on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Sedgepaw. Your mentor will be Tallblaze. I hope that she will be able to pass on her courage and sense of loyalty onto you."

Sedgepaw nodded and padded over to Tallblaze, trying his best to seem composed. The brown and white she-cat met him halfway, brushing their noses together. Sedgepaw sat down next to her, Tallblaze's tail wrapping around him.

Finally, all of RiverClan's attention turned to her. Petalkit forced her head to stay high, paws trembling. She tried to imagine that her warrior ancestors had come to watch over her; dozens of WindClan warriors, stars glittering in their pelts, comfortably sitting and laying around her, silent. It gave her courage.  _I'm not alone here. I'm not alone anywhere._

"Petalkit, do you accept the post of apprentice to Whitestripe?"

 _It won't be for forever. Once I get home, I'll be Birdleap's apprentice. I hope he doesn't mind._  "I do."

"Then I name you Petalpaw. At the half-moon, you must travel to the Moonpool to be accepted by StarClan before the other medicine cats." She paused, then added: "The good wishes of all RiverClan go with you."

Petalpaw practically tripped over herself as she jogged over to Whitestripe, bumping noises with her quickly before sitting down. She told herself that Raintail would be proud of her no matter where her ceremony took place as RiverClan collectively yowled their names.

"Lionpaw! Sedgepaw! Petalpaw!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for Petalpaw! I think this is the longest I've had a cat in my stories stay a kit- nine whole chapters.
> 
> Fun Fact- Hollykit was originally gonna be named Rockkit, as a nod to Stonebird, but Blackstorm never struck me as the type to want to name kits after those who are gone or may soon be gone. Also, Hollykit really looks like a Hollykit.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	11. First Day

Petalpaw had feared she wouldn't sleep well without Littlepelt's familiar pelt next to her, but her first night in the medicine den went smoothly. Stonebird broke into random coughing fits, but Petalpaw hadn't expected anything less from the sick elder. Whitestripe's snore woke her up once or twice, but otherwise it was decent. She still missed the sensation of heather, no matter how used to reeds she was becoming.

She found herself awake before Whitestripe stirred, watching from the den as Volespring assigned patrols.  _I guess, when you're a medicine cat, you don't really have to worry about patrols. I'm just in the habit._

Petalpaw returned to her nest, but before she could lay down Stonebird reached a paw out to catch her attention. He looked a bit more lucid than he'd been the night before. "Would you mind getting me some fresh-kill? I'm starving."

 _Oh, right. That's my job now._  Petalpaw hesitantly nodded. "Sure. I'll be right back."

Most cats had already left on patrols, so the camp was practically silent. Swiftmist was slowly picking apart a carp by the elders' den. There was a gray patch beginning around her muzzle.  _We haven't really spoken before, have we? Oh well. Now that I'm an apprentice, I'll be bringing her prey every day._  Off to the side the new mentors and apprentices were eating their own bits of fresh-kill. Tallblaze waved her tail in greeting as Petalpaw passed.  _We'll all be going to see the territories. Then again, I've already technically seen a good chunk of RiverClan, haven't I?_  She'd been so panicked, she could hardly remember.

"I'm bringing Stonebird some prey," she informed them, feeling a bit proud despite herself. _I'm bring an elder prey! Raintail will be so proud._

"Take some to Blackstorm while you're at it," Hawktail meowed. "She must be exhausted."

Petalpaw nodded and padded over to the fresh-kill pile, ignoring the rumble in her belly when the smell of freshly caught fish hit her nostrils.  _I can't believe I'm starting to like this stuff._  She bit into the scaled skin and lifted one carefully off the pile, tail flicking.

Littlepelt frantically waved a paw to her as Petalpaw entered the nursery, gesturing to Blackstorm. The gray and orange calico was fast asleep, her new kits curled snugly against her belly. She nodded to show she understood and set the fresh-kill at the white queen's paws, whispering; "I was hoping to give this to her."

"It's alright, dear. She needs her rest more." Littlepelt placed a gentle lick to her head. "Oh, look, Hollykit is stirring."

The orange and white kit lifted her muzzle off Blackstorm's belly, nose twitching. Her eyes weren't even open yet. Petalpaw took a step forward, still whispering. "Hello, Hollykit. Don't mind me."

Hollykit squeaked. Petalpaw and Littlepelt both jumped, then exchanged an amused glance. Her task of spooking them accomplished, Hollykit nestled back in, squirming closer to Poppykit. Littlepelt laughed at the impudent kick the tortoiseshell gave her sister, breaking off into a dry cough.

Petalpaw blinked at her, alarmed. "Are you okay?"

"It's just a tickle in my throat," she rasped.

She put a white paw on the queen's shoulder. "You should go see Whitestripe when you're done eating."

"It's not that big a deal."

"Yes, it _is_. Greencough is already in the camp; we don't need it spreading. The sooner you're treated, the better."

Littlepelt purred and nodded. "A day out of the nursery and you're already telling me what to do. Alright, Petalpaw, I'll go."

"It's my job to tell you what to do," she reminded her sheepishly. Petalpaw said a quick goodbye before grabbing another fish for Stonebird, who thanked her profusely. Sedgepaw had only eaten half of his, and she finished it.  _Prey should never be wasted._

"We'll head out when Whitestripe is ready to join us," Tallblaze decided, whiskers quivering. Petalpaw thought she looked fairly excited.

Petalpaw straightened. "It might be a good idea to just go without her. She's been worrying more than she's been sleeping."

The two warriors exchanged looks. Hawktail nodded. "We were planning on giving you all a hunting lesson anyway, so that's probably for the best."

"I thought we were going to see the territory?" Sedgepaw asked, head cocking to the side.

"We are, but we'll have time after." Tallblaze stood up, shaking out her brown and white pelt. "We'd better take a quick dip before we go. It's time to get the nursery smell out of your fur."

They jumped into the stream and headed out, the two warriors leading the group. They showed them the ShadowClan border first, pointing out the Greenleaf Twolegplace and the Halfbridge, which lay curled up on the shore. "It sits out on the water, usually," Hawktail told them, "but they take it out for Leaf-bare."

"Why?" Lionpaw asked. His long white fur was prickling.

"I have no idea," he admitted. "Fluffywing might know. He was a kittypet, once."

"He's a loyal warrior," Tallblaze interjected, eyes slightly narrowing.

Hawktail blinked at her. "I never said otherwise."

Sedgepaw stared at his mentor, green eyes stretched wide. "Fluffywing was a kittypet? I didn't know that."

"Where else would he have gotten a name like Fluffywing?" She shrugged dismissively. "He wandered into our territory one day and ended up staying."

Next came the WindClan border, though they kept well enough away. Petalpaw could see the Horseplace rising in the distance, waves of heather fluttering in the cool breeze. Longing ripped through her heart anew.  _I could sprint and be home. But what then? Graystar would never let all this be for nothing. I'd cause a war._  She could see, plain as day, the white pelt of Redeye creeping along the edge. He was probably on a patrol, though the other warriors blended in too well to see. No matter how hard she squinted, she couldn't see Raintail or her brothers.

They trailed farther up, slipping through grass. The ground was wet and moldable under her paws, most likely from the cold morning dew.  _It's a shame the kits aren't ready to leave the nursery yet. They would've had so much fun, building and chucking mud at each other._

"You see that chunk of land in the water?" Tallblaze waved her tail to gesture. Trees rose from the island, giving it a wild look. "That's where we have our Gatherings. We get to it from the tree-bridge."

"You'll be going there someday soon," Hawktail added, nudging Lionpaw encouragingly. "You excited?"

Lionpaw gave a little bounce. "You bet!"

"That  _does_  sound nice," Sedgepaw agreed, tail swishing. "I've always wanted to see the tree the leaders sit on up close."

The idea of going to a Gathering- and seeing her family again- made Petalpaw perk up. _I need to stop moping. My job is to keep cats healthy, no matter where I'm at._  Lionpaw brushed against her side and glanced at her worriedly, silently asking if she was okay after seeing her home. She purred and nodded, then picked up speed to keep up with the warriors.

They came to a rest on a hill. Petalpaw settled down next to Sedgepaw with a sigh, feeling exhausted.  _I've never walked so far in my life!_  Lionpaw seemed full of boundless energy, tapping his front paws on the soggy ground. Tallblaze and Hawktail waited quietly for them to catch their breath. They didn't even seem winded.

"Well, we got the semantics out of the way, so it's time to get into the actual training," said Tallblaze crisply. "We're going to teach you how to hunt birds."

Lionpaw slumped. " _Birds_? Blech! I want to learn how to catch fish!"

"Birds aren't  _that_  bad," Petalpaw interjected. "I'm fond of cardinals myself."

"You eat  _rabbits_." Lionpaw snorted.

"You've never even  _had_  a rabbit."  _And he's certainly missing out, if you ask me._

" _Ahem_."

"Sorry, Tallblaze. We didn't mean to interrupt."

She stared them down a moment longer, then continued. "Favorite fresh-kill aside, RiverClan survives on land prey during Leaf-bare. It's simply logical to start teaching you how to catch it before the snows come."

They practiced their stalking for a little while, leaping at leaves. Petalpaw put too much force into her leap, overshooting the leaves at every attempt. She felt like a badger, stomping around with little grace. Ears burning, she wondered what Ravenfur would think if he saw her now.  _It's my first day. I'm bound to be clunky._  Sedgepaw seemed naturally gifted, slipping towards his 'prey' with the grace of a breeze blowing across the moor. Lionpaw was determined but excitable, stomping on twigs and, one time, smushing his nose on the leaves he was supposed to be hunting.

"Great stun tactic, snow-fluff," Hawktail teased, but looked proud nonetheless. "Alright, let's give it a test run. I want each of you to find and stalk a bird. Remember; there's no shame in missing. We all get bad luck."

The apprentices murmured agreement and dispersed. Petalpaw slithered through the reeds, belly fur brushing the ground. She grimaced but kept going, opening her jaws to catch onto any scents. A far-flung, distant part of her prayed the warm smell of rabbit would wash over her tongue, but all she got was plants and the river, which was beginning to feel like a breath of fresh air. She skirted closer to the trees, ears pricked. A sparrow was singing.

Petalpaw found the sparrow sitting on an upturned log, cleaning its wings. She struggled not to simply sprint at it, catching it with her speed over her wit.  _I'm in RiverClan, and I'm supposed to hunt like a RiverClan cat. I can chase after food another day._  She wriggled her shoulders, claws digging into the grass to keep a better grip. She pounced. Her back leg caught on the log, sending her sprawling awkwardly to the ground with the bird in her teeth. Petalpaw tightened her grip and the sparrow went still.

_I did it!_

Petalpaw trotted back to where she knew Tallblaze and Hawktail would be waiting, tail high in the air. Her chest puffed out in pride, though it was tempered by her aching back leg. She was sure it was bruised, but it would be worth it to give someone a meal. Lionpaw had a scraggly robin in his jaws when she got there. They congratulated each other and waited for the third apprentice to arrive.

Sedgepaw eventually did so, empty-pawed. He hesitantly poked his head through the grass. "Uh, Tallblaze?"

"Bad luck?" she asked.

He shook his head. "I found a bird, but..." He swallowed. "It's a big bird. I don't think I can catch it by myself."

The two warriors exchanged a look. Hawktail took a step forward. "Was it all white, or black and white?"

"All white."

"That's a swan," said Tallblaze grimly, tail waving. "Not a catch for the faint of heart."

Lionpaw bounced up, just barely avoiding the robin with a muddy paw. "It's all white, like me! We  _gotta_  catch it!"

"It  _would_  feed most of the nursery," Sedgepaw added after a hesitant pause.

Petalpaw thought of Blackstorm and Littlepelt, that tiny little squeak Hollykit had given her this morning, and stiffened her resolve.  _I helped bring those kits into the world. That makes them my responsibility too. The more food Blackstorm gets, the more milk she has._

"Should we allow this?" Hawktail murmured to Tallblaze. "They could get hurt."

"They have each other," the senior warrior answered patiently, "and we can watch from the distance."

"Thank you!" Lionpaw cried, pressing her head to his mentor's chest. "We'll show you our hunting skills, I promise! Mom'll be so proud of us!"

 _What skills?_  Petalpaw thought. She didn't dare say it aloud. _This is literally our first day. My sparrow was probably half-deaf._

Sedgepaw led them quietly through the territory. Petalpaw suddenly realized just how exhausted she was, and, in turn, the others must be, but pushed it aside.  _I really should've gotten a whole fish to eat._  They crossed the stream and headed closer to the lake. The sun was beginning to set on the horizon.

Petalpaw had never seen a swan before, and she wasn't sure if she was happy to see that rectified as they peered out of some tall grass. The bird was as big as a cat, with wings curled against its sides that undoubtedly only made it that much bigger. The white feathers drew up into a long neck, ending in a nasty looking orange beak tipped with black. It let out a honk and they all crouched closer to the ground. It sounded worse than any cow or horse.

"Here's how I see it," Sedgepaw whispered, eyes flicking between them. "Somebody has to jump on its back so it can't fly off. Its so big it could probably carry off a kit if it wanted to, so we'll need that leverage. The remaining two will go for its wings and chest."

"I'll go," Petalpaw offered. "I'm the fastest."

Sedgepaw and Lionpaw both stared at her. "Are you sure?" Sedgepaw asked.

Petalpaw forced herself to nod. Her paws were shaking. "I'm WindClan. I'm built to run fast and surprise prey. You slow-slugs wouldn't get there in time."

Lionpaw touched her ear in silent thanks. "We'll go around the front. We'll give you a signal when we're there."

The two apprentices slunk away into the grass. Petalpaw crouched and waited.  _These are the kinds of crazy apprentice antics the warriors always talk about_ , she realized.  _Getting into danger and trouble, sometimes for the right reasons, sometimes not._ It wasn't uncommon for WindClan apprentices to try and race horses. One or two might even climb the black and white sides of cows. They were harmless, true, but there was something about sitting on top of an animal that could squish a full-grown cat that is worth the plunge. At least, that's what Tinytooth had told her. _I'd be doing that stuff with Beepaw and Stripepaw if I was home right now. Hopefully we can do it when I get back._

From the grass along the other side of the swan, which was glancing around curiously, a black and brown tail popped out of the foliage before disappearing once again. Petalpaw took that as her sign.

She burst through the grass at a sprint, jaws parted in a silent yell. The swan waddled away as she neared, recognizing her as a threat but not willing to treat her as such, not until she leapt onto its back, sinking all four claws into the white feathers, teeth in its scruff. The swan shrieked louder than anything Petalpaw had ever heard before and swung its long neck around to dig into her shoulder. She held fast, squeezing her eyes shut.

"Lionpaw, get the wing!" Sedgepaw roared. "It's trying to flying off!"

The apprentice didn't waste any time, catching the swan's right wing in his teeth when it flapped too close. Sedgepaw leapt onto the swan, digging his teeth where its chest met its throat. It stumbled, shrieked once last time, and slumped to the ground, onto Sedgepaw. Lionpaw hesitantly slipped out from under the wing, then nudged Petalpaw. "It's dead. You can get up now."

Petalpaw hesitantly let go, heart pounding. Her paw ached from hitting the log, and her shoulder ached from getting pecked, but they'd done it. Littlepelt and Blackstorm would be stuffed and have more left over for the elders. _Or whoever else gets to it. I suppose it really doesn't matter._

Tallblaze and Hawktail were slipping out of the trees. "Is anyone hurt?"

"That was a great catch," Hawktail meowed, lifting the bird so Sedgepaw could wriggle out easier. "Sloppy, but great."

"I got pecked," Petalpaw told Tallblaze, showing where the skin had been broken.

"Birds tends to do that," she agreed. "Whitestripe'll give you some cobwebs when we get back to camp."

It took all three of them to carry it back. The bird wasn't heavy so much as it was awkward, sprawling out all over the place. Petalpaw and Lionpaw each got a wing, while Sedgepaw got the actual body, which he proudly hefted onto his back.

"Coming through!" Hawktail cried, pushing through the barrier. "We got a big'un here!"

"Whoa!" Cloudwillow stared at the trio as they came into the camp. "I've never caught a swan before! You go, kits!"

"They did  _what_?" Carpjaw stuck his muzzle out of the warriors' den. He looked caught between impressed and wanting to disagree. "I swear, I take  _one_  little nap and cats go off on their own and do fluff-brained things. I want to see these things first-paw, guys. Don't leave the old tom out."

Whitestripe thrust herself out of her den. She examined the trio a long moment, pelt fluffed up, before finally jerking her head towards the den. "Come on, Petalpaw. You need some cobwebs."

Petalpaw glanced at Sedgepaw, who bumped their noses together and told her they'd give the prey to Littlepelt and Blackstorm accordingly. She nodded to show she understood and trailed after her mentor, feeling a bit of dread in her chest.

"Over here," she meowed, gesturing to a spot by the moss.

The black and white she-cat padded over and sat down, tail wrapping around her paws. "I'm in trouble, aren't I?"

"I'm very disappointed in you," she agreed, gently plastering a cobweb on her shoulder. "Watch me. You need to know how to do this."

"I cleaned it before we got back."

"I figured. That's why I didn't bother." She smoothed the web out across her shoulder with a single brown paw. "You could've been very badly hurt. Swans aren't to be messed with."

"It was Sedgepaw's idea," she insisted, feeling a stubborn twinge.  _I did what any other apprentice would do._  "And Tallblaze and Hawktail were fine with it."

The brown and white tabby hummed but didn't look convinced. "You're a medicine cat now, Petalpaw. It's your job to keep cats safe. I want you to think about what that means. We'll go looking for herbs tomorrow."

Petalpaw hmphed and went to lie down in her nest. Irritation curdled her stomach, and her limbs felt heavier than ever. She was thankful Ravenfur wasn't here to see her falter.  _He'd just tell me I should've been a warrior, that this was a sign from StarClan. Maybe it was._

"I hear rustlin' close by," Stonebird meowed, sitting up. "What's the matter, Petalkit?"

"I'm Petalpaw now," she informed him, not unkindly. She didn't want to be rude to the ill elder.

The gray tabby's eyes lit up. "They do apprenticeships in StarClan? I'm glad. Always thought it wasn't fair for those poor kits to stay that way forever. Well, congratulations, Petalpaw."

Petalpaw shifted uncomfortably. After their brief but casual interaction that morning, she'd begun to believe he'd snapped mostly out of that delusion. She sat up as well, ignoring her aching leg. "Stonebird, I need to tell you something." She swallowed. "I'm not a StarClan cat."

Stonebird cocked his head to the side. "Yes, you are. What else could you be? You're far too old to be one of Blackstorm's litter, and Littlepelt only has the two. How  _is_  Blackstorm, by the way? Is she doing well?"

"She's fine, Stonebird. She has four daughters now."

"Does she? I'm so happy for her." He paused and blinked at her. "You aren't RiverClan build, either. I know a WindClan cat when I see one," he insisted. "You can't be a living cat."

 _How do I tell him?_ She thought desperately.  _How can I look this sick old man in the eye and tell him how his Clanmates tore me from my home? He'd be devastated._  Stonebird probably wouldn't last past Leaf-bare, given his sickly condition. It didn't feel right to plague his final moons with guilt.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"No," she lied, straightening her shoulders. "Whitestripe's just mad at me for hunting a swan. She thinks I'm too small."

"You  _are_  too small," he meowed gently. "But she really shouldn't stick her nose into StarClan business. It's always been the other way around."

"I wanted to impress her, I think." Petalpaw looked down at her paws. They were muddy and damp. "Mostly, I just wanted to feed the queens. They deserve a full belly after all they've gone through."

"Amen!" He laughed, dusty fur jiggling. "Well, there's always tomorrow to do it. First impressions matter, sure, but not as much as time does."

"I'm allowed to make mistakes, aren't I?" She thought again to Ravenfur's unhappy scowl. She knew it was silly to hold his opinion so highly, but he was a deputy. Not every cat can say the same. "Or is that only for warrior apprentices?"

"Well, I can't tell you the first thing 'bout being a medicine cat," Stonebird started, shrugging, "but I remember being your age. Granted, some of the trees were still saplings back then, but I remember. Me and Carpjaw and my brother- we got it into our heads to go fight badgers one night. Only two of us came home. If you ask me, mistakes are like scars; they hurt, especially in the colder times, but they can make for great Gathering stories, so they don't hurt always and forever."

"I'm so sorry about your brother." The idea of losing Beepaw or Stripepaw made Petalpaw's throat twist. Lionpaw and Sedgepaw had quickly grown on her as well, and she recalled the panic she'd felt when Littlepelt coughed, the fear.  _I'm torn between two Clans now. Life is always going to be difficult._

Stonebird shook his head. "I like to think he'd prefer being remembered this way- as a fun Gathering story to tell the apprentices. Speaking of, you wanna know how I got this'un?" He shook his right shoulder.

"I think I'd like that very much," Petalpaw decided, laying back down. She thought the elder would enjoy the extra bit of company, being cooped up in the medicine den all day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Swans are scary. Don't mess with swans. Barring any new plot developments, Petalpaw will probably be going to the Moonpool next chapter! Go her!
> 
> -Mandaree1


	12. Ancient Queens

"Here," Petalpaw meowed, setting a yellow flower at Littlepelt's paws. "It's not much, but I hope it'll help a little bit."

The queen let out a dry cough, pulling the herb closer with a white paw. "Thank you, dear."

"Any rattling in your chest when you breathe?"

"A little, but nothing to worry about."

Petalpaw sighed. "Please, Littlepelt. For my sake. Stop saying that."

Littlepelt reached out to touch her head with her nose. It was dry. "I won't," she promised.

"Hi!"

Petalpaw jumped. Patchkit sat by her feet, tail neatly wrapped around her tiny paws. The kits had only opened their eyes yesterday, but the calico was already curious about the world beyond Blackstorm's belly, sniffing the air and stumbling about the nursery.  _She's getting good at sneaking- I didn't even notice her. Then again, I'm not at my most attentive when I'm caring for cats._  "Hello, Patchkit."

She tilted her head to the side. "What's that flower thing?"

"Tansy." Petalpaw pointedly nudged it closer to Littlepelt, who still hadn't eaten it. "It's good for coughs."

"Look, Tansykit!" Poppykit cried, nudging her fellow tortoiseshell. "It's you!"

"Well..." her sister meowed hesitantly. "At least I was named after a pretty flower."

Poppykit's nose wrinkled. "I'm a seed."

"A very _important_  seed," Blackstorm butted in fondly, very gently booping her nose with a paw.

"What about me?" Patchkit piped up curiously, ears perked.

"The patches of color on the trees and the river- that's what life is." She smiled at her. "It's like StarClan came down from the sky and put little spots of the forest on all of you. Hollykit was dappled with sunlight. Poppykit and Tansykit got the trees and the ground and the bushes. You, my dear, were born with Leaf-fall all over you."

The calico looked very pleased, blinking slowly at her mother. Petalpaw thought she looked a lot like her _other_  mother, Cherryfur, and wasn't sure what to do with that image.  _It doesn't matter. She's not her._  "Does that mean I fell into the night sky and missed all the stars?" she prodded. "I'd have to have fallen pretty creatively for that to happen."

"Nonsense," Littlepelt sniffed. "You belly-flopped onto them."

Petalpaw glanced at her white belly and laughed. She hadn't felt this comfortable since she had left WindClan. "Well, I should really get going. It's the half-moon tonight."

Littlepelt's eyes widened. "Oh! I'd forgotten. C'mere." The queen guided Petalpaw to lay in front of her, eyes half closed, so she could clean her pelt. "You need to look your best when you're meeting StarClan."

If  _I meet them_ , she thought. She couldn't imagine StarClan wanting to waste their time on a kit that wasn't even in her own territory.  _It's not like they can give me some sort of advice to fix this. Nothing can fix this but time and catmint._

Patchkit rounded Petalpaw's side so they were face to face again. Her eyes were a bright yellowish-green. "Is Littlepelt your mom?" she prompted. "Is that why she's taking care of you?"

"Something like that," she responded, fighting the urge to tense. _Of course they wouldn't know- I've been here since they were born. I don't even smell like WindClan anymore._

"Oh. Okay." Patchkit blinked, then reared back on her feet, waving her front paws at her. "I want a turn! I've got an itchy spot on my back I can't reach."

Blackstorm's tail twitched. "Leave her be, kitten. She needs to get ready to meet our ancestors."

The kit gave her a parting glance before reluctantly returning to the nest, tail drooping. Littlepelt nudged Petalpaw, smiling warmly as she stood, pelt as smooth as it could get. "Be brave," she advised her. "But don't be afraid. And keep you head high."

 _I'll probably just sit and awkwardly wait for someone to talk to me._ "I will."

Lionpaw and Sedgepaw wished her luck and gave her an extra bite of prey from their shares to help steady her and then they were off. Petalpaw's pelt bushed out as they slipped through the trees; it was getting chiller and chiller, especially at night. Whitestripe seemed undeterred by the drop in temperature- then again, it wasn't like she hadn't already braved her fair share of seasons. Petalpaw forced herself not to get too nostalgic as they padded through WindClan territory.  _This is barely even the fringes, and this is as far as I'm gonna get._

Birdleap was waiting for them at the foot of the rise, gray pelt stark against the earthy colors. He was a moving stone, shifting and looking around, and Petalpaw had forgotten how much she'd missed him.  _He was the only cat in WindClan that_  wasn't _a relative who didn't try and force me to choose._ He perked up as they approached, dipping his head to the RiverClan medicine cat. "Whitestripe. And you must be Petal _paw_  now, huh?"

Petalpaw hesitantly nodded.

He smiled. "Glad to hear it."

The black and white cat looked at Whitestripe, wary of overstepping a line by talking to a cat from her home Clan, but she seemed disinterested, padding away to give them room to speak. "How're Beepaw and Stripepaw? _Are_  they Beepaw and Stripepaw? And Raintail! How is Raintail?"

"One question at a time," he rumbled. "Beepaw and Stripepaw are well. Beepaw still has half a paw in the nursery, and Stripepaw still has a thing for rolling in patches of flowers. Not," he added, "that there's many of those left."

Petalpaw felt some stress sink off her shoulders. Knowing her brothers hadn't changed too much since she left was comforting. "And Raintail?"

Birdleap shook his head. "She's been spending a lot of time with Lichenfang. Cloudear, too."

 _Cloudear?_  Petalpaw only remembered speaking to him once or twice, and she never recalled the two having any sort of chemistry before. She dipped her head, relieved. "Thank you for telling me."

They lapsed into silence. The other two medicine cats were far less hospitable, to the point they asked for no introductions and gave no names. They seemed perfectly alright with walking apart from WindClan and RiverClan.

 _They know we're fighting_ , Petalpaw realized suddenly.  _They don't want to get their Clans involved._ Whitestripe snuck a look at Birdleap, privately asking who should lead her ceremony, but Birdleap waved it off. The brown and white tabby nodded and pushed through the bracken.

Petalpaw caught sight of the Moonpool and let out a gasp, then scrunched her head to her chest, feeling like she had broken some sort of rule. Petalpaw had never seen all the stars reflected onto water as clearly or as brightly as they were in front of her paws, endless and mystifying.  _How many warriors and medicine cats died to make the sky this full?_

Whitestripe stood in front of Moonpool, the glow reflecting on her haunches. She looked just as bright and clear as the stars. "Petalpaw, step forward."

She did so, tail curling against her haunches with concern.  _I shouldn't be such a worrywart. I'm with StarClan, for heather's sake. There's no safer place to be._

"Petalpaw, is it your wish to enter the mysteries of StarClan as a medicine cat?"

Petalpaw nodded, then, remembering she was supposed to respond verbally, cleared her throat. "I do."

Whitestripe seemed pleased by her response, slowly nodding. "Warriors of StarClan, I present you with this apprentice. She has chosen the path of a medicine cat. Grant her your wisdom and insight so that she may understand your ways and heal her Clan in accordance with your will."

She stepped out of the way and Petalpaw stepped forward, taking a small sip from the water as Whitestripe had told her to do. Immediately she felt like she was plunging downwards, then up. She hesitantly cracked open her eyes and found that she was in a sea of heather. Excitement fizzled under her pelt.  _I'm in StarClan! Even better, I'm in the WindClan section of StarClan!_  "Hello?"

"Behind you, kit."

Petalpaw jumped and whirled around. A light brown she-cat sat behind her, her pelt speckled with patches of red. Her eyes were like lake water, or the sky in Greenleaf. She lowered her ears. "H-Hello. I'm Petalpaw."

The she-cat slowly nodded. "I'm aware. My name is Daisytail. It's an honor to meet you."

Petalpaw felt shook as she stared at the ancient WindClan cat. "You're that queen! The one who made it law that kits couldn't be apprentices!"

"You've heard of me, then," she laughed, tail wagging. "Would you like to go for a walk?"

 _A walk? With_ the _Daisytail?_  "I'd love to!"

The ancient queen took her across the fields and into the trees, leaping onto a log just for the sake of saying she crossed it. A brook was babbling in the far distance, and Petalpaw felt soothed by it. She preferred the moors, of course- they were her home- but the wet swamp-like areas of RiverClan weren't half bad. There were plenty of birds in them, and even a vole or two.

"You know," Daisytail meowed eventually. "I made that law to protect my kit, but it was _more_  than that. I wanted every kit to have time to mature at their own pace, without the fears of bloodshed and death at their door. I thought I'd accomplished that." She stopped and looked back at her. "And then there's cats like you."

Petalpaw shuffled her paws. "I'm sorry?"

"For what?" she demanded. "Being a kit? Wanting to find freedom? Having your home ripped from you? Never apologize for other's misdeeds, Petalpaw. You didn't cause any of this."

"I know. I just thought it'd sound good."

"Saying things- even things you don't mean- only reinforces them. Never forget that, Petalpaw." Daisytail nodded to her and waved a paw for her to hop up next to her. She did so. The moon was glowing through the trees, sliced to pieces by their looming trunks. "I'm going to have to ask you to be very brave, Petalpaw."

Petalpaw's ears fell. "Everyone keeps saying that. Over and over."

"Because everyone knows they're asking a lot out of you," the queen insisted, pressing a brown paw to her's. "Times will be hard. There will be moments where you regret everything you've ever done. That's something a lot of cats must face, I think. That ideology."

The bark was beginning to frost over. Petalpaw stood to hop off but found herself caught halfway, Daisytail's paw under her chin. She didn't seem to notice the cold right under her paws. "Keep your head high. Remember to never forget. When times are hard, think to those who love you and you will find strength." Her blue eyes were sharp and intense in the half-light. "You know more than you think, and you believe more than you say. Keep that in your heart."

Daisytail stood now, and the frost traveled across the log faster than before. A cold wind blew through Petalpaw's pelt. She drew in on herself, squeezing her eyes shut. The trees were no longer her home. They were an enemy, cold and unforgiving. The warmth of another cat pressed close. A wet nose was touching her bowed head, breath blowing across her eyes.

"You'll make it home," Daisytail whispered. "And, when you do, you'll do amazing things. But don't worry about that now. Just worry about waking up."

Suddenly, Petalpaw felt alright again. The gentle tug of water on her paws was soothing. She opened her eyes and found herself at the Moonpool. Whitestripe was right beside her, breathing evenly.

"Bad dreams?"

She glanced up. Birdleap's eyes glittered from his spot at the Moonpool. "Something like that," she agreed, nodding. "I met Daisytail."

The gray tom sat up with a grunt. "That's pretty typical. Most medicine cats have a special guide, someone personal to them, but you're too young to have lost someone that important to you. Until then, you'll meet up with ancient ancestors and maybe even a few strangers." He shrugged. "Whoever is up to making the trip."

 _I think she really wanted to meet me_ , Petalpaw thought, though she felt silly for believing it.  _Why would she care? I'm just some random cat._

Birdleap shifted. "I wish there was some way I could help you get home," he admitted. "I'm sorry."

"You could distract the other medicine cats," she tried, only half-kidding. "And I could sprint for WindClan."

"I could," he agreed. "But I won't."

Petalpaw felt a stab of disappointment in spite of herself.  _It was just a joke, but it would've been nice if I could._  She dipped her head. "Thanks anyway."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leaf-bare's a comin', that's for sure. Bit of a filler, but it was important filler. =)
> 
> -Mandaree1


	13. The Gathering

Swiftmist reluctantly disengaged herself from lying on Stonebird, cleaning his face with brisk, loving strokes. "I'll give you every bit of news I can get my claws on," she promised. "They'll tell legends about this nosy old thing for moons to come, you'll see."

Stonebird blinked at her fondly. "Will you tell me how that one queen is doing? I love to hear about kits- we all know that."

"Which one?" She tipped her head to the side.

"All of them," the gray tabby meowed firmly.

Swiftmist laughed and nosed his muzzle. "You got it, you old fluffball." She stood up. "Well, I gotta be heading out now. You stay all curled up and warm, okay? It's too soon for you to meet the ancestors."

Stonebird quietly set his head on his paws, eyes sliding closed. "If you say so, Swiftmist."

Lionpaw pelted around the camp in a wide circle, squealing with excitement. He just barely avoided running into Volespring, who was sharpening her claws on the bark of a tree, and the hiss the deputy sent his way sent him scrambling behind Hawktail. The gray and white tom laughed and cleaned the space of fur between his ears. Sedgepaw and Tallblaze sat next to each other, talking with their heads bent together, the older she-cat's eyes narrowed. Petalpaw couldn't hear them, seated near the entrance with Whitestripe, but from what she knew of the apprentice it was probably related to basic etiquette and a bit of reassurance.

Carpjaw and Sandstream were sitting next to each other, the speckled tom chatting amicably. Sandstream nodded along, but Petalpaw noticed his mouth stayed shut.  _Have I_  ever  _heard him talk before?_  The thought hit her. Can _he talk?_  Fluffywing and Cloudwillow padded up to Graystar to wait. When Swiftmist slipped out of the medicine den, the leader waved her tail and they were off. Petalpaw watched out of the corner of her eye as Dawnbelly sprinted to catch up, feeling a bit sour about the fact that the warrior who'd taken her was allowed to come to the very next Gathering.

"Keep your fur flat," Graystar growled quietly to Volespring. "And your claws in your paws. We must be detached and professional, like the river."

Volespring's eyes narrowed, but she did as the she-cat bade her to do. " _The river_  has the ability to dash cats it doesn't like across the rocks," she muttered back, tail lashing. "You know- bruise them up a bit."

"Brutish isn't a good look for you, deputy." Graystar's tail lightly flicked her chin in a teasing gesture. "Let me do the talking."

Petalpaw swallowed a wave of nervousness as the RiverClan cats slowly filed up the shore and onto the log that led to the island. WindClan and ShadowClan scents lingered all around them, and if she squinted she could spot a thin chocolate tortoiseshell tom sitting amongst the branches of the tree that she assumed was Brightstar. Beetlestar sat pointedly next to him, eyes narrow as her rival Clan crossed the log. Two dark shapes sat by the shore, eyes glinting in the moonlight. Petalpaw tripped over her own paws when she spotted them.

Petalpaw hadn't even had the chance to leap off the log when suddenly gray and black striped paws were around her scruff, yanking her to the ground. She landed with a thud and a yelp. Stripepaw settled on top of her belly with a purr, bending down to clean her face with frantic strokes. Beepaw flopped on his side next to them, shoving his nose into the crook of Petalpaw's shoulder. The overwhelming stench of WindClan choked her; she hadn't been this close to it in over a moon, and had gotten comfortable with the fishy odor of the river.

"You got so  _big_!" Petalpaw meowed, gleefully butting heads with Stripepaw. "It's hard to believe we ever shared a nest!"

"That's what Raintail said," Beepaw put in, "when we got our apprentice names."

Stripepaw waved his tail. "I got Heathertuft for a mentor! Beepaw over here got stuck with good old Stagclaw."

"You make it sound like Stagclaw isn't a great mentor." Beepaw's whiskers quivered. "If you ever came back to camp without prey, I'm pretty sure Heathertuft would rip your ears off."

Petalpaw's chest felt warm, and not just because her brother was sitting on it. She pushed him off and gingerly sat up, taking them all in. Beepaw, to her surprise, was shorter than her now, with a scrawny build and big paws she didn't think he would ever grow into. Stripepaw was taller than either of them, with Ravenfur's big shoulders and thickset arms. He'd certainly had had no trouble growing into his feet. Petalpaw thought back to her own form, desperate for some sort of basis to compare herself to.  _I've got Raintail's paws and Ravenfur's shoulders- just like Stripepaw, I guess- and I'm decently tall. I can live with this._  "Where's Raintail?"

Stripepaw shook his head, looking ashamed. "She didn't come. We didn't think you'd be here."

She tried not to feel disappointed. It was logical that Graystar would keep her secreted away in the camp- just as logical as Raintail not wanting to mingle with the Clan that stole her daughter. "I get that. Just... tell her I'm doin' okay?"

"Of course," Beepaw assured her. He took an eager step forward, lowering his voice. "What's it like in RiverClan? It's not scary, is it? If it is, we'll sneak you out of here."

Petalpaw flattened her ears. "No, not at all! It's just another Clan, really. The river is alright. I hate the seaweed, though. There's this one queen- her name is Littlepelt- and she's this tiny little thing that you two would absolutely love. I'd nap with her if I could." Beepaw and Stripepaw were both staring at her. Petalpaw suddenly felt self-conscious.  _Why am I defending them? I'm a WindClan cat!_  "I hate having to see Dawnbelly all over camp, though."

Stripepaw tilted his head to the side. "Who's that?"

She gestured to the black and white tom with her tail. He was chatting with a random ThunderClan warrior. "He's the one who brought me to RiverClan. Well, him and Fluffywing and Cherryfur, but they never threatened me. They don't really scare me. Not like he does."

Beepaw growled low in his throat. Stripepaw touched a paw to his brother's shoulder and shook his head, and the shortest apprentice sat down reluctantly. "Wolfkit feels terrible, by the way. I'll tell her you're okay."

"Wolfkit?"

Beepaw nodded. "She's been kicking herself ever since she got home."

It took a moment for it to click. In the moon she'd been gone from WindClan, she hadn't thought of Wolfkit once. Guilt kindled in her chest. " _I_  told her to run. That's not  _her_  fault."

"Petalpaw!" Whitestripe called. "We need to take our seats."

Petalpaw felt rooted to the grass. She didn't want to leave Beepaw and Stripepaw so soon, especially when she knew they'd be mingling in the crowd, just outside of reach.

Stripepaw pressed his face to her scruff one last time, then pulled away, laughing. "You still stink of weird plants," he meowed fondly. "I guess you're still you, even with all that fish all over you."

She managed to let out a trill. "Remind me to catch you both a fish when I get home." She nudged Stripepaw affectionately. "You'll know my suffering yet!"

"You can catch it, but you can't make us eat it!"

Whitestripe's voice came calling again. Petalpaw shared one final look before spinning away; she couldn't imagine saying goodbye to them. She slipped through the cats without speaking or looking at anyone in particular. She caught sight of Tinytooth talking with Swiftmist, but otherwise pelts were a blur of color. The black and white she-cat quietly took her place at the RiverClan cat's side. Birdleap nodded and smiled at her, and she attempted to smile back.

"Petalkit?"

Petalpaw tensed. In the half-light of the moon it was hard to see her father, whose all black pelt melted in with the shadows, but it was impossible to ignore Ravenfur as he padded up to her, face carefully neutral.

"Her name is Petalpaw now," Whitestripe muttered gently.

Ravenfur's face darkened. "She'll go by Petalpaw when Beetlestar gives her that name."

Petalpaw shrunk down into her shoulders, ashamed.  _He shouldn't talk to Whitestripe like that. She's a medicine cat. And she's been_ _so kind to me._  She stared at her paws. She could feel Ravenfur's eyes on her, waiting for her to answer.

"ThunderClan is coming," the medicine cat meowed finally, stretching her neck to see over the crowd. "You should go take your seat."

Ravenfur growled and reluctantly dipped his head. "I love you, darling," he said, then turned and walked away.

ThunderClan flowed into the clearing and took their places, chatting amongst each other. A pale ginger she-cat lead them, trotting up and climbing the tree. She noticed the empty spot beside Graystar, grit her teeth, and sat down, tail swishing.

"The Gathering has begun," Foxstar called. The four Clans grew quiet. "I will-"

" _I_  will start," Beetlestar interrupted, giving the ThunderClan cat a look. Foxstar's eye narrowed. "RiverClan has stolen a WindClan kit!"

It took a few moments before the crowd was quiet enough for the leaders to speak again. It was Brightstar who spoke this time. "Is this true, Graystar?"

The long-furred she-cat shook her head, unwittingly shaking her pelt with the motion. "We haven't  _stolen_  anyone. Petalpaw is safe and sound- and seated with my medicine cat."

"Petal _kit_ ," Beetlestar corrected. "She never properly received her apprentice name."

Graystar's eyes stretched wide in mock horror. "Would you really deny one of your own the chance to be an apprentice at the appropriate age?" She gestured to her with a single paw. "Petalpaw is as well-fed as any other cat can be at the beginning of Leaf-fall. She's got friends. Why, my queen, Littlepelt, has practically adopted her. She can't be here tonight because of a cough, but we all know Littlepelt, don't we?" Graystar nodded along to approving murmurs. "Petalpaw isn't in any danger."

Ravenfur exploded to his paws, hissing. "You expect me to be okay with you shoving  _my_  kit off on some random mouse-hearted she-cat?"

"Show some respect, Ravenfur." Volespring's meow was a storm held back by the faintest breeze. "Or you might just regret it."

Petalpaw's forced herself to sit still and not rush over to the two deputies.  _Is she_   _threatening him? He's just concerned for my safety!_ His harsh words sat awkwardly on her chest. _I'm glad Littlepelt didn't hear him say that._

"We've done this dance already, Beetlestar," Graystar ended, sending her a smug look. "Are you really that desperate to start drama?"

Beetlestar took in a deep breath and sat a bit straighter. "I bring this up because I'm here to ask for  _help_." Her eyes flickered to the other two leaders. "Surely, two Clans against one would be more than enough to bring my cat home?"

Foxstar blinked at her, unamused. "What goes on between WindClan and RiverClan doesn't effect ThunderClan. We all should keep our troubles to their appropriate borders."

"It doesn't effect you  _now_ ," Beetlestar countered. "Do you really want this to become the norm, Foxstar? This type of behavior should be punished, or the next thing you know RiverClan will be stealing from your territory as well."

The pale ginger she-cat seemed unconvinced. Her green eyes raked across the clearing, finally resting on Petalpaw's face. They snapped forward. "If it comes to that point, ThunderClan will help. For now, we have a Clan on each side to separate us, and the border patrols within those Clans to keep RiverClan from getting that far." Foxstar stared out at the lapping waves of the lake. "Each Clan must fend for itself, save for when a problem effects all of the Clans. One kit won't destroy us all."

Beetlestar bristled at the ThunderClan cat's lack of interest. She whipped her head to the leader sitting next to her. "Brightstar?"

The chocolate tortoiseshell was staring at the sky. He twitched an ear to show he'd heard. "The moon is uncovered. StarClan has accepted this."

"StarClan expects us to make our own decisions sometimes," she hissed, clawing at the bark. "Do you rely on the moon to tell you when to give your sick herbs? To feed your kits?"

"I trust in StarClan. I trust in my faith in StarClan." He glanced at the irate she-cat, but went back to staring at the stars almost immediately. Petalpaw got the impression that he liked to do that a lot. "If this is their will, then I refuse to fight it."

"Why would StarClan possibly want _this_?"

Brightstar gave a delicate shrug. "Perhaps her destiny is in RiverClan. Only time will tell."

Foxstar nodded. "If I may continue?"

"Of course," Graystar meowed. "I'd hate to dwell on old news."

Petalpaw tuned the ThunderClan leader out, ears pounding. Warriors were staring at her from all across the clearing, ears pricked, as if expecting her to let a wail.  _I knew full well that I wasn't going home tonight. I had no stake in this._  She looked at Birdleap. He was peering intensely into the night. _Does he see something?_

There was a yowl and a hiss, and suddenly the warriors were breaking out of their group, spreading out in a wide circle. She heard Carpjaw screech, "Get out of there, you fish-brain!" and Stagclaw yell, "Beepaw, I swear to StarClan, if you don't put your claws back in your paws-"

_Beepaw!_

Petalpaw was on her feet and pushing through the crowd before she even knew what was happening. Some- RiverClan and WindClan, mostly- let her through without complaint, though one ThunderClan cat got a good jab at her tail as she passed. In the very center was Beepaw, his gray fur tinged silver in the moonlight, his spine arched and bristly as he spat at Dawnbelly, who regarded him coldly.

"You destroyed my family," he snarled. "You tore my sister from me and you tore my mother and father apart. They can't even be near each other anymore- and that's  _all on you_."

Her own words came back to her. ' _He's the one who brought me to RiverClan.' I tattled on Dawnbelly without even realizing it!_

"I didn't _destroy_  anything." Dawnbelly sniffed. "If your family falls apart that easily, then they were just looking for an excuse."

Brightstar's voice, quiet but haunting, drifted into Petalpaw's ears. "There are clouds covering the moon. We've displeased those who protect us."

Beepaw sprung at Dawnbelly with a yell, aiming a blow at his throat. The warrior side-stepped, waited for Beepaw to regain his footing, and took a swipe at his face. Petalpaw's jaw dropped as sharp claws pierced Beepaw's skin, slashing him right across his left eye. He wailed and stepped back, readying himself for another charge.

"Stop it!" Stripepaw forced himself between the two, herding the injured apprentice away. He glared at Dawnbelly as he did so. "All you're doing is making it worse."

"The clouds are over the moon!" Brightstar called, more urgently this time. "We must leave immediately. StarClan's wrath isn't worth continuing this mistake of a Gathering."

"We heard you the first time, old man!" Foxstar snapped. "Fine, fine. ThunderClan, gather! We're leaving all this nonsense behind us, where it belongs."

* * *

Whitestripe stayed by her side the whole way home, though they never spoke, her tail firmly draped across her lower back. Petalpaw squeezed her eyes shut and tried not to imagine Beepaw's bleeding face, how angry and lost he'd looked.  _Raintail and Ravenfur aren't speaking to each other anymore? All because of me?_

Volespring was pressed close to Graystar as they walked into camp, whispering into the leader's ear. The gray she-cat had been deadly silent the whole trip back, delegating all commands to her deputy and refusing to look her warriors in the eye. She didn't even greet the ones guarding the entrance. She delicately padded up to the stone she made decrees on and hopped up, lying down so her fluffy paws were left hanging.

"I'm not going to call a meeting. It's too late for that, and we're all basically here," she grunted. "I would just like to say that it's been a long moon for all of us, and I'm grateful to everyone who has stayed loyal even with WindClan threatening us at every turn." She cast a wry glance at Dawnbelly. "Well, I thank most of you, anyway."

Dawnbelly bristled and stood up. "What was I to do, Graystar? That apprentice came up to me-"

She cut him off. "That  _apprentice_ , Dawnbelly.  _Apprentice_. You've hurt a child, possibly permanently. What will we do if Beepaw never sees out of that eye again, Dawnbelly? An apology doesn't come close to covering that."

He waved the idea off with his tail. "If he loses the eye, he'll be grateful it wasn't worse. It's that simple."

Graystar's face darkened. She took in a deep breath, closing and opening her eyes. "Out."

Dawnbelly froze. "Graystar?"

"You heard me." Her voice was calm. "Get out of my sight, Dawnbelly. Better yet, get out of the territory. You may come back in a moon,  _if_  and  _only_  if you've learned your lesson."

For a moment, he looked torn, tail lowering. Then he hissed at the she-cat. "Fine! I won't come back, either! Not to a Clan that prioritizes the feelings of its rivals over its warriors!"

Volespring took a step forward. "Come back when you're ready to be a proper warrior, cow-cat."

Dawnbelly glared at her. He finally snorted and padded out from whence he came, grumbling under his breath. Petalpaw felt a weight lift off of her as his tail flicked out of sight and mind.  _Good. I can't look at him after what he did to Beepaw._

"Do you think he'll come back?" Sedgepaw whispered into the darkness.

"He will," Graystar murmured. "Once he realizes no one will care for him when he's old, he will."

"Perhaps the experience will change him," Volespring added.

"Or give him a taste of the consequences." Graystar snorted and shook out her pelt, yawning. "Alright, everyone. That's enough drama for today. Get some rest."

"Are we sure he'll leave?" Hawktail asked.

"We'll check while we're on patrol." Tallblaze said with a shrug. "Personally, I'm more interested in crawling into my nest."

Stonebird was still awake when Petalpaw came into the medicine den. He looked better, though she knew not to trust it- his sickness came in fits and spurts, okay one moment and terrible the next. "Did you have a fun time?"

"No." She flopped onto her side, wrapping her tail over her nose. "Raintail couldn't make it."

"Oh." He reached out to nudge her with a paw. "Well, I'm sure she was thinking of you, wherever she was."

 _That's the problem_ , she thought.  _All either of us can do is think._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey-o Beepaw and Stripepaw! Good to see you guys. I have a lot of fun writing Beetlestar and Graystar interacting tbh; neither of them are good or bad, and when they collide it's like two ideas of leadership are, too. This time, though... well, it was mostly just two cats being salty with each other.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	14. Cherryfur

"I can do this myself, you know," Littlepelt rasped irritably, watching with slitted eyes as Sandstream and Carpjaw grabbed mouthfuls of her reed nest, carefully untangling it with their paws. "I'm sick, not dying."

Sandstream glanced at her, his jaw stretched wide with reeds, one ear flattened to the side. Carpjaw laughed around his own bundle, voice muffled. "He's got a point, Littlepelt. Getting help when you're not feeling good is the whole point of being in a Clan."

The queen snorked back a line of snot, looking positively miserable. Petalpaw curled up against her side, forcing out a purr. "You need all the rest you can get so you can get better."

"Alright, alright," she sighed, glancing a lick off her ear, "I know when I'm beaten."

Petalpaw shifted uncomfortably. The nursery felt strangely empty, despite the four of them inside of it. "Where's Blackstorm and the kits?"

"Swimming lessons."

"Already? They're not even two moons old yet."

Littlepelt shrugged, unperturbed. "It's best to start young. Besides; what if the kits wander off and fall through some ice someday? They should have a basic knowledge of the river before Leaf-bare hits."

 _That makes sense_ , she thought, feeling slightly embarrassed.  _Who am I to judge how RiverClan queens work? I wasn't born here. And it's not like WindClan kits aren't already being taught how to run at two moons._  Beepaw and Stripepaw used to race each other for fun.  _Every Clan works differently._

Carpjaw politely dipped his head to them, leading Sandstream out of the nursery. Littlepelt gave another long-winded sigh and reluctantly followed; it was only Whitecough, but it could tip into Greencough if they weren't careful, so Whitestripe had asked the queen to move into the medicine den with Stonebird.  _She's not the only one sniffling, either._  Graystar had been noticeably more tired lately, rubbing her muzzle with her paws whenever she got a free second.  _This could get messy fast._

Petalpaw slipped into the clearing, then out of the entrance. She had no particular destination in mind, letting the fishy, wet smell of RiverClan flow over her tongue as she moved. Volespring had advised them to leave most land prey alone to avoid even more shortages when the lake froze over. The trees were alive with fluttering wings and warm scents she couldn't follow.

The only noticeable change Leaf-fall had given them was the crinkly leaves on the ground. Petalpaw winced at every crunch. _It's so loud here._ Petalpaw cleared a log with a hop, her eyes trained on the ground. Maybe, if she was lucky, she might find a patch of herbs to take back with her, but she doubted it. Whitestripe had shown her the major areas for finding them her second day as an apprentice, and this was nowhere near any of them.

She perked her ears at the sound of splashing. Littlepelt knew better than her, but Petalpaw still felt her stomach twist at the thought of the kits learning to swim so young.  _It won't hurt to check up on them, right?_

Blackstorm hovered at the lip of the stream, watching intently. Hollykit squealed excitedly as a wave splashed her across the face, tiny legs pumping confidentially. Patchkit broke the surface close by, a smooth rock in her teeth, which she cheerfully paddled over to place at her mother's feet. "It's so pretty! Can we keep it?"

"As long as you don't keep it in the nest, I don't see why not."

Patchkit gave a happy, soggy wiggle before disappearing back in with her sister. The scene surprised and soothed Petalpaw.  _RiverClan really is full of fish-cats._

The gray and orange calico looked over her shoulder, catching Petalpaw's eye. "Care to join us?"

Her ears flattened with embarrassment.  _Busted_. Petalpaw sheepishly trotted over and sat down, black tail swishing. No matter how hard she squinted, she could only see two shapes in the water. "Where are Tansykit and Poppykit?"

Blackstorm nodded towards a shadowy corner under the trees. Petalpaw could just barely see the two kits sharing tongues under the leaves. "Poppykit didn't want to get wet," she explained.

"Isn't it important that they learn?"

She nodded. "That's what I told them." Blackstorm nudged Petalpaw to her feet. "You give it a try."

"Me?"

"Why not? You're a medicine cat apprentice. That's a pretty official title."

Petalpaw sighed, finding herself unable to argue that logic. She cleared her throat, puffing out her chest to seem more important.  _Beepaw was always the one who was good with kits. Not me._ Still, she tried to seem confident as she walked over, her black pelt melting into the shadows. Poppykit and Tansykit both sat up straighter. It was too dark to tell which was which.

"Hi, Petalpaw!" One of them chirped.

"Hi, little'uns," she returned awkwardly. "Your mother is getting concerned about the two of you."

The right one's ears flattened. "I can't go swimming without Poppykit. That's rude."

"And  _I_  don't want to swim," the left one- Poppykit, presumably- sniffed, nose in the air. "It's gross and cold."

Petalpaw laughed. "No arguments here. Seaweed is death personified. But it's still important to know the basics- it could save your life one day."

Poppykit and Tansykit exchanged a look, saying nothing.

"I'll come in with you," she urged. "We can suffer together."

"Really?" asked Tansykit.

"Really."

"Well..." Poppykit glanced at the river, then her own fluffy pelt. "I guess."

The water in the stream was as chilling as ever, but Petalpaw had grown used to the sting. She didn't believe she'd ever be as good a swimmer as the other RiverClan cats, but she was more than okay with just being competent. It took Petalpaw a few more attempts before Poppykit found the resolve to slip in, and even then she clung to her side, ears pinned back. Tansykit took to it much easier than her sister, ducking and diving to collect rocks with Patchkit.

"Look, mom!" Hollykit called, climbing unceremoniously onto Petalpaw's back. Her head dipped under the waves for a second before popping back up. "I'm on top of the world!"

"I never knew the world looked like someone who rolled in the shadows," Blackstorm mused affectionately. "You might want to get off before you drown her, kiddo."

"My paws are touching the bottom," Petalpaw reassured her, but gently shook Hollykit off anyway. "I should probably get going. I told Whitestripe I would go fishing before things got dark."

Poppykit flailed, grabbing onto her tail. "You can't leave! You promised!"

"It's about time you got out anyway." Blackstorm grabbed Patchkit and pulled her out, setting her down next to her growling pile of river rocks. "Don't want you all getting sick."

Petalpaw guided Poppykit and Tansykit to the riverbank, shaking her black and white pelt out. She might be more comfortable swimming, but no one could ever convince her that wet cats didn't look like drowned fresh-kill.

"I never want to do that again," Poppykit meowed.

"Sounds like we've got a drypaw in the family," Patchkit nudged her sister fondly. "Don't worry, Poppykit. We'll make sure you never have to go in."

* * *

"Going hunting?"

Petalpaw stiffened, shoulders bunching. Admittedly, it was her fault for taking the long way to the lake- she knew she'd run into someone- but she'd assumed it would be Cloudwillow or Lionpaw, both of whom enjoyed hanging around that area (secretly, Petalpaw thought they just wanted to get away from camp without getting yelled at). Certainly not the calico pelt of Cherryfur padding into her sight line. The warrior had taken every precaution in avoiding her since her arrival, and she'd hoped it'd stay that way. "It would seem so."

Cherryfur didn't seem perturbed by her cold response. "May I join you?"

Petalpaw had no response. She kept moving, tail lashing when the sound of Cherryfur's steady pawsteps reached her ears.  _I expected this kind of thing from Dawnbelly, not her._ She was beside her now. _Is it because Dawnbelly got kicked out?_

"I was a bit older than you, I think," Cherryfur mused, giving her a quick look-over before turning her head back to the trail. She sounded introspective, and maybe even a bit wistful. "When I finally got around to asking myself some big questions. Who I am, who I wanted to be, yadda yadda." She gave her calico pelt a quick shake. "That's oversimplifying it a lot, mind you, but it's hard to put feelings into words. I've always been terrible at it."

They fell into silence as they leapt down a small incline, Petalpaw leading them. Cherryfur watched the apprentice a long moment ( _what is she expecting? A response? A rebuttal?)_  before continuing. "I finally got off my tail and went to seek Whitestripe's advice. The whole conversation was pretty long, but it all came down to the idea that StarClan isn't really perfect, and neither is anything else. That I should be who I am, not what I presented as, and that I deserved to be happy and comfortable in my Clan, and the way I did that was by having Graystar announce that I'm a she-cat. Nobody was really sure what to make of me for a while after that. And, well, I'm getting all muddled. The point I'm trying to make is that I went through a pretty rough time. Stonebird helped me through it." Her eyes began to glow a little, like she was forcefully shoving the bad parts of it all behind her. "He shared fresh-kill with me every night, and sat with me at the Gatherings. When I was feeling down, he'd give my back a wash. Truth be told, Stonebird is a hero. I'd do anything for him."

The fishy, muddy tang of the lake was beginning to fill their senses as the trees thinned out. It was getting to be comforting. Though Petalpaw hated to admit it, she would probably go fishing once every moon or so once she returned to the moor. "Why are you telling me this?"

Cherryfur tipped her head to the side as they walked, considering. Her tongue peeked out of just a second before disappearing once again. "I mean, if  _I_  was stolen from my home and forced to live in somebody else's, I'd want to know why, you know?" The warrior cut in front of her so they were looking at each other. "Make no mistake- I'm not delving into all this thinking you're going to forgive me and life will be hunky dory. That would be fish-brained. But you've earned the right to know, so I'm telling you."

"Oh." Petalpaw didn't really know how to feel about that. "Thanks?"

She shook her head. "You shouldn't thank me for common decency."

They amassed a small pile of fish as dawn crawled into mid-day. The duo took turns, switching between swiping the prey out of the water and killing it when it reached the bank. They took a short break for Petalpaw to eat her breakfast, taking careful, quiet bites. Petalpaw considered keeping her questions to herself, but Cherryfur seemed at least somewhat willing to talk. "What about Fluffywing and Dawnbelly?"

Cherryfur glanced up from her half of the fresh-kill. "What about them?"

"You said I had the right to know the reasons, right?"

"I did."

"Then what about Fluffywing and Dawnbelly?"

"Gimme a sec," she meowed, sitting up to scratch an itch behind the ear with her back foot. She gave herself another shake. "Alright, that's better. Fluffywing is a nice warrior, lemme tell you. But he's still new to it all, and he really wanted to prove himself to the Clan. I mean, it's not  _every_  day a kittypet named _Fluffy_  comes to stay in a place like RiverClan, and I guess he felt like he needed to remind us that he's willing to do pretty much anything for us, sickness or battle."

Petalpaw nodded. That sounded along the lines of what little she knew about Fluffywing. "And Dawnbelly?"

Cherryfur's eyes misted over, and for the first time Petalpaw wondered if anyone in RiverClan actually missed the black and white tom. "That's... complicated."

She flattened her ears against her head. "You said it was common decency for me to know."

"Fair enough," she admitted begrudgingly. "Dawnbelly's always been a snappish, territorial thing. He didn't want the Greencough to spread, so he used the end to justify the means. It's that simple."

Petalpaw squinted at Cherryfur. "I feel like you're not telling me everything."

"I'm not," Cherryfur agreed, then sighed. "Look. We don't really talk about it around here. Littlepelt and Dawnbelly both agreed it was for the best. But he cares, in his own backward way, and the last thing he'd ever wish on anybody is Greencough. One of those 'it's best to die fighting' types."

The medicine cat apprentice watched apprehensively as the warrior took a drink from the lake.  _Dawnbelly and Littlepelt can't be related- they both have white on them, but otherwise they look completely different... were they mates, once?_  It was hard to imagine Littlepelt being in love with someone like Dawnbelly. _They're so different. Littlepelt is all about the Clan and family- Dawnbelly just likes to stir the pot. And what about Lionpaw and Sedgepaw? Did they know?_

"Holy heather." Petalpaw's eyes stared out on the water, unseeing. "He's their father, isn't he?"

Cherryfur neither confirmed nor denied, but it was too late to pretend she wasn't right. "Did you know Hawktail and Sandstream share an uncle?" Petalpaw mutely shook her head. "That's the thing most cats don't get, I think. I think we all like to forget that there's familial relations throughout all the Clans. Makes it easier to fight if you don't consider that they're somebodies kit or cousin."

It was Petalpaw's turn to take a drink, ripples stretching across the water. The droplets tickled her whiskers. She was reminded of this morning, of how easily Carpjaw had guessed what Sandstream was thinking.  _Same shoulders, same tipped ears- they're probably father and son. I just never stopped to consider it._  "I don't really know much about my own Clanmates. I never got around to asking."

"That's fine," she dismissed. "I don't think what makes me RiverClan and you WindClan is our relations. I like to think it's how we're raised and what we believe. I really like to swim, and I'm sure you probably like wide-open space. That's not something you pass on through blood."

Petalpaw straightened and blinked at her, whiskers dripping. "For a cat who's made some big mistakes, you sure sound wise," said she.

Cherryfur laughed and shook her head. "I think it's my voice. When I'm talking normally, it gets all husky and deep-ish sounding, which makes me sound more like a really young elder."

They carried their catch back to camp together. Hollykit and Patchkit were dry and fluffy once again, practicing their leaping skills with some cattails. Blackstorm was curled up under a circle of sunlight, eyes half-lidded. Petalpaw nudged Cherryfur, who hesitated, looked at her, nodded to herself, and gingerly padded over to place a fish at her paws. "For you and the kits."

"Wait!" said Blackstorm, as Cherryfur started to back away. "When was the last time you ate?"

She twitched her whiskers thoughtfully. "Right before dawn patrol?"

The queen patted the ground with a paw. "Join us. No need to go hungry when there's food to eat."

Patchkit squealed and crawled onto Cherryfur's back. "A warrior eating with us! And she looks just like me!"

Out of the medicine den came Tansykit and Poppykit, covered in strands of bits of what smelled like beech leaves. "We helped Littlepelt make her nest!" Tansykit called as they darted past, racing to see who could pounce on Cherryfur first. The calico warrior had rolled onto her belly, pretending to be caught. Hollykit had one of her ears in her teeth, tugging.  _It's a start, anyway._

With that, Petalpaw grabbed the remaining fresh-kill, setting it on the pile. She cast a backwards glance at the family before vanishing into Whitestripe's den, wondering how Deerkit and Wolfkit were doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Woo-oo!
> 
> I've been meaning to give Cherryfur more spotlight, and I'm glad I managed to get that in now. Also some Dawnbelly stuff, but mostly just Cherryfur.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	15. First Snow

_The warm, heady scent of heather bathed Petalpaw's tongue. The grass under her paws was much more brittle than she remembered it being, but she still slithered through it with hardly a sound. The inky black of night made her feel invisible, and perhaps even invincible, whiskers waving in the cold breeze._

_She put on a burst of speed, feeling her heart lighten. She'd missed seeing the stars so clearly._

_In the distance, she could just barely make out the bright white pelt of Redeye guarding the camp entrance. Only a few whisker-lengths from him was Foxpelt, looking as companionable as she remembered him to be. Petalpaw padded past them without a second glance; they didn't try to stop her._

_A rush of nostalgia hit her as Petalpaw looked out over the camp. Just like the stars, she'd forgotten how much softer WindClan looked compared to the sharp reeds that made up RiverClan. The heather and bracken, as droopy as it was, felt like an old friend rather than a barrier. Habit had her white paws tip-toeing towards the nursery, ears pricked. Soft snores echoed from within. Petalpaw pushed her head inside and found Lichenfang and Brackenheart curled around each other. Pressed up beside them were Deerkit and Wolfkit, looking far bigger than she remembered them to be._

They'll be apprentices before Leaf-bare ends _, she thought._ Before I can come home.

_Stomach lurching, Petalpaw pulled back and followed the line of dens. It wasn't that not being in WindClan bothered her- not like it used to, anyway. She had accepted that her place was in RiverClan. StarClan would've made their wishes known if it were to be otherwise. But she had missed so much already, and she was going to miss much more before Newleaf came. Petalpaw wasn't sure she would ever be able to catch up._ _A quick peek into the apprentices' den revealed her brothers sleeping soundly. They looked stronger than they had last, but skinnier, too. Leaf-bare hit WindClan harder and earlier than it did the other Clans; prey was starting to become short by now._

_Petalpaw prayed they'd be okay and moved onto the warriors' den. Shadestorm took up the very center, with Maplewing and Stagclaw close beside. She could just barely make out Redeye's empty nest next to Stagclaw, with a dark shape in the corner she assumed to be her father. Heathertuft had rolled onto her back, and was snoring quite loudly. At the very edge was Foxpelt's nest, as well as Raintail and Cloudear's. The two warriors had moved in side-by-side, Cloudear's nose just brushing Raintail's head._

_Birdleap's voice echoed in Petalpaw's mind:_ "She's been spending a lot of time with Lichenfang. Cloudear, too." _Were they friends, or something more? Had her mother moved on while she was away? And what did Stripepaw and Beepaw think of this? Petalpaw shook her head._ They never said a word about this at the Gathering. Is that a good sign or a bad one?

_"Where are you going?"_

_Petalpaw jumped and whirled around, claws sliding out, but quickly relaxed. Foxpelt was speaking with Silverstep, who had crept out of the elders' den. The silver tabby was the oldest in WindClan- as far as she knew, she was the oldest in_ all _the Clans._

_"Going to go make dirt," she rasped. The elder had a habit of sounding like she had just lost a great battle. "I wanna get it out of my system before the snow comes."_

_Foxpelt glanced up at the night sky. There wasn't a cloud in sight. "I don't think that'll be much of a problem."_

_Silverstep shook her head. "I always know when it's gonna snow," she meowed stubbornly. "Just you wait, kit. By the time dawn patrol rolls around, we'll be paw deep in the stuff."_

_"If you say so," he replied politely._

_Petalpaw slipped into the warriors' den. Almost immediately she was plunged into the warmth of bodies piled together. She shivered, having not realized how cold she was becoming. She settled in by Raintail's side and pressed her muzzle to her fur. It was as scratchy as ever._

_"I love you," she whispered. "Don't be scared for me. I'm safe." Petalpaw glanced at Cloudear. "And, listen; if he makes you happy, and you make him happy, then I'm happy too. We might never be close or anything, but if he loves you... well, we've got that in common, don't we?"_

_There was no answer, of course. Petalpaw set her chin on Raintail's side, listening to her breathing. "I must've really scared you when I was taken, huh? But RiverClan isn't any different, really. The reeds poke you, but so do those little clinging burrs I used to get in my fur. It's more of a minor inconvenience than it is an actual issue. The warriors are all super nice to me, even though they really don't have to be; and if there's a few bad eggs, that really just makes them more like us." Petalpaw sighed. "Is this what they talk about with medicine cats? How we don't see borders, but warriors do? Or is it just because I've spent some moons in RiverClan? Am I- am I a_ bad _WindClan cat for thinking these things?" Petalpaw lifted her chin. "I really wish you could tell me. But this is just something I've got to figure out for myself."  
_

* * *

Petalpaw woke with a hiccup, groggily lifting her head off her paws. She could see her breath when she exhaled, and spent a few seconds marveling at the fog as it dispersed.

"...One day shouldn't make the Clan starve, would it?" Whitestripe was saying. "And we need all the herbs we can get."

"I know, I know," Graystar grunted, sounding rather uncertain. "But both Lionpaw and Sedgepaw? You've already got one apprentice with you all the time."

"Three is better than two."

"I respect that. You recognize you'll have to convince Hawktail and Tallblaze, correct?"

"You recognize that they won't be even slightly bothered, and bringing them up is just a fluff-brained way of diverting the topic at hand, correct?"

"Don't take that tone with me. I'm your leader."

"And  _I'm_  your medicine cat." Petalpaw imagined her ears pinned back, the scruff around her neck rising. "I keep RiverClan healthy while you keep it confident. Stonebird seems on his way to making a full recovery, but the moon hasn't gotten any smaller and already Littlepelt has descended into Greencough- the chances of her surviving are dwindling by the day. And _you're_  sniffling. We need every single plant in this territory, and I'll take as many cats with me as I please to get them."

Petalpaw turned to Stonebird and Littlepelt, finding both of them asleep. Littlepelt looked a lot like the elder when she first arrived in RiverClan- her white fur was getting tangled and musty, curled into the smallest ball she could make herself to keep warm. A crunching sound drew her eyes away from them and towards the entrance of the den. Little white bits were silently floating down, covering the dying grass like blood on fur.

It was finally snowing.

She was up and sprinting into the clearing before she even stopped to think about it, prompting a startled 'mrrw!' from Graystar as she passed. Petalpaw felt the cold wet of the snow prick her back and her paws, melting with her body heat.  _It's so pretty!_

The solid weight of Lionpaw rammed her side, sending Petalpaw sprawling in the thin snow. She struck out, grabbing one of his paws with her teeth. He went down with a laugh, white pelt fitting in quite nicely with the changing scenery. Not so much Sedgepaw, whose black and brown colors made him look like a wet log.

"Is this a thing for you two now?" he asked. " _Attacking_  each other whenever you get excited?"

Lionpaw and Petalpaw shared a look, then leapt onto Sedgepaw, cackling. Lionpaw sat on his brother's chest with a purr. "I mean,  _this_  could be our thing instead."

"I'm good," he grunted.

"Up and at 'em, you three," Whitestripe meowed as she padded into the clearing, ears flicking disgustedly when snow touched them. "We're all going herb hunting."

Petalpaw slipped off Sedgepaw and went to her mentor's side. Graystar still hadn't emerged from the medicine den; she suspected the she-cat was still licking her wounds. "Do you think we'll even find enough to need three cats to carry?"

"I think we'll find more if there's three of us looking," she returned simply. "And the sooner we start, the sooner we finish."

By Sunhigh the snow in Petalpaw's fur has lost its charm, but only more was coming. She felt heavy and bogged down as they slipped and slid through RiverClan, sniffing around for even the slightest bit of herbs, eyes narrowed. Bits and bobs were plucked and gathered, from dandelions (good for bee stings and other small pains) and goatweed (anxiety killer) to mallow (soothes bellyaches) and marigold (infections, bleeding, inflammation- it's good for a little of everything), usually only a few leaves or nips, but Whitestripe was determined to collect them all.

"Is this really what medicine cats do all day?" Sedgepaw meowed into the gloom, some coltsfoot in his jaws. "I'd be bored stiff in two days."

"I mean," Petalpaw said around some leaves, "we  _do_  save lives and talk to the afterlife. That's a thing we do."

Whitestripe laughed, nudging her shoulder. "Every warrior likes to pretend they know our job better than we do. It's best to just ignore them."

The snow stopped as the day wore on, though it still clung to everything.  _The moor must be a lake of white right now, dotted with the pelts of warriors and apprentices._  As appealing as the image was, she found that the trees and brambles looked just as pretty, in their own way. The cold chill of the stream didn't even faze Petalpaw as they made their way across.

Sedgepaw cleared his throat. "We don't have to help sort them, do we? They all look the same to me."

"You don't  _have_  to," Whitestripe agreed, with an amused look about her, "though I can't imagine  _why_  you'd rather spend your day stampeding around in your first snowfall instead of quietly sitting in a den, watching the weather, and puzzling over plants."

Lionpaw pushed Sedgepaw, shooting him a dirty look. "We'd  _love_  to play with plants all day, Whitestripe."

Littlepelt was still asleep when they returned to the den, despite it being long past time for her to eat. Stonebird, however, was alert, watching them enter with a friendly gleam in his eyes.  _He really does seem much healthier than when I first met him._  His tabby pelt was beginning to grow thick once again, even holding a vague bit of shine to it.

Petalpaw was too busy checking the elder to notice the small pelt next to the stores. Whitestripe wasn't. "Tansykit! Get away from those!"

"I'm Poppykit," Poppykit answered calmly. Her head and front paws were in one of the holes in the corner. "And I'm just looking. They all smell so neat!"

"If you say so," Lionpaw meowed. He was carrying a small bulb of wild garlic.

"Tansykit thinks so too," she told them, with a tone of voice that implied it was a very important fact that she felt all must know. "But she didn't wanna get in trouble, so she stayed with mom."

"She had every right to be worried," Whitestripe said tartly, pushing her away from the stores with a paw. "You could've eaten something! Or gotten it on your pelt without noticing. The next time someone washed you could be their last."

"I don't reckon you've got any deathberries in there, medicine cat," Stonebird broke in, tail swishing idly. "I was keepin' an eye on her, promise."

Poppykit didn't seem perturbed by the medicine cat's bristling as she rounded her side, staring up at Petalpaw with wide eyes. "You said that learning the basics was important."

"I was talking about swimming," she pointed out.

"I know. But that could means herbs too, right?" Poppykit looked hopeful. "I wanna know _everything_."

Petalpaw glanced at Whitestripe, finding the medicine cat to be instructing Lionpaw and Sedgepaw where to set their own herbs down. Noticing her stare, the brown and white tabby shrugged. "It won't hurt anyone for her to know what's dangerous for a kit to eat. Actually," she added, whiskers twitching thoughtfully, "this could make for a good test for you, too. You teach, I'll listen and correct."

Lionpaw snorted and leaned over to whisper in his brother's ear. "Doesn't even have a full name yet and Petalpaw got assigned an apprentice."

"Good for her," Sedgepaw returned. "Personally, I'd rather sleep in the snow than try to tell a kit how to stalk prey."

"That's just 'cause you don't know how yet," he rumbled companionably.

"My point exactly."

"You're still better than I am, though."

"Thanks." He dipped his head. "That might change now that you match the ground, you know. Petalpaw and I are the ones that stick out now that Leaf-bare is here."

Lionpaw laughed. "Now you'll know how _I_  feel."

"Petalpaw," Poppykit insisted. " _Please_?"

Petalpaw let a long breath out of her nose. "Alright, alright. I don't see why not."

The tortoiseshell gave a little bounce. "I'll bring Tansykit tomorrow! We'll both learn together!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leaf-bare has finally come! Well, it's more like late Leaf-fall, but we'll take it.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	16. Tick Tock

The snow fell off and on for the next few days, then tapered off in the night. A sense of timelessness seemed to overtake the Clan; no matter what Petalpaw did, it felt like nothing was moving. It wasn't dull so much as it was confusing, and she'd peer out into the night, breath billowing, and wonder how long it would last.

"Now, this," she said, pulling out a small yellow flower. "What do you say this is?"

"It's tansy," Tansykit meowed immediately. "I remembered because it's my name."

"Tansy it is." Petalpaw nudged it a bit closer. "It helps with coughs. I've been giving it to Stonebird and Littlepelt. What else do you suppose I should give them? It doesn't have to be a name- just a symptom that needs a cure."

The two tortoiseshells squinted at the dirt floor of the medicine den. Outside, the sun had scarcely begun to risen, leaving the camp to look like a smudge of gray. Most warriors were still sleeping, though it wouldn't be much longer before Volespring started barking orders and sending out patrols. Petalpaw couldn't feel the tips of her ears or the parts of her paws that were white, as if they had become snow from a lack of proper curling. Still. From what Whitestripe had been telling her, this was just the beginning, and she knew better than to complain.  _I'm lucky- I get to spend most of my time inside a den. It might not be all that warm, but I'm sheltered from the wind._

"Something for their chests?" Poppykit broke into her thoughts. "Yesterday you told us to feel Littlepelt's breathing, so that's probably important."

"Fever," Tansykit added, glancing at her sister. "Don't forget something for fevers."

Petalpaw nodded, feeling proud in spite of herself. It was oddly comforting to know that Whitestripe would have help around the den once she went home to WindClan.  _Not that she needs help- she's fairly young yet._  "That's right." She dug around the stores, pulling out some small blue berries and a purple flower. "These are what you use for that- juniper berries and lavender."

She gathered them up in her jaws and stood, padding purposefully over to the nests where the patients lay. Petalpaw hoped she wasn't coming across as too presumptuous, but she felt a bit like she was showing off a secret world, and that made her just a little giddy.  _One day, I'll have an apprentice of my own, and we'll sit back and watch the world move around us._  Her heart sunk as she neared Stonebird and Littlepelt. The former had lifted his head to greet her. The latter had not.  _If I live that long._

The snow had done nothing in the way of helping the white she-cat heal. If anything, it had only made her worse. Her pelt was a musty yellow, frail like the straw horses ate. She'd done her best to keep her clean (they all had), but Littlepelt hardly ever stirred, and it felt wrong to nudge the sick warrior around like a forlorn kit. Her nose was crusted over with snot. Whenever she coughed, it sounded like she was fighting a lost battle. Littlepelt's chest rattled with every breath she took, asleep or awake.

Stonebird stopped her from getting too close with a paw. The gleam in his eyes made her stomach twist. "Why don't you leave those with me?" he asked. "I'll give 'em to her when she wakes up."

Petalpaw almost insisted on waking her up-  _she needs these to get well again_ \- but then she felt Tansykit and Poppykit's eyes on her back and quickly set the herbs down. There wasn't any point in scaring them. Her ears flattened as she cleared her throat. "Right. Thanks." She twirled around a little too fast, stumbling a little bit as she did so. "Alright, time for a nose check."

" _Again_?" Poppykit demanded. "We just did that."

"And I'll do it as many times as I have to," she meowed, the very tip of her tail flicking. "The moment your noses feel dry, you're going back to your nests. Blackstorm and Cherryfur would rip my pelt off if something happened to either of you."

Tansykit took a step forward as she approached, stretching out her neck so they could brush noses more easily. She'd quickly proven to be the more well-mannered of the duo, soft-spoken but insightful. Poppykit was a bit more upfront, as evidenced by the eyeroll Petalpaw received for her efforts. She also had some of Patchkit's curiosity in her, which led the medicine cat apprentice to believe it was genetic, though she wasn't sure from which side they got it.

"I ought to claw your throat out for this insubordination!" A voice hissed suddenly, making them all jump.

"Oh, quit being so  _melodramatic_ , you ball of fluff on legs." A second voice returned primly, unfazed. "If you really hated my meddling so much, you never should've made me your deputy."

Petalpaw gestured for the kits to give some space, to which they scooched closer to her paws, which she supposed was better. Almost immediately after Graystar padded into the den, being nudged rather forcefully by Volespring. The leader's ears were pinned back against her head, tail wagging with anger, but Volespring seemed undeterred by her rage. Eyes wide, Poppykit and Tansykit pressed their small bodies flat against the floor. Petalpaw was reminded of the day she helped Beetlestar get that thorn out of her paw; how scared and awed she'd been to have one-on-one time with the WindClan leader.  _Granted, I was older than them at the time, and it was per her request. These two snuck into the den while Blackstorm was sleeping._

Volespring ignored the trio of young cats, twisting around Graystar's side to go wake up Whitestripe. Graystar's ears were back as she regarded the kits, a troubled look in her eyes. Petalpaw gave her a polite nod and prayed she wasn't about to get her ears clawed for letting them stay.

"Up," Volespring meowed, prodding Whitestripe.

Whitestripe kept her head firmly on her paws, eyes tightly shut. "Before dawn, it's Graystar's problem."

"Graystar  _is_  the problem," the deputy responded crisply. "Get up."

"I'm not a  _problem_ ," Graystar hissed, tail whipping. Her voice sounded like how gravel falls- loud but also muted. She forced her face to remain calm as she turned to the kits. "Shouldn't you two be with Blackstorm?"

"Yes, ma'am," Tansykit whispered, pressed as close to the floor as she could get. Petalpaw hadn't noticed her duck under her paws, but she had.

"We wanted to learn some herbs," Poppykit added, only slightly louder than her sister. She'd sat up by now, ears perked with curiosity. "Are you sick?"

Tansykit's paw darted out to cuff her sister's shoulder. " _Poppykit_!"

Graystar frowned. "No, no, it's fine. To answer your question; I believe I am, yes." The leader padded a bit closer to look a bit less standoffish. "Herbs are interesting, I'm sure, but warm beds are a necessity at your age. You can come back once the first hunting patrol returns. Does that sound fair?"

They both nodded.

She jerked her head towards the exit, and the kits reluctantly padded away, sneaking glances over their shoulders as they went. Graystar regarded Petalpaw with a stern eye, quickly meowing, "Never this early again." Petalpaw nodded to show she understood.

"Alright,  _alright_ , I'm up." Whitestripe stretched languidly, fur sticking up at awkward angles. She slipped over to study Graystar, nose twitching. "What seems to be the problem, Volespring?"

"Other than my deputy trying to speak over me?" Graystar interrupted crossly.

"She's sick," Volespring told her, as both she-cats ignored the one they were talking about. "I went to talk to her about patrols and found her ready to hack up a lung."

Whitestripe shared a quick look with Petalpaw, who looked just as bland as she did. "We noticed," she meowed. "It _is_  our jobs, after all."

"She's staying until she gets better."

"I think we can swing that."

"Now  _hold on a minute_!" Graystar pushed herself between them, specifically knocking Volespring back slightly, putting them muzzle to muzzle. "I'm the leader here.  _You do not make my decisions for me_."

"No, I don't," Volespring agreed. "I make decisions for the good of RiverClan. A sick leader is a leader that needs rest."

"They _need_  me to-" she started, but a cough took over her.

Volespring waited for her to settle before speaking. "Listen. If you go out there right now, hacking and sneezing and generally wasting away, you won't bring comfort. You'll bring fear." Volespring nose pressed comfortingly into her shoulder. "But a leader who's taking care of herself  _and_  her fellow sick Clanmates? That's a leader RiverClan will follow- to the ends of darkness and back."

Graystar lowered her head, and they all knew she had accepted the deputy's words. Volespring gently led her over to lay next to Littlepelt, who  _still_  hadn't stirred, even now, helping her tuck her legs under her and wrap her tail around her side.

"You know," she mused, "if I died, you'd be the next leader. How do I know you're not just trying to get rid of me?"

The brown she-cat snorted, teasingly headbutting her shoulder. "With all due respect, Graystar, I didn't take this job with the hope of getting a promotion."

* * *

By sunhigh, Petalpaw had realized two things. One; the kits were far too sleepy from their early morning excursion to come back after the first hunting patrol did, and she privately figured that had been done on purpose. The second was that Graystar was more stubborn than even Stonebird, with the natural leader-like atmosphere that made you not want to argue with her, and Whitestripe seemed half-tempted to kill her herself for it.

"If you don't eat these juniper berries by the time I get back from fresh-kill," she growled, practically shoving them into her chest, "I'm going to remove every scrap of fur from your body."

Graystar merely blinked at her. "I have six lives left. Littlepelt and Stonebird have one. They needs the herbs more."

Petalpaw tried not to seem too interested in that, but she supposed it didn't really matter. Medicine cats were supposed to know these things. One day, when she was back in WindClan territory, she'd learn just how many Beetlestar had, and keep that secret until her dying breath. Still. Thinking about it made her feel excited, like she had taken her first pawstep as an apprentice outside of StarClan's approval.

"A smoothly running Clan is one that listens to its medicine cat," Whitestripe muttered darkly, giving her one last warning look before slipping out of the den. Petalpaw went back to sorting herbs, putting them back in their places. It wasn't her fault teaching was messy.

"Whelp," Graystar sighed, setting her head on her paws. Her eyes darted side to side as she watched the apprentice work. "Since I'm officially a hostage of Whitecough, this is as good time as any to get more acquainted with each other."

"This is _also_  a good time as any for you to nap," she meowed.

"Meh." She shrugged. "It's hard for me to act as your temporary leader if I don't know you well enough to know your needs. Those two apprentices from the Gathering- they're your brothers, right? They seemed like interesting fellows. That gray one did, anyway."

"Beepaw is very passionate," Petalpaw told her tersely. "He does his best to take care of others."

"That's very noble of him."

"He's a very noble cat. He's also very snappish."

"Ain't that just the way?" Graystar purred, stretching. "Alright, my turn. I have no brothers or sisters. I'm one of those fabled only kits. My mother was a very frail she-cat, and I've been told it was a miracle I survived my first moon. Personally, I think it'd be silly of StarClan to put a kit into the Clan only to have her pass on before she even left the nursery. Sickness, hunger- that's one thing. But just  _dying_? That's a cruel punchline."

"It happens sometimes," Petalpaw replied. "Birdleap told me once."

"It does, and it's messed up." She shifted onto her side, pressing her back against Littlepelt, who was shivering. "Sweat that fever out, my friend. You're far too young to meet the ancestors."

Petalpaw's vision swam a little bit. She dug her claws into the dirt. _She's not getting better. Can we stop pretending that she will?_

If Graystar noticed the fur along her neck kinking up a little bit, she made sure not to mention it. "The problem with becoming a leader," she said instead. "Is that I never really get to mingle anymore. I've got to hop up the oak tree the second I get there, and when I hop down it's time to go. So I don't have the clearest image of most of the other Clans now. Ravenfur is one of the few I'm fully aware of- for obvious reasons- but I'm afraid I know very little of Raintail. I'm not sure we've even scuffled before."

"Probably not," the medicine cat admitted, ear flicking dismissively. "She would've told me if she had. Raintail is..." Petalpaw grappled for the proper words.  _It hasn't been very long since I've seen her, but I was never around for when she started treating us like the other warriors. I barely know anything about her._  "Well, she's Raintail. She likes going on walks, and doing patrols. She's the most loyal WindClan warrior I know, and she spends most of her time out of camp, catching prey and checking the borders. I think the only reason she's not deputy right now is because she decided to have me and my brothers first."

"Sounds like you all were on your own a lot," said Graystar quietly. "That must've be unfortunate."

The thought hadn't occurred to her.  _Was I on my own a lot? I mean, I had Birdleap and Lichenfang and Brackenheart and all the other kits. Sure, Ravenfur had me running a lot of his little assignments, but..._  She stared at her paws. Now that Petalpaw really, truly thought about it, she'd spent almost all of her time sitting in that stupid little patch of grass, waiting to hear or relay patrol information to her father.  _I guess I was, wasn't I?_

"It was never a big deal," she said instead. "I always admired her for it, honestly. That she got up every morning and went hunting all by herself. She was always so tired when she got home, so we'd curl up next to her and help keep her warm, and she'd tell us stories she'd heard from her  _own_  mother." She took in a ragged breath. "I... I really miss her."

Graystar bowed her head as she spoke, as if they were both mourning the loss of a loved one rather than homesickness. The she-cat neither apologized for ripping her from her home nor berated her for missing it, instead going to clean Littlepelt behind the ears. "I understand."

* * *

_Petalpaw lifted her head and stared out at a sea of tall grass, yellow with Leaf-fall colors. She opened her mouth, but no scents came to her. The gentle warmth of sunlight coated her, soaking into her black fur like water. She knew she should feel happy, but after the past few days it felt more like whiplash._

_The grass next to her rustled violently, and a cat seemed to almost leap out of it. Petalpaw jumped and let out a weak hiss. The sky seemed to dim as the young tom shook himself free of debris. A black-eyed Susan fell from his ear and landed at her feet like a gift for her troubles._

_"Hi," he said. His pelt was the gray of storm clouds, tinted blue with a light that seemed to emit from his chest. The strange cat looked less like a warrior and more like the_ idea _of one, outlined and solid, with almost no texture in-between; scribbles in the dirt splashed with water. "Wanna race?"_

_"Race?"_

_"Race," he agreed, ear tilting to the side. "It's a nice day for a race, don't you think?"_

_Energy itched in her body. It'd been so long since she'd had a proper race. "You should know you're challenging a WindClan cat," she told him as she stood up. "We're fast."_

_"Good." The gray tom crouched, smiling. "You ready?"_

_Petalpaw copied him. "Ready."_

_They took off across the field, grass crunching and coming up in clumps under them. Despite Petalpaw's claims, things quickly became neck-and-neck, the two young cats fighting to take the lead. Petalpaw found she really didn't mind who was winning; racing was racing, after all, and it wasn't like she'd been sprinting recently. Had they even set an end point? She didn't really know, or care._

_The grass began to fold in on itself, and out of it came trees and bushes and moss. The warmth of the sun left her with a gentle kiss of goodbye, a lingering heat on the top of her fur. Fireflies flickered all around them. Unease settled in Petalpaw's chest, but stopping now would have her slipping and sliding across the leaves. She could do nothing but trust in the tom to know where they were going, letting him pull ahead._

_Petalpaw ducked under a log and sprinted over a hill, twisting her head this way and that to avoid getting fireflies in her eyes. She'd always liked the insects. Just... not so close. They went right through the gray tom, whose chest began to glow brighter and brighter as the forest got darker and darker. Soon, he was the only source of light she had._

_She didn't see the cliff coming. One second he was in front of her, and the next he wasn't. She could hear a thump as he hit the dirt and rolled._

_"Are you okay?" she called down the edge._

_The tom was sitting now, blinking up at her. She didn't see a single wound on him. "Aren't you coming?"_

_"Down there?" Petalpaw squinted. She could just barely make out a scattering of leaves at the very bottom, illuminated by his glow. In front of him was the possibility of leaves and trees, shadowy and uncertain. Behind her was darkness, pressing on her hindquarters. "Won't it hurt?"_

_"Are you scared?" he asked._

_"Of course I am. It's a long drop."_

_"Don't be. I made it, didn't I?"_

Yes _, she thought,_ but you glow _. Petalpaw took a few steps back, claws kneading the dirt, and stiffened her resolve. She gave it a running start, paws haring over the damp grass, bunching her legs at the very edge. Her stomach dropped with the ground as she fell, opening up into a large pit. Petalpaw flailed, claws outstretched as she tried to cling to something, banging her front paw on a clump of dirt. The gray tom watched, eyes glowing, as she screamed for help._

Petalpaw woke with an awkward squawking noise as her nose slammed into the dirt floor of the medicine den. Her front leg was stretched at an awkward angle, while the other was in front of her nose. Her feet ached from running so far and so fast. She closed her eyes and tried to catch her breath.

A quiet  _thud!_  brought her to the present. Petalpaw got her feet under her and sat up, feeling a bit listless. It was still pitch black outside, but the white of the snow kept the camp naturally lit. More of it was falling, tiny dots flitting through the air. It was pretty as it was damning. A dark shape was struggling to stand by the entrance, back legs giving out and slipping this way and that.

"Littlepelt!" she cried, having the queen lean on her, tail wrapping around her side. "You should be in your nest!"

Littlepelt slowly turned her head to her. Her blue eyes sat oddly in their hollowed-out sockets. "I need to see Sedgepaw and Lionpaw."

"You can see them in the morning, I promise." Petalpaw nosed her arm. "Let's get you back to bed."

But she shook her off, stumbling as she did so. "I need to see them  _now!_ "

The acid in her voice caught Petalpaw off-guard, ears flattening against her head.  _Doesn't she recognize me?_  "Someone? Anyone?"

"I'm here, young'un." Stonebird's gentle voice swept over her as he appeared on Littlepelt's other side. "Petalpaw, you oughta do what she asks," he said gruffly. "I'll get her back to the nest so she can lay proper."

"But-"

Stonebird shook his head. "A cat only becomes lucid like this at the very end. We need to respect her wishes while we have the time to."

Petalpaw nodded and forced herself to break into a sprint in spite of her tired limbs. She knew she should be analyzing her dream and trying to decide who represented what, but this seemed much more important than a stress-induced nightmare.  _Taking a fall for a friend and hurting my arm? Who cares?_

She burst into the apprentices' den with no real grace, landing firmly on both of the two sleeping cats. "Lionpaw! Sedgepaw! It's Littlepelt!"

Littlepelt was slouching in her nest when Lionpaw and Sedgepaw burst into the den, too worried to speak. She smiled as they came closer. "You've gotten so big, haven't you?" she asked. "You're not those little bundles of fur that curled up with me at night anymore."

Sedgepaw twisted his head around to Petalpaw. "Can't you help her?"

Petalpaw didn't respond.

He hissed. "What's the point of having a medicine cat if they can't even help their Clanmates?"

"Now, you listen to your mother," she meowed, her words croaky from soreness. "You're going to be great cats one day, and I'll love you every pawstep of the way. You've got a lot of your momma in you- both of you do." Littlepelt reached out to brush her hot nose against Lionpaw. Sedgepaw had to move closer for her to do it to him. "Be polite, be brave, and be sturdy. Don't act like the world owes you respect- you  _earn_  respect." Her front legs began to wobble. "It's one lesson your father never learned, and I told myself you'd be different."

Lionpaw buried his face into her scruff, just under her throat. "I love you, mom," he said, voice thick.

"Me too," Sedgepaw added. "I love you too, mom."

"Kill a badger," Littlepelt murmured as she began to droop. "Fight the sky. Never be satisfied with 'just enough.'"

A glow in the corner of her eye caught Petalpaw's attention. She found herself eye-to-eye with the gray tom. He said nothing and gave no apologies. He just blinked at her.

* * *

It felt wrong to rub plants into Littlepelt's fur, but Petalpaw knew it was her duty as a medicine cat to learn and use burial herbs. And, besides; it wasn't like Littlepelt would mind.

"Early morning deaths make for longer days," Stonebird recited, watching from his nest. His legs were curled under for warmth. "It's never easy, but just remember; this is the longest you'll ever have to be awake."

Petalpaw didn't say anything, helping Whitestripe pick up and carry the queen into the clearing, which was covered in fresh snow. Cats watched quietly as they went about their work. She spotted Swiftmist consoling Blackstorm and Cherryfur, the kits sitting in a row at their paws. Carpjaw and Sandstream were sharing tongues, as if they could somehow wash away their grief. Fluffywing's eyes darted away as they passed, as if he couldn't bare to watch, while Tallblaze stared at them blankly.

"I'm here for you, fluffball," she heard Hawktail whisper as they approached, tail wrapped around Lionpaw's side. "I know I can't fill the hole, but I'll take care of you. I promise." Sedgepaw crouched as far away as possible, facing the walls of the camp. Tallblaze stood and went to speak with him privately, brushing past Cloudwillow as she did so. Graystar was forced to lay at the entrance of the medicine den, sniffling.

Volespring was the first to approach Littlepelt's body, touching her nose to her shoulder. Petalpaw was shocked by the sadness in her eyes.  _I never really saw them hang out, but they must've respected each other a lot._

Petalpaw moved to the farthest point of the group and laid down, feeling outcasted. _I barely even knew her_ , she thought, numb.

A weight settled between her paws. She looked down to see Poppykit blinking up at her mournfully, pressing her tiny cheek to her arm before looking out at the gathered cats. Petalpaw gave her a quick lick between the ears and closed her eyes, praying.  _Warmth and sunlight and all the fresh-kill in the world- that's what she deserves. If you have any heart, StarClan, you will give it to her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goodbye, Littlepelt. You'll be missed.
> 
> I've always been a bit worried that I shoved Littlepelt into the 'caring mom who dies' role. (IE: Bambi's mom-esque), and I tried to avoid that while still keeping her character. I couldn't tell you if I succeeded.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	17. Dawnbelly

Petalpaw hooked her claws into a scrawny sparrow before it could fly too high, striking a killing blow. The bones in her teeth gave a lackluster crunch. Petalpaw dropped back down onto all fours and shook her pelt out, ignoring the tingling sensation of fresh snowflakes falling on her. If anything, they helped cover her dark pelt.  _This thing won't even fill a kit's belly. I can practically fit it all in my mouth._

"Eyy, good catch, Petal!" Hawktail wound around her side, nudging her shoulder in a friendly manner. "Let's find a spot to bury it and keep going."

 _I wonder if it's any better in WindClan_ , Petalpaw pondered as she scraped some snow over the fresh-kill. She watched out of the corner of her eye as Lionpaw came trotting through the trees with a tailless squirrel.  _Rabbits are naturally bigger, but they're faster and harder to catch._   _Is the effort for the larger meat about equal to making so many small catches throughout the day, or is it superior? Inferior? Am I overthinking tradition?_

"Save the wondering for the den, Petalpaw," Tallblaze meowed briskly, catching the look on her face. "We're here for food,  _not_  food for thought."

"You know what?" Lionpaw mused, rubbing some snow off his muzzle. "Hunting patrols would be a lot more fun if we were allowed to talk more."

"They'd also bring back far less prey. Let's save the chitchat for the borders, shall we?"

They joined up with Sandstream and Sedgepaw, moving farther up the banks. Petalpaw's heart sunk at the polite distance the brown and black tom gave her.  _He hasn't spoken to me since Littlepelt died._

"Hey, don't worry about it," Lionpaw whispered into her ear. "He just needs time."

 _You need time too, don't you?_  Petalpaw stared at him, face blank.  _Is this how it's going to be every single time a cat passes?_ The thought filled her with dread. _Just because StarClan spoke to me_ doesn't _mean I'm able to just do whatever. I've got a bunch of pretty plants and a whole lot of prayers, and that's all._

Sandstream came to a sudden stop, tail flying up as a sign for them to do the same. Petalpaw could just barely hear the sounds of pawsteps in the snow, but the wetness blocked out any scents. Tallblaze shoved Sedgepaw behind her, unintentionally stumbling into Lionpaw, who, in turn, stumbled into Petalpaw.

"Who's out there?" Hawktail called.

"A friend," the approached cat meowed. "At least, I hope I'm still a friend."

Sandstream relaxed his shoulders, but looked no less pleased as Dawnbelly's familiar black-and-white spotted pelt slipped towards them. The exiled warrior looked far plumper than they did. Wisps of rat scent floated into Petalpaw's nostrils as he came closer.

"Dawnbelly," Hawktail greeted hesitantly. "Why're you here?"

He shrugged. "Graystar said I could come back in a moon. Well, the moon has passed."

"Not quite," Tallblaze growled. "We've yet to have another Gathering."

"You haven't?" Dawnbelly's whiskers twitched with humor. "Boy, am I glad. I'd hate to miss out on the dramatics. Anyway, I saw that the snow clouds were only getting thicker, and I knew I needed to get back while I still could." He tilted his head up at the dark sky, filled with thick white flakes. "I've been living a few days away, and let me tell you, this isn't going to stop anytime soon."

The warriors exchanged a cautious look. Petalpaw tried to assess how she felt about the whole ordeal, but quickly found she didn't, really. Dawnbelly didn't spook her like he used to. He might be better fed, but he was just another warrior, and she knew how to defend herself now, if only a little.  _If he stays, he stays. It's not my decision to make. Of course, that doesn't mean I have to be friendly with him._

"We should get you to Graystar," Tallblaze interjected finally, then looked at the trio of apprentices. "You all get the fresh-kill. This patrol is basically over."

"Okay!" Sedgepaw tugged on Lionpaw's ear. "Come'on. I'll need help with Sandstream's share."

"Oh!" Lionpaw followed his brother into the trees. "Right."

Petalpaw watched them disappear, then turned and padded away.  _He probably blames me too, deep down._  She shook the thought away.

* * *

"Dawnbelly!" Cherryfur jumped to her paws, sprinting across the clearing to bump heads with the other warrior. "I was wondering if you'd come back, you dumb furrball!"

"Ah, what can I say?" Dawnbelly touched his nose to the she-cat's ear. "Irritating others is my calling. Can't rightly do that as a rogue."

 _They seem like good friends_ , Petalpaw thought as she swerved around them, a bit hurt that Cherryfur was so affectionate with the tom that had clawed her brother. _I guess that makes sense. Cherryfur never seemed overly ambitious or excitable. Just stable._  Not just anyone could get her to go along with the kind of plan that had brought Petalpaw to RiverClan.

Blackstorm pulled Patchkit closer to her side, watching the duo with her eyes narrowed. Hollykit's ears fell a bit, front paws perched on her mother's back. She couldn't see Poppykit and Tansykit, but assumed they were somewhere inside the nursery, ears pricked.

Dawnbelly leaned over to gift them a toothy smile. "They've grown."

"You haven't," Blackstorm murmured lowly, ears twisting back.

The first time Petalpaw had seen Graystar, it had been when she was well. Her fur was perfectly primped, her claws sharp, and her words poignant, practiced, and pointed. Regardless, the specimen that stumbled out of the medicine den intimidated Petalpaw much more. Her long gray fur was twisted and matted, features bleary with mild fever. Her top canines poked out of her muzzle, making her come across as perpetually fed up.

The first Graystar had been a fantasy of a cat, fake but powerful. This Graystar reminded her more of an exhausted mother. And there was no scarier sight than a mother who felt her kits were threatened.

"You're here," she noted as she approached, eyes roaming across Dawnbelly's fur. Petalpaw couldn't tell how Graystar felt about that. "And you look fairly healthy."

"Thank you." He tilted his head to the side. "And, if I might say so, you look decidedly  _not_  healthy, Graystar."

Graystar's face fell even further, if that was possible. "I appreciate your grand deductive skills, Dawnbelly. They never cease to impress." Volespring cleared her throat suddenly, then shoved her nose into her brown pelt, eyes fluttering closed. Petalpaw thought she might be laughing. "Why are you back so soon?"

Dawnbelly paused, then looked away. "I had a dream," he admitted. "I know it's silly to follow a dream. I'm a warrior, not a medicine cat. But..."

" _But_?" Graystar prompted when he didn't go on.

"But it was Littlepelt," he muttered quietly. "And she almost clawed my eyes out. Gave me a good talking-to, going on and on about how much of a fox-heart I'd been lately. And I realized... I miss her." Dawnbelly looked up hopefully. "Can I talk to her?"

Cherryfur draped her tail across his hindquarters. "She's dead, Dawnbelly," she told him gently. "Blackcough took her."

He stared at the calico, uncomprehending. "But I never said sorry."

"StarClan doesn't wait for apologies, buddy."

Dawnbelly hung his head. "Was she... did she hurt?"

"Not a bit," Cherryfur lied.

"This moon has been hard," Graystar butted in. Her face had softened slightly. "And Leaf-bare only gets harder as it wears on. Rest today, Dawnbelly, and be up and ready in the morning. You're still doing apprentice tasks. And, if those are done, I'm sure Volespring can find you something else to do."

"It'd be an honor, Graystar," Volespring meowed. "It'll take you a bit to re-acclimate to Clan life, I'm sure. We'll work out a way to make it a bit easier on you."

Dawnbelly nodded, but his eyes were far away. Cherryfur pushed him towards the warriors' den. Petalpaw glanced at Lionpaw and Sedgepaw, but neither apprentice seemed all that concerned, wrapped up in their own personal grief.  _It's none of my business if they know or not. Part of being a medicine cat is keeping secrets._

She helped Graystar back into the den without a word.

"What's going on out there?" Stonebird asked as Graystar slid into her nest. "It sounded like someone was about to get into a tussle."

Graystar set her head on her paws and closed her eyes. "Dawnbelly's back, is all."

"Ah," the elder said. "That one always did have a flair for the dramatic."

Tansykit's tiny head poked into the den rather suddenly. "I think mom's mad."

"She's  _definitely_  mad," Poppykit meowed, pushing past her. "What did he do, anyway? No one ever told us."

Petalpaw stretched her cold muscles, jaws parting a silent yawn. She straightened, then sat down, getting an itch on her scruff. "He clawed my brother across the face at the Gathering."

"Brother?" Tansykit's inquisitive meow made her freeze. "Dawnbelly never hurt Lionpaw or Sedgepaw."

"Er, right." Petalpaw looked at Graystar for help, but she flicked a dismissive ear. "My, uh, my birth brother, Beepaw. He's- well, he's WindClan."

Poppykit's jaw dropped. "You're  _WindClan_? But you said Littlepelt-"

"She  _was_ , in a way." She forced herself to paw out some herbs, trying to look busy by counting them. "My birth mother is named Raintail, and my brothers are called Beepaw and Stripepaw. Beepaw and Dawnbelly got in a fight at the Gathering."

Tansykit tilted her head to the side, eyes slightly narrowed. Her nose scrunched up. "You always _did_  look different from everybody else. But I just figured you were born weird."

"I was born  _WindClan_. We're long and lean- helps us run faster." Petalpaw licked her shoulder a bit self-consciously. "Raintail always said WindClan cats are built to duck into rabbit tunnels. I dunno if that's true, but I could probably squeeze into one if I had to."

"That reminds me." Stonebird grimly prodded Graystar's arm. "When I was so sick, I thought Petalpaw was a gift from StarClan. And she is, don't get me wrong. But I'm better now, and I think I can handle an actual explanation."

"Harrumph," Graystar said in response. "Petalpaw has opted to spend the Leaf-bare with us."

"Opted is a very suspect phrase."

"Dawnbelly and his band of hooligans brought her here. Before you ask, it wasn't on my orders. And now she's staying."

Stonebird's eyes dug into her pelt. "This is about the catmint, isn't it?" She didn't respond. "Graystar, you  _didn't_."

Petalpaw planted a lick to the elders' forehead. She knew it was best to take a diplomatic approach to this. "The Clan was very worried about you, Stonebird. Once I got to know you, I was worried too. We weren't really sure you'd make it this far, really."

"That's not  _fair_!"

Petalpaw jumped and bristled.

Poppykit's fur was fluffed out like a pinecone, teeth bared in a tiny yowl. She was shaking with anger. "Herbs are for every Clan! You shouldn't have to  _steal_  someone to help  _someone else_  get better!"

Deep down, Petalpaw agreed, but that would get her nowhere in a room full of warriors. "If only it were that easy, huh?"

"It  _should_  be that easy!" she insisted, ears flat.

"Petalpaw," Graystar meowed carefully. "It's really time they went back to Blackstorm, don't you think?"

She dipped her head. "Yes, Graystar." Petalpaw batted at the both of them with her paws. "Come along. I'm sure your mother is getting worried."

"I expected better of my Clan," Stonebird growled as they left. "I expected better of  _you_ , Graystar."

"If you expected your leader to be without  _flaws_ ," Graystar growled in turn. "Then you over-expected. It's that simple."

Poppykit sprinted towards the nursery, slipping inside without looking at anyone. Her fur was still fluffed with anger. Tansykit just looked contemplative, tapping one of her white paws. "Petalpaw?"

"Yes?"

She raised her head so they could look at each other. "If you're WindClan, does that mean Poppykit or I could become Whitestripe's apprentice?"

"Huh?" Petalpaw blinked down at her. "Oh. I certainly don't see why not. I'm going home once enough catmint has grown."

"Oh. That's good." Tansykit seemed surprised, then apprehensive. "I guess Poppykit will be her apprentice, then. She really likes herbs, you know?"

"I know," Petalpaw assured her. "I can't tell you who will become who's apprentice. But, if you ask me, I think both of you could become great medicine cats."

Tansykit's eyes widened. "You do?"

She nodded.

"Oh." Tansykit let out a tiny little purr. "Thank you!"

" _There's_  my other kit, made of trees and bushes and maybe even a little sky," Blackstorm laughed as they entered. She lowered her voice as Petalpaw came closer, pointedly looking at Poppykit, laying curled up in a tiny ball. "Is there a  _reason_  she's acting like the world ended?"

"I told her about WindClan."

" _Ah_ , I see." Her voice is full of understanding. "Poor little scrap. I'll try and have a talk with her later."

"Thank you." _I'm glad it doesn't have to be me._  "Sorry about how abrupt this all is."

But Blackstorm shook her head. "Had to happen sometime."

Petalpaw respectfully dipped her head and slipped back out into the clearing. It wouldn't be long before she had to go out hunting again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyy, if it isn't Dawnbelly. It's been, what, three chapters? Four?
> 
> Fun Fact- I wrote all of this in a day. I was in The Petalpaw ZoneTM.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	18. Quiet Plans

The snow only got thicker as the days went on, as Dawnbelly had prophesied, and Graystar only grew sicker. The she-cat refused to take any herbs, stubbornly waiting out the disease. Her coughing grew more and more intense, while her breathing only got more and more raspy. Even Volespring had been spurned, almost taking a swipe to the face during one of their infamous arguments, which Petalpaw inferred to be a fairly common thing between them.

"Ah, let her die if she's so determined," the deputy had hissed as she left, hurt. "She's got a few to spare yet."

Petalpaw would stay up late with the gray she-cat, watching the snow build little hills outside of the den, Stonebird's soft snores filling the silence. The elder was becoming healthier by the day, and soon would return to his den and Swiftmist. _I got to save him, at the very least. That must count for something._

Graystar's downfall came much quicker than Littlepelt's, but that was related to the queen's attempts to fight and the leader's quiet acceptance. Whitestripe didn't wake her when it began- rather, the leader's gasping, choking sounds did. Petalpaw watched with quiet horror as Graystar thrashed helplessly, claws ripping and tearing at the reeds, before finally falling still. Her tongue lolled almost comically out of her parted jaws. She turned to ask the medicine cat if she should get the deputy, but Whitestripe shook her head before she could even begin. She stared intently at the she-cat's body.

 _She has more lives, right?_  Petalpaw thought as time dragged on, desperate for reassurement.  _She said she had six. She'll have five now. That's how it works, isn't it?_

Graystar jerked alive with a ragged gasp for air. She slowly drew her paws under her, one by one, sitting up just as slowly. She looked older than the elder next to her, who was either in a deep sleep or too polite to lift his head and show that he had been aware of her dying. She panted a moment, like she'd run a great race, then swallowed.

"It's done," she croaked. "I'm not sick anymore. I want my nest."

"You're a colossal feather-brain," Whitestripe told her simply, though Petalpaw detected traces of guilt in her meow.  _She doesn't blame herself, does she? It wasn't like she could hold Graystar down and shove the herbs into her maw._  "And you'll sleep here until morning, at the very least."

* * *

Volespring was fully aware of what had transpired the night before, or so Petalpaw assumed at the easy way she accepted the leader suddenly being up and moving the next morning. Knowing Graystar, it really wouldn't shock her if this wasn't the first time. She helped Petalpaw escort her back to her den, tucking her paws under her as she curled up in her personal nest. It was freshly made, though Petalpaw hadn't seen Lionpaw or Sedgepaw come near it recently. Volespring had been busy.

"I'll sort patrols," Volespring meowed into Graystar's ear, pressing an affectionate lick to her head. "You need to rest. You aren't a leopard, no matter how big you make yourself seem."

"Send Dawnbelly up when you're done," she instructed distantly, eyes drooping. "I need... I've got an idea. He can help."

Volespring nodded and didn't press. She exchanged a confused look with the medicine cat apprentice on the way out.

"There you are," Cherryfur exclaimed as Petalpaw stepped out of the den, looking quite frazzled. "Can you  _please_  talk to Poppykit and Tansykit? They're about ready to tear each other apart."

Volespring's tail twitched. It was clear she'd hoped to talk to the apprentice privately. "They're  _your_  daughters, Cherryfur."

"Really?" Cherryfur asked. "That never occurred to me. I just thought they'd listen to the medicine cat about  _being a medicine cat_. Silly me."

"Just because I'm not leader doesn't mean I can't give you apprentice tasks," the deputy warned, eyes narrowing to slits.

Petalpaw ignored Volespring's response. _I have bigger prey to catch._  "What's this about Poppykit and Tansykit?"

Cherryfur jerked her head for the apprentice to follow. Thick snowflakes were falling even now, sprinkling her black fur like stars, melting and sending shivers down her spine. Petalpaw was more than happy to trail after the she-cat and into the nursery, shaking the top layer off.

"Petalpaw!" Poppykit cried. The fur along her spine was raised with anger. "You gotta tell Tansykit to stop being silly!"

Tansykit was sitting stiff as a board, staring at the wall of their den. "Tell Poppykit to stop being so ridiculous first."

"I can't tell either of you to be anything until you tell me what happened," Petalpaw meowed gently, nudging Poppykit back a few paces. She tried to remember how Beepaw would act around Wolfkit and Deerkit when they had a fight, then realized she was flying blind.  _I was too busy playing around with being mini-deputy to notice much of anything._  Teaching herbs was completely different from moderating scuffles.  _Then again, this_  is  _part of my job description, in a way. The go-between for life and death._  "What's up?"

Poppykit puffed out her cheeks, pouting. "Tansykit says she won't come and learn herbs with me anymore!"

" _Okay_ ," she said slowly. "She's allowed to make her own choices."

That only seemed to make the kit angrier, somehow. "She's not 'making her own choices'. She's just letting me win the apprenticeship."

Petalpaw turned her green eyes on Tansykit, who had done nothing to defend herself. "Is this true?"

Tansykit glanced at the older she-cat from over her shoulder. "I don't mind being a warrior. Poppykit does."

"That's not your choice to make!" her twin exclaimed, exasperated. "StarClan decides who becomes the medicine cat apprentice. Not us."

"That's fish-brained," she stated, as if saying so made it fact. "We can't expect StarClan to tell us every little thing. They don't tell me what my favorite bit of fresh-kill is. They don't tell me what part of the nest to sleep on. They  _shouldn't_  get to decide who saves lives. I've made my choice, and my choice is that I'd rather be a warrior than have you be forced to become one." Tansykit's face softened. "You just don't get it. And I don't either. But yesterday? Yelling at  _Graystar_?"

"She should've sent Petalpaw home!" Poppykit returned defensively, and Petalpaw got the feeling that the 'talk' Blackstorm had promised hadn't gone well. "Some plants and smells are all that are keeping her from her family!"

"Cats have bled for those smells," Petalpaw interrupted. She knew how the kit was feeling, but she also knew she had to learn to respect that the Clans were separate for a reason.  _All the hate and the wars- it can't all be for nothing._  "Cats have  _died_  for those smells." She bent down to touch her nose to Poppykit's shoulder. "I appreciate what you're doing. Really. I do. But this is where StarClan has placed me, and this is where I'm staying."

Poppykit jerked her head away. "Why won't anybody just listen to me?" she cried, stomping off.

 _I think it's safe to say that I failed this particular one_ , Petalpaw thought, watching with a sinking feeling in her belly as Tansykit went and laid by herself. The bright orange on her shoulder stood out the most to her in the dingy half-light of morning; the little half-heart her sister shared.  _For her sake, I hope she's right._

* * *

Graystar was still too unwell to call a full meeting, choosing instead to have Volespring bring up Carpjaw, Tallblaze, Sandstream, and (surprisingly) Cloudwillow, the young warrior out of place amongst his seniors. Medicine cats were always invited, Whitestripe explained to her as they slipped inside. Unless, of course, told otherwise. Still. Petalpaw felt like an intruder as they all huddled in to hear the she-cat's words.

"Dawnbelly is going on a little mission," she whispered with a gravely voice, eyes twinkling. "He has requested Cloudwillow go with him. I want you to leave immediately."

Cloudwillow jumped. "Oh! Uh, sure."

Graystar waited until the duo left to continue. "I'm going to need a cat to climb one of the trees on the shoreline and watch the island. I don't  _think_  there will be a Gathering tonight, but I'd rather be sure." Volespring stepped forward, but Graystar shot her down with a look. "I need my deputy by my side right now. Would anyone be willing to take first watch?"

Sandstream wagged his tail and puffed out his chest, hoping to make himself look more impressive.

She nodded. "Carpjaw, you can take his place first. I know how you worry about your son."

Petalpaw listened as they settled into a schedule, her mind on Dawnbelly and Cloudwillow's supposed mission. Where were they going? Why put Dawnbelly in charge? Was it to give him a chance to redeem himself, or something more? And why request to take Cloudwillow? Why not Cherryfur? They seemed much closer than the young warrior was. There were too many questions, too few answers.

"The snow is only getting worse, Graystar," Tallblaze was saying. "We barely brought any prey back today. We need a backup plan."

"I know," Graystar meowed, and left it at that.

* * *

_"Petalpaw! Up here!"_

_Petalpaw propped her front paws on the trunk of the trees as she scanned it for pawholds, slowly but surely scrambling up. She wasn't much of a climber- few WindClan cats were. Poppykit waited for her on the first branch, her tiny little tail curling and uncurling._

_"You can see the whole Clan from up here!" she cried, whiskers quivering. "It's beautiful!"_

_The black and white she-cat hauled herself up next to her, panting. True to her word, the camp sprawled out around them, warm and inviting. Graystar was laying comfortably on a stone, chatting amiably with Volespring (perhaps a bit too late, Petalpaw wondered what the two she-cats talked about when they weren't talking business. It seemed to so integral for their characters). Stonebird munched on a robin with Swiftmist, looking healthy and soft and kind. Everyone in the Clan did, now that she thought about it. Fat clung to their bellies, muscles rippling in shoulders and paws as they padded around, sharing tongues._

_"It really is nice, isn't it?" she asked rhetorically, a bit surprised. She never knew Newleaf could make such a difference._

_Poppykit looked at her from the corner of her eye. "Is WindClan this pretty?"_

_"Prettier," she promised, warmth settling in her chest at the thought of her home. "The heather stretches on for forever, and fireflies light up the sky. You can hear horses and cows from pretty much anywhere. They're big creatures, but they always sound so settled. It's nice."_

_"You miss it, huh?"_

_"Every day."_

_The kit regarded her oddly. "Aren't you upset?"  
_

_"About being in RiverClan?" Petalpaw shook her head. "I've come to peace with that."_

_"No, not that. The Gathering. You could've seen your family again."_

_"Oh." It honestly hadn't occurred to her. "Even if the Gathering was on, there's a good chance we wouldn't have gone. Graystar is still healing, and Volespring's making sure she's getting the rest she needs._

_"Don't you miss them?" Poppykit prodded._

_"Of course I do!" she meowed sharply. "I can miss something and be practical about it at the same time!"_

_They lapsed into awkward silence. Sandstream was rolling in the dust, flicking some at Patchkit and Hollykit playfully. Petalpaw couldn't see Tansykit anywhere._

_"Do you remember it?" the gray tom asked, making her jump. She hadn't noticed him appear. He stared thoughtfully out at the clearing. "Do you remember where the prey-pile is? Or the elders' den?"_

_"It's-" she started, then found she couldn't recall._

_The clearing shifted under her paws. Rabbit and fish blended together, potent and mildly nauseating. In the distance, she could just make out Littlepelt and Raintail laughing together, unfamiliar kits tumbling around their paws. Redeye and Hawktail were engaged in a play scuffle. Heathertuft and Tallblaze came padding in, each carrying a piece of fresh-kill for the pile. They weren't talking, but they looked friendly and comfortable with one another._

_"Is this what you want?" the gray tom asked._

_Petalpaw opened her mouth, though she had no answer to give. Part of her did. Part of her thought it was too simple for her friends and family to_ not _be fighting amongst each other. Even before being taken to RiverClan, Ravenfur had been at odds with his sons, and Raintail carefully neutral toward the deputy._

 _"Don't worry, Petalpaw," Poppykit said, leaning on her side. She had a serious air about her. "I can't get you this, but I_ can _get you home. I promise."_

"Petalpaw!" A voice hissed, sharp claws prodding her side. Petalpaw jumped and lifted her head off her paws, finding Blackstorm hovering frantically beside her. "Do you know where Poppykit is? _I can't find her anywhere._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyy, back at it again with some Petalpaw.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	19. Early Morning Blood

Petalpaw's blood turned to ice. "Have you checked the other dens?"

Blackstorm nodded. "I'd hoped she might be sleeping with you tonight. She's been so passionate about your whole situation, I thought she might want to try and comfort you."

Concern rising, she took a gander outside, then almost wished she hadn't. Snow flurries were coming in hard and fast, twinkling to peaks that would soon be coming up to her knees. The darkness was so deep and swallowing she knew blankets of dark clouds covered the moon, making it impossible to judge what time it was. Too late for a RiverClan kit, that's for sure. Petalpaw scrambled to her paws. "I'll go get Graystar. You focus on Whitestripe." The medicine cat was a deep sleeper, taking a lot of effort to budge.

Petalpaw shuddered as her paws met the new snow on the ground, conquering the camp with quick little hops. Had it always been so cold? Sure, the chill had been biting, but she'd always felt safe and secure with the knowledge that she could curl up beside her mentor at night.  _Poppykit should be sleeping in the nursery right now. Certainly not in the middle of this snowstorm._  She gave one extra hop onto the small cliff that led up to Graystar's den and burst inside, practically falling onto the gray she-cat.

Graystar jolted awake with a snort and a snarl, claws sliding out of her paws. "Wassat? Who? What? Petalpaw?" She let out a long yawn. "Dear StarClan, I almost took your eye out!"

The words came tumbling out of her without any prompting. "Poppykit is missing."

The she-cat tensed, eyes narrowing; the soft, almost gentle look about her dissipating with wakefulness and duty. "Have you checked the camp?"

"Blackstorm did already. She couldn't find her."

Graystar nodded, grimly pushing past her. Her voice was still raspy from Greencough as she tilted her head back and yowled, "RiverClan! To me!"

Petalpaw hesitated to follow, partially out of fear and partially from an old, resistant voice in her bones reminding her she wasn't part of RiverClan. It came off as particularly childish given the situation at paw, and she guiltily shook it off.

First into the clearing was Blackstorm, with Stonebird in tow, murmuring soothing sayings into her ear. Cherryfur poked her muzzle out of the nursery, barring Patchkit from going out into the snow with a paw. Sandstream and Fluffywing blearily came padding out to take their seats, tails intertwined. Hawktail jogged over to Lionpaw, taking his place alongside his apprentice. Tallblaze and Carpjaw were last out of the warriors' den, the former meeting her own apprentice halfway. Finally, Whitestripe stumbled out of the medicine den, groggily taking her place beside Petalpaw.

Graystar scarcely waited for the medicine cat to sit down before she spoke. "Poppykit is missing, and we aren't sure how long ago she slipped out of her nest," she explained. Petalpaw admired how calm she sounded; it was taking all her effort not to bury her face in her mentor's fur and wait until everything was over. "We don't have much time in a snowfall like this, so we can't waste time. I want every log and rock on this territory searched before sunrise. Volespring, will you-" Graystar paused, twisting her head around. "Volespring? Volespring?"

Petalpaw turned to where the deputy normally sat, finding it empty. In all the commotion, she hadn't even noticed the brown she-cat not emerging from the warriors' den.  _That's not right. She's always the first one up and about._

"She's not here, Graystar!" Hawktail called, squinting into the den in question.

Graystar's shoulders loosened slightly. "She must have followed Poppykit." She hopped off her rock, touching Blackstorm's shoulder with her nose. "Don't worry. If anyone can bring Poppykit home safe, it's our deputy."

Blackstorm's eyes brightened. "You really think so?"

She nodded. "I wouldn't have made her deputy otherwise." Graystar turned and padded over to Whitestripe, lowering her voice. "Volespring will bring Poppykit back, no doubt about it, but I don't know what kind of condition she'll be in with this cold. I need you to stay back and prepare a nest and herbs for her. Whatever you think she'll need."

The brown and white she-cat's tail curled with pleasure. "That's the smartest idea you've had all moon, friend."

Petalpaw's ears fell back with dismay. Normally, she didn't mind staying in camp, but this was different. "I can't just  _sit around_  and wait for Poppykit to come home!"

Graystar blinked at her, surprising by the ferocity in her tone, then stretched her head forward to nose her forehead. "Of course not. We need every cat we can get."

She joined the main group of warriors being sorted into patrols. Stonebird and Swiftmist both followed after Whitestripe, with the intention to warm a nest for the chilled kitten when she returned.

"You go," Cherryfur whispered to Blackstorm, touching noses. "You gave up so much to stay in the nursery with the kits. It's my turn now."

"I'll take Tallblaze and Fluffywing with me," Graystar meowed. "Hawktail, Blackstorm, and Petalpaw go together. We'll each take one side. Sandstream, you take Sedgepaw and Lionpaw through the very middle. Carpjaw, I want you skirting around the lake and edges of the territory- more than one warrior scent would come across as a threat, and the  _last_  thing we need right now is Brightstar and Beetlestar breathing down our necks."

_I'll have all of StarClan clawing at my pelt if it brings back Poppykit._

* * *

The snow only grew worse as the patrol trudged on, Hawktail taking the lead. Blackstorm and Petalpaw walked side-by-side, trying in vain to take comfort in the other she-cat's presence.

The brisk chill of the stream that ran through RiverClan's epicenter barely registered as they crossed it, trudging solemnly towards the trees. Petalpaw counted herself lucky she hadn't been put in the middle group: they would be walking along the very edges of the branch that ran horizontally, cutting off a little ways before the Greenleaf Twolegplace, muddy-pawed and covered in slippery sludge. The leader's troop had the more open space, pelted by the snow without shelter.

A splash in the river gave Petalpaw pause. For a brief, hopeful second, she thought Volespring had appeared behind them, Poppykit in her jaws, but scanning the dark snowy scenery revealed the gray tom instead, his pelt almost see-through. She turned her head forward to not garner any suspicion. His feet crunched lightly behind them.

 _Who are you?_  She asked silently, to no reply.  _Why do you keep showing up?_  Before, he'd felt akin to a half-forgotten friend. Now, he felt like the exact opposite: an omen, a threat, and a danger, all wrapped into one cat-sized creature. The part that scared her most about him was his size- he was only a bit bigger than her. Whoever he was, he had died young.

A shrill cry echoed over the trees. "Help! Help! For the love of StarClan, someone get off their rear and _help_!"

"That's Volespring!" Blackstorm meowed, though they had all recognized the she-cat's sharper tone. The group took off in a sprint, slipping and sliding over the fresh snow. It was getting harder and harder for Petalpaw to see.

"Volespring!" Hawktail called. "Volespring, it's us! Come out!"

"We're all here, Volespring!" Blackstorm added. "You're safe now!"

The brown she-cat was gimping towards them as they rounded a large oak tree. The sharp tang of blood bit at Petalpaw's tongue, along with a darker, muskier smell she didn't recognize. Volespring slipped and fell into the snow. Half of her right ear was ripped away. A claw mark sliced across her left eye, which she was forced to keep squeezed shut. When she finally stood, Petalpaw realized her back right foot was mangled, arched and dangling. Her fur was positively matted with the stuff. A smudge dotted her muzzle.

"You're smelling badger," the gray tom breathed near her ear. His voice was low. Haunted. "She's covered in badger blood."

Volespring stumbled once more, almost running right into Hawktail. She caught sight of Petalpaw, good eye widening. "You..." The deputy lurched forward, tugging her onward by the ear. "Come'on! You have to hurry!"

"Volespring, you're bleeding," Hawktail interjected. "Maybe you should-"

"I  _know_  I'm bleeding, feather-brain!" she hissed, swiping her paw at him. Blackstorm came around her side to support her so she wouldn't fall. "I don't really care about that right now, if you haven't noticed." Volespring sunk her teeth into Petalpaw's scruff, trying to single-handedly drag her. "Come'on! Hurry! You're a medicine cat; you have to know what to do!"

"Let me go!" Petalpaw skittered away from Volespring, pelt fluffed. "Where's Poppykit?"

She impatiently jerked her head in a vague direction. "I didn't know if it was safe to move her. You've  _got_  to come, Petalpaw. I can't help her on my own."

The pained, high-pitched edge to her voice made Petalpaw ill.  _She just faced a badger head-on, but now she's begging for me to follow her._  She tried to make her voice soothing. "Okay. Lean on me, and we'll go together."

Volespring slumped against her without complaint, then jerked her head again. The fastest speed they could go was a mild jog, the patrol stopping and starting with the deputy, whom Petalpaw was becoming more and more amazed by her ability to remain conscious after the beating she'd taken. The smell of badger grew stronger with every pawstep, though no one dared speak up. Petalpaw didn't look behind her, but she was certain the gray tom had left them.  _Did the smell scare him away?_

"She's over there," Volespring croaked finally, nodding to some bushes. She leaned against a nearby tree and closed her eyes, swallowing. "I don't think I can move anymore."

"Poppykit?" Blackstorm yelled, sprinting past them both. Petalpaw forced herself to follow, pushed through the pokey branches. The reek of blood was dizzying; it was on her pelt, from Volespring, and sprinkled around them like grass.  _StarClan, give me courage. Poppykit needs me._

Poppykit was laid out on her side, in a small trench that had been dug around her. Petalpaw tried not to imagine Volespring, as brutally hurt as she was, clawing fruitlessly at the snow, but there was no denying fact. Blood oozed out of her front, painting a small blanket of leaves red with it. Her little chest heaved with pained effort.

"Poppykit!"

Petalpaw flinched at the horror in Blackstorm's voice. She felt frozen to the ground, her paws turned to snow, as the warrior pounced on her kit, desperately nuzzling her little muzzle. Poppykit didn't seem aware of her mother hovering over her, eyes tight shut. She jumped into action when the pink of Blackstorm's tongue peeked out, violently pushing her away. "No! Wetting her pelt'll just make her freeze faster!"

Blackstorm stared at her blankly. "What do I do?"

She took in a deep breath, letting it float away in a cloud.  _I need to focus._  "Go get some cobwebs. It's the only way to stop the bleeding."

The gray and orange calico stared at her daughter a long moment, then shook herself and speed off into the night. Petalpaw pressed her paws to Poppykit's chest, stomach twisting as the blood stained her white fur.

Poppykit flinched, eyes cracking open. "Petalpaw?" she asked, so quietly Petalpaw had to strain to hear her.

"It's me," she answered, pressing her nose to the tortoiseshell's side. "I'm here. Blackstorm just went to get you cobwebs, and once you're wrapped up we're taking you back to camp."

She licked some snow up for a drink. "It's cold."

"Yes, it is," Petalpaw agreed. "That's why nobody comes out in the middle of the night in Leaf-bare."

Poppykit shuddered. "I'm sorry."

"You can tell that to Blackstorm and Cherryfur later."

She shook her head, pawing at the leaves. "I thought I smelled catmint- that day at the river? I told myself 'you don't know this smell, so it's got to be catmint'." She paused a second to catch her breath. "I just wanted to dig a few leaves up. If Graystar knew they were here, she'd have no choice but to send you home."

 _Where are those cobwebs?_  Petalpaw pressed her paws down harder.

Poppykit's eyes were dark. "This isn't catmint, is it?"

She spared it a quick look. Petalpaw knew almost at once that it wasn't catmint.  _Stinging nettle? It could be dock. They're too shriveled to tell for sure._  "You did your best," she meowed gently.

The tortoiseshell deflated, head falling to the snow with a dull  _thump_. "Is Volespring gonna be okay?"

"She'll be fine."

"You promise?"

"I promise. Nothing vital was hit." Petalpaw wasn't sure if the she-cat would ever walk properly again, but she refrained from saying as much. A limp still technically counted as fine.

"She found me," Poppykit added. "She was really mad, and kept trying to pick me up. She said there was something scary coming, but I couldn't smell it with the leaves. And then..." She broke off, shivering. "It was awful."

"She's  _okay_ , Poppykit," Petalpaw told her firmly, trying to ignore how little white was left on her paws. "Volespring's just past those bushes. She showed us how to find you."

Poppykit shifted slightly, head tilting upward. Her eyes opened a bit more. "Are you here for me?"

The gray tom was just out of sight, hiding in the corner of her vision. "I'm afraid so, little one."

"Okay," she said. She closed her eyes.

Petalpaw left Poppykit's side to hiss at him, claws extended. She left bloody pawprints on the snow.  _She can't die like this. Not now._  "If you so much as take another step, I'll rip your throat out!"

The gray tom didn't heed her words, slowly but surely making his way over to Poppykit's battered form. Petalpaw felt frozen once again, but this time it was for another reason.  _Is StarClan stopping me from protecting her?_ She'd never wanted to move more in her life.

He bent down, stopped, then turned to her. "I'm sorry," he meowed earnestly, then touched his nose to Poppykit's. The kit jerked one final time before falling still.

"No..." Petalpaw whispered.

Poppykit rose from her body with a pelt made of stars. A bright pink scar cut down her chest and belly. She looked around, as if amazed by her new existence, then jumped and stumbled away from her bloody form, ashamed for having stepped on her living vessel. She only had the time to turn and open her mouth- what could she even say now?- before she vanished, taking the gray tom with her.

Petalpaw hunkered down in the snow, pressing her face to Poppykit's body. She felt like someone had kicked her in the stomach. She didn't register Blackstorm returning until their whiskers were brushing. The queen said nothing. There was nothing worth saying.

"Hey, guys?" Hawktail's voice hesitantly broke the silence. "Look what I found." The gray and white tom came out carrying a dead badger cub. It had only a few tiny bitemarks on it. "Must've hit a blood vessel," he muttered as he set it down. "Looks like Poppykit must've done it. Volespring, did you do this?"

The deputy was slowly hobbling out of the bushes. She wearily shook her head.

Blackstorm struck out with a shriek. Petalpaw thought she might be hurling herself at the deputy- who, beaten and bloody, had no chance of defending herself- but she instead threw herself on the dead badger cub, ripping it apart with her teeth and claws. Petalpaw watched as the she-cat worked, hissing and yowling, tail lashing, until it was almost unrecognizable. Blackstorm's muzzle was bloody as she finally sat back, taking no notice of her Clanmate's concerned looks.

"Bring it," she rasped.

"Are you-" Hawktail started, then stopped.

Blackstorm was panting as she nodded. "My daughter killed a badger. That's how she should be remembered."

* * *

Morning began to crest the snow as they trudged to camp, peeking through the stormclouds. Had Petalpaw been thinking straight, she would've known that only more snow was coming. As it were, she stumbled alongside Volespring, deep in shock. Hawktail carried the remains of the badger. Blackstorm carried Poppykit's remains. Petalpaw carried her guilt. Volespring carried blood.

Graystar was the first to greet them, having been sitting near the entrance. Her face fell at the sight of Poppykit, then screwed up at the sight of Volespring, still bleeding heavily. She cried her name as she pressed their heads together.

"All due respect, Graystar," Volespring said. "I think we've got bigger problems."

"I can't do anything for those problems," replied Graystar. "I  _can_  do something about this."

Volespring buried her face in the leader's fur, utterly defeated. "Take me to the medicine den."

Blackstorm grimly set Poppykit down. "Cherryfur? Cherryfur, _please_."

The calico darted into the clearing. Poppykit, still and lifeless at her mate's paws, froze her mid-step. Cherryfur began to shake.

"Come here," Blackstorm begged. "I need you here."

The two she-cats wrapped themselves around each other, Cherryfur's head on Blackstorm's, valiantly purring to help heal their wounds.

 _That won't help_ , Petalpaw thought, numb. She hadn't spoken since Poppykit had died.  _That only works for physical wounds._

Hawktail set the badger cub next to Poppykit, politely backing away to give them space. Lionpaw settled in against her side, white fur turning red at the very ends, wrapping their tails together. On  _his_  side came Sedgepaw, who, as far as she knew, was still very mad at her, but willing to look past that at the moment. Hollykit, Tansykit, and Patchkit squished themselves between Blackstorm and Cherryfur- Petalpaw couldn't bear to look at them. Especially Tansykit, with that little orange heart on her shoulder, forever broken.

Petalpaw didn't know how long they all crowded the kit in silence before there was a commotion in the medicine den. Volespring was covered with cobwebs and a poultice of comfrey, dock, and goldenrod as she came stomping into the vigil. Judging by her sluggish demeanor, she probably had a few poppy seeds under her belt as well. She found a place towards the back and settled in, leg sprawled out awkwardly.

Whitestripe sprinted after her with some leaves in jaw, looking quite frazzled. "Volespring, if you don't rest that foot, chances are it'll never get better."

Volespring reluctantly bent down to chew on them. She was too far away for Petalpaw to properly decipher what they were- thyme for shock, probably. "If I gimp, I gimp. This is more important." She bowed her head. "I've let my Clan down. I've let my Clanmates down. I've let badgers taste cat blood. I've done a lot wrong tonight, and I've got a lot of work to do to fix that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP basically everyone in RiverClan, tbh.
> 
> Personally, I think this is darkest chapter I'll write in this story. Things are far from hunky-dory, of course, but still. I can promise Poppykit is the only kit to die in this tale, if that helps.
> 
> The gray tom is closer to RiverClan than you might know.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	20. Grief

Petalpaw fell into her nest after the vigil and slept the rest of the day and night away. Tired and shaken as she was, she had no dreams haunt her that night; just an empty, aching loneliness in her chest. She stirred when Whitestripe went to bed, tugging her nest to lay beside her and resting her nose on the apprentice's ear as she fell asleep, drifting off without a word. Stonebird, perfectly healthy, spent the night with Volespring, nudging the injured deputy awake whenever she began to twitch.

The medicine den came alive that morning. Petalpaw did not. Whitestripe didn't once try to force her to lift her head, simply leaving a fish for her to eat when she got hungry. The heavy smell of it reminded her of the stream the gray tom had appeared in. She tried to blame him for Poppykit's death, but found herself unable to work up the hatred that would need. She just felt numb. Numb and empty. She went back to sleep with the fish at her nose, not even a little tempted to dig in.

She stirred around midday, blinking dreams she'd already forgotten from her eyelids. Petalpaw stretched, limbs creaky and achy, the claws sliding out of her paws. She smacked her lips, finding an odd flavor to them. She glanced down.

Her paws were a deep brown.

Dried blood.

With a deep, repulsed shudder, Petalpaw got up. That snowy night was in her bones, chilling her even now. She blinked and it was there all over again, Poppykit bleeding out onto the leaves she'd painstakingly dug up and picked with the vain hope she could go home to WindClan.  _The kits must hate me now. Blackstorm and Cherryfur too. And that's their right._

Petalpaw didn't even realize she was running, not until she was pushing rather rudely past Lionpaw, the white tom trying to greet her, splashing her feet into the stream they typically drank from. She was too frazzled to care, watching with wide eyes as the blood slowly began to slide away. She took a deep breath and plunged her head in, shaking it around, scraping against the pebbles.  _Anything to get it off me._

"Hey, hey, hey!" An alarmed meow sounded out, and Lionpaw hauled her head out of the water by the scruff. "Don't do that! It'll only hurt."

Petalpaw stared at her fellow apprentice, a desperation lodging itself in the empty spot in her heart. "I need to get this off me. I  _have_  to."

Lionpaw calmly nodded, sitting down next to her. "Let me help."

The medicine cat had never been more relieved to see her snow white paws then when they had finished, her white chin sparkling with water. The creeping cold of Leaf-bare bit at her, through her rough fur, which could probably use a proper wash. She shook the extra droplets away, then just shook, stumbling back to the den without even a farewell. She barely noticed the snow had stopped falling.

Lionpaw talked to Hawktail for a brief moment, then followed her, curling up on her nest with his head on her shoulders. He didn't leave her side, urging her to eat the fresh-kill she still had lying around. Petalpaw hadn't realized how hungry she really was, scarfing it down in messy bites. Her belly rumbled, but she didn't ask for more, curling back up. It was like her mind refused to turn on; she couldn't sleep, so she stared at the wall.

Volespring stirred a little later, having had a rough night sleeping. Stonebird brought her a robin to snack on. In the back of Petalpaw's mind, it occurred to her that fish were scarce in Leaf-bare; Whitestripe had given her a delicacy.

"Come over here," the medicine cat was urging, patting the ground. "I need to change your dressings."

The brown she-cat grunted, hesitantly getting to her paws. Her back right leg hung mid-air, looking like someone had taken a mallet to it. Volespring gimped across the medicine den with a resolute frown, tight-lipped when Whitestripe unwrapped her face and ear, giving the wounds some air to breathe. "Tell me the truth, 'stripe. Am I gonna be able to walk on that leg again?"

Lionpaw's eyes darted to her's, probably in an attempt to gauge her reaction. Petalpaw didn't have one. The more analytical part of her mind, the part that made her a medicine cat, seemed to have rusted over.

Whitestripe shook her head. "You know it's too soon for me to tell."

Volespring cocked her head to the side. "Don't you lie to me. You've been healing cats for over three seasons now. You know a busted foot when you see one. Now, lay it on me."

The brown and white tabby she-cat let out a long sigh, clearly not too keen on discussing her patient's damage, but Volespring was a demanding presence. She didn't back down when given little platitudes. Finally, after a long silence, she admitted; "Probably not."

The deputy nodded and sat down, stretching her mangled foot out for her to re-wrap. "Alright then."

* * *

"Come'on, slow slug," Lionpaw urged, tugging rather incessantly on Petalpaw's ear. "You can't lie around forever."

"Try me."

"Let's go hunting. Get out of camp for a bit."

The apprentice refused to give up, practically dragging her out of the medicine den. Petalpaw dug her paws in. She didn't think she could focus on hunting. But, at the end of the day, Lionpaw had been far more active than her lately, and had the strength she lacked. He barely even had to exert any force to get her moving.

They'd only managed to poke their noses into the clearing when they realized things more important than hunting were happening. Dawnbelly and Cloudwillow were back, chatting earnestly with their Clanmates. Cherryfur pressed her muzzle to Dawnbelly's as a friendly gesture, stepping aside so the other warriors had room. Petalpaw wondered how she was dealing with Poppykit's death. She hadn't exactly been making her normal rounds these past few days.

 _Does she even care?_  she thought bitterly, turning away from the scene.  _Poppykit wouldn't be dead if it weren't for me. And we never would've met in the first place if Dawnbelly hadn't taken me hostage- a plan she helped with in the first place!_

But before she could vanish entirely, Graystar's voice rang out, calling for everyone to gather. Petalpaw puffed out a sigh and slunk into the throng of warriors, giving Lionpaw a pointed look. He nodded and found a seat beside Sedgepaw, Hawktail coming on his other side. She admired the gray and white tom's loyalty to his apprentice; she couldn't think of a time he didn't rush out to greet or walk with him. Whitestripe sat alone near the front, Petalpaw plopping down where she stood. To her surprise, Blackstorm came and sat next to her. She'd expected the queen to ignore her entirely. And maybe she was, staring with interest to the newly returned duo.

Graystar looked a lot better than when Petalpaw saw her last. She was certain the opposite was true for her. The Greencough was completely gone, leaving her with a shiny pelt and sharp look in her eyes. Petalpaw felt like fresh-kill that had been hit by a monster. The gray she-cat nodded to Dawnbelly. "Give us your report, then."

Dawnbelly couldn't have smiled wider as he took front stage, looking far too important for his own good. "When I came back to RiverClan, Graystar noticed something odd about me. Namely, my belly, and how full it was."

"Don't go bragging about it," Carpjaw called, tail lashing. "You only got that belly because you hunted for yourself and no one else."

Dawnbelly rolled his eyes. "As I was saying. When I was away-"

"When you were banished," Volespring rasped. The injured deputy's head poked out of the medicine den. "Don't get too cocky just because I'm hurt, cow-cat."

"Hello to you too, Volespring," the black and white tom meowed. "How's that eye doing?"

Volespring narrowed her good one at him, as if judging his worth, only to find it lacking.

Graystar broke the silent tension. "Continue."

Dawnbelly cleared his throat, frustrated, then went on. "Well, I'd been staying at a barn. The place was nice, as far as they go, and there's rats  _everywhere_. Enough to feed the whole Clan, even."

"I checked," Cloudwillow added proudly. "And it's true."

"So what do you recommend?" Fluffywing asked. "We move into the barn?"

He shook his head. "It's not really inhabitable. I mean, there's one loner there, but it's not really a place for a group of cats." He glanced at Graystar, but the she-cat gave nothing away. "But, we  _can_  send out hunting patrols. Big ones. A couple of cats would go every few days, bringing back as many rats as they could carry."

"I suppose that makes sense," meowed Tallblaze, to the mild surprise of Petalpaw. "Prey is scarce. If we have to walk a few days to survive, then that's what we'll do."

"It wasn't that bad, really," Cloudwillow meowed. "The barn smelled weird, though."

Petalpaw turned and slunk back into the medicine den, brushing by Volespring without even a polite word. For once, the deputy didn't call her out on the lack of respect, watching her with a hooded eye. She didn't know what frustrated her more- being ignored, or being treated like she was made of feathers.  _I've never had rat meat before_ , she thought distantly, tucking her legs under her. The nest was getting pretty flat from continuous use.  _Aren't they capable of killing cats? Maybe Whitestripe will give them some burdock root before they go. Do we even_  have  _burdock root?_  Thinking about herbs felt refreshing.

Her plans to simmer in her own juices were interrupted again, this time by Graystar, who padded in with a look that meant business. Lionpaw came in behind her, then took a seat by Stonebird, giving the older cat room to do whatever she pleased. Petalpaw squeezed her eyes shut, assuming that the leader was here to discuss plans with Whitestripe, but her gray paw firmly prodded the apprentice's side.

"Petalpaw," she rumbled.

She lifted her head to look at her. "Graystar."

Graystar jerked her head to the entrance. It was a clear day out, lighting the snow up. The Leaf-bare weather almost looked friendly. "You should get something to eat. You're heading out with them."

"With the hunting patrol?"

"Yes."

Petalpaw didn't budge. "I'm a medicine cat. My place is in camp."

Graystar heaved a sigh, eyes darting around the den as she found the words. "Poppykit's death has been hard on all of us," she meowed finally. "I understand that you need time. But a warrior doesn't  _have_  time in Leaf-bare. So I'm sending you away for a bit. The fresh air will do you good."

The black and white she-cat snorted. She knew, logically, that she should heed Graystar's word, but it all seemed so silly. Why go so far for food? A real Clan cat would rather starve to death in their territory than rely on loners and barns. "If you really wanted to do me good, you'd send me home."

Graystar's eyes narrowed. "Don't take that tone with me, kit. Not unless you want to end up like Dawnbelly."

"What, banished? Or a Clan hero?" She sat up, fur bristling. "For someone who preaches fairness and the code, you certainly don't seem to mind him looking good. He hasn't had to do any of those apprentice tasks you supposedly put him on, either."

The gray she-cat glared at her, teeth bared ever-so-slightly; until, after a long silence, she took in a deep breath. "Go eat," she grunted. "Or you'll be too hungry for the trip."

"I don't have to do anything you say," she hissed. "You're not  _my_  leader."

Suddenly, Graystar was nose-to-nose with the apprentice. Her voice was low. "Now, you listen here, Petalpaw. I've lost a queen and a kit in less than a moon. My one and only priority right now is to make sure I keep as many of my Clanmates alive as I can. If that means I have to drag them off to some barn, I will. If it means fighting all the badgers in the world, I'll do it." She bared her teeth. "And, you know what? You're right. You're not included on the list of cats I need to keep safe."

Petalpaw's ears fell. Graystar had always been an intimidating cat, true, but she'd never scared her like this before. Not even on her first day, when she thought the she-cat might kill her.  _I didn't really grasp death then, did I? I was just a kit. I'd never suffered loss or injury before._  "What does that mean?"

"It _means_ , go eat," she growled. "Before I make you."

Graystar's eyes followed the medicine cat apprentice as she gingerly padded away, tail bristling with fear and anger. She waited until she was well and truly gone before following, only to be cut off by Lionpaw, the tom dipping his head sheepishly. "Can I go with?"

She blinked at him. "Go with?"

"On the trip, ma'am."

"Oh," she said, slightly surprised. "You'll have to ask Hawktail about that."

Lionpaw dipped his head one last time, then skittered out into the clearing without another word.

Volespring, who had watched the confrontation from her nest, set her head on her paws. "That's a bit of a lie, isn't it? Petalpaw is as much our responsibility as she is WindClan's, now."

"Yes, I know," she admitted. "But she needed a good spook."

"That was a bit too much of a spook, don't you think?"

"Perhaps." Graystar laid down beside her deputy, fluffy tail wrapping around the brown she-cat's injured foot. "But this is far from the biggest regret I've had lately."

Volespring leaned her muzzle into the leader's scruff. "Am I one of those regrets?"

"Excuse me?"

"I haven't exactly been a good deputy lately, have I?" She nodded to her beaten form. "And, well... look. I'm not a fan of Dawnbelly's, but it's pretty obvious he's vying for deputy. And I'll follow him, if you decide he deserves the position."

"Are you quitting on me?"

"I'm offering my opinion, Graystar."

"Well, offered opinion denied, then," she sniffed. "In light of recent events, I think I'll need a deputy brave enough- and stubborn enough- to take on a badger by my side."

Volespring chuckled, then grew shy, nuzzling the gray she-cat with a purr. "Stay with me?" she asked quietly. "My dreams have been intense, and I can't keep poor Stonebird up forever."

Graystar licked her good ear, staring out into the clearing. She could just barely make out Petalpaw and Lionpaw bent close together, talking. "There's no place I'd rather be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lionpaw is a good friend. Petalpaw is just a kid, really. She doesn't know how to handle loss.
> 
> I actually had a possible epilogue idea where Petalpaw and Lionpaw had gotten together in secret, believe it or not. Or at least discussed it. And I still think they could be a good match, if Petalpaw was allowed to take a mate, but meh.
> 
> -Mandaree1
> 
> Happy New Years!


	21. Long Walk

Snow crunched delightfully under Petalpaw's feet as she trailed behind Dawnbelly and Sandstream, the former talking avidly with the latter, who nodded along politely. Lionpaw kept beside her, tails firmly intertwined. The white apprentice seemed so excited to to be out of the territory, pointing out trees as they passed them.

 _It_  is  _fascinating, I guess_ , she thought, finding herself drawn to the newness of it all. As much as she hated to admit it, Graystar was right. The fresh air  _had_  done some good in helping her mood. It chilled her lungs inside and out, like chewing on a mint leaf.

She knew she should probably apologize for speaking out of term, but she wasn't quite ready to suck it up quite yet. Petalpaw prayed she would be by the time they returned, hopefully with plenty of prey in tow. _She was so mad, she might just dunk me in a snow bank and make it my new nest._

Before her mind could wander too much father, some of the snow she so dreaded sleeping in was kicked into her face, making her splutter. Lionpaw, half-crouched, stared at her with a contagious grin on his face, blue eyes twinkling with amusement.

"You really wanna play this game, fish-breath?" she asked, smiling back. "Because I can outrun your fluffy white tail in a mouse-length."

"Try me," he dared, then hared off in a flurry of snow.

Petalpaw found herself laughing for the first time in more days than were worth counting, stretching out her long legs as she chased him down. The trees had melted into an open field, the snow glittering with bright sunlight and the slightest bit of rabbit-scent, and she was reminded of home. For once, the thought didn't make her heart ache; she stampeded down the untouched whiteness without even a second of regret, grinning so widely it hurt.

"Hey!" she heard Dawnbelly cry, but when had she ever cared what he thought? "You're supposed to follow me!"

 _He's such a charmer,_  she mused sarcastically, wondering (not for the first time) what Littlepelt had seen in him. The same could probably be said of Raintail and Ravenfur's disaster of a courtship. Maybe it started out the same way, too. They were friends, they thought they'd work out as a family, and it all went sour. It wasn't any of Petalpaw's business anyhow.

Lionpaw suddenly whirled around and pounced, driving her head into the snow. Petalpaw rolled, stood, and tackled him, tumbling into a sort of ditch. They ended up on their sides, panting and laughing. It was the best Petalpaw had felt since- well, probably since that dream she had. The one she could barely remember. Something about fireflies?

"You look good when you laugh," Lionpaw meowed suddenly, looking surprisingly shy.

Petalpaw blinked at him, unsure of what to say. She didn't feel the urge to move away from him, despite the creeping numbness on her side. The apprentice was smiling at her. She smiled back.

" _Ahem_ ," Dawnbelly growled pointedly, tail lashing, as the two warriors came upon them. "If you're done playing around."

She flattened her ears at him but ultimately said nothing. She still wasn't entirely sure what she wanted to say to him; if she wanted to say anything at all. Lionpaw stood and shook himself off, solemnly bowing to the black and white tom. "After you, oh mighty warrior."

Sandstream's body shook with quiet laughter. Dawnbelly hissed and stomped away, taking the lead.

* * *

Traveling, she soon found, was pretty boring. True, there was the excitement of being away from the other Clans, the fresh scents around every corner, and StarClan knew there was the concern of running across rogues or predators. But this wasn't one of those journeys they'd be telling the apprentices at the next Gathering. It was a straight line; boring and long, which very little of note to come across. Petalpaw was, frankly, disappointed.

Lionpaw kept beside her the entire time, making sure she didn't wander too far off into her thoughts, and when they curled up for the night he propped his head on her back and snored in her ear. Petalpaw wondered what made him decide to go this far just to help her feel better.  _This isn't going to make Sedgepaw any less cross with me, is it? He and Blackstorm probably talk about how I'm not a good medicine cat behind my back. Maybe they're right._

She didn't sleep very well that night.

They headed off the next morning, Petalpaw in a profoundly bad mood. It occurred to her that she'd never actually seen Dawnbelly in trouble before. He'd been angry, when he was banished. He'd been cold, when Beepaw had tried to pick a fight. But he'd never taken an injury from any of it.  _He gets to lead like nothing happened, all the while Poppykit is dead and Volespring can't sleep right at night. There's badgers in RiverClan and he doesn't even seem to care._  Her claws slid out, leaving indents on the snow, while she stared at him with dead eyes. The tip of one of her canines poked out.

She knew she was being irrational. It's the only reason why she didn't go through with it. That, and she knew that Lionpaw would've stopped her before she could claw Dawnbelly across the muzzle.  _Get a grip, Petalpaw. What would your brothers and Raintail say if they knew what you were thinking right now?_

(Well, Beepaw would probably approve, but Beepaw has a habit of going too hard. She hoped his eye was healing okay.)

The stench of moldy hay preceded the barn by many fox-lengths, so much so that they all wrinkled their noses and shut their mouths against it. They crossed a stream, then pushed through some thin trees, and finally they came upon the barn. It sat on a hill, made of rotting wood, so pale it was impossible to tell if it had ever been painted.

"We're here," Dawnbelly murmured finally, as if they didn't already know. "Just follow my lead, okay?" He took off in a brisk, cheerful trot, Sandstream close behind. Petalpaw rolled her eyes.

The first crunch of hay under Petalpaw's feet made her jump, unintentionally breathing in a huge mouthful of the terrible smell. It reminded her of the horseplace, but no horses had been in this nest in a long time. Rustling came from all around them, sending tingles up her spine. Lionpaw pressed closer to her side, looking haunted.

"Howdy, Missy," Dawnbelly called up. "We'll just be a minute. Gonna grab us some prey and get out of here."

Petalpaw squinted up. She could just make out a bedraggled gray paw hanging off the loft. It gave a little wave to show it'd heard.

She swallowed, concerned, and turned to Dawnbelly. She hadn't spoken to him since coming to RiverClan. This seemed like a rather blase start. "What's wrong with them?"

Dawnbelly squinted at her, bright green eyes glittering. "Wrong? Nothing's wrong with Missy." He shrugged. "She's just old, is all."

Petalpaw wasn't convinced. She sought out a way to reach the she-cat, finding a ladder of rotten wood near the back. She took a deep breath and started up, using her tail to balance.

The loft was just as smelly as everything else, though there was undeniably less rustling. Petalpaw found she missed the cool, sharp air of Leaf-bare. Anything was better than this. Near the edge lay a ball of knotted fur she could only assume was Missy, though she didn't look quite like a cat anymore. Her pelt was so dirty it was impossible to tell what color it had been originally. Chunks of fur hung off her form in clumps, matted from a lack of proper grooming. Even at a distance, she could see the ticks lodged into her skin.

"StarClan save me," she whispered to herself, setting a paw on her side. "Missy? Ma'am?"

Missy cracked open her eyes. They were a sickly yellow. "Wassat? Who're you?"

"Petalpaw, ma'am. I'm a medicine cat."

"A what?"

"I heal cats, ma'am. I'm gonna help you."

She scoffed, eyes flitting closed. "Can't help age, doll."

Petalpaw's mouth twisted at that. She poked her head over the edge, searching for a familiar white pelt. "Lionpaw?"

His ears perked up. "Right here!"

"Get me some mouse bile, would you? Actually, just bring the whole mouse. I don't think she's eaten lately."

"Mouse bile?" Missy echoed. "Why would ya' need that gross stuff?"

"It'll get the ticks off."

"I think I'd prefer the ticks."

The black and white she-cat took in a deep breath, trying to prepare herself for what she was about to do. She squeezed her eyes shut and dug her teeth into the nearest clump, retching a little at the taste. She began to chew it off.

Missy jolted, hissing. "Ow! That hurts!"

"I can't get all of them off," she meowed around the hairball. "But I can get the big ones."

Petalpaw wasn't sure how much time had passed when Lionpaw climbed up after her. She'd discarded one lump and gone after another. He quickly realized what was going on and set the fresh-kill aside, joining her in the task on the other side. Missy eyed him a moment, distrustful, but made no move to shove them off. Dawnbelly and Sandstream hunted below, snatching up a sizable meal, which they promptly buried in the snow outside.

Afterwards, Petalpaw was forced to put the mouse bile on her paws, knowing there was no moss nearby, and press against her pelt to dislodge the ticks while the old loner ate. It was gross, messy work.  _To think; I once thought chewing and applying herbs was nasty!_

Once that was over, Petalpaw flopped down next to her, curling her putrid-smelling paws underneath her body. The medicine cat was exhausted, but also refreshed. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed doing her job until now. "How do you feel?"

"Better," Missy admitted, pushing her scraps over. "Here you go, medicine cat. You've earned it."

Lionpaw pouted. "Don't I get something?"

She flicked her ear. "You get the satisfaction of a job well done, sonny."

Petalpaw coughed into her chest fur, struggling to hold back a laugh. "He can have the rest of the mouse. I'm not very hungry."

"Meh." Missy batted it over with her paw. "Here you go, buddy. Go wild."

"I already am!" Lionpaw chirped, grabbing the scraps and disappearing down the ladder to help the other warriors.

"Funny fellow," the old loner commented. "When your weird friend mentioned a whole bunch of ya', I thought he was kidding. Even after he brought that other one- Cloudsomethin'. But you  _do_  got a decent amount of cats with ya'll."

"This is just a small patrol," she assured her. "There's a whole lot of us, living in different groups."

Missy sniffed the air. "How odd. But I'm sure it has its perks. 'Specially in weather like this."

Petalpaw shivered and subconsciously moved closer, trying not to think too much. "I guess."

The old she-cat narrowed her eyes at her. "You heal cats, huh? Must be a big job."

"Yes, ma'am." She glanced away. "I don't think I'm very good at it."

"Why not?"

"Let's just say I've made mistakes and keep it at that."

"Well, shoot," Missy snorted. "Everyone does that. Why d'ya think I'm stuck up here?"

"Dunno."

"Got hit by a car."

"A what?"

"Them big'uns that the Upwalkers use. T'was completely my fault. And now look at me." She gestured to her body, mangled and snarled. "I'm bleeding out from the inside."

"I doubt-"

"I don't. It's not a big leak, so it's taking its time, but I'm definitely leaking." She shrugged, grimacing with pain. "Happens to the best of 'em. Doesn't make me any less of a cat. Just means I'm going out like a fire."

Petalpaw nosed her fur, ignoring the stench. "I'm sorry to hear that."

Missy leaned heavily on her, taking in a shaky breath. "I'm sure, whatever happened, you've got cats who want ya' to be happy," she meowed. "We all do."

The medicine cat apprentice glanced at her paws, finding them to be shaking.  _What am I doing? She's_  dying _, and she still feels the need to comfort me. I must be really pathetic._  Petalpaw leaned back, winding their tails together. Missy's felt dead and flat. "Yes, I do."

"Hmmm." Missy stared out into the snow outside, which was becoming shadowy as the sun went down. "I bet my cave cat'll miss me."

"Cave cat?"

"The cave cat. You musta heard about her."

Petalpaw shook her head.

"Oh." Missy tilted her chin up thoughtfully. "Well, her name is Checkers. She lives 'bout a day or so from here, opposite the rising sun. Guards this big ol' cave."

"Guards it?"

"Eeyup. From nasty rogues. She lets nice ones live with her temporarily. I used to hang out with her and her ma  _all_  the time." She frowned a little. "Now that I think about it, I haven't gone over since Birch passed away. Shame on me."

"There's still time," she offered.

"That is a nice thought, but..." She shook her head. "No."

* * *

_The moor was a beauty of simple design and colors; plain but tall grasses, overladen with the bright purple of heather. The sun was warm on Petalpaw's back as she took in a deep breath, comforted by the gentle breeze that blew through her fur._

_"Well?" someone asked, and Petalpaw looked over her shoulder to see the gray tom. "Aren't you gonna go in?"_

_Petalpaw gazed at the moor. She could just barely make out the WindClan camp in the distance. "I think I'd like to stay here for a bit."_

_The gray tom moved to sit next to her, ears pricked attentively. "Your family is just on the horizon. Don't you want to go see them?"_

_She shook her head. "This is just a dream."_

_He tilted his head to the side. "Are you scared?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Of what?"_

_"I don't know," she confessed. "I just am."_

_"Are you scared of me?" A quiet voice questioned, and the words wrapped around her, sucking the warmth and life out of the scenery. It was cold again. Dead and cold. Petalpaw's breathing billowed around her in a cloud as she fluffed out her fur, terrified beyond rational measure. Poppykit curled up against her leg, chillier than any icicle._

_Petalpaw reached out to brush their noses together. Poppykit's was like a chip of ice. "I'm scared I'll forget you and move on."_

_"You should."_

_She squeezed her eyes shut. "Don't say that. Please."_

_Poppykit poked her belly. "I shouldn't have left camp, and I'm sad that I'll never get to be a medicine cat. But you will! You're gonna do a lot of amazing things for the Clan. Isn't that great in and of itself?"_

_"Not if cats have to die to do it!"_

_The tortoiseshell blinked up at her. There were a million stars in her eyes. "No one ever_ has _to die. They just run out of pawsteps to make."_

_"But-"_

_"It's time for you to wake up, now. It's getting colder."_

Petalpaw jerked awake as if bitten, the fur along her shoulders rising. It wasn't even dawn outside yet. She slumped back down with a long sigh, fondly wishing for the days when she didn't remember her dreams. She hadn't known how lucky she was, back then. "Hey, Missy?"

Nothing.

She nudged the she-cat's shoulder with her paw, only to find it solid and unyielding. Petalpaw opened her mouth to drink in the air and found it swamped with the nasty-sweet odor of death. The black and white she-cat rolled away with a cry of shock.

"I just slept next to a dead body," she said aloud, too shaken to keep her thoughts to herself. "I think I'm gonna be sick."

She almost fell off the ladder as she descended, but it barely crossed her mind. Petalpaw trudged out of the barn and into the flat area outside. The trees were crusted with snow and ice; likewise, the ground crunched under-paw.  _Someone has to make Missy a grave. But there aren't any elders here._  She found a spot halfway down and started to dig. _I guess I'll make a good runner-up._

Quiet pawsteps interrupted her, and Petalpaw looked up, instantly hopeful that she'd somehow misread the situation, but it was Sandstream, who dipped his head in greeting as he joined her. They worked in silence. It was Sandstream who retrieved Missy's body, nudging it off the loft so it fell with a sick thud. Petalpaw flinched at the sound.

Dawnbelly jarred awake, lifting his head with a yawn. "Oh. G'morning."

Sandstream sent him a look, picking the she-cat up and putting most of her weight on his back. He didn't seem to expect the black and white spotted tom to help, nor did Dawnbelly offer to. Petalpaw took up her legs; which, now that they were uncovered, she could see weren't in the best of shape.  _How long ago was she hit, anyway?_

"Hey, Sandy?" Dawnbelly was next to Sandstream now. "Walk and talk?"

He flicked an ear dismissively

"Awesome." The warrior smiled at him gratefully. "I was just wondering who you thought might be the next deputy, you know? Your dad is a senior warrior, so you've had to have heard  _something_."

Sandstream stopped and looked at him. It screamed 'what in StarClan are you talking about?'

Dawnbelly shrugged. "I mean, Volespring isn't going to be deputy anymore, is she? She's been brutally injured. And I like to think I've got a good chance. I mean, I  _was_  Cloudwillow's mentor, and he turned out pretty good, didn't he? Hawktail is nice, but sometimes he's a little  _too_  nice. Not to mention he's got Lionpaw. The same goes for Tallblaze and Sedgepaw. Cherryfur is younger than me, and she's got the kits to take care of. Fluffywing was a kittypet. So, the way I see it, it's between me, you, and your dad."

_Is he serious? We're moving a body!_

Sandstream seemed to feel the same, curtly shaking his head and picking up the pace. Petalpaw had never seen the warrior so serious before.

"And this probably bumped me up in Graystar's books a lot, too," Dawnbelly continued. "I mean, I got food for the Clan! A bunch of it! You're an amazing warrior, Sandy, but I dunno how you could top that."

The warrior stood aside as Sandstream and Petalpaw lowered Missy into her hole, then started to help fill it in, which surprised her. Sandstream smiled at Dawnbelly, giving him a supportive nudge, then stood back. The medicine cat apprentice raised her tail authoritatively. "Goodbye, Missy. May you find good hunting, swift running, and shelter when you sleep."

"We should get going," Dawnbelly meowed as soon as she was finished. "Graystar is expecting us."

Petalpaw whirled on him, insulted. "What about the vigil?"

"What vigil?" he asked. "She was a loner. Not a Clan cat."

Petalpaw's ears flattened. "She needs someone to honor her. And who will tell Checkers?"

"Who?"

"A friend of her's she told me about. She deserves to know."

Dawnbelly let out a long sigh. "Look. If this 'Checkers'  _really_  cared about Missy, she would've been here. Plain and simple. She can find out when she comes to visit."

Petalpaw saw red. Before she knew it her claws were out and she was slashing him across the face. He stumbled back with a cry.

"You  _say_  you think you're going to be a good deputy, and then you pull stuff like this!" she hissed at him. Petalpaw's chest felt like it was on fire. "Graystar wouldn't pick you if you were the last warrior in the Clans! You're a selfish, cruel excuse of a warrior!"

Dawnbelly straightened and shook himself. "Selfish? For what? Doing my job?" His voice was gruff. "My duty is to RiverClan. If she popped up near the border, I'd have no choice but to chase her away." He glared at her disdainfully. "Or did you forget that not everyone has to be as peaceful and caring as you medicine cats pretend to be?"

Petalpaw lowered her head, ready to tussle if the confrontation went full-on. _I won't win, but he certainly won't get out of it with both his eyes!_  "Your loyalty is to yourself. You stole me from my home and almost caused a war between our Clans, for heather's sake! How does  _that_  qualify as loyalty?"

"We needed the catmint!"

"No one has catmint right now! It's common knowledge!"

He pulled back a little. "You can never be too careful when it comes to WindClan. You're sneaky and sly. If you can get out of helping, you will."

The fire died in her chest a little. The words reminded her too much of Ravenfur, and his suspicions towards RiverClan.  _Is this really what all can be said of warriors? Accusations and paranoia?_  She scoffed and shook the thought away. "I'll never understand what someone as nice as Littlepelt saw in you."

He tensed, eyes narrowing to slits. "Don't speak of things you don't understand."

"I understand more than you think, Dawnbelly." Petalpaw pushed past him. "I'm going to find Checkers. Missy told me where she would be."

"She's a loner!" he called after her. "You're throwing out your safety for a cat you barely know!"

"I'm throwing my safety away because it's the right thing to do!" she called back, tail lashing.

Dawnbelly and Sandstream turned away from her slowly, making their way back to the barn. Petalpaw wondered what it said about her that the warriors were willing to let her go so easily.  _Maybe they think I'll wuss out. I could understand that. I've never been all that brave._

"Petalpaw, wait up!" Lionpaw meowed, and she smiled, knowing she wouldn't be taking this walk alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyy, Petalpaw's finally starting to come into her own! I'm so proud. As always, Lionpaw is a good friend.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	22. Checkers

"...Believe it or not, the best thing to do if you're hurt and a medicine cat isn't around is to stick the wound in snow," Petalpaw rambled brightly, eyes half-shuttered against the falling flakes. "The cold will lessen the blood flow, and you can call out to someone else to get help."

Lionpaw looked at her quizzically. "And you know this... why?"

"Because Whitestripe may sleep longer and deeper than any other cat I've met, but she's still a good mentor." She flicked her tail so it brushed his shoulder. "It's kind of my job to know, you'll recall."

The white tom shuddered; not from the cold. "Doesn't blood freak you out?" he meowed. "It freaks me out."

"Sometimes," she admitted, thinking back to Poppykit and how red her paws had been as the kit lay before her, dying. It made her a little ill. "But it doesn't bother me as much as it does others cats. Besides; my job is more about memorization than it is plugging up wounds."

Lionpaw accepted this with a nod, headbutting her shoulder. "It's getting dark out. We should rest."

Petalpaw had hardly noticed as noon turned to evening. She'd been busy, distracted; anything to keep her mind off Graystar, who would undoubtedly shred her for going off on her own.  _Not to mention dragging another apprentice with me. I'm not being a good example, that's for sure._  Still. She couldn't shake the thought of Checkers, the cave cat Missy had seemed to miss.  _I have to tell her. I have to tell_  someone. "You're right. We can hunt in the morning."

Together, the two apprentices dug themselves a makeshift den in the snow, using the roots of a tree as their roof. Petalpaw and Lionpaw both wedged themselves in, practically lying on top of each other, and waited in stiff silence as the sun disappeared over the horizon. The medicine cat could just make out the stars through the branches and leaves, their light pouring onto her back like water. She hoped that was a sign that their journey was well-received by StarClan.

"Lionpaw?" she prompted, breath hissing out like steam.

"Yeah?"

Petalpaw tried to find the right words. "You've been so supportive and kind to me lately, even though you've been through so much... I just wonder why, I guess. You came all this way for me. Don't you miss Sedgepaw?"

"Of  _course_  I miss Sedgepaw." Lionpaw lifted his head, blue eyes clouded with confusion. "You just seemed like you needed me more."

"Oh." She stared at her paws. _Good going, rabbit-brain. Now you just sound rude._

"Littlepelt took you in as her own. We barely knew you, but she didn't care. She just wanted you to be safe," he continued, almost whispering. The grief in his voice was deeper than any thorn. "That has to  _mean_  something."

Petalpaw leaned against him, hoping she brought him some form of comfort. "I'm sorry about Littlepelt."

Lionpaw shook his head. "There wasn't anything anyone could do." The apprentice pulled up a clump of dead grass and dirt with his claws. "I have Hawktail, y'know? I think... I think he kinda wants to be my dad, if that makes any sense? Like, he's my mentor, and he wants me to be successful, but he wants to take care of me, too."

"I understand that," she meowed, thinking of Cloudear. She wondered if he would try to do the same with her, since it seemed more and more likely he and Raintail were becoming mates, if they hadn't already. "Do you want that?"

He shrugged. "I don't see why not. I like Hawktail. He's nice. Between you and me, I think he's not interested in she-cats, and that's why he's never had any kits of his own."

"It's not exactly like there's a bunch of she-cats his age, either," she pointed out. "Tallblaze is it, and they wouldn't be a good match."

"Volespring, too."

"I think we all can agree that Volespring isn't even a little interested in having kits."

"Are we really discussing hooking my mentor up so he can have a litter?"

Petalpaw snorted ungracefully. "This is pretty fluff-brained, isn't it?"

"I dunno," Lionpaw admitted. "I'm having fun. Just don't tell Hawktail. He'd probably puff up like a pinecone. He's easily embarrassed like that."

The black and white she-cat reached out to bump his nose playfully. "I won't. Promise."

* * *

They set out after munching on a thin blackbird, burying the feathers in the snow like a treasure. The trees thinned out for a bit, then got thicker all over again, strangling the WindClan cat. Eventually, they found a wall of rock, stretching many twoleg-lengths up, with only a thin incline off the side to climb up with.

"This must be the place," Petalpaw said, feeling queasy just looking at it.  _This isn't much better than climbing a tree. I don't care what the warriors say; cats aren't meant to leave the ground!_

"Must be," Lionpaw echoed, looking a little scared himself. They exchanged a look, then began the slow walk up, trudging through the snow without a word. Petalpaw couldn't remember the last time her paws felt dry.

A clattering had her fur bristling, but it was only Lionpaw, accidentally sending a few crumbling stones into the trees below. "Be  _careful_!" she hissed.

"I am!" he wailed, looking mortified. "It's not like I  _want_  to fall down!"

A loud, territorial hiss had both of them freezing, claws extended, as a voice yelled down. "Who's out there!?"

"Petalpaw of WindClan!" Petalpaw called up. "And this is Lionpaw of RiverClan!"

The figure of a cat came to peer down at them from on top of the ledge. They were remarkably smaller than Petalpaw had expected; the rogue looked like she would only come up to her shoulder. Her fur was a dark brown tabby color, with deep amber eyes. A thick scar wrapped around the front of her throat like a collar.

"I don't know what that means," the rogue growled.

"It means we're friends," she called up to her. "I'm a medicine cat; I have no ties to any living cat."

"Is that a threat?"

"No, no! It means I don't have any divided loyalties."

The rogue barred her front teeth. "You're not making much sense, Petalpaw of WindClan."

Lionpaw piped up. "Uh, hi, miss? We know Missy."

Her ears perked up. "Missy?"

"Yup." He bobbed his head. "She had super long, messy fur, and yellow eyes."

"Had?" Her voice turned hard.

Lionpaw flinched. "Yes, ma'am. That's why we're here. She, uh, mentioned someone named Checkers?"

The brown tabby disappeared for a moment, only to reappear at the top of the incline. She looked far less unwelcoming. "I'm Checkers. Would you like to come inside?"

Petalpaw wanted to flop over from sheer relief. "If it's not a problem."

Checkers shook her head. "Any friend of Missy's is a friend of mine. Besides; this is a private conversation."

She led them up the rest of the snowy incline, showing off the entrance to her cave with a proud flourish of her tail. "It's well-lit. Come right on in," she meowed, then dove inside without waiting to see if they had agreed. Petalpaw went next, feeling the stone brush against her back as she descended slightly. The tunnel flattened out quickly, sprawling out like a rabbit with a full belly. _There's enough room for a whole forest in here!_

Checkers sat down with a smile, ear flicking. "Pop a squat, kiddos."

Lionpaw picked his way over with delicate hops. "Is there something on the floor?"

"Old hay. It makes sleeping on the rock a bit less abrasive."

Petalpaw glanced at her paws, surprised. She hadn't even noticed. "Have you lived here a long time, Checkers?"

"Oh, yes." Checkers sounded pleased with herself. "I was born here, actually. And so was my mother.  _And_  her mother. It was my great-grandma who found this place. Her name was Portal. She used to say the walls spoke to her. It kinda spooked me as a kitten. The story, I mean. It's not like she was around when I was born."

Petalpaw's ears pricked. In the distance, a stream echoed off the walls, creating a quiet whispering. _Is that what Portal heard? Or do spirits really live here?_

The rogue licked one of her paws. "Anyway. Portal gave birth to Echo, who had Birch, who had me. And now I'm here. Protecting the place."

Lionpaw cocked his head to the side. "From what?"

Checkers shrugged. "Whatever comes, I guess." The tabby seemed to snap out of something, ears flattening. "A-anywho, you said something about Missy?"

She nodded solemnly. "We came to her barn to hunt for prey for our Clan. I found her all mangled up in the top area, and she told me she'd been hit by a car. She passed away in the night."

The brown tabby closed her eyes tightly, as if willing her grief to settle. "I see. I'm sorry to hear about that."

"I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you," Petalpaw replied, feeling the words tug at her throat.

Checkers sighed, opening her eyes. "If it's okay to ask; what's a Clan?"

Lionpaw was the one who answered. "We're a bunch of cats who live together."

"Lionpaw," she scolded, nudging him. Petalpaw addressed Checkers. "It's more than that. It's a family. A community. We all take care of each other."

"When we aren't trying to claw each other, you mean."

"I'm pretty sure that's standard for most families."

"Maybe."

Checkers watched the playful argument like they were batting prey between each other instead of words, intensely interested. "A  _bunch_  of cats? How many is a bunch?"

"I dunno," Lionpaw waved his paws vaguely. "This many, I guess."

Her eyes widened with awe. "Wow. I've never seen  _that_  many cats before."

"You could come with us," Petalpaw urged, surprising even herself. "Our leader will want proof that we didn't just shirk our duties. Having you come with us will make the whole story a lot more believable."

Checkers seemed to consider it, finally shaking her head. "My duty is here. I can't just  _leave_." She reached out a paw in a welcoming manner. "You can stay the night, though, if you want. Make sure you're well-rested for the trip."

The look in her eyes told the apprentices it was more about staving off the she-cat's loneliness than it was being well-rested, and they quickly agreed, if only to be polite. Checkers immediately pushed the hay together to make them some makeshift nests to sleep in. Petalpaw noticed the she-cat had a dip in the stone she called her own, curling up with a pleased sigh.

 _Graystar is gonna rip me apart_ , Petalpaw thought, slowly closing her eyes. _But I suppose this is a decent enough final night on this patch of land we call our own._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Checkers! Tbh, her entire design was based solely on flipping the script on the whole 'brown tabby with scars is evil' routine the actual books have a habit of falling into. That, and they're a really pretty kind of cat!
> 
> -Mandaree1


	23. Clancoming

_"_ _The snow is too high! We have to flee!"_

_Terror rippled through Petalpaw's pelt. The snow was falling fast and heavy, and showed no interest in stopping. The flakes were fat and large, sticking to everything like burrs. Above, the sky was as gray as her mother's pelt, and far less welcoming._

_"RiverClan!" Graystar cried again, desperate for her voice to reach through the weather. "To me!"_

_"You heard her, Petal!" Hawktail yelled as he sprinted past her. "Boys? Boys, where are you?"_

_The gray tom's smell alerted her as he materialized beside her, nosing her shoulder. "Come on. We have to get moving."_

_Petalpaw looked at him, baffled. She slowly nodded._

_The duo made their way to the stone wall that encircled the camp, digging their claws in as they began to climb. Above them was Hawktail and the other two apprentices, the gray and white tom diligently monitoring their progress. Near the very top was Graystar, frantically helping Volespring over that last chunk of stone. Petalpaw made her way up with the gray tom and took a seat off to the side, watching as the others came. Tallblaze and Sandstream chose to go up together, the former's tail securely in the latter's mouth for leverage. Carpjaw nudged Cloudwillow up with impatient grunts, gesturing to Fluffywing to follow. Cherryfur and Dawnbelly climbed together, side by side. She didn't notice Whitestripe on the wall, but the medicine cat had made it to the top at some point, solemnly watching over the others._

_"Is that everyone?" Volespring called, her voice piercing despite the pain she must surely be in._

_The gray tom nudged her shoulder again. "Look."_

_Petalpaw watched with a dawning sense of horror as a gray and orange calico she-cat came tumbling out of the nursery, screaming as loud as she could. "My kits! They're gone!"_

_Cherryfur let out a gasp. "The babies!"_

_The calico went to climb back down, but Tallblaze snagged her by the scruff. "We can't risk losing you now!" she snapped through the fur._

_She stared at the senior warrior. "I can't lose another one. I just can't."_

_"Let's go," the gray tom urged, and Petalpaw leapt off the wall without thinking, ignoring the cry of shock Fluffywing emitted. She landed securely in the rising snow, which was almost up to her chest. The gray tom walked on top of the substance, dancing with the snowflakes and stars as he scanned the clearing. "Over here! I see a divot!"_

_Petalpaw dug into the snow with all her might. The smell of herbs tinged the air from the half-full den nearby. Blackstorm hopped over and dug with an unintelligible yowl, baring her teeth with the effort. Finally, she spotted an ear, then a head, and then Tansykit was half uncovered. She was curled up in a ball, paws tightly clamped over her muzzle to keep the snow out._

_"Darling?" Blackstorm prompted desperately._

_Tansykit opened her eyes and, realizing she was free, let out a wail. "Maaaaaaammmmmmaaaaa!"_

_"Sh, sh, sh," Blackstorm soothed, gently pulling her free. "It's alright, dear. Mama's got you."_

_"Get her to Whitestripe," Petalpaw demanded. "We can handle the other two."_

_The queen stared at her a moment, unsure, before jerking her head in a curt nod._

_"The second one is over here!" the gray tom called, gesturing to a spot on the opposite side of the medicine den. Petalpaw heaved her body over, trying to keep the snow out of her eyes._ _She dug a little deeper this time, coming up with Patchkit, her long calico pelt soaked to the bone._

_"I'm_ cold _!" she blubbered, burying her face in the medicine cat apprentice's pelt. Petalpaw's heart broke a little inside._

_"Take her," she told the gray tom, who nodded. He sprinted across the clearing to the warriors' den, gesturing to a place with his tail, then took off for the rock wall, Patchkit dangling like fresh-kill in his jaws._

_The snow was almost impossible to get through now, but Petalpaw refused to back down, digging deeper and deeper._ Where is Hollykit? _The thought of losing her made her feel helpless._ Wasn't taking Poppykit enough for you, StarClan? Hollykit is needed here!

_Suddenly, the prick of her claws collapsed a bubble of air in the snow, and Hollykit wriggled out with an agitated cry. Relief warmed her bones, making the cold just a little less biting. "Thank StarClan. Now, come'on-" she reached for her. "Let's go."_

_Hollykit let out a hiss, spine arching. "I'm not going anywhere with you! You killed Poppykit!"_

_"_ What _?" Petalpaw reared back, shocked. "Hollykit, now isn't the time for this! We're all going to die!"_

_"Don't come any closer!" the orange and white kit cried, arching her tail aggressively._

_Anger surged through Petalpaw. She stood up straight and looked the tiny kit in the eye. Hollykit seemed to shrink under her stare._

_"I'm only going to say this once," she meowed firmly. "Poppykit's death wasn't_ _my fault." Hollykit's eyes stretched wide with shock. "Now, let's go. Your mothers are terrified."_

_"No!" Hollykit yelled, taking a swipe at her, and suddenly all Petalpaw saw was red. The apprentice let out a choked gurgle before falling to the snow, blood seeping out of her chest. She could feel her eyes glazing over with stars, and knew she was going to die._

_Above her stood Hollykit, only she was much older than Petalpaw recalled, tall and lean and strong. She looked horrified. Her paw was coated with blood. "I just wanted to project my family," she whispered, shaking her head in disbelief. "Not this."_

_The last thing Petalpaw saw was her own paw, curled up in the rising snow. It was brown._

* * *

Petalpaw didn't jolt awake that particular morning. Rather, she slowly opened her eyes, lifting her head with a bleary sigh.  _It sure would be nice if my dreams weren't all so psychological and anecdotal,_  she thought, frustrated.  _Why can't I ever remember the dreams where I chase prey or go for a nice swim?_

She slipped out of the cave, reveling in the fresh air as it filled her lungs. Dawn highlighted the horizon as she took a seat at the very edge, watching morning come. The sky was clear and serene. _I could really go for a rabbit right now. Even the scrawniest, least fed rabbit on the moor. That would be enough._

The displacement of gravel warned Petalpaw of Checkers' approach, the she-cat leaving the cave with a yawn bigger than her body should've been able to hold. "Morning, medicine cat. Why're you up so early?"

"Stuff and things," she meowed cryptically. Checkers let out a little laugh and joined her, sitting down with a wide smile. "Actually, I had a bad dream, so I thought I'd just get up."

"Bad dreams suck." The loner reached out to press her nose to Petalpaw's cheek. "Hopefully you'll sleep better tonight, then."

"I sure hope so. I haven't been sleeping very well lately."

She cocked her head to the side, looking shockingly patient. "Any reason?"

"I can think of a few." Petalpaw swallowed and stared at her paws. "I, uh, I recently had a kit die under my paws. A queen died in my den before that."

"Oh, dear," Checkers meowed sympathetically, winding their tails together. "I'm so sorry."

She shook her head to clear it. "I'm learning to move on, I guess. Sort of. It's not easy."

"I don't think it's supposed to be."

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did, hon."

"I mean, can I ask you something else?"

"You did it again!" she purred, then bumped her shoulder. "Of course you can."

Petalpaw blinked at her passively. "Do you really think Portal heard voices?"

"Dunno." Checkers shrugged. "I never met her. My mom seemed to think she did, though, and she was pretty sensible, so I believe her. There's stories of a family of rogues who lived here a few seasons back, so it might've been them." Her tail quivered. "Sometimes, I talk to 'em. I know it's silly, but if I  _am_  living with ghosts, they deserve to have their ears chewed on every once in awhile."

"Do they ever talk back?" Petalpaw asked. As a medicine cat, it didn't seem like an odd question to ask. She'd seen a piece of  _StarClan_ , for heather's sake. She was haunted by the ghost of a tom she didn't even know the name of. She thought she saw movements in the stars at night, as if the warriors were shifting and rearranging themselves before a good night's sleep. If she spoke to spirits, and they spoke back, it really wouldn't shock her.

"Oh, yes, they say plenty," she said, straight-faced, before breaking down into snickers. "They tell me the future, and the past, and the best place to scratch."

"Have they predicted my future?" she meowed, smiling.

Checkers straightened and pushed her shoulder with her paw, eyes bright. "I predict kits in your future!"

"I thought it was the spirits predicting? And, trust me, there are no kits in my future. I'm not allowed to accept a mate."

Her smile didn't dampen a bit. "I didn't say they would be _your_  kits, did I?"

"Touche," Petalpaw admitted. "You really should come with us, you know."

"To save you from the wrath of your leader?"

"That's just a bonus." She flicked her ear. "I don't see why the spirits would begrudge you going to see something you wanted to see."

"Perhaps not..." Checkers perked up a little. "Heck, why not? If anyone tries to mess with the cave while I'm gone, I'll rip their fur off!"

"That's the spirit," Petalpaw replied, then realized she'd made a pun and rolled her eyes. "Well, let's go get the slow slug outta the hay and get moving."

* * *

Petalpaw wasn't really sure what to expect as they slipped nearer and nearer to RiverClan. She'd never seen a situation like this play out before. Of course, she'd heard stories of escorts from Ravenfur, but that was different. She wasn't going to visit. She was returning to her temporary home, with her temporary mentor, and her temporary leader who could not-so-temporarily punish her. The itch to go back to WindClan was almost maddening- she wasn't guarded right now, or within the pouncing range of any warriors, and she knew Lionpaw would never hurt her- but there was no way Graystar wouldn't retaliate. For the sake of her Clan's pride, she'd have to.

As her paws followed half-filled in steps in the snow, she realized that, despite her wish to go home, she didn't feel the urge to flee RiverClan. Not like she used to, when she learned to swim in case a chance appeared.  _There's badgers in the territory. Two cats have already died. I'm needed here._ That, of course, didn't put her above consequences, and a hard pit of worry had begun to form in her belly.

Petalpaw counted themselves lucky that it was a small patrol that came upon them at the border; just Cloudwillow, Hawktail, Tallblaze, and Sedgepaw. The apprentice immediately took off in a sprint, wrapping himself around his brother with a cry.

"I thought you were gone forever!" he yowled into his fur. "Don't ever do that to me again!"

Caught up in watching the reunion, she didn't notice the gray and white warrior approaching until Hawktail slung a paw around her back, pulling her close with a purr. "Oh, thank the stars! I was getting real worried about you kids!" He broke away to join Sedgepaw and Lionpaw, laughing brightly.

Tallblaze and Cloudwillow were far more cautious, the former dipping her head formally to Petalpaw. Cloudwillow had a small chuckle at her expense as he meowed, "Graystar's hopping mad."

"I figured," she sighed. "I'm shocked she didn't try and send someone to get me."

"Oh, she almost did," he answered, surprising her. "Whitestripe intervened. Said something about it being a medicine cat errand. Still. You're gonna be cleaning a  _lot_  of nests the next moon or two."

Tallblaze approached Checkers with narrowed eyes, impersonal but not necessarily unfriendly. "And who is this?"

"My errand," Petalpaw said, and left it at that.

Hawktail had never looked more enthusiastic in the short time she had known him than on the way back to camp, pelt securely pressed against Lionpaw's. Likewise, Checkers kept looking around with shock and awe, as if she expected them all to fade into snowflakes.  _If only. A pile of snowflakes can't get their tails handed to them._

Cloudwillow trotted to the front as they neared, pushing through the reeds to call out. "They're back, everybody! And they brought a friend!"

The familiar and fishy scent of the camp soothed Petalpaw somewhat, and as she went through she found herself smiling just a little, ears pricked. The first thing she noticed was Volespring looking up from the meager fresh-kill pile, a stringy vole clamped in her jaws. The deputy looked much better, though her face and ear were still wrapped. The injured paw was curled close to her belly for safe-keeping, leaving her gimping back to the medicine den with a determined look about her. Swiftmist and Blackstorm were the other only cats out in camp, quietly chatting while the kittens napped. They both glanced their direction, curious.

The reeds in front of the leader's den rattled, then were pushed aside as Graystar left her den. Petalpaw swallowed at the hard look in her eye. She approached with big pawsteps, scanning them without expression.

"Well," she prompted when she was in front of them, deceptively calm. "And what do we have to say for ourselves?"

"Aw, come'on, Graystar," Hawktail pleaded. "They're just apprentices. We all do fish-brained things at their age."

Graystar turned her head slightly to listen, blinking, then fixed her eyes back on them. "This is no time for fish-brained things, Hawktail. Or have you forgotten about the  _last_  time apprentices snuck out while badgers were running amok?"

The warrior flinched and stared at the ground, ashamed.

"Poor Featherpaw," Swiftmist whispered to Blackstorm, shaking her head sadly. "Stonebird was never the same."

Petalpaw and Lionpaw exchanged a look. She knew they should probably apologize, but she didn't personally feel sorry, and she thought the she-cat would be all the more angry with her if she attempted to lie to her face. Checkers' eyes darted between all of them, fascinated and scared for them all at once.

Graystar seemed to notice. She dipped her head to the rogue. "I don't know who you are, but I thank you for bringing them back. If you'd like, you can stay the night."

"Really? That'd be wonderful, ma'am."

She gestured to the medicine den with her tail. "My warriors will escort you to the border at dawn. Thank you for your cooperation."

Whitestripe poked her head out to welcome Checkers inside, flashing Petalpaw a nod. Petalpaw didn't nod back, trying not to seem like a worthwhile target for the large and very strong cat currently staring them down.

Finally, Graystar came to a decision. "Neither of you are leaving camp again for at least a moon. It's clear I can't trust you outside of it, and you'll have to work very hard to gain that trust back. Understood?"

"Yes, Graystar," Petalpaw meowed, head almost to her paws.

Lionpaw edged a little closer. "Graystar?"

" _What_?" she snapped.

The white tom seemed to lose half his body weight, rapidly disappearing into his cloud of fur. "What about hunting? Sedgepaw can't feed the elders and queen all by his lonesome."

"He did it just fine while you were gone," Graystar reminded him tersely, but ultimately saw his point. "You may go out to hunt, but only with your mentors. No hunting or border patrols for either of you."

Petalpaw felt a bit of dread as she agreed. Whitestripe didn't hunt much. She mostly just slept this time of year, giving StarClan ample time to give her hints and clues to helping her Clan survive another Leaf-bare. There was no way she'd wake up at dawn and urge her to sink her claws into some sparrows.  _I'm going to be bored stiff!_

The leader stared them down some more, then jerked her head to the side. "To your dens, both of you. I want you awake when the dawn patrols are out. You've got a lot of moss and ticks to get through."

They all but sprinted away, desperate to escape. Neither of them slept a wink that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graystar may not have ever had kits before, but she's got that patented Angry Mom Stare. She probably got it from her own mom, seeing how she was a pawful as a kid.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	24. Forgiveness

"Good, Patchkit," Volespring rumbled. The deputy was laid out on her good hip, paws crossed. "And what did Cloudberry and Ryewhisker do?"

"They fell in love," Patchkit chirped. "Cloudberry was a RiverClan cat, and Ryewhisker was a WindClan cat. Ryewhisker died protecting Cloudberry in a battle between their Clans, so they made a rule that cats from other Clans couldn't be too close."

"Hmm..." The deputy stretched. "I still don't see why you're so interested in learning all the old warrior code stories. Most apprentices hate that part of the most."

"Not me!" The calico boasted, puffing out her tiny chest. "I'm going to be the best warrior in RiverClan!"

"Is that so?" Volespring meowed, whiskers twitching. "I suppose I'll have to train you, then. Can't be the best warrior without the help of the deputy."

Patchkit let out an excited squeak, hopping onto her side to tug at her ear. "Tell me another, Volespring! Tell me another!"

Petalpaw watched the duo from her nest. She gnawed on a robin bone to seem busy, trying to place this surprisingly patient molly with the she-cat who marched around camp with her tail stuck in the air, yelling demands. Volespring had never struck her as someone with a soft spot towards kits.  _Then again, there's no logical reason to make a cat that can't kittensit deputy. That's basically what their job is, only the 'kits' are a lot bigger._

Whitestripe's voice had her looking up, though it wasn't directed to her. Rather, she was talking to Tansykit, seated right beside her, tail politely wrapped around her paws. "This is stinging nettle. It can bring down swelling. This over here is dock, and soothes scratches. Repeat that back to me?"

"Stinging nettle for swelling, dock for scratches," Tansykit meowed.

 _You can put dock in nests_ , Petalpaw thought, remembering a fact Birdleap had told her many moons ago.  _It stings at first, but it helps overall_. It was an even stranger sight to see the medicine cat up and at 'em before the first hunting patrol returned, but Tansykit and Patchkit both had proved adamant. In a way, she was jealous of them, of how they felt comfortable just busting in and demanding attention.

It was pretty clear the former kit had wormed her way into Whitestripe's heart while she was away, and while that was good for RiverClan (she wouldn't be around forever, after all), Petalpaw found herself missing the brown and white tabby. _It's not like I can go up to her right now, either. Tansykit was Poppykit's sister; she doesn't want to be anywhere near me._

Prey eaten, she gave her paws a thorough washing before slipping out into the clearing. Fluffywing and Swiftmist were sharing a water vole, the elder rambling out a story. Petalpaw reluctantly stuck her head in the nursery, finding Cherryfur and Blackstorm curled up together. "I'm here for a moss change."

"Hmm?" Cherryfur sat up, shaking her messy fur out. "Alright, alright, I'm up. You want anything from the pile, dear?"

"Another moon or so of sleep," Blackstorm rumbled, eyes tightly closed.

"I doubt the hunters brought anything so magnificent home last night." She nudged the queen's side. "But I'll see if I can find something."

Petalpaw stepped aside as Cherryfur and Blackstorm stumbled out of their warm nest. Hollykit burst past all of them, her orange and white fur bristled with sleep and irritation. The medicine cat apprentice watched sorrowfully as she sat down in a quiet little corner and began to dejectedly pluck at the reed barrier. Petalpaw remembered how happy and excitable she'd been once. Poppykit had been dead less than a moon, but her effect on them all was eternal. She let out a sigh and got to work.

She left the camp briefly to gather some more moss, digging through the snow with aching paws, wary of prodding Graystar's already thin fuse, then returned with it all tucked under her chin. The clearing had grown empty, save for Blackstorm, who was laying patiently just outside the den. A flash of orange out of the corner of her eye told her Hollykit was with Swiftmist; or, at the very least, in the elders' den.

"That doesn't look particularly dry," Blackstorm commented.

"It's hard to get dry moss out of snow," Petalpaw meowed stiffly. "Sorry."

She lashed her tail towards a spot she'd dug out. "Set 'er there so it can dry out." Petalpaw did so, straightening up, but before she could excuse herself Blackstorm patted the spot next to her, leaving a pawprint in the snow. "You can afford to keep me company for a bit. StarClan knows you and Lionpaw must be bored senseless by now."

Petalpaw swallowed.  _Isn't it awkward enough around here? Do we really have to make it into a big production?_  Still, she laid down next to the queen, giving her a polite amount of distance.

"Soooo," she prompted. "What did you think of that loner?"

"Checkers?"

"Who else? We haven't had much company lately."

Petalpaw imagined the dark brown tabby she-cat, how often she'd smiled and laughed and purred during her visit. The flash in her eyes as she said goodbye- sorrow, loneliness, and a bit of regret. She'd left when asked, and no patrol had caught of whiff of her scent since. "I think she was pretty kind," she meowed, ignoring how much she missed her presence already. That was the way of the world, after all. The chance they'd meet again was next to none. "Trustworthy, too."

Blackstorm accepted this with a nod. She let out a long sigh and leaned on her. "Uuuugggghhhh, I can't get my head in gear today." Petalpaw went still, terrified. The molly spared her a confused and slightly hurt look. "What's with you?"

"You're oddly touchy-feely this morning, is all."

"It's a cold morning. No cat's pride is large enough to ignore the bite of Leaf-bare when they can curl up next to other warriors instead."

"I'm a medicine cat," she pointed out. "And WindClan."

"This is about Poppykit, isn't it?" Blackstorm meowed, as if she were bringing up the weather.

Petalpaw's ears fell flat against her head. She looked away.  _What do I say to that? Sorry? It's too late for an apology to mean anything._

To her surprise, Blackstorm stretched her front legs out, claws sliding out and digging into the snow. She put her head on her arms and looked at her. She always looked tired to Petalpaw now, no matter how much sleep she got. "Honestly? I blamed you for it, at first. Just a little bit. I was more angry with StarClan than I was you, but every warrior likes to believe that a medicine cat can save them all. It's just not true."

"I wish it was," Petalpaw offered. It was all she had to give.

She nodded. "And then, one night, when you and Lionpaw were gone, Volespring came into the nursery in the middle of the night. She wasn't very subtle about it, either, considering she's still learning to walk on three paws. She stumbles on in in the dead of night, sits down next to me, and has the gall to poke me, like anyone slept through that." Blackstorm paused, cocking her head to the side and squinting. "Well, no, Cherryfur snored right on through it, but Cherryfur is practically impossible to wake up. She and Hawktail have snore-offs in the warriors' den." The queen shook herself back to the present. "Anyway. You wanna know what fish-brained thing she did? Like, the most fish-brained thing I've ever seen her do in my life?"

Petalpaw was too curious as to where this was going to deny probing her. "What did she do?"

"She offered to step down as RiverClan's deputy," she meowed grimly, rolling her eyes. "I looked at her- I looked at her and said 'Volespring, that's the most fish-brained thing I've ever heard in my life', because I was too tired to be polite. StarClan itself could have come down and woken me up, and I probably would've hacked up a hairball and rolled over." Petalpaw's nose wrinkled at the thought. "Volespring looked back at me and said 'I let you down', and I said 'Volespring, you fought a badger all by yourself to save my baby. How could you possibly have let me down?' And she told me her responsibility was to her Clanmates first, and if I felt she was unfit for deputy, she would willingly step down." Blackstorm laughed and shook her head all at once, as if the notion still baffled her. "And I guess it made me realize that we're all looking for someone to blame, and almost none of it is true, and that's not what I should focus on right now. I need to heal. I need to  _grieve_. I  _don't_  need to hiss at an apprentice I saw, first-hand, try her best to save my kit."

She stared at her white paws. It felt like anytime Petalpaw looked at them too long, she would see them as dark brown and crusty as they were when she slept with the blood on them, too exhausted to realize anything was wrong. "That's very noble of you, Blackstorm."

"That's what she said." Blackstorm twitched her whiskers pleasantly. "I made her sleep in the nursery with us that night. When I woke up, she was chatting with Patchkit; joking around and telling stories. They've been inseparable ever since." Her nose brushed the crown of Petalpaw's forehead. "Maybe it's your turn to sleep with the kits. Keep us safe in the night."

Petalpaw could hardly breathe.  _After all that's happened... she still trusts me to sleep near her kittens?_  She didn't even notice herself moving until she was pressing her muzzle into Blackstorm's side, dizzy with relief. Petalpaw hadn't felt so light in over a moon. "I'd be honored," she sniffled, too emotional to be proper, and Blackstorm chuckled.

Just under her elbow, Petalpaw could feel her purr.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'know what? I was gonna add more to this, develop other aspects of the plot, but now I feel like it should be left as is. This is more than important enough to be its own chapter.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	25. The Meeting

_"We have to keep going!" Whitestripe shrieked over the wind, her eyes squeezed shut. Petalpaw was in no better state, feeling the bitter snowflakes cut into her fur like claws. "We'll find shelter eventually!"_

_"Let's dig a place!" Petalpaw urged, remembering the stories she'd been told of the tunnelers. She'd take a tiny hole over dying in a blizzard any day._

_But her mentor shook her head. "The snow would fill it back in before we'd make much headway!"_

_Together, the medicine cats forced themselves to walk through the endless snow and ice, one paw after the other. A dark, foreboding part of her wondered if their paws would survive the trek- Petalpaw shook the thought away, mildly embarrassed by her fear of losing feet over the very real threat of losing her life._

_"This way!" a familiar voice called, and over the empty smell of snow she caught a whiff of the gray tom. Petalpaw forced her eyes to crack open just a little, detecting a blur of fur running on the snow._

_"It's him!" she gasped aloud. Something else occurred to Petalpaw. "Hey, I know this place!"_

_"You what?" Whitestripe yelped._

_Petalpaw craned her head up. In the distance, she could see the rising cliff and incline. "This is the way to Checkers' cave!" she cried, taking off in a sprint. "Follow me; I know the way!"_

_"Petalpaw, wait!" the medicine cat huffed, trying to keep up._

_The gray tom's tail seemed to be calling to Petalpaw, daring her to catch it. The WindClan cat spaced her body out, belly fur brushing against the snow as she urged her legs to move faster. The conditions weren't nearly as promising as they would've been on the moor in Greenleaf, but Petalpaw knew she could make it work. For the first time in moons, she felt brave and confident._ I can do this!

Petalpaw jolted out of her dream by a small paw thumping her in the haunches. Startled, she propped her front paws up, blinking away exhaustion. It wasn't like she didn't wake up from dreams often enough, but it hadn't been since she was a kit that she'd been interrupted before the dream could complete itself.  _Is something wrong?_  Petalpaw looked at Blackstorm and Cherryfur, but the mollies were fast asleep. Tansykit had found a spot between her mother's shoulders, while Hollykit- still angry with her, or so she gathered- had gone to the far end of the nest.

For a brief, horrible moment, she couldn't spot Patchkit, but then something sharp jabbed her. She twisted her head around to find Patchkit draped across her back legs and Blackstorm's tail, pouting. "If I'd known WindClan cats ran in their sleep, I wouldn't have curled up here!"

"Sorry," Petalpaw whispered sheepishly, and set her head on her paws. She looked out into the dark clearing and found sleep out of her grasp.

* * *

The black and white she-cat stumbled out of the nursery the next morning, the sky just beginning to lighten, and almost ran nose-first into Whitestripe. Petalpaw stumbled backwards with a cry of shock. "How long have you been sitting there?"

"Not long," Whitestripe meowed. "We need to talk about our dream."

" _Our_  dream?" Petalpaw yawned. "What do you mean-" She straightened suddenly, eyes wide. "Wait. That was actually you? And not a dream you? Is that even a  _thing_  for medicine cats?"

"Sometimes," the brown and white tabby admitted, herding her away. "Come on. We need to wake Graystar."

"We do?"

"Cats don't share dreams for no reason, Petalpaw," she said. "This must affect all of RiverClan."

"Oh." Petalpaw felt a creeping feeling in her belly. "No pressure, then."

Whitestripe didn't pause at the entrance, or even wait to announce her presence, simply pushing inside with an air that this was totally normal. Petalpaw was impressed by the way she breezed into Graystar's den. Graystar was much bigger than both of them, and (presumably) a powerful warrior- enough so to gain all of RiverClan's respect and admiration. But none of that seemed to matter to the medicine cat, who unsheathed her claws and dug them none-so-gently into Graystar's scruff.

"Up," she grunted. "We gotta talk."

Graystar let out a low growl, cracking open a single eye. "Oh, dear. Two medicine cats standing over me when I'm not sick. That's never a good sign." She sat up with a sigh, taking a second to scratch. "It's a surprise to see you awake so early, Whitestripe. I haven't even assigned patrols yet."

"We had a dream." Whitestripe gestured between herself and Petalpaw. Petalpaw tried to keep herself very still and out of the way, like a rabbit.

"Grand," Graystar groused. "I imagine, from your tone of voice, it's not a pleasant one."

"It's not mountains of fresh-kill and soft moss, no."

She finally opened both eyes. "Are we talking the destruction of RiverClan _big_? Or can I eat some fresh-kill before I decide the fate of my friends?"

"I think we all need to abandon the camp," Whitestripe meowed. "Until Greenleaf."

Petalpaw blanched.  _How did she get_ that _out a sprint through Leaf-bare?_

Graystar stared at Whitestripe for an agonizing few heartbeats, eyes dark, before she finally let out a long sigh. "Y'know what? Screw it. I need a full belly for this." She pushed through them, fluffy tail lashing. Petalpaw could hear her grumbling under her breath. "Middle of Leaf-bare, just lost a queen and a kit, and  _she_  wants us to move the entire camp... should've just stayed a warrior... not enough herbs in the world to prepare me for this... could've settled into the elders' den and had munchkins clean the ticks from my pelt, but _nooooo_... just had to be an overachiever..."

"Don't worry," Whitestripe said, completely unaware of the true source of Petalpaw's surprise. "She's always like that in the morning."

* * *

Graystar returned with a bird and her deputy, grumpily shaking some feathers at them as she passed. Petalpaw was pleased to see that Volespring looked much better at balancing on her three paws, gimping over to sit beside the leader, who was demolishing her fresh-kill in her nest. The wraps on her ear and eye were gone, the wounds scabbed over and needing proper breathing room, though Petalpaw noticed she hadn't even attempted to open the eyelid.  _It must be blind, then. Or maybe it got ripped out?_  She shuddered at the thought.

Graystar finished the prey, let out a burp, and kicked aside a leftover bone. "Okay. Got a full belly now, so mean leader is gone for the day." She sat up properly, tail winding around her paws. "Why do you think we need to move camp?"

Whitestripe explained the dream, from the blizzard to Petalpaw pointing out they were near Checkers' cave. Petalpaw stared at her paws. It all sounded much less scary when it was said aloud.  _I thought medicine cats kept this type of thing to themselves. Have I been too secretive?_

"So a bad storm is coming and you think that rogue can offer us shelter from it?" Volespring asked dubiously.

"It makes sense," Graystar admitted, to her surprise. "From what I was told, Checkers lives at a higher elevation, and the added bonus of the cave could give us protection. Wall up the cave, keep the wind out, keep everyone together."

"Right."

The gray she-cat blinked at her blandly. "You  _do_  recall that RiverClan has survived blizzards before, yes? It's not easy, but we're not kittypets."

"Besides," Volespring added. "WindClan would be in more danger than us- they have practically no cover. If  _they_  can get through okay, why can't we?"

Petalpaw flinched, feeling sick to her stomach.  _What about Raintail and Stripepaw and Beepaw? Lichenfang and her babies? Ravenfur?_  She'd totally forgotten all about the equal danger her Clanmates could be in. Everything before now had only applied to RiverClan, but weather didn't stop in one Clan.

Whitestripe kept her voice even, though her tail-tip flicked irritably. "All due respect, Graystar, we're kind of due for a hard stomp on the foot from StarClan. We stole a kit."

Volespring snorted. "Because she's been  _so_  badly taken care of, right?"

"StarClan can't punish you for taking me," Petalpaw butted in, forcing herself not to back down when they all looked at her. "Because I came back this time. I could've slipped away at any point when we went to see Checkers, but I didn't. This is where I'm needed. I've made my peace with that."

The brown and white tabby brushed her ear with her nose, and Petalpaw got the feeling she was proud of her. Whitestripe turned an eye on the leader and deputy. "I don't know how WindClan will work through this, but they have before."

"So have we," Graystar replied firmly.

"This is about more than just the blizzard," Whitestripe said. "While I was in that dream, I saw Featherpaw. You know what that means."

Graystar and Volespring exchanged a look. It was the leader who answered. "Badgers. A lot of them."

_Featherpaw? But the only cats there were me, Whitestripe, and..._

Petalpaw jumped to her paws. "THE GRAY TOM IS FEATHERPAW!?"

"StarClan's sake, Petalpaw!" Volespring scolded, good ear flat against her skull. "You almost gave me a heart attack. Tone the voice down."

Shock and mortification surged together in her chest at the bemused looks they were giving her, but it wasn't enough to make her sit down. "He's been haunting me since I got here! I wasn't even sure if he was real!"

"Featherpaw is plenty real, Petalpaw," Whitestripe meowed, forcing her pelt to lie flat. "He has a habit of slipping around RiverClan when badgers come." She sent her apprentice an ashamed look. "I'm sorry, Petalpaw. I should've realized he would come to you too."

 _"Me and Carpjaw and my brother- we got it into our heads to go fight badgers one night. Only two of us came home."_  Stonebird's words echoed in Petalpaw's mind.  _Of course! Why didn't I think of that before?_ She gave her chest fur a few licks in an attempt to soothe herself. "He came for Poppykit," Petalpaw whispered. It felt wrong to be talking about Poppykit's death so soon, but it felt equally wrong to hide that information now that she knew who he was. Who  _Featherpaw_  was.

"Good," Graystar said gruffly. "She's in safe paws."

"Graystar," Volespring prompted. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but Whitestripe may have a point. The snow will cut us off badly. The badgers won't be any more well off." She flicked her injured ear. "Starving badgers will find us easy prey."

She closed her eyes, processing her deputy's words. "It's a few days walk. How would walking that far not hurt us just as badly?"

"Snow cuts us from the inside," Whitestripe replied. "Claws and fangs sink in from the outside."

Graystar shook her head, as if doing so would make her words any less true. "We can't leave right now," she decided grimly. "Let's give it a few days, at least."

"Is that wise, Graystar?" Volespring challenged. "We have two medicine cats at our pawsteps right now."

"If we're to survive, we need to be prepared." Graystar turned her head to her deputy. "Volespring, I want you to look over the preparations. Have them gather as much leftover fresh-kill as we can spare and bury it in the snow."

She dipped her head. "Should I tell them why?"

"No. We don't want to cause unnecessary panic. Just say you want to be prepared for any heavy weather." She flicked her tail to Whitestripe and Petalpaw. "You're dismissed. Get some fresh-kill in your bellies, then take a nap. It sounds like you've had a long night."

 _Wait!_  Petalpaw opened her mouth to argue. _I wanna know more about Featherpaw!_  Whitestripe gave her a good push, and she reluctantly padded out, tail lashing with frustration. Her first solid lead, but no further information. It was downright infuriating!

"We should keep this between ourselves," her mentor murmured as they walked to their regular den. "Especially the part about Featherpaw. It'd rip Stonebird's heart out."

Petalpaw pushed her chin into her chest. She wanted info, but she also wanted to be courteous to the elder who'd barely survived Greencough. "You're right." She risked a look at her. "Aren't you scared?"

Whitestripe tilted her head to the side. "Of what? Nothing's happened yet."

"Of being  _wrong_ , I guess." She shrugged. "This is all pretty serious stuff, and you were the one who told Graystar to do it. If you're wrong, then what?"

"I'd rather be  _wrong_  than leave my Clanmates to be torn to shreds by badgers," Whitestripe meowed mildly. The black and white molly flinched, so she draped her tail across her back. "Listen. It's scary stuff. But we have to do what we think best for the cats we take care of." She nodded to the warriors Volespring was sorting into patrols. "There's not a warrior here who wouldn't do the same. Even Dawnbelly, though his sense of right and wrong is plenty askew."

Petalpaw took in a deep breath through her nose, exhaling it through her mouth. "You're right."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyyyy, longer chapter ahoy! =) (Told ya'll Checkers wasn't gone.)
> 
> Fun Fact: I originally intended for Featherpaw's name to be revealed much, much later. Like one chapter away from the epilogue. Then I was gonna edge the reveal back a bit. Then I realized it would detract from later scenes to keep such an impersonal moniker for him, so I plugged it in here instead.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	26. Icarus

The next few days move slower than a cold beetle. Petalpaw struggled to sleep at night, scared of what waking up might bring. Eating only made her stomach twist and turn. Her hunting skills became frazzled, leading her to staying out late with Tallblaze, the warrior giving her hints and help. They came back to camp with a bird each, ears frigid, paws numb, and no more happy.

Her own restlessness seemed to spread, infecting the typical cheer of RiverClan. It was never a good sign when a leader, deputy, and two medicine cats spoke in private, and their efforts had been noticed. Patrols were more hesitant and careful, and hunters took their jobs more seriously than ever. The whole camp held its breath, voices dimming to listen for answers to questions unspoken.

Whitestripe seemed the least worried, padding through the snow with her tail high. She brought back shriveled leaves and crumbly roots at all hours, be it early in the day or when the moon was bright, taking naps in-between searches. Petalpaw admired her strength and tried to emulate it as best she could, but the WindClan-born cat had never felt particularly courageous.  _Everyone keeps asking me to be brave, but that's just not me. Or maybe it was, once, and I've used it all up. Now this is all I've got left._

She only dreamed once.

* * *

_She's in WindClan, though it's not the warm place she remembered fondly. Just like in RiverClan, the snow had taken up every inch of the moor. Gone was the smell of heather and rabbits, overshadowed by cold water._

_Petalpaw looked up and gasped. The stars were so bright and clear, it almost felt like she could reach up and bat at them. The strange, more RiverClan part of her whispered the idea of leaping up and splashing into the night sky, swimming with the spirits of her ancestors. It was much more soothing than the bits and clumps between the willows._

_Suddenly, something sprints through her form, and Petalpaw feels just as fluid as the stars, but just as soon as it's there it's gone, leaving her sitting in awed silence. The tri-colored pelt of Cloudear stuck out like a sore thumb as he raced across the snow. Petalpaw followed, paws slipping and sliding. She'd never run on a snowy moor before; in its own right, it's like learning to swim all over again._

_"There you are!" Cloudear yelped, and Petalpaw was swamped with a much more familiar scent as he pushed through some dead shrubs, coming up on Raintail. "I was getting worried."_

_"Don't be," Raintail meowed. Her voice was guttural, like she'd been silent for a long time. "I just needed some time to myself."_

_Cloudear took a pawstep back. "Want me to go?"_

_She shook her head. "I've had my time."_

_Petalpaw's heart felt like it was being clawed as the warrior padded over to her mother, comfortably sitting down beside her. Raintail leaned on his side with a sigh, looking drained. It reminded her of Lichenfang and Brackenheart. Blackstorm and Cherryfur. Volespring and Graystar._

_"I hope she's doing okay," the gray and white molly whispered._

_"I'm sure she's fine," Cloudear meowed gently. "Petalpaw's a strong kit. She's got your heart, after all."_

I'm right here! _Petalpaw clawed uselessly at the snow. Her jaws felt glued shut._ I'm okay, Raintail! I've made friends! I've learned how to fish! I've met StarClan! Don't worry!

_Raintail drew back to meet Cloudear's eye. Her face was blank. "It'll feel so sudden for her, won't it? When she left, I was still with Ravenfur."_

_Cloudear shrugged. "If she doesn't like me, I understand." He glanced up at the sky, then hesitantly added: "I'm surprised your boys were so open."_

_"They weren't exactly close with Ravenfur," Raintail said, and left the topic at that. Petalpaw knew her mother didn't like to gossip. Her muzzle brushed Cloudear's jaw, having to bend a little to do it. "How would you feel about having more boys?"_

_Cloudear shuffled back, eyes wide. "What're you saying?"_

_Raintail snorted, tail lashing. "I think it's pretty clear what I'm saying," she teased good-naturedly, her face softening. "I'm pregnant."_

_Petalpaw should've felt joy at the announcement. A small, squashed part of her did. Horror hummed through her blood as she took a step closer, trying with all her might to warn them of what was coming, but a blast of cold wind blew, and by then their forms had vanished into the storm._

* * *

Claws sliced into Petalpaw's ear, waking her up with a yowl of sheer terror. She didn't have time to process what her slumber had entailed before she was almost muzzle to muzzle with Whitestripe, the medicine cat's eyes wide and small.

"The blizzard," she whispered, voice so quiet Petalpaw had to strain to hear her. "We have to go tonight."

Time seems to blur together as Petalpaw roused the rest of the den, then did as they had planned. Herbs stick to cobwebs, which stick to her pelt, so they won't be flying completely blind into the night. Volespring demands some be put on her as well, the deputy more than a little unwilling to leave good medicine behind. Stonebird was oddly silent as they worked, blinking sluggishly.

Graystar's voice cut through the night, but Petalpaw doesn't pay her any mind. She knows what she's got to say, and it's all up to the gray she-cat to convince her warriors to go along with it.

The next thing Petalpaw knows, Graystar is pushing into the den, businesslike and efficient. "I want everyone here up front with me. The strongest warriors will take the back and sides, with Blackstorm, the kits, and the apprentices in the middle."

Volespring's tail fluffed up indignantly. "I'm the deputy! I can't just-"

Graystar silenced her with a look. "You're  _my_  deputy, and you will walk with me to show everyone that we are willing to face the unknown for them first-paw."

"Graystar?" Stonebird's voice was hesitant as he called the leader's name. "I'm not sure I can walk."

Her ears flattened. "Are you ill?"

"I'm old," he meowed. "Haven't been eating right. Been- been trying to save it for the younger cats."

"Stonebird," Graystar said, looking like she was trying very hard not to bat at him. "An elder doesn't retire so he can treat himself badly. He retires to rest and be respected."

"I know, I know." His gray tail thumped on the dirt. "But I'm not afraid of StarClan, Graystar. I've got family waiting for me there. If this is how I go, this is how I go."

Graystar let out a long, restrained sigh. She padded around him to his back, laid down, and thrust her muzzle under his side. Stonebird let out a yelp as Graystar worked her head underneath him. Had the situation been different, Petalpaw was certain she would've laughed as the leader clumsily stumbled to her paws, elder awkwardly flopped across her back.

"When I became leader, I told StarClan I would give every one of my lives for my Clan," she meowed. "That includes you, and that includes now."

* * *

They headed for the barn first, climbing up to where Missy had died and slumbering in the dead hay, feasting on rats, determined to make their saved fresh-kill count. The snow fell steadily, but not heavily, and Petalpaw fell asleep wondering if this was all in their heads after all. She prayed it was.

" _You're on the right path_ ," someone whispered into her ear as she drifted off. It sounded like Poppykit. Her misty green eyes searched through the sea of pelts for Lionpaw and Sedgepaw. She wondered if Raintail's kits would matter to her like they did. Like Stripepaw and Beepaw did. Or would they be separate, the chasm between their ages too wide to leap across?  _I don't know if I want that or not._  Petalpaw pushed the thought away.  _Now's not the time to worry about that kind of thing._

Not long afterwards she was being shaken awake by Fluffywing, the yellow tom having been on watch. It wasn't a gentle fall now; the wind stung her face as they moved as one into the night. Graystar refused to complain, but Petalpaw noticed her legs were shaky with the weight of snow and Stonebird. Petalpaw didn't notice the incline until they were almost on it. She wondered, for the first time, what Checkers would do when they all came into her den. They trudged on, uncertain and cold and far, far too invested to turn back now.

A loud cracking sound had them all stopping in their tracks.

"It's me," Hawktail called, sounding surprising calm. The gray and white tom was on the edge of the incline, where the rock was undoubtedly unstable. "I don't think I can move, ya'll."

Sandstorm tried to move a little closer, muzzle stretching out, but another snap had him backing off.

"It's... It's okay, really," the trapped warrior meowed. "I've really missed Littlepelt, y'know? We trained together."

"Don't go, Hawktail," Swiftmist urged, the brown she-cat pressed close to Graystar and Stonebird. "Let's go home together. All of us."

"I don't have much of an option, ma'am. Moving'll only bring me a quicker farewell." He twisted his head around. "Sedgepaw? Lionpaw? Fish-guts. I can't see a stinking thing out here. Boys, if you  _can_  hear me, just know I'm proud of you, and I love you both a lot."

"Will someone try and haul him back already!?" Volespring snapped, looking like she was helpless and hating it.

One final, horrible screech of rock and Hawktail broke away from the rest of the group, letting out a shriek of fear, no longer able to put on a brave face. His claws scrambled to find purchase. There was a wail of horror, a blur of white, and then the warrior was thrust to the safety of the solid ground, and pitching out over the trees wasn't Hawktail, but Lionpaw.

" _Lionpaw_!" Petalpaw cried, but it was too late.

He was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this all in one day! I was originally planning for it to be longer, but I feel like this is a good place to end the chapter, y'know?
> 
> I always felt like Graystar picking up and carrying Stonebird was a huge moment for her character, tbh. It's just a small little thing, but it means the world to both her and RiverClan.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	27. Reconciliation

Petalpaw's form shook in the wind. The apprentice felt like she was watching herself in third person, almost, as she stared over the broken ledge Lionpaw had plummeted from.  _He can't be gone. He just can't._

"Get over here, you fish-brain!" Volespring's snappish voice made her look up. The deputy was forcefully dragging Hawktail away from the edge.

"He's dead?" Hawktail looked lost. "But he- I was going to-"

She released the mouthful of fur with a grim frown. "Lionpaw didn't fall just for you to go sliding after."

The tom flinched, tail falling to the rapidly rising snow. Swiftmist came to support Hawktail's other side and murmured quietly in his ear. Whitestripe gave Petalpaw a pointed nudge and she reluctantly started walking. It felt like fog had invaded her mind again; the same as when Poppykit was killed. She couldn't focus.

In spite of this, she was still able to angle her ears toward where the cave mouth began. Sandstream and Tallblaze both got to digging it out, claws scraping at the snow with uncomfortable twitches. There was no one talking- or, at least, no one close enough for Petalpaw to hear them.

Blackstorm and Cherryfur were first into the tunnel, carrying a kit each. Swiftmist hobbled in after them. Whitestripe nodded for Petalpaw to go, then gestured to Hollykit- the only one of the litter left. She swallowed, remembering her dream, but the orange and white molly allowed her to hook her teeth into her scruff without a word, dead weight in her jaws. There was no wonder in her heart as she descended, whiskers brushing against the walls. All she could think of was Lionpaw, limbs flailing, crying out in terror as he disappeared from sight.

"Ya'll Clan cats sure know how to make an entrance," Checkers was saying as she popped up. Her brown tabby fur was mussed with sleep, but her eyes were bright. "Marching on in here in the middle of a blizzard. I thought for sure a dog was coming to eat me."

Tansykit, ears flat, pressed closer to Cherryfur's leg. "Mama, I'm cold."

"Oh, trust me," the rogue said. "It's  _much_  colder out there. You'll see that once you adjust a bit." Checkers startled a little as she approached, setting Hollykit down tiredly. "Well, I'll be. How's it going, Petalpaw of WindClan?"

"Badly," Petalpaw grunted, resisting the urge to snap.  _Checkers doesn't get company often. She's lonely, that's all._  It wasn't like she could possibly know about Lionpaw.

Next to appear was Graystar, though the leader didn't look very pleased to leave her Clanmates out in the cold without her. She carefully clawed some of the old hay together in a pile and set Stonebird on top, sighing with relief as his weight left her shoulders. "There you go, old timer."

Stonebird blinked at her gratefully. "You're alright, Graystar."

"Thanks." She turned and nodded to Checkers. "Afternoon. Or is it evening?"

"Haven't the foggiest," Checkers meowed cheerfully. "I'm afraid I don't have much prey. I wasn't expecting any visitors."

"Gee, I wonder why," Dawnbelly hissed as he trotted up to them, ears flat. "Graystar, Volespring told me I was useless and to get out of her way. What are you gonna do about it?"

Graystar didn't respond to that. "Have some respect for our host, Dawnbelly."

The black and white tom snorted and turned away, tail lashing. Petalpaw noticed a despondent look on his face- was he disappointed, or grieving? Both?  _It's a little late for that now, isn't it? Lionpaw may have been his son, but he was never his father._

Warm breath broached her cold shoulder as Sedgepaw's scent hit her nostrils. Petalpaw hadn't even noticed the apprentice coming inside. His face was carefully blank, but not necessarily mean. "Would you like to share a nest?"

Petalpaw only hesitated a moment, hearing the pang of loss in his voice. "Absolutely."

Together, the duo watched as the cave grew more and more full from a far corner, pelts pressed close together, tails intertwined. Cherryfur and Blackstorm tucked their shivering litter between them, whispering assurances and touching them with their noses, knowing that cleaning them would be unwise. Swiftmist settled in with Stonebird, soon joined by Carpjaw. Tallblaze and (to her surprise) Dawnbelly both stayed close by Hawktail, the warrior so devastated by his apprentice's death he reminded her of a squished mouse, the life and air missing from him. Whitestripe was conversing with Checkers about where to store their carefully gathered herbs. Graystar, Volespring, and Sandstream vanished further inside, sniffing around. Cloudwillow and Fluffywing sealed the entrance to the tunnel to keep in the warmth, shrouding them all in darkness.

Sedgepaw buried his nose in Petalpaw's neck, making her jump. "I don't know what I'll do without him."

Petalpaw thought back to when Poppykit died. It wasn't like the memories were old.  _I was so bitter and angry, but Lionpaw stayed with me anyway. I'd gotten so used to just turning around and having him be there._  "Me neither."

Something touched her elbow, settling in like a stone. She knew from the temperature alone that it was Poppykit, coming to grieve with her.

* * *

_Petalpaw had been walking for a long time now. Her limbs were tired from the strain, despite having no recollections of it. The snow underneath her paws didn't sink under her, nor did the wind cut her, as if she was a ghost._

_"I can smell you," she said, though she couldn't. It just felt right to say. "Come out."_

_"I'm not hiding," a voice behind her meowed._ _Petalpaw turned. The gray apprentice was looking frailer than ever, almost see-through._

_"I know who you are now." Petalpaw lifted her chin. "You're Featherpaw."_

_"I am."_

_"Why didn't you tell me?"_

_Featherpaw shrugged. "There's been more Featherpaws than stars in the sky, and I'm sure more than one of them has spoken to a Petalpaw, alive or dead." A morbid chuckle rumbled in his chest. "After you die, names stop mattering. That's how I see it, anyway."_

_Something uneasy fizzled in Petalpaw's chest. "Don't you wish you'd gotten your warrior name?"_

_"I can't even imagine what I'd be like as a full warrior, honestly," he admitted. The storm swirled around them, though they hardly noticed. "Do_ you _ever think about your name?"_

_Petalpaw reluctantly shook her head. She'd been too busy to. "Are you here to take Lionpaw?"_

_Featherpaw blinked at her, eyes clustered with stars and galaxies neither of them would ever know the names of. "Lionpaw walks a different path than mine. I'm sure we'll meet one day, but that day is not today," he meowed. "I'm just here to warn you."_

_"Warn me?"_

_He nodded. "You're far from home, Petalpaw. Far from me and Poppykit. Your ancestors walk above you, but they can't walk in your dreams. Not until you return."_

_Petalpaw's ears flattened. "I never wanted you all walking in my dreams anyway!" she hissed. "Dreams are for prophecies! Warnings!"_

_"I'd like to think I've given you a few of those," he replied patiently._

_She thrust her muzzle in his face. "Why do you keep haunting me?"_

_"I don't_   _haunt_  you _," Featherpaw answered, looking baffled by the concept. "I haunt the badgers."_

_"The badgers?"_

_His eyes glinted with something dark. "If you had the chance to take revenge against those who killed you_ and _protect your kin all at once, wouldn't you take that chance?" he asked softly. "No matter what the consequences?"_

"Hey, Petalpaw? Petalpaw?" Sedgepaw's paws shook her. "You're mumbling in your sleep. Something about badgers?"

"Hrm?" She cracked open her eyes, scowling. "Oh. Right. Sorry."

Petalpaw felt his chin gently rest on her spine. "Was it about Poppykit?"

"No, no." The medicine cat thrust her front paws out in a stretch, yawning. "It was Featherpaw."

"Featherpaw," he mused, nose wrinkling. "The name is familiar, but I can't quite place it."

"Stonebird's brother."

"Oooh, yeah, him. Littlepelt used to tell us stories about him." Sedgepaw shifted onto his other side, chin digging into her as he moved. "It seems like you're always startling awake from one dream or another. Is it always like that with you healers?"

"No," Petalpaw said firmly. She knew that, at least. "I think it's- well, I think they're trying to keep me company."

" _Company_?"

She nodded her head. "Think about it. Featherpaw was around our age when he died, and Poppykit was still a kitten. They're just as young and scared as we are, only they never grow up." Petalpaw licked a white-tipped foot to draw it across her ear. "They're lonely, and they can get to me quickest in my sleep."

"Sounds like they want  _you_  to keep  _them_  company."

"Something like that." Her tail flickered slightly. "I know this is going to come across as incredibly mean, but I'm shocked you care."

Sedgepaw's eyes widened. "I never said I  _didn't_  care."

"You've barely spoken to me since Littlepelt died," she reminded him.

"I was angry," he confessed. "Everyone wants to think a medicine cat can do no wrong. It was just easier to be angry with you than accept that you'd done everything you could. And then, after, I was too embarrassed to come to you." His tail brushed her paw. "Lionpaw always said we were practically littermates. And I believe that."

Petalpaw cracked a tiny grin, warmed by his words. "Me too."

Hawktail let out a moan of agony in his sleep, startling the two apprentices. He rolled over and fell silent, paws twitching.  _Do I look like that when I dream?_

"Petalpaw?" Sedgepaw prompted.

"Yeah?"

"You should stay," he whispered. "In RiverClan."

Petalpaw's fur prickled. "What?"

"Why not?" Sedgepaw tilted his head to the side. "Your dad is a jerk. I remember how scared you were to be Whitestripe's apprentice." He nodded to the slumbering Clan. "You have connections here. You get along with everybody- you even tolerate Dawnbelly, which is more than I would've done in your situation. RiverClan can be a family to you."

"I have a family," she insisted. "Raintail, Beepaw, and Stripepaw." _Cloudear and the new kits, if we mesh alright._

"RiverClan needs you, Petalpaw," he pleaded. " _I_  need you. I just... I can't lose another family member."

"I'm sorry, Sedgepaw. I can't."

Sedgepaw let out a long, low sigh. "I thought you'd say that." The black and brown tom shuffled so they could bump noses, resting their muzzles in each other's scruff fur. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure."

"I think you'd be happy here."

She purred a little. "Can I tell  _you_  a secret?"

"Sure."

"I think so too."

He pulled back to blink at her beseechingly. "Then stay! No one's going to force you to leave. Not after all we've been through together."

Petalpaw shook her head, looking at a random spot in the cave wall. "RiverClan is nice, Sedgepaw. It is. I really, really like to swim now, even if the plants at the bottom are yucky. But I miss the moor. I miss the open sky. I miss  _WindClan_." She touched her nose to his. "We can still talk at Gatherings."

"That's what they always say in the stories," he grumbled as he set his head on his paws, half-serious. "And then the two cats from other Clans end up ignoring each other because they don't want everyone questioning their loyalty."

She snorted. "I could bring the ghost of Windstar herself into the camp and cats will still question me. I've spent too much time apart from them to assume otherwise." Petalpaw shrugged, not all that perturbed. "I've accepted that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An important chapter, if you ask me. Maybe not plot-wise (since the blizzard is just kinda. there. lol) but character-wise. Kudos to Checkers for just being down for company even in the middle of the storm. Of course, she was told about the extra prey, so she knows it's mostly safe, but still.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	28. Story Time

The snow roared on long after the apprentices' discussion.

Petalpaw woke up feeling cold and cramped, her fur hanging limply from her skin. Hunger gnawed at her stomach as she stretched and roused herself, but if there was one thing the medicine cat had learned, it was that no cat wanted to be the first to complain about fresh-kill in a shortage.  _Normally, I'd try and find myself some breakfast prey, but there's no way I'm going out in that._

Sedgepaw let out a low rumble, paws flexing. He batted at her tail. "Come back to me, warm pillow."

"Can't," she said, though the urge was there. Petalpaw glanced at the herbs stuck to her arms with cobwebs- not many of them had survived the trip. "Whitestripe needs me."

Petalpaw soon realized that most of the Clan was still asleep, recovering from the long trip. The black and white she-cat was still exhausted herself, stumbling and slipping on the old and wet hay. Thankfully, she didn't run into any of the sleeping bundles, so no one was witness to her lack of grace. The low murmuring of Cloudwillow caught her ear, making it swivel to the side.

"I actually got my name as a joke," he meowed earnestly. "See, when I was a 'paw, I ran into this big willow tree."

There was a snort she quickly identified as Checkers'. "What were you running from?"

"I wasn't! That's the embarrassing thing!" There was a purr in his voice, the mortification an old and scabbed wound. "I was  _trying_  to show off my scenting skills, and I kept calling back to see if Dawnbelly was watching me. Then I bonked into the willow. Where did you get your name?"

"Meh," Checkers said, shrugging. "My mother liked watching Twolegs play checkers."

"Play?"

"It's a game. They bat these little circle bits around with their paws."

"Is it for hunting?"

"She didn't think so. Most of the kits she saw never really seemed all that interested in it."

Cloudwillow slowly shook his head, baffled. "Twolegs are  _weird_."

"Petalpaw!" Whitestripe called, making her jump, ashamed of being caught listening. The brown and white tabby gestured for her to follow. "Come see this."

The medicine cat led her to a small crevice, crawling through with a grunt of effort. Petalpaw squeezed after her, having to duck and crawl. It came out into a small den, just tall enough for them both to stand up in. "Wow. When did you find this?"

"Couldn't tell you- my sense of time is pretty skewed." Whitestripe seemed pretty cheerful regardless. "This can be our makeshift den until we can go home."

Petalpaw looked at the crumbly stone walls, nodding to herself. "We could probably fit one or two cats in here if we needed to. But what about the herbs?"

"Look." She hopped up onto her back paws, leaning on a small ledge. "The rock is weak here. I bet we could scrape it away and use it as a storage spot."

"Nice eye," she purred, reaching up to help her. Their pelts brushed against each other, chilly and wet from the snow. "You know, I feel like we don't talk much."

Whitestripe shrugged. "We're not chatty cats by nature."

"What made you decide to become a medicine cat?" she queried. "If it's okay to ask."

"It's fine," she reassured. "It's not a very special story." A larger hunk broke off, falling to the floor with a clatter. "I originally started training as a warrior, and that was okay, I guess. I didn't feel very passionate about it, but it kept me busy. Then, one night, I had a dream."

Petalpaw tilted her head to the side, green eyes glittering in the odd light. "How old were you?"

"Nine or ten moons, I think?" Whitestripe paused, considering, then went right back to it. "I met an old StarClan cat- red, fluffy, lots of facial scars. He reminded me a bit of one of those grandpas who hang out in the nursery with their kin- he had that kind air about him. He told me I was destined to heal." She broke off in a quiet chuckle. "I wish I could say I had some witty comeback, but I said something along the lines of 'wahuh?'"

The black and white she-cat cleared her throat, swallowing a laugh. She could just see a young Whitestripe, her brown and white fur sticking up at odd ends, slurring a confused question as a warrior ancestor tried to deliver her to her true path to walk.

"He told me again. I asked him what kind of medicine cat I could be. He said I would be 'a really sleepy one.'" Whitestripe bit into the cobwebs, retrieving the wet and flattened herbs. It was too small a space to properly stack them, leaving the plants a sticky ball on the ledge. The two medicine cats stared at it, displeased, then finally fell back into a more natural stance. "I've been serving RiverClan ever since."

Petalpaw let out a little trill. _Serving the Clan. It sounds so deep and honorable._  "Can I ask you one more thing?"

"You can ask me as many things as you want, Petalpaw," she replied, blinking owlishly. "That doesn't mean I'll answer."

The 'paw hesitated, taken aback by the blunt nature of her response. "Who would you have made your apprentice- Poppykit or Tansykit?"

Whitestripe stared her down, surprised. "I wasn't intending to pick," she admitted after a brief silence. "That was for them to decide. If StarClan preferred one or the other, they'd have told me."

"Oh."

Her tail whisked across her side comfortingly. Whitestripe's face softened. "Losing a kitten-aged patient is never easy on a medicine cat. I wish none of us had to face that, but  _especially_  ones as young as you.

Petalpaw shifted, looking away. She didn't know how to respond to that.

"You in here?" Volespring's voice made them jump. The deputy crouched rather awkwardly, peering into the crevice. "If you're done doing whatever it is you're doing, we're about to share prey."

* * *

Petalpaw sank her teeth into a shrew with relish, chewing slowly to savor the flavor. She passed it to Sedgepaw, who quickly did the same. She was too hungry to care how scrawny it was. "I think this is the only time in my life that I've gotten prey before the elders have."

"That's only 'cause I need to make sure this'un eats first," Stonebird grunted, hovering over a stubborn Hawktail. "C'mon now, warrior. Show me those teeth."

"I'm not very hungry," Swiftmist added, tail wrapping tighter around her paws with a shudder. "I'm too busy trying to warm up!"

Cloudwillow stood up from where he'd been laying with Checkers, excitedly craning his neck forward. "Y'know what this day needs? A story!"

"A story?" Volespring echoed, eyes narrowed to slits. "Why?"

"Why not?" Dawnbelly sniped, still ruffled by her comment the day before. "I'm  _bored_."

"It  _would_  help the little ones settle in," Blackstorm offered. "And I'd like a distraction from waiting to see the damage."

Checkers' ears pricked as she watched them bicker amongst themselves. "I've always liked a good story, though I don't really have any of my own."

"That's okay," the mottled tom meowed, turning to nudge the warrior nearest to him. "Fluffywing, you go!"

The yellow warrior was appalled. "Me?"

"Of course!" Cloudwillow shoved him impatiently. "You used to be a kittypet. You must have all sorts of weird Twoleg stories."

"Not really," he admitted, strolling toward the center of the room. "Twolegs are pretty dull. Or, at least, mine were."

Petalpaw listened as Fluffywing broke into a tale about a flying monster, one his brother's friend had supposedly been in. They were like the monsters you saw on Thunderpaths, only much, much larger, and they flew through the air with territorial screeches. Sometimes, he added, when he was out hunting, he could swear he heard one overhead, and would look up just in time to see a line of white left in their wake.

"This is more informative than it is a story," Checkers said. "But I appreciate the effort!"

Fluffywing's shoulders bunched self-consciously, smiling giddily at the praise as he made his way back to his seat. There was an awkward silence as the group looked around for someone to fill the sudden quiet, but no one seemed quite willing to get up and make a production out of it.

Finally, in a voice no louder than a murmur, Cherryfur said, "Petal, why don't you go? You've probably got some WindClan stories that none of us have heard."

Petalpaw's scruff rose a little. "I dunno about _that_."

Sedgepaw pressed his nose to her shoulder comfortingly. "You'll do great."

The medicine cat swallowed, took in a deep breath, and got to her paws. She took the space where Fluffywing stood and tried not to think too hard about all of the eyes on her. "Well, there's one that comes to mind, but it's not a WindClan legend. This is how my mother, Raintail, told it to me."

* * *

_Many moons ago, there were two warriors named Hailface and Badgerberry. Hailface was a gray tom with a darker gray face (hence his name) while Badgerberry was a black and white she-cat._ _They were an unlikely duo from the get-go._

_Hailface honestly believed that he was the best warrior in all the Clans, and that it was his destiny to lead on after the current leader had gone. The presence of a more sensible deputy was of no bother to him- Hailface also believed he was the fastest of all cats, and that he would win his Clanmates respect with his speed. Badgerberry had won her respect through hard work and dedication, and was thought to be the best den-builder on the moor. But, somehow, they made it work, and had been mates for a few seasons._

_As time went on, however, Hailface grew discontent. Their leader was on their last life, and yet the deputy was going strong, and there was no talk of her being dismissed. Didn't they see how great he was? Apparently not. He decided to run away._ _For a moon, Hailface tried to convince Badgerberry to come with him, and for a moon Badgerberry turned him down. She did, however, agree to see him some of the way, so as to say a proper farewell._

_There is a WindClan saying- the best of plans are like the feet of rabbits; wise and swift, yet still capable of slipping- and that was what happened when Hailface and Badgerberry set off, as dogs set upon them halfway through the day. Together, the duo climbed a tree, and soon the sun fell, leaving them cold and displeased. There's very few WindClan cats alive who like to climb, and neither Hailface nor Badgerberry were one of them._

_"I'm done," Badgerberry said as they slipped down to the grasses. "I want to go home."_

_"You can't go so soon!" Hailface yelped, for he had planned to convince her to join him on the walk. "Don't you see how good a team we are? Is that puny bunch of cats really worth more to you than us?"_

_Badgerberry whipped her head around to stare at him, shocked by his presumptuousness. "Of course they are! They're our friends and kin, Hailface! Doesn't that mean anything to you?"_

_"Yes, they do." His voice grew soft. "But I want us to journey to the stars together. Don't you want that too?"_

_"I'm having kits, Hailface," Badgerberry said, already turning away from him. "And that 'puny bunch' will give them all the protection and love they will ever need, without any cost."_

_But their argument was cut off! In the distance, a loud and shrill noise echoed across the land. It was worse than any bunny scream, and it stopped the warriors in their tracks. Hailface, desperate to get his way, proposed a challenge: if he could out-run whatever it was that made the noise, she would come with him._

_Badgerberry was tired and cranky, and tried her best to argue it wasn't a good idea, but the gray tom was already gone. She sighed and followed, worried for her mate's safety. Soon, they found a place of metal lines with wood planks in-between, going across a rushing river. The scent in the air was indescribable, but it made their pelts stand on end. But Hailface was determined! He sat down and waited for the next noise to come._

_No one knows how long he waited, but when another noise came he hopped to his paws, flexing his claws in the dirt. In the far distance he could see a bright light, like the sun was moving steadily towards them. Hailface just knew his speed would easily get him across, and that Badgerberry would be so impressed she'd just have to come with._

_Hailface took off in a full-sprint. Now, I'm sure most RiverClan cats don't know this, but it's a bad idea to waste all your energy in the first lap. You save that for the very end, when the prey you're seeking is within your claws. But Hailface had never much listened to others, especially when they told him he was wrong. He was panting by the time he got halfway across. When the warrior turned, he found that the light had become a metal monster, and when it whistled he felt like his eardrums would burst._

_Badgerberry screamed his name._

_For the first time in his life, Hailface fled, hopping off the side. He plunged into the waters and almost drowned, coming up several fox-lengths downstream. Badgerberry had waited by where the metal monster had been, ears pricked, and quickly got to helping him clean his fur._

_And Hailface, in his perfect, all-knowing voice, said; "I'm a rabbit-brain."_

_"You are," Badgerberry agreed._

_"Can we go home now?"_

_"We can."_

_And they did._

* * *

Petalpaw's eyes darted about uneasily as the Clan took in her words. The bit of shrew in her belly had soured with the anxiety, leaving her feeling full and empty all at once.

"That..." Graystar meowed finally. "Was oddly dark."

She turned her head to face the leader, baffled. "Not really. There's more stories like that than I can count back home, and the lesson is always the same- even the fastest warrior loses from time to time."

"I thought the dogs were a weird addition, myself," Checkers meowed sheepishly. "They pop up, and then they're gone? Why? Where did they go?"

Petalpaw felt herself growing hot with embarrassment. "It was background!"

"But where did they go?"

She'd never wondered before. "Back to their Twoleg, I guess."

"Hailface is a jerk," Carpjaw grunted while chewing on a bone. "Badgerberry deserves better."

Petalpaw laughed a little as she slunk back to Sedgepaw and the shrew. "No argument here!"

* * *

"Hey. Walk and talk?"

Petalpaw jumped at Dawnbelly's half-familiar meow, the black and white spotted tom coming up on her right. "Sure. I'm just trying to find a place to make dirt."

"Okay."

"Is that your thing, by the way? Asking for a walk and talk?"

"Something like that." He shrugged, moving to block her path. His already bright eyes had gotten brighter. "Don't think I didn't notice what you did."

Petalpaw stared up at him. "Did what?"

Dawnbelly snorted. "Hailface? Really? Is that the best name you could think of? And where did you get the idea for a metal monster?"

 _Is he serious?_ The medicine cat was torn between shock and awe.  _Holy heather, he's serious. He thinks I invented a story just to smite him._ _Either he's the most sensitive warrior I've ever met, or the most egotistical!_

"Okay," she said slowly. "A couple things here. First off; metal monsters are completely real. Some of the keen-eared warriors back home can hear their shriek. Secondly, I wouldn't make up two entirely different warriors to try and make a halfhearted metaphor for your relationship with Littlepelt. I may not like you, but you were right about one thing- it's none of my business." Petalpaw took a single pawstep closer. "And Hailface is the name of my great-grandfather. Badgerberry told Raintail what he did when  _she_  was a kit."

"Oh," he said, looking more confused than embarrassed. "Alright then." She went around him, still determined to find a place to make dirt, when he called after her. "I just figured you'd take any chance you could to get back at me."

Petalpaw let out a long sigh. "Look. I don't like you, Dawnbelly. I doubt I ever will." She padded over to meet him head-on. She needed to make eye contact for this. "And even if I'm here of my own volition now, that doesn't erase that you've broken the code. But I don't think about it much. It doesn't plague my mind and dreams, or make me fear getting out my nest in the morning.  _You don't control me_."

"I didn't mean-" he started, then stopped. Dawnbelly shook his head and stepped back. "I'll... leave to your business."

"That would be for the best."

She stared after him until he vanished back to the main part of the group. Petalpaw turned and padded away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was immensely satisfying to write tbh.
> 
> I've done my best to show that Dawnbelly isn't a villain, per say. He's just an egotistical, rule-breaking warrior who always feels he's right. And that's dangerous, but it's not necessarily evil. Heck, that's part of the reason for his name- it's not grand, or powerful, or shudder-inducing. His name is Dawnbelly. He's black and white. Volespring calls him a cow-cat. Whoop-de-doo.
> 
> But that doesn't make him someone Petalpaw can agree with, or someone she can't hold a form of grudge towards, and it's nice to show that. It's nice that she finally got in the last word.
> 
> (Also, the story for Hailface and Badgerberry may or may not be entirely due to me listening to a lot of "Devil's Train" by Lab Rats, so yeah.)
> 
> (And the grandpa-tom from Whitestripe's backstory is basically a throwaway character. I'm not even trying to evade or anything, he's just an idea I had for backstory and nothing else. Call 'em whatcha want.)
> 
> -Mandaree1


	29. Fresh Air

"Oof!" Patchkit squeaked. "You're heavy!"

"Shhh!" That was Tansykit. "You're gonna wake them!"

"Too late," Petalpaw yawned, stretching her front legs out. She tucked them under her chest and twisted her head around. "What're you two doing up so-"

Patchkit had propped herself up on her back paws, her little body as stiff as she could make it, while her sister's back paws dug into her shoulders. Tansykit was trying to grab at the soggy ball of herbs on the ledge, tongue peeking out between her lips.

"Morning!" Patchkit chirped, grinning ear to ear. "I'm helping!"

Petalpaw couldn't help herself. She laughed, long and loud, accidentally startling Whitestripe awake. When the brown and white molly saw what was going on, she laughed too. _It's nice to laugh again._  She gently herded the two kits through the hole, squeezing through after. Tansykit and Patchkit eagerly met up with Hollykit, the trio scrambling off to cause some trouble. It warmed her heart to see them acting like regular kits, rolling around and generally under-paw.

RiverClan was restless to the eye as she sat down, tail wrapping around her paws, and watched. Graystar, Volespring, Carpjaw, and Tallblaze sat near the snow-covered entrance of the cave, discussing heather-knows-what. Hawktail was snoring all by himself, looking more tired than ever. Cherryfur was keeping Stonebird company, sharing a scrawny rat from the barn. Dawnbelly and Cloudwillow were swapping stories, each trying to outdo the other, with Swiftmist as their judge. Fluffywing and Checkers were play-hunting together, keeping themselves entertained and stretching their muscles. Something was missing, but she couldn't quite put her paw on it.

"Hey, Petalpaw!"

Petalpaw's ears felt half-flat against her head. "My, we're chipper today."

Sedgepaw's tail was curled with excitement as he approached. "Did you hear?"

"I just woke up, so probably not."

A purr rumbled from his chest. "The wind stopped!"

 _That's what's gone!_  She looked at the ceiling of the cave. Sure enough, the shriek had settled into silence. "Wow. You think the blizzard is over?"

"Not sure," he admitted. "The warriors are planning on digging out to see."

Her claws slithered out.  _WindClan cats are natural tunnelers. Heatherstar may have dismantled the system, but the blood still runs in our veins!_  "I'll help."

But Sedgepaw shook his head. "I already asked, and Graystar said apprentices should stay back." He pouted. "What's the point of being trained if we don't get to do anything?"

Petalpaw bit back her own disappointment. She understood his displeasure, but she also understood why the older cats might not want inexperienced cats digging through something as fragile as snow. "If anything, I'm sure we'll have plenty of work ahead of us; hunting and repairing."

"You think?"

"Reed dens might float in water, but that doesn't magically make them crush-proof," she reminded him. Worry wriggled in her belly like a worm. _If reeds couldn't stand up to the snow, how could heather?_  "I don't know about you, but Whitestripe hasn't taught me how to fix dens at all yet. It'll be like an adventure."

"Yes," he said, muzzle wrinkling. "A fully supervised, safe adventure."

"I prefer it to dying," Petalpaw said simply, then nudged his side. "C'mon. Let's see if we can snag something small from the pile."

* * *

The cold of stone was very different from the cold of snow, as Petalpaw quickly re-learned. She and Sedgepaw had diligently watched as the warriors dug a way out, following behind when given the okay. The frozen dampness clung to every side of her pelt as she carefully climbed out. The snow was close to her shoulder blades, but there wasn't a single cloud. The sun was like a hot ember in the sky, burning into her back.

The storm had passed.

Tallblaze nodded satisfactorily as she scanned the area. "Cloudwillow, let's see if we can get anywhere on the incline. Kids, how about you dig this area clear a bit? It'll make it easier for the elders and kits to come out and make dirt."

Sedgepaw straightened. "On it!"

Together, the two apprentices set to making a little path to the edge of the cliff, pushing the snow over carefully. Petalpaw's white feet ached as they worked, then went numb completely, so she started using her side as well. They were soaked to the bone by the time they were finished, looking out over the way they came.

"The snow makes it all look so flat," Sedgepaw breathed. "It's like no one ever walked here before."

She nodded, awed. "It's like there's no one in the world but us."

He turned to her. "D'ya really think that much snow can melt?"

"I think so?" Petalpaw wasn't entirely sure herself. "It'll sure make a lot of water, huh?"

Sedgepaw brightened at that, eyes sparkling. "Just think of all the fish!"

"I've missed fish," she admitted, licking her lips sheepishly. "Rabbits, too."

"Really? It's been moons since you've had any."

"True, but I remember how _warm_  it was."

The brown and black tom got quiet at that, staring out at the flat white of the world. "Y'know, I always thought Lionpaw would be named after a storm like this."

Petalpaw winced at the mention of his name. There had been a very careful perimeter set around talking about Lionpaw, or so it had seemed to her. Maybe, three days later, after the blizzard, it was beginning to dissolve like the snow. "Really?"

"Yup. Lionstorm. I always thought it'd fit him." He shook his head. "I know it's silly to decide our names, seeing how it's Graystar's decision, but..."

"I don't think it is," she said. "My brother, Beepaw... I always thought it'd be Beefang or Beeclaw. But I'm really not sure anymore. And Stripepaw was gonna be Stripecloud or something like that, for how optimistic he is."

"And you?" he prodded.

Petalpaw awkwardly licked her chest. It only made her feel colder. "I never thought that far ahead."

Sedgepaw chuckled. "Me neither."

* * *

Tallblaze and Cloudwillow weren't back by the time they split prey for their nightly meal. No one ate very much, picking and poking and murmuring uneasily amongst themselves.

"You think they've been hurt?" Cherryfur asked Whitestripe.

To Petalpaw's relief, she shook her head. "An injured cat is a  _loud_  cat. Without the wind, there's no way we wouldn't have heard them."

"Maybe they ran away," Hollykit suggested, tucked comfortably against Blackstorm's belly. "Everything's been super scary lately. Maybe they had enough."

"They wouldn't have gotten very far if that was the case." Checkers craned her neck out to touch the very center of her forehead. "So I'm sure they'll be back soon."

Patchkit puffed out her tiny chest. "Don't worry, Hollykit. I'll protect you from anything scary. Volespring's been teaching me how to pounce!"

Blackstorm licked her cheek, purring softly. "I feel safer already."

"Make way!" A voice yowled, startling the Clan to awareness. Tallblaze came tumbling into the cavern with none of her usual grace, hackles high. "Whitestripe? Petalpaw? I need a medicine cat!"

Graystar halted her progress, nostrils flaring. "Where have you been? And where is Cloudwillow?"

She reluctantly came to a stop. "I'll explain later. First, I need to talk to a medicine cat."

The she-cat's eyes narrowed. "I would rather you explain now, to your  _leader_  and  _Clan_ , why you've come in shrieking like your tail is on fire."

Tallblaze opened her jaws to argue, then seemed to think better of it. She hung her head. "I'm sorry, Graystar. I've disobeyed you."

"Disobeyed me?"

"Yes, ma'am. Cloudwillow and I went to look for Lionpaw's body."

Her eyes widened. "Are you fish-brained? Why would you risk yourselves like that in the middle of an emergency? We all need you both alive and intact right now!"

She shrugged. Petalpaw had never seen a cat so sure of themselves in the face of Graystar's wrath. "Hawktail needed the reassurance more than I needed my ears."

"So?" Volespring demanded, hobbling up. The smooth stone hadn't done her skewed balance much good. "Did you find it? Or was your little escapade for naught?"

Tallblaze twisted her head towards the mouth of the cave in lieu of a reply. "Cloudwillow, are you okay? Do you need help?"

"'M fine!" he called back. His tail and back legs appeared. "I'm just trying to be careful."

Cloudwillow emerged with a ball of white in his jaws. Frost clung to every inch of what was once fur, making Lionpaw look as if he were covered in porcupine needles. His tail was wrapped around his middle like a Twoleg with a belt, the fur plastered to his unfortunate belly. Worst of all was his front right leg.

Or, to be more precise, his lack of a leg.

"What happened to him?" Tansykit whispered into the silence.

Tallblaze nodded to the kitten. "We think he got caught under a rock or something. Chewed himself out."

Whitestripe grunted an affirmative. "If the bone was broken, it's possible."

Petalpaw's ears whirled back.  _He_  chewed  _his arm off?_ The medicine cat apprentice didn't know if her heart stopped or started when Lionpaw let out a tiny wheeze, but it certainly did something.

Hawktail was on his paws and at Cloudwillow's side almost immediately, eyes bright. "He's alive! How in StarClan-"

Cloudwillow cut him off. "Don't ask. I have no idea."

Petalpaw turned to the shocked warriors. "Don't just gawk at him! He needs help!" she snapped. "Make him the warmest, softest nest you can cobble together!" She turned and nodded to Whitestripe. "I'll get him some thyme."

"Good call," she meowed. "Chew up some comfrey while you're at it, and see if we have anything for infection- just in case."

She didn't argue, practically sprinting into the makeshift medicine den. Stone dug into her careless shoulders, but she didn't care.  _Lionpaw's alive! He can still be okay!_  Petalpaw grabbed the ball and threw it on the ground, desperately shifting through the herbs. _Comfrey for broken bones- the bone is gone, but it's good for regular wounds too- and something for infections... horsetail? It'll have to do._

Somewhat dry hay was shoved through the hole. "Here you go, young'un," Stonebird rumbled. "I've been laying on it practically nonstop. Should suit Lionpaw jus' fine."

"Are you sure?" she asked, concerned. "I wouldn't want you getting sick again."

The elder shook his head with a twinkle in his eye. "He needs it more'n I do."

The next to come was Hawktail. The gray and white tom was more alert than she'd seen him in days. "How can I help?"

Petalpaw spat out the poultice. "You can lay next to him and help him keep warm."

He nodded and backed away, giving Cloudwillow space to carefully finagle the injured apprentice inside. Hawktail curled around his half-frozen pupil without complaint, burying his muzzle in his side. "Don't you worry, kiddo. You'll be okay. You've been so brave."

Whitestripe and Petalpaw both worked to wrap the stub, which ended just a little past his shoulder blades. She had to admit, Hawktail had a point. Lionpaw  _had_  been very brave. She couldn't even begin to imagine the agony he'd gone through to survive the blizzard.

 _And on his own, no less_ , she marveled.

Whitestripe seemed to know what she was thinking about, breaking the silence. "The things a determined young cat can survive are endless. It's rather amazing, isn't it?"

She looked up at her. "Do you think he'll be okay?"

"That's in the paws of StarClan now." The medicine cat's eyes fluttered shut. "But let's not think like that. We should be honoring Lionpaw for his spirit, not fearing an early grave for him."

"You're right." Petalpaw stared at her paws, ashamed. "I'm sorry."

A cold nose prodded her neck. "Don't be. It's only natural you'd be worried. But let's use that worry for good." Whitestripe tilted her ears toward the door. "I'm sure Sedgepaw could use some company."

She nodded and stood up.  _It's such a huge whiplash- especially for him._  The black and white molly took one last look behind her, half-expecting Lionpaw to disappear into smoke, then pushed into the main part of the cavern. Most of RiverClan had fallen into a vigil to give Lionpaw peace. A few older warriors were snoring into their makeshift nests. Sedgepaw was not among them, pacing back and forth where Petalpaw had sat that very morning.  _Was it really morning when we talked about digging? It feels like seasons ago._

"Before you say anything," Sedgepaw meowed as she approached. "I'm not settling down. I tried. It's not happening."

"Then let's put your energy to use." She herded him away from the den. "Let's see if we can dig a path one or two fox-lengths long down the incline. It'll help us get to some hunting ground."

" _Really_?"

"Really. I've got some oomph left in me myself."

"I'll join you," Volespring meowed from behind them, making Petalpaw jump. The deputy came closer. "I haven't left the cave since this blasted storm hit us. I'd like to get some fresh air."

Sedgepaw dipped his head. "It'd be an honor."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woot woot! Plot twist s o n!
> 
> All jokes aside, I do promise this was planned, and not some on-the-fly thing I came up with for drama. Lionpaw survived his own storm. He made it out alive (for now, anyway). That's pretty dang awesome.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	30. Ghostly Celebrations

Soon, the snow underpaw was crushed into a smooth and slick pathway, reminiscent of ice. Hunting was hard enough as it was, but it didn't help matters much that they had to slip and slide as they chased after any half-starved squirrel or injured vole they could get their claws on. Petalpaw was hungry enough to lunge, claws outstretched, into anything if it garnered even a slight chance of a mouthful. It had gotten Sandstream a half-dead adder the day before.

A shriek of terror had her on her toes. There was a  _thud_ , some scuttling, and finally Checkers calling, "I caught a bird! Also, I think I bruised my shoulder."

 _Rabbit-dung!_  Petalpaw reluctantly slid back over to where the voice had come from, finding the brown tabby holding her paw off the ground, a robin clamped tightly in her jaws. "How'd you manage this?"

"She fell out of the tree," Dawnbelly chipped in, nodding to a snapped branch laying almost innocently in the snow. "Nice catch, by the way."

The medicine cat glared up at the warrior. "And you didn't stop her... why?"

He shrugged. "Checkers is a full-grown cat, not an apprentice. She can make her own decisions."

Petalpaw rolled her eyes, nudging the injured rogue down the path. "You keep hunting. I'll see about fixing this one up." Checkers fruitlessly tried to move on her own, but walking on ice with four paws was hard enough- three was practically impossible. "Gimme the robin. The last thing you need is to trip over a wing."

"Thanks," she meowed once her mouth was free. "I'm really sorry about this, Petalpaw. I got careless."

 _No kidding_ , Petalpaw thought, but it would be pretty hypocritical of her to complain about brashness after ditching Dawnbelly and Sandstream at the barn. "S'no biggie."

Checkers looked yearningly behind them. Her amber eyes slowly slid to the apprentice. "I know this is gonna sound silly," she started. "But I wanna make everyone proud. I've never had so many visitors all at once, and you've all been so polite. It's... nice. Not being lonely."

The tip of Petalpaw's tail touched Checkers' reassuringly. She wished there was something she could say, but she came up empty. The fresh-kill in her mouth served as a good excuse to keep silent.

* * *

Lionpaw's wound healed as well as could be expected- which was, to say, slowly, and with many bumps. Petalpaw and Whitestripe both thanked StarClan that one of those troubles wasn't infection, though a fever did rage just under his pelt. Petalpaw remembered what Birdleap had told her, once-  _fevers burn out all illness, like fire burns away the leaves._ She hoped it was something that simple.

The days dragged on. Warriors came and went, digging and trying to hunt. It was becoming more and more common to see bones jutting out of fur. Even Graystar's fluffy pelt couldn't save her from showing signs of hunger.

Petalpaw hardly noticed any of it. She stayed by Lionpaw's side, watching the fellow apprentice twitch and twist in his nest. Sedgepaw brought her prey, then joined her for a bit, but the wannabe den wasn't big enough for the three of them  _plus_  Whitestripe and Hawktail, and Sedgepaw preferred she stay and be able to help if something went wrong over sleeping next to his brother. Moved by his personal sacrifice, she only left to make dirt or- when Volespring came nagging- to go hunt.

She slept with her chin between his shoulder blades, like he had done for her so many nights. Petalpaw could only cling to the hope it meant something.

It was a quiet purring that stirred her that night, ears perking up. She hadn't heard that noise since the prey had started to dry up. Petalpaw lifted her head, leaving her body as she did so.  _Oh_ , she thought, too sleepy to be surprised.  _I must be dreaming._

A glimmer caught her eye. Petalpaw turned her head just as the sparkling figure of Littlepelt padded into the den, her pelt covered in stars. A gentle smile stretched across her muzzle.

_No!_

She twisted up and around, aiming a jab at the queen. The spirit stepped back, shocked, as Petalpaw leaned protectively over Lionpaw, ears pinned back. "You can't have him!" she hissed.  _Wasn't taking Poppykit enough?_  "StarClan will just have to wait!"

Littlepelt's ears fell half-mast as she studied the healer. She almost looked chiding. "Now, Petalpaw, I'm sure your mother taught you better manners than that."

Lionpaw shifted under Petalpaw. His eyelids cracked open. "Mom?"

The deceased queen's face softened. "Oh, my little lion..." she gingerly pushed Petalpaw off him, curling around his side. Petalpaw reluctantly moved back, claws scrapping against the stone as Littlepelt rubbed their faces together. "You've been through so much."

Lionpaw sluggishly pulled himself closer, burying his muzzle in Littlepelt's shoulder. "It hurts so much," he whimpered.

"I know, I know," she soothed, licking one of his ears. "But you're strong. You're strong, and brave, and I just know you'll get through this. You're Lionpaw of RiverClan, and you're going to be Lionpaw of RiverClan for many seasons to come. But only if you're willing to work at it." She bumped their foreheads together. "Are you?"

"Ahem," an unfamiliar voice meowed, making Petalpaw jump. A large, creamy yellow and black striped tabby had stepped into the cave, dipping her head respectfully. Unlike Littlepelt, who was made of stars, she reminded Petalpaw more of a drawing- the merest concept of a cat, lines with space in between, long in the tail, legs, and especially the nose, giving her an almost canine-esque appearance. "Sorry to intrude. I just thought you'd like some space." The molly pressed a paw to Petalpaw's chest, over some of the white. "I'm Dogwood."

Littlepelt's eyes were half-closed as she acknowledged Dogwood. "Go with her, Petalpaw, and be polite. It's because of her that StarClan can mingle with you tonight."

"No need for politeness," Dogwood said in what Petalpaw assumed to be jest, headbutting her shoulder. "I'm used to lip from the kittens."

Increasingly baffled, she followed behind without complaint as the newcomer expertly crawled through the crevice. The cave, which had once been decently spacious, was filled to the brim with stars and squiggles- spirits from various afterlives chatting and interacting. Two kittens rolled by, batting at each other with their claws extended.

"Snag! Beetroot! Be nice!" Dogwood cried, making the two of them stop and exchange guilty looks. She lowered her voice slightly. "Those are Juniper's kittens. You might want to watch your tail."

Petalpaw, busy staring in amazement at the commotion going on around them, had hardly even noticed tiny Snag and Beetroot in the first place. Stars filled every crack and crevice with light as cats she didn't recognize congregated around various family members. A tiny brown she-cat pushed her nose into Graystar's thin fur, mumbling wheezing praise. Poppykit had squeezed into the space leftover in her mother's nest, intent on a final nap by her side. Featherpaw had dozed off with his cheek pressed against Stonebird's, the two toms achingly similar when they were side-by-side; the former, young and sleek, while the latter was grizzled and spotted with wrinkles and scars. A fat brown and white tom was crouched by Fluffywing's legs, a bright green collar around his neck.

"Wow," she breathed. " _You_  did all this?"

Dogwood laughed the idea off. "I don't think I did this, per say. I just thought it'd be good to celebrate, so I went and gave the stars permission to visit for the night." She stretched her long limbs out, reminded Petalpaw a bit of a spider. "Isn't it nice? So many cats, coming together? It's what this old place needed."

"Why are you celebrating?" she asked. "Because the blizzard is over?"

She shook her head. "For seasons, me and my family have haunted this cave. We wanted something, but we didn't know what." Dogwood visibly brightened. "And then you came! And we realized we wanted to feel busy again."

"Well, things have been plenty busy around here lately."

The rogue nodded, eyes fluttering shut. "We're ready to move on, now. But it was only right that we share a quick goodbye with our visitors, don't you agree?"

Petalpaw opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off by new voices squabbling.

"I  _told_  you it was a left turn at the barn!"

"You tell me a lot of things. They're usually not right."

"Uh-huh, uh-huh.  _I'm_  the wrong one. Not the tom who got chased by a metal monster."

"You're never gonna let me live that down, are you?" The gray pelt of Hailface came into the cave through a wall, the black and white of Badgerberry close behind. "We've been dead how many seasons now?"

"Not nearly enough for that story to die like we did." Badgerberry caught sight of her and perked up immediately. "Oh, there she is! Look how  _big_  she's gotten!"

Petalpaw's fur got hot with embarrassment as the StarClan warrior rubbed their cheeks together. "Hi, great-grandma. It's nice to meet you."

Hailface was slower to approach, but he had a nice smile as he did. "What's that make me? Kittypet slop?"

"Kittypet slop tastes better," Badgerberry teased.

Behind them came another molly, this one brown with a splotch of white on her chest. She was shorter than both of them, only just barely above Petalpaw, but Hailface and Badgerberry both politely moved out of the way as she padded up. Unlike most WindClan cats, she was well-rounded rather than scrawny, looking soft and squishy all over.

"You don't know me," she meowed. "Do you?"

"No, ma'am," Petalpaw confessed.

She sighed, frustrated and a little bit hurt. "I figured. Well, I'm Barkthroat, and it's an honor to bump noses with you." Barkthroat rested her snout on Petalpaw's head. "Take care of your mother, dear. I can't do it myself anymore."

Understanding flashed in her mind as they both pulled back. Petalpaw bowed her head respectfully. "I will, grandma."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's to 30 chapters, everybody! I honestly didn't think I'd have this many, and we're not quite into the last bit yet! That'll start next chapter, for sure. =)
> 
> I'm considering making a short drabble series on the side for this 'fic with various kitties. Dunno if I'll do it, but I might!
> 
> Cats Petalpaw noticed: Graystar's mother (I named her Dappledheart), Featherpaw and Poppykit (duh), and Fluffywing's housemate/brother from back in the day (his name is Pickles). Dogwood's design kind of draws back to how the Watership Down animated El-ahrairah's stories.
> 
> -Mandaree1
> 
> (You know you're trying to write emotional stuff when you're listening to the Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron soundtrack while you do it.)


	31. A Learning Experience

Petalpaw tried her best to stay awake, eyelids drooping, but she was exhausted from working with Lionpaw for days on end. She pressed her muzzle into Barkthroat's shoulder and dozed. Hailface and Badgerberry laughed and chatted with various cats, most of whom the medicine cat apprentice didn't recognize, their voices tinkling like rain water.

 _Is this what it's like in StarClan?_  She wondered, watching with awe as the spirit of the kittypet she had spotted earlier engaged with a warrior who reeked of ShadowClan.  _Everyone comes and goes together, without boundaries?_  It sounded nice. Comforting.

As the night grew old and day grew young, the voices fell into a hush. The smell of WindClan still surrounded Petalpaw, so she knew they had yet to leave her, but the air had become tense. She forced her eyes to open. A large gray molly immediately grabbed her attention as she moved through the cave with purpose. Her front two canines stuck out of her lips due to overbite. She reminded Petalpaw of Missy, but there was no yellow in her eyes.

"Rise," the gray molly whispered, thrusting her nose into Checkers' scruff. "Come to me, little one."

Petalpaw was surprised when Checkers responded, lifting out of her form like she had some time prior. She hadn't thought a normal cat could hear the spirits, even at a time like this. She'd assumed Lionpaw to be a special case with his fever and torn limb.  _Could I have nudged the entire Clan awake, and have them see their deceased family and friends?_  Guilt slammed full-force into her belly.  _I didn't know!_

"Hrm?" the dark brown tabby murmured, lifting her head off the ground. "Wassat? Who- who  _are_  all of you?"

The large she-cat shook her head, crouching to support the sleepy rogue. "Don't think too hard about this. It'll only make it more confusing," she advised. "Listen to me, little one. You have done your duty well. You have protected this cave from your first breath, in spite of how lonely it became. But we have all sat stagnant long enough now, love." Her gaze burned deeply into Checkers, the she-cat so startled she couldn't speak. "You must decide where to go from here. We will support you, but we are not with you any longer."

Dogwood stood, gesturing for the other spirits to do the same. "Come on, Portal. It's time we got going."

Checkers' breath caught in her throat. "Great-grandma?"

Portal smiled, booping their noses together before getting to her paws. She met Dogwood halfway, exchanging a brief, loving nuzzle with the other spirit. Barkthroat planted one last lick to Petalpaw's ear.

"The wind runs in your veins," Hailface murmured as he pressed a comforting paw to her side. "Don't ever forget that."

Petalpaw felt a flicker of doubt. It was true that WindClan mattered to her dearly, and she  _did_  look forward to going back to it once Leaf-bare had passed, but that didn't mean she felt out of place in RiverClan, either. _Can the wind and river possibly mix in one cat?_  "I won't."

* * *

Petalpaw awoke to a paw kicking her foot. For a brief moment she thought that Lionpaw had stirred, curious and confused as to last night's proceedings, but it turned out to be Whitestripe twitching in her sleep.

She sighed, falling back onto her side. Rock dug into her hip joint as she stretched her paws, claws slithering out, but she couldn't find it in her to move just yet. Petalpaw was exhausted.  _Knowing my luck, Volespring's going to put me on another hunting patrol. I'll be shocked if I don't fall into a snow drift and never climb out._

Graystar's voice cut into her reverie. "I will not call a meeting, because yelling in such a space would only cause us all pain," she meowed evenly. "But, to anyone who is awake; join me, and we will speak."

"There's no need to be so fancy," Tallblaze said, just loud enough for her to hear. "We're laying around on moldy straw, for carp's sake."

Petalpaw gave her chest a few licks to in order to look somewhat presentable before slipping out to join them. Most of the Clan was awake by now, though they were too lazy to stand at attention, save for Graystar, who sat stiff as a board. Checkers was alert, patting the stone next to her for Petalpaw to join. Her eyes burned with questions she didn't know how to answer.

"RiverClan, we've been through some challenging times recently," Graystar said. "The blizzard, the badgers, losing Poppykit. But we've survived! We're here, together, even after the coldest of storms." Her eyes fell half-lidded, and it struck Petalpaw that the she-cat must be dead on her paws.  _Leading a Clan can't be easy on anyone, even with a deputy and medicine cat to help you._  "If anyone has anything they'd like to say, I implore you to say it now."

"Actually, Graystar..." She swung her head around at the familiar voice of Hawktail, the gray and white tom sheepishly padding up. "I have something I'd like to say."

Surprised, Graystar nodded, stepping back so he could take her place. Hawktail lifted his head high, ears slightly back, and puffed out his chest, all in an effort to seem even half as big as her. "We have all suffered these past few moons, but no one living has survived as much as my apprentice. I believe he deserves to be rewarded for his strength."

Graystar blinked at him. "Are you asking me to give him his warrior name?"

"No. It's not my right to decide where and when he gets his name." Hawktail rapidly shook his head, fur bristling slightly. "But a storm heralded by badgers is a great legacy. I think we should name the blizzard after him."

"I like that," Carpjaw chipped in. "We could call it Lion's Storm. If you don't have anything else in mind, of course."

"I don't." Hawktail looked relieved. "Thanks for the suggestion."

A murmur of agreement rose at the elder warrior's words. Petalpaw found herself purring.  _Sedgepaw always thought he should be named after a storm. Instead, a storm got named after him. It's odd how that all works._

"I see no reason to disagree." Graystar raised her voice slightly. "A toast, to Lionpaw! The lion who survived Lion's Storm!"

"Lionpaw! Lionpaw!" they all cried.

Next to come was Volespring, who nodded respectfully to the leader as she sat down next to her. The deputy's wounds had healed in spite of all the trouble they'd endured, leaving clean scars across her face and a squished leg. "I hate to cause problems, but I suppose it's my job."

"I suppose it is," Graystar agreed, though she frowned as she did. "A good deputy challenges their leader."

"No challenge, Graystar," she shot back. "Today, anyway. I simply wish to lead a patrol back to RiverClan territory."

Dawnbelly snorted. " _Simply_? The snow is as tall as we are!"

Volespring eyed him a moment. "I would never force a warrior to go on such a journey, but we all know full well that if  _we_  survived Lion's Storm, then the badgers are bound to as well. We can't have them overrunning our home while we're away."

"All due respect, deputy," Blackstorm called, her kits carefully pressed between herself and her mate. "But isn't it better to stay here and gather our strength first,  _then_  worry about taking our land back from the beasts who ravaged one of my daughters?"

Volespring flinched at the blankness to the queen's words. "Poppykit is dearly missed, Blackstorm, and I feel nothing but great sorrow when I think of her," she went on. Petalpaw looked away.  _It wasn't my fault. I need to learn to believe that._  "But a hungry badger is a desperate badger. I don't want to think of what they will do if they smell the old milk scent in the nursery."

Graystar's tail twitched. "I have to ask this, Volespring, but don't think I doubt your loyalty. Are you sure this isn't about revenge?"

"I'd be lying if I didn't say part of it was," she admitted. "But I want to protect our camp. Besides- we need to work on rebuilding the dens. We can't rely on Checkers' hospitality forever, and I'd like to know Blackstorm and Cherryfur's kittens have a safe place to rest after all they've been through."

Petalpaw stood up, swallowing back a bout of nervousness as the Clan's collective eyes swiveled toward her. "I'll go with you, Volespring," the black and white apprentice announced, hoping her words would sway the crowd a bit. "You'll need a medicine cat, and I'd rather it be me than Whitestripe. Lionpaw is still too weak to go without her."

Volespring bowed her head slightly. "Thank you, Petalpaw."

_Well, no going back now._

Fluffywing and Sandstream both volunteered next. Tallblaze looked tempted, being a good den-builder, but one lasting look at her apprentice made her decide against it. No one expected Swiftmist to stand and hobble over, but it seemed rude to the elder to reject her help.

"That'll be plenty," Graystar meowed, looking displeased at being spoken over, but it was clear she knew she was out-voted.

"Actually, if it's okay, I'd like to go."

The gray she-cat stared at Checkers as she padded up to them, tail idly swishing behind her. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, Graystar. I am." Her face was more serious than Petalpaw had ever seen it before. "I... I had a dream last night. I'm not entirely sure what I'll do with what I've learned, but I know I need to be able to take care of myself outside of hunting, and you Clan cats seem to be able to do that just fine."

She tilted her head to the side. "It almost sounds like you're asking to be an apprentice."

"If it pleases you, I'm not opposed," Checkers said simply. "The world is wide, and RiverClan sounds like a decent place to start."

Graystar shook her head. "Volespring and I discussed asking if you'd like to join, actually. I... I have a name ready, if you don't mind."

She nodded.

The leader reached out to press her nose to Checkers' forehead. "From this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Rowanpaw, for your brown pelt. Your mentor will be Fluffywing. I hope he can pass all his wisdom and kindness onto you."

"Go Fluffywing!" Dawnbelly yelled, bumping the golden tom's shoulder. "It's about time you got a 'paw, fluffball."

Fluffywing looked embarrassed as he touched noses with Rowanpaw. "It's a bit weird to be apprenticing someone who's as old as Cloudwillow."

"Well, I've never had to take orders from someone besides my mother before." Rowanpaw's eyes sparkled as they separated. "It'll be a learning experience for both of us."

"Rowanpaw! Rowanpaw! Rowanpaw!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go Rowanpaw! I'm so happy for her!
> 
> -Mandaree1


	32. Cracking Ice

It took a few hops for the ice to give way under Fluffywing's paws. Chilly water splashed between his pads as he bent down to drink. The rest of the patrol watched, still as the ice clinging to their whiskers. Swiftmist let out a relieved sigh when her turn came, the white cloud drifting into the air unappreciated. Volespring gave a little shake in an effort to disperse some of the flakes clinging to her fur, but more were falling, insuring it was energy wasted. Petalpaw watched them all move and breathe. She could count every rib on their bodies.

_This is a disaster._

Volespring's patrol had left easily enough. Progress, while slow, was definitely happening as they dug their way through inch by inch. The lack of flat ground forced them to rest in trees at night, desperately clinging to the soggy limbs.

Food had proven troublesome from the beginning. Any fresh-kill  _not_  hibernating had fled for the hills as they had, leaving the already empty terrain practically barren. They'd planned on having a vote on whether to return, but then the snow flurries settled in, and it was getting harder and harder to see. It was easier to keep padding one way and to keep hoping they hadn't lost their way than it was to try and go back.

Through all their troubles, they had very little left by the time they reached the stream at the edge of RiverClan territory. They didn't even have the ability to celebrate. They simply waited for their chance to drink, having had nothing but snow for some time now.

When Sandstream backed away, Rowanpaw and Petalpaw exchanged looks. The former gestured wearily with her nose for the medicine cat to go. Petalpaw was too exhausted to argue, waddling stiffly over to the hole. As she dipped her nose in, tongue darting out, Petalpaw forced herself to remember that things could be much worse. It had been her backing that had gotten them the freedom to travel so soon after Lion's Storm, and she would just have to face the consequences of her actions.

 _We weren't eating much better back at the cave_ , Petalpaw thought as she drew away, Rowanpaw nodding her thanks.  _But things were much less lonely there. The kits would squeak and squawk, and Stonebird would tell us all stories. Company was never far from my grasp. Here, we're just a bunch of bedraggled cats looking for a place to sleep._

A splash jerked them all out of their melancholy. Swiftmist let out a tiny shriek of joy as she plucked an underfed perch from the hole, almost tackling Rowanpaw in her haste. The elder lifted the bit of prey high in the air, giving thanks to StarClan, then threw it on the bank.

Petalpaw swallowed. She was so hungry it could've been a pile of seaweed and she would've chowed down without complaint. Fish meat was much, much better than what they'd been forced to live off of. "Good catch."

Though it was the elders' catch, Swiftmist graciously allowed Volespring to have first pickings. The deputy had been bunking low to the ground, unable to climb high due to her injuries, and was the most beaten of all of them. Even still, the warrior code pressed that elders be fed first, and expected that mentors eat before 'paws, so by the time Rowanpaw and Petalpaw got to the perch it was almost all bones.

Petalpaw nudged Rowanpaw; it was her turn to return the favor. She didn't argue.

* * *

They found the camp to be mostly squished under the snow, as expected. The nursery and elders' den roofs were bent inwards, snow piling up to the top, and they were easily in the best shape, continuously worked on by worried warriors and eager apprentices over the seasons. They spent the day digging out the former before settling in, shivering and hungry.

Petalpaw wondered if WindClan was in this much trouble right now. She hoped not.

The moon was a bright pool in the sky when Rowanpaw nudged her awake, nodding for her to follow. Petalpaw slipped out after her as they retraced their steps to the river, re-opening that hole Fluffywing had made.

"When I said I wanted to know about the world," Rowanpaw meowed, looking very ill at ease. "I didn't mean I wanted to suffer like this. Is it always so bad?"

"I don't think so," Petalpaw reassured her. "I remember WindClan in Greenleaf, and there was always prey, and it was so warm you'd wish for a breeze." She looked away, ears flattening. "I just don't know when or if it'll come back."

They hunted in silence, quietly desperate for something to fill their bellies. Petalpaw was starting to fear more and more that they wouldn't make it past this hard place.  _If I die out here, everything I've done will be for nothing. Poppykit's death will be for nothing. I can't let that be._

A tiny slip of silver darted out of the corner of her eye. Petalpaw struck, bringing up the tiniest pike she'd ever seen. The aroma of fish wafted into her jaws as she lashed out for a killing bite, tongue brushing against its scales. She hardly had the chance to set it down before Rowanpaw had taken a bite, almost jerking it out of her teeth by accident.

In spite of the harsh cold, the two apprentices tucked into the meal right by the river, bumping noses more than once. Guilt pulsed through Petalpaw, thinking of Swiftmist.  _We're supposed to feed the elders first, even now._

Rowanpaw seemed to recognize what she was thinking, and drew back just enough to clean her lips of blood. "We're cats. We eat and fight and mess up like everything else. If your star-cats really want to punish you over one little fish, that's more of an issue on their part."

She didn't argue. Deep down, she wondered just how true Rowanpaw's words were. At a time like this, when life was dangling by a thread, wasn't it in an apprentice's best interest to focus on keeping on StarClan's good side?  _The warriors and elders have proven themselves. I haven't. I'm still nobody. I'm still Petalpaw._  She knew she was being ridiculous.  _What's more important to me- my title, or a full belly?_

She took a big bite.

* * *

Petalpaw didn't keep track of the time. The constant snowfall made judging the sky impossible, and her internal clock had been askew for moons. She sat, hunched, eyes half-lidded, and waited for Rowanpaw to finish her half. The dark brown tabby proved to be a slow eater, chewing each bite thoroughly before swallowing.

"Do you regret it yet?" she asked, mostly just to break the silence. "Joining RiverClan."

Rowanpaw shrugged. "I'd be struggling no matter where I was, or what name I had. At least, this way, I've got company in my misery." She nudged Petalpaw's shoulder. "Hey, lighten up, kiddo. We'll make it through."

"Do you remember that dream?" Petalpaw blurted out. She didn't elaborate, but Rowanpaw nodded anyway, making her feel weak with relief. _I can't imagine what I'd tell her if she didn't._

"I think, sometimes, there are things that are more special when they aren't said aloud. I dunno if that makes any sense, but it's how I feel. I think this is one of those things," the molly meowed as she slowly sat up. "I'm gonna get a drink, and then we oughta head back."

Rowanpaw trailed over to the hole and dipped her muzzle in. Petalpaw thought nothing of it, and hardly noticed when the she-cat's ears pricked curiously. She definitely noticed when she stood and cautiously padded further across the frozen river, the snow taking most of the slip-and-slide from its surface.

"Hey, Petalpaw?" she prompted, stopping and staring at one spot in particular. "Come look at this."

Curious, the medicine cat stood and walked over to her companion, trying to avoid any noticeable slippery areas. It didn't stop her from almost falling flat on her face, but it helped her feel a bit more dignified.

At their paws was a layer of ice, such as there was everywhere else, but it was far thinner than the surrounding ice. At first, Petalpaw thought that a badger or fox had come by recently, but neither stench was lingering, and it was too small to be of much use to either predator.

Rowanpaw said what she was thinking. "A cat came through here."

"Could've been a vole," she suggested.

"It's too big to be a vole." Rowanpaw flicked her tail. "Let's see if we can pick up a trail."

Petalpaw resisted the urge to snort as she followed along beside her.  _In this weather? Doubtful._ But then she smelled it. So faint, she almost thought she was mistaken, but her soul jerked and she knew it was true.

Heather and rabbits.

Petalpaw broke into a sprint, desperate to follow the scent to its source. She heard Rowanpaw in the distance, scrambling to keep up, calling her name, but she was faster than the grown apprentice. Her eyes stung as snow blew into them. Snow crammed into her paw pads as she stretched her legs out, belly fur brushing the ground. She hopped over a stump, then almost had her journey halted by a full tree.

The smell never got any stronger, muted by a variety of things, but it grew more potent. By the time she came to a stop, panting, she knew she who she would find in the snow drifts.

Sure enough, there was Beetlestar herself, sprawled out on her side, unmoving. In the same way that Graystar seemed strong no matter how she presented herself, Beetlestar had always come across as unflappable to Petalpaw. The memory of pulling a thorn out of the white and brown molly's paw was as strong as ever. She didn't think she'd ever heard of a cat willing to let a kitten heal them. Seeing her so frail and clearly ill made her heart race.

Dazed with fear, she glanced at her feet, half expecting them to be covered in blood all over again. Her front right paw had gotten nicked on a rock, causing a tiny bit of red to come oozing out, but to her it seemed like an ocean. Petalpaw staggered a little, forcing herself to try and breathe evenly. She wanted nothing more than to stick her head in the snow. It was easier than remembering.

Something twitched, and Petalpaw realized Beetlestar wasn't alone in the snow. Draped across her side was the last cat she'd ever expected to see outside of WindClan, his brown and white fur blending in with the alike-pelted leader.

"Deerkit?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I kinda waffled on this one, mostly because I wasn't sure how to end it, but eventually I decided to just slam dunk into the next arc, lol.
> 
> Originally, there was gonna be some sort of badger confrontation. I considered having a badger grab a fish, and Petalpaw thinking about attacking it out of hunger, only to be brought down. Then it was Sandstream and Petalpaw tag-teaming the badger, getting the fish, and then fighting over whether to keep it or not, ending with all of them playing to renew their bond. Heck, it was supposed to be a Sandstream-Petalpaw chapter, but it ended up being a Rowanpaw-Petalpaw chapter, which is equally cool!
> 
> -Mandaree1


	33. Recovery

"Petalpaw," Volespring meowed. She flicked her tail to the unconscious Deerkit. "Give me info on this one."

Petalpaw didn't need the prompting. Her mind was buzzing with questions as is. "His name is Deerkit. At least, it was before I came here. He's probably Deerpaw now. He's the son of Lichenfang and Brackenheart."

She dipped her head. "Good cats. I hope he took after them."

"He did. He does." Petalpaw set a paw on Deerpaw's side. The brown and white tom didn't stir. "He's never been the type to go into another cat's territory, though. I can only imagine he had a good reason for it."

"His Clan leader's word is plenty enough reason," Fluffywing chipped in, not unkindly. "If Beetlestar asked him to, he would go."

"But why would Beetlestar have him go?" she asked. "She's got plenty of larger, stronger warriors to have accompany her."

"This is all very interesting and all," Rowanpaw butted in, having absolutely no idea what they were talking about. "But shouldn't we be more concerned about the actual health of these cats than their motives? I mean, you can't question them when they're unconscious."

Petalpaw could feel multiple sets of eyes on her as she shrugged helplessly. "I wish there was something I could do, but I've got no herbs. The best thing we can do is keep them warm and hope that we found them in time."

Dead reeds crackling made her jump as Sandstream dutifully moved forward, crouching so his chin rested on Beetlestar's hip. He gazed up at the other RiverClan warriors, expectant.

"Well," said Volespring. "I suppose the decision has been made for us."

* * *

Petalpaw slept hard that night. Later, she would chalk it up to the light flavor of heather in the air, masked by the typical fish and water of RiverClan cats and the snow and ice that lived in both Clans' pelts. She didn't dream of Featherpaw or Poppykit, but their presence wove around each and every one of them, silent and watchful. Petalpaw liked to believe they were guarding them from the badgers.

A gentle shaking tried to stir her, but she shrugged it off and shifted over, grunting unpleasantly. Petalpaw squeezed her eyes shut.

"Petalkit?"

The air left her lungs like they'd been struck by a monster. Petalpaw lifted her head, half-certain she'd imagined the use of her old name, but Deerpaw blinked back at her, looking sad and amazed all at once.

"Is it really you?" he asked with a whisper, tilting his head to get a better look.

"Deerkit!" she cried, half-crawling to wrap herself around him. The brown and white tom was only half her size, just barely out of the nursery. His head fit perfectly into the hollow of her chest. Petalpaw's purr was loud enough she was sure the stars could hear it. "Or, well... I guess you're Deerpaw now, huh?"

He nodded, brushing against some of her white fur along the way. "And you're Petalpaw?"

"Yup."

Deerpaw pulled himself closer and didn't reply.

The medicine cat had a million questions about the state of WindClan and her family, but she didn't think it would be fair to push the newly recovered 'paw so soon. Clearly WindClan was still around, or Beetlestar and Deerpaw wouldn't be here in the first place. Speaking of; "Deerpaw, why are you in RiverClan territory? If it weren't for how cold you both were, Volespring would've clawed you across the muzzle."

His ears perked. "Oh! Um, that. I was looking for Beetlestar." Deerpaw's mouth twisted, eyes falling to the ground. "And she was looking for Wolfpaw."

Petalpaw dug her claws into the reeds, eyes flashing with fear. "Wolfpaw's missing? For how long?"

"A couple of days," he meowed. "Not long after that storm went through, she left and didn't come back."

 _Just after Lion's Storm?_  Wolfpaw was far too young to be in temperatures like that; and, with her white fur, it would be practically impossible to find her amongst the snowdrifts.  _I sure hope she took cover, or she won't be coming back._

"Petalpaw?" Deerpaw prompted. "I missed you. After you left, nobody ever talked about it. It was like you didn't exist." He pulled away, eyes wide. "You  _are_  real, right? I'm not hallucinating?"

"If this is a hallucination I'm living, then you've been hallucinating for a long time," she replied, trying to smile. It wouldn't be very nice to unload her hurt on Deerpaw- he was clearly having problems of his own right now. "It's been a long Leaf-bare. I guess... it makes sense that they'd want to forget about me."

"I don't want to forget about you!" Deerpaw argued, cheeks puffing out. "And I know Beepaw and Stripepaw don't wanna either, or Raintail and Ravenfur. No one  _wants_  to forget you, I don't think. I think they're just scared that they let you down." He fidgeted a little. "Raintail and Cloudear are together now."

"I know, Deerpaw."

"Raintail's in the nursery. She says-"

"I  _know_ , Deerpaw."

"Oh." He winced at her curt tone, looking sheepish. "Are you okay?"

"Honestly?" Petalpaw said. "I'm hungry, and cold, and worried out of my mind. But I've been worse."

Deerpaw laughed. "Same." He stretched his neck out awkwardly to touch noses with her. "...Are you gonna come home soon?"

"I certainly plan to!" she promised, surprised at how unhappy he sounded.  _We barely ever spoke! Do I really matter so much to him despite that? Do I mean this much to_  everyone _in WindClan?_  It seemed silly, but her chest grew warm anyhow.

* * *

" _Petalpaw_."

She jolted awake once again. The world was dark outside the den, and Deerpaw had fallen asleep perched on her back. Petalpaw hadn't even realized she was tired, but she hadn't noticed the warriors depart or return.  _Have I been sleeping all day?_

" _Petalpaw, it's time_."

The eerie, haunted quality of the voice made her shiver as she sat up, Deerpaw sliding to the floor without a sound. Poppykit stood at the front of the den, tail raised authoritatively. Her eyes lacked any pupils; she was a misty gathering of stars and nothing more. "It's time?"

" _It's time_ ," Poppykit agreed, turning away. Her tail flicked; a sign to follow. " _It's time to succeed where you have failed. It's time to pull a cat from the snow_."

Petalpaw's breath caught. She got up and followed without so much as a glance at the cats she was leaving behind. Poppykit didn't move so much as she fluttered, going from one spot to the next whenever Petalpaw blinked. The tortoiseshell kit waited at the edge of the camp, snow blowing through her empty form. Snowflakes touched the apprentice's ears, making them flick.

"Petalpaw?"

That voice wasn't a ghost. It was flesh and blood.

"Petalpaw?" Beetlestar repeated. She sluggishly examined the RiverClan cats snoring around her, then moved to look at her again. "Where are you going?"

"I think..." Petalpaw glanced at Poppykit. She was waiting. "I think I'm going to go find Wolfpaw."

"Oh. Okay," the leader said. She looked soothed. "Shouldn't you bring someone with you?"

She shook her head. "That's okay. I'm walking under the stars."

"If you say so, dear." Beetlestar let out a quiet chirp and set her head back down, eyes fluttering closed. She sighed. "You've grown since I saw you last, Petalpaw. I'm glad. You always seemed so unhappy."

"Thank you, ma'am."

She cracked a single eyelid. "May StarClan light your path."

"And your's." Petalpaw inclined her head respectfully, then stepped out into the snowstorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyy, lookkit this kitter, out doing great things.
> 
> I had plans of making this scenario (which, fun fact, was one of the first concepts I had for this story- Petalpaw going after Wolfpaw, guided by Poppykit) at the cave, but it didn't make sense with the distance I'd given between the Clans and Rowanpaw's old place. I also originally planned for Graystar to stop her before she left, but somehow I feel like Beetlestar fit better.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	34. Building Bridges

The snow was empty without Featherpaw's familiar form moving through it. For whatever reason, he'd decided against coming, or perhaps Poppykit had asked him not to. It felt wrong to speak, so Petalpaw didn't, which made it kind of hard to press for details. The flakes are big but light, sticking to her fur and making a nuisance of themselves. She had to blink heavily to see through it.

Poppykit led her through what undoubtedly had to be RiverClan, but it felt twisted. Logs and trees had shifted slightly, and every thin stream they came across gurgled just a little, no matter how frozen they were. Petalpaw dipped the very tip of her nose into one and almost immediately went numb. She didn't want to imagine what drinking from them would be like.

Wherever they were heading, Poppykit didn't seem to be in much of a rush. She kept a steady walking pace a few mouse-lengths ahead, her tiny little paws breezing over the surface. Petalpaw wished she could be half as graceful.  _That whole lighter than air business doesn't sound half bad. It's a shame a living cat can't be that way._

Suddenly, the spirit took a sharp swerve to the left. Petalpaw followed. She could feel the slight push of going uphill, but with all the snow it didn't seem like she was going much of anywhere. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Poppykit stopped and mimed digging at the snow. Petalpaw didn't hesitate, sending her white paws into the cold wet without a word.

 _My dream!_  A tingle went up her spine as she recalled her nightmare of digging up Blackstorm's kittens, back when she had first met Rowanpaw.  _But how was I supposed to get the subtext of that? It was all so confusing and vague! Heather's sake, StarClan; it's like you want us all to suffer._

Just like before, the snow gave way under her feet, sending her sprawling into cramped quarters. But, unlike her dream, this was clearly made by paw, patted carefully down so a cat could squeeze in and out if need be.

"What in StarClan?" a cat hissed, squishing over her spine like it was pine needles to be trampled. "Close the entrance! It's cold enough here  _without_  the breeze, thank you!"

Petalpaw maneuvered onto her side as the world went dark. The neutral whiff of snow was almost choking, blocking out all signs of life, but the paws pressing rather painfully against her were real enough. "Wolfpaw?"

Wolfpaw froze, fur along her scruff rising. "Who's there? Who are you?"

"It's me, Wolfpaw," she meowed gently. "It's Petalpaw."

"Petalpaw?" The paws were reaching out now, running along her face and ears. Wolfpaw's voice was full of wonder. "It's you. It's really, really you!"

"Yup," she purred, eyes falling half-lidded. "You got bigger. I coulda sworn you fit into my paws the last time I saw you."

Wolfpaw let out a faint, quivering wail and buried her muzzle into the medicine cat's stomach fur. Petalpaw's sense of humor faded as she waited for the tremors to pass, whisking her tail across the apprentice's back.

"Are you okay?" Petalpaw asked finally.

She shook her head.

"What's the matter, snowball? The snow isn't as bad as it looks, I promise. Lion's Storm was waaay worse than this, and we all got out alright."

"I'm sorry!" Wolfpaw blurted out. The words spilled out of her without any further prompting. "I'm so, so sorry, Petalpaw! I-I thought you were behind me! I really, really did! And then I got home and I looked behind me and-"

"Wolfpaw." Petalpaw poked her shoulder with her nose. "It's  _okay_."

"No, it's not!" The white molly's claws slid out, digging into her unintentionally. "I left you all alone with that big scary jerk!"

"That  _big scary jerk_  is called Dawnbelly, and he's the biggest rabbit-brain I've met since, well, a rabbit." The black and white she-cat shrugged. "It  _was_  scary at first, but I'm glad it wasn't you. I'm the older cat- it's my job to take care of you."

Wolfpaw's nose scrunched up. "I don't like that rule. It's a stupid rule." Poppykit twitched, drawing her attention. "Hey, who's that?"

"That's Poppykit," she explained. "She's the kit of one of the queens I've been working with in RiverClan."

"Poppy _kit_?" Her voice turned scathing. "You just said that older cats are supposed to protect younger ones, but you let a kit out in this?"

"Wolfpaw, Poppykit is dead."

"Oh." Wolfpaw shrunk a bit, embarrassed and afraid. "Did she come for us?"

"She came to guide us back to RiverClan," Petalpaw reassured her. "Come on, let's go."

"Is it safe?" she meowed. Wolfpaw lowered her voice. "I smelled badgers earlier. Or- or maybe it was foxes. It smelled  _bad_ , whatever it was."

Petalpaw looked to Poppykit. The tortoiseshell was unmoved. "We're walking with the stars, Wolfpaw. I think we'll be fine."

* * *

The trio followed the exact trail back as Petalpaw and Poppykit had taken forward. Wolfpaw was thinner and scragglier than Petalpaw had first realized, but her eyes were bright as she scanned the area, intrigued. She took that as a good sign.

The sharp swerve came and went. Petalpaw soon found out its purpose when Wolfpaw tried to keep pace beside her rather than behind, and almost went careening down a slope. Thankfully, she was in the nick of time, sinking her teeth into the apprentice's scruff and hauling her back up. The whole scene was reminiscent of when Lionpaw fell, something she kept to herself, but the medicine cat noticed Wolfpaw staring after her.  _Quit shaking already! She's relying on you, rabbit-breath._

Neither Petalpaw nor Wolfpaw noticed when Poppykit faded away, replaced by the gently rising sunlight. The sky was a crisp, clear blue, giving the territory a much wider and spacious feel to it.

"Heeeey, there she is!" Rowanpaw's cheerful meow made the two of them jump, brought out of their melancholy. The brown tabby pressed their faces together. "What is it with you and vanishing, girl? Volespring's ready to rip your fur off with her teeth!"

Petalpaw shifted slightly, revealing Wolfpaw. "I brought a consolation gift."

"Hmm." She tilted her head to the side and squinted. Rowanpaw brightened. "Yeah, I think that'll do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter ended up being a heckuva lot shorter than expected. But I still like it! Next chapter will have more meat to it.
> 
> Fun Fact- in the original idea for this story, Wolfpaw was going to find a passion in being a medicine cat, and Petalpaw would swap to warrior apprentice and keep her med cat time under wraps. But it didn't fit within the overall message of the story- finding and being yourself- so it got scrapped really quickly.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	35. Bet

It was in the early day when the rest of RiverClan came into their camp, led by Graystar and Blackstorm, the queen holding Patchkit in her jaws. Cherryfur held Hollykit. Between them walked Tansykit, who had willingly chosen to have sore legs in order to escape being carried like fresh-kill.

Despite the slowly dawning sky, the only cat awake was Volespring, who had stayed up in order to greet them. The deputy blinked slowly at each and every one of them as they passed, affectionately welcoming them back, before finally coming up to Graystar herself. "I was starting to think you weren't going to make it."

"The weather was decent, so we went ahead with it," Graystar meowed, pressing their foreheads together. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you," she returned, whiskers twitching mischievously. "I bet all the fish heads in the river that you can't guess who we have for guests."

"I quite like fish heads, so I'll give a polite no to that bet." Her fluffy gray tail whisked under Volespring's chin. "But perhaps you'll introduce me anyway."

The brown molly showed her into the nursery. Warriors had already sprawled out across the soggy ground, though Graystar and Volespring both noticed with great pride that many of them had chosen a spot as close as possible to the kits and apprentices, keeping them sheltered and warm. Lionpaw in particular, still recovering from his brush of death, was propped up on Hawktail's side, the fleshy pink stub out of the way of any dirt. At the very back lay Beetlestar, the white and brown she-cat keeping Deerpaw and Wolfpaw warm by allowing them to drape themselves across her. On the other side was Petalpaw, flat on her back, snoring very loudly. One of her front paws twitched.

"I'll be honest," Graystar meowed after taking it all in. "I know this should cause me great concern, but I'm waaay too tired to properly feel much of anything."

Volespring headbutted her shoulder. "Get some sleep. They're of no threat to us right now."

The leader's eyes flickered to her's, surprisingly vulnerable. "You know, I've missed having someone to share my nest with."

"Why, Graystar, are you seducing me?"

Graystar lifted her chin proudly. "All I'm saying is that it's a nice night to spend time with someone you love."

"It's morning, Gray."

"Please, don't nitpick my bad grasp of time. I'm tired and hungry."

"I'm honored." Volespring leaned her slight weight on Graystar's side, eyes sliding shut with a chuckle. "Now, let's see about finding that nest."

* * *

Petalpaw took pity on Wolfpaw and Deerpaw, grabbing them a scrawny mouse before they had to work up the courage to ask someone. The two siblings devoured the fresh-kill in rapid bites while she watched over them.

The medicine cat noticed Graystar coming out of the corner of her eye, but said nothing. So used to her presence, it didn't occur to her that she was a threat, not until the two younger apprentices bristled and moved closer to her. Beetlestar lifted her head off her paws but didn't bother to sit up.

"Beetlestar," she meowed, bowing her head respectfully. "I must admit, I didn't expect StarClan to will us to see each other so soon."

"Yes, well," Beetlestar said. "I didn't expect two of my youngest WindClan cats to wander off, but here we are."

"Your willingness to risk life and limb for them is very honorable."

"Can you get to the point, please?"

Deerpaw flinched. Petalpaw shifted a little so he could hide behind her.

The movement caught Graystar's eye. "There's no need to feel so afraid, kit. You're in no danger. I just came by to offer my protection on the walk back to your territory."

Beetlestar's ears fell flat. "I know my way back."

"I don't doubt that," she replied. "But this is  _my_  land you're on, and it'll put my warriors at ease to know that I saw you go with my own eyes."

Wolfpaw took a step forward, tail bushing out slightly. "Hey- um... shoot, I forgot your name."

The RiverClan leader flicked her ear bemusedly. "Graystar."

"Well,  _Graystar_ , I'd just like to know- can Petalpaw come?" The air turned thick with old anger, but she refused to back down. "It's her home too, after all. Shouldn't she get to see it?"

"Wolfpaw," sighed Petalpaw. "It doesn't work like that."

To her surprise, Graystar looked intrigued. "You have a point. But how do I know you won't ambush me?"

Her jaw dropped. "Are you serious?"

The gray she-cat shrugged. "I don't see why not. I know you won't wander off."

Beetlestar finally stood up, coming muzzle-to-muzzle with the RiverClan leader. "I'll give you my word that you won't be in any danger. You've rescued and fed all of us- it's only fair I show the same respect to you."

Wolfpaw smiled, showing off multiple sharp teeth as she did so, but all Petalpaw felt was anxiety. Her stomach cramped.  _How can I see them after all this? And then just... come back to this camp?_

* * *

The black and white molly kept pace beside Graystar, finding more comfort in the back of the group than at the very front, where Beetlestar and the other two 'paws walked. In an ironic twist of fate, she couldn't recall the way to the WindClan edge of territory, though that wasn't necessarily her fault- she had been brought around the long way, then forbidden to tread that way lest she try to flee. And then, as she grew more relaxed and they grew to trust her, she'd simply avoided it, not willing to drudge up bad memories.

The light scent of heather made something stir in Petalpaw's chest as they neared the edge. She couldn't tell where it was, exactly, due to the lack of interest in patrolling over surviving (which had left the borders thin at best) but from one snow drift to the next they were in WindClan territory. Immediately after Wolfpaw and Deerpaw began to settle, their already long-legged bodies sprawling out even more. Petalpaw only became more bunched up, more and more worried as to where this would go.

The patrol that came upon them was made up of Ravenfur, Shadestorm, Maplewing, and Brackenheart. The white tom let out a cry of relief, slipping and sliding over the snow and ice to meet his kits halfway, fussing over them.

Ravenfur watched them a moment, then looked at Petalpaw, ears falling half-mast. "Hello, darling."

Petalpaw forced herself to swallow and nod. Her father came closer and wrapped his tail around her, smelling of rabbit blood and snow. She buried her nose in his shoulder before pulling back, knowing he would be needed by Beetlestar's side. Maplewing and Shadestorm took his place, keeping her company as they moved through her home.

WindClan's camp had been dug out, just as RiverClan had been. Later, Petalpaw would find out that they had all bunkered down in an old rabbit tunnel, digging themselves out in a fashion similar to their's, minus the long walk between. As it was, the camp walls had been patted down into a bowl-type shape. Almost all the dens were squished enough to double as blankets.

Warriors crowded around Beetlestar and Graystar, pressing questions and throwing accusations. Lichenfang and Brackenheart both were too busy sniffing for wounds on their children to care. Petalpaw was left alone, scanning for her littermates and mother, only to come up empty.

A gray paw prodded her back, and she jumped, having not heard Birdleap coming. He bent over a little with a smile. "Moment of your time?"

Petalpaw glanced at Graystar. She wasn't paying her any heed. The medicine cat apprentice stood and followed. Birdleap led her straight to the nursery, which, like in RiverClan, was in the best shape of all the dens. He stopped by the entrance and waved a paw for her to go in.

The reek of Beepaw and Stripepaw hit her nostrils as Petalpaw slipped inside, her eyes having to adjust to the smothering darkness of heather. Her brothers were fast asleep, curled against a gray and white lump she quickly realized was her mother. Her heart plummeted. _They... they look so happy. Without me._

Petalpaw took a step back, only to run into Birdleap, who shook his head and prodded her to go forward. "Raintail, you have a visitor," the stone gray cat quietly called out.

Raintail's eyes fluttered open. She yawned, stretching her paws out. "Who is..." she paused. "Petalkit?"

Petalpaw attempted a smile. "Hi, mom."

For a moment, the molly didn't say anything. She rolled onto her side and held her paws out. "Come here. Let me see you."

Heart thudding in her throat, Petalpaw padded over to her, crouching down and touching her nose to her mother's shoulder. The typical reek of herbs and fish mixed with rabbits, heather, and milk. Raintail cleaned her scruff before pulling back, nodding to her stomach. "Meet your little brothers."

She looked, suddenly even more nervous than before. Sure enough, two tiny toms were pressed against her, sleeping. One was gray, with white front paws and muzzle, while the other was a pale ginger tom. Petalpaw glanced down at her own black fur, feeling a bit outcasted.  _I'm the one who looks the most like Ravenfur, aren't I? That's what everyone always said._  "They're so tiny."

"I  _did_  just have them," she pointed out. "The gray one is Owlkit, and the ginger is Finchkit." Raintail reached out to touch her nose to her cheek. "I'm sorry all this has happened to you, Petalkit."

"I'm Petalpaw now, mom."

Raintail's tail lashed. "Right, right. I just..." A rueful chuckle left her. "I can't believe I missed my own daughter's apprentice ceremony."

"Aw, that wasn't your fault. Things got complicated." Petalpaw licked her across the head. "I've got to go, but once Greenleaf comes I'll be back home forever."

"You're not staying?" she asked, surprised.

"I wish I could, but..."

"Petalpaw!" Graystar called out, making her jump. "I'll wait for you by the front. Take all the time you need."

She shook her head and sat up. "I'm coming now." Petalpaw spared her mother one last nuzzling. Somehow, she missed her mother more right here and now than she had almost all of Leaf-bare. "It won't be much longer. The snow is melting day by day."

Raintail didn't respond. She curled closer to Finchkit and Owlkit, nosing their soft kit-fur to console herself a little. Stripepaw and Beepaw still hadn't stirred- Petalpaw suspected they had been helping Birdleap throughout the kitting, which would have taken a lot out of any cat. She was loathe to leave without speaking to them, but it would be easier this way. For all of them.  _They've got enough to worry about as it is. They don't need this on top of it._

True to her word, Graystar was sitting near the edge of the camp, waiting politely for her to finish. Petalpaw started to walk over to her, only to be cut off by Ravenfur, her father's fur rippling with barely concealed anger.

"Darling, you don't have to go back to that place," he murmured, eyeing the leader. "This is where you belong."

"It is," she agreed steadily. "But I'm still going back. They need me."

Ravenfur snorted. "It's the middle of Leaf-bare, Petalpaw. Who doesn't need a medicine cat right now?" He stepped closer. "Don't let some falsified sense of loyalty force your paw. You musn't forget what they've done to you."

Petalpaw sighed and met his eye. "I'm a medicine cat, dad. It's in my blood." The word connected itself to Poppykit, as mentions of blood always did. Badgers, Lion's Storm, food shortages- it was obvious that RiverClan needed every cat it could afford. "I can't  _not_  help."

The deputy studied her a long moment, uncertain, then reluctantly stepped away. "Alright," he meowed, nose scrunched up. "I don't like it, but I won't argue the code."

Petalpaw thanked him and moved on, glancing over her shoulder to see if he was watching. He wasn't; instead, he had gone to speak with Beetlestar, acting for all the world as if nothing had happened. Somehow, that hurt even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyy, Petalpaw's little bros! They don't make much of an impression in this story, I'm afraid, but if I ever get around to writing that sequel they're just as important as her other brothers.
> 
> With that in mind, we're actually nearing the end of the story! It sucks a lot, since I really liked writing this, but them's the way, I guess. I have a sequel concept I might end up working- and, if not, I'm considering making a drabble series about various characters in this story- so there's more Petalpaw to look forward to!
> 
> -Mandaree1


	36. Ready as I'll Ever Be

"How does it feel?" Graystar prompted on the way back. "Being an older sister."

"It hasn't sunk in yet, I don't think," Petalpaw meowed, pulling her back paw out of a deep spot she'd accidentally stepped in. "I mean, I technically already was an older sister- Beepaw is younger than me by birth order- but this is completely different." She thought back to Finchkit and Owlkit, still tiny little balls of fur. They probably hadn't even opened their eyes yet. Something protective surged in her chest. "I'll keep them safe."

Graystar didn't reply to that directly. "I've been meaning to get you alone for a good half a moon now, actually."

"All due respect, that's not something anyone wants to hear from a leader."

"Oh, it's nothing like that." She bumped the apprentice's shoulder pleasantly. "I was curious of your future plans, is all."

"Future?"

"Do you intend to go back to WindClan?"

Petalpaw boggled at her. Hadn't she been listening at all? "Of course I am! Do! Whichever one is the right way of saying that!"

Graystar nodded. She didn't look very surprised. "I will only say this once, Petalpaw, but it will last as long as your good morals do," she said. "A place will always be open to you in my Clan. You're a good fit here. But if you're fleeing from your own wrongdoings, don't think we'll horde you away from consequences."

"Never, ma'am," she promised, head spinning. "I'll keep your words close to my heart."

"Good. They're not the kind for repeating." She picked up the pace, and Petalpaw got the feeling she was embarrassed. "We shouldn't mosey our way back. Volespring'll send a search patrol for us if we're not back soon."

Petalpaw let her thoughts drift over the border as they walked. She was starting to really regret not rousing Beepaw and Stripepaw. She hoped they didn't think she was avoiding them.  _We'll be together again soon._ The medicine cat found the concept a bit daunting. It felt like she hardly knew anyone in WindClan- not like she knew the cats of RiverClan. There was no doubt in her mind that they would forever be suspicious of her for that, wondering if she was secreting knowledge over the border.

 _I'm a medicine cat. My duty is to injured cats, and not to any Clan._  She lifted her chin, trying to look more confident.  _If they can't respect that, then I'm not the problem here._

To her surprise, Graystar stopped dead in her tracks, causing Petalpaw to bump into her hindquarters. The gray molly's ears swiveled back, then forward, searching for sounds. It was practically silent. "Sniff the air," she murmured.

Petalpaw opened her jaws. Almost immediately, the coppery smell of blood washed over her tongue, making her gag. It was light, but unmistakable. "Oh no."

"Keep close to me," Graystar advised. Petalpaw nodded.

Together, the two cats sprinted across the snow, kicking up tiny flurries behind them. Despite Petalpaw being naturally swift, Graystar took the lead with a fierce grip and refused to let go, her claws leaving deep gouges in the ground. "Cats of RiverClan!" she called. "Do you hear me?"

The yowling that answered her was loud and strong, but something didn't sound right about it to Petalpaw. Like it was missing someone.

"Graystar! Graystar!" Fluffywing yelped, bursting through the bushes. "The camp was attacked by a badger!"

Graystar's fur fluffed out as she regarded the warrior. "How many injuries?"

"Plenty, but nothing too serious."

"Deaths?"

He lowered his head. "Swiftmist, ma'am."

Shock pulsed through Petalpaw.  _Swiftmist? But she was an elder! Why was she fighting something as dangerous as a badger?_

The feeble wall of half-dead reeds that had once kept out the breeze was destroyed. What few repairs had been made were almost completely wiped out, leaving RiverClan as desolate as ever. Blood speckled the snow. In the very center lay Swiftmist, her face contorted with agony and her pelt more red than brown. Stonebird's head was pressed against the dip between her shoulders.  _This must be like Featherpaw to him._

Volespring gimped up to them. Her good ear was torn, but she didn't seem to register the pain, eyes flashing with anger. "Let me lead a patrol, Graystar," she demanded. "Let me find the miserable badger who did this and rip their guts out!"

"No," Graystar meowed firmly. "Not a patrol. We're going to have to go bigger."

"Graystar?" asked Petalpaw, uncertain.

The leader ran across the camp, hopping onto her old stone with great purpose. "RiverClan!" she cried. "This Leaf-bare has taken so much from us. First came the sickness, ripping Littlepelt from us and weakening our elders. Then came Lion's Storm, which almost cost us Lionpaw, and made us scramble not to starve in unknown territory. But that is the way of the wild, and the harsh claw it can slice with. To be a Clan cat is to accept such troubles." She shook her head at herself. "But badgers are where I draw the line! These monsters have stolen Poppykit and Swiftmist from us, and retribution is at paw."

Carpjaw took a step forward. "What do you suggest, Graystar?"

"They will know the agony of our claws," Graystar replied. "We will track down their lair and make them regret entering RiverClan territory. Who will come with me?"

Volespring answered first. "I will, Graystar!"

Lionpaw stood on wobbly paws. "Swiftmist was such a nice cat. She didn't deserve to die anymore than Poppykit did."

"If he's going, so am I," Sedgepaw meowed.

"My paws are tied," Hawktail added, wrapping his tail around Lionpaw. "I have to go with my boys."

"I'm in," Carpjaw said after a pause. "Son?"

Sandstream shook his head and stood back. He patted the ground with one paw, signaling he would stay behind and protect the camp.

Blackstorm slowly stood up. "Count me in. If I can avenge Poppykit... Well, I think that'll help me a bit."

Cherryfur came up on her side. "I'll come too. Sandstream can watch the kits."

"I'll help Sandstream," Cloudwillow volunteered, visibly intimidated by the growing crowd. "I mean, it's just bad taste to leave one warrior to take care of the entire camp anyway."

Petalpaw didn't respond verbally, instead coming to sit beside Lionpaw and Sedgepaw. The trio shared a wary look.  _None of us are exactly masters of self-defense. We've been too busy hunting and surviving to practice all that much._  Still. She couldn't bare the thought of sitting around and waiting for others to return bloodied from battle. Not when it was against the creatures who had killed Poppykit before Lion's Storm, and had now ripped such a kind elder from them.

"Graystar!" Whitestripe yelled, having just come out of the medicine den, making the whole group jump and scatter. "While I understand your rage, perhaps you should leave the warmongering for  _after_  the vigil of the elder who gave her life for us all?"

Her ears fell, shoulders dipping. "You're absolutely right. I'm sorry."

"It's alright, friends," Stonebird rumbled, having not moved. Petalpaw could only imagine the crick in his back. "She'd appreciate this just as much as she would a standard vigil."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not have been listening/watching the MAP the entire time I wrote this. It was perfect background music for this lol. I was in a Petalpaw mood, so have a super quick update from the last chapter.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	37. Looking for Dawn

The glow of the full moon lit up the uneasy figures in RiverClan, providing an eerie backdrop to what would soon be a very dangerous battle.

 _Had things been different, I would have been to a Gathering tonight_ , Petalpaw thought, momentarily distracted from listing off herbs.  _I would've done a lot of things. Now, I'm not even sure I'll live through the night._  "We have some old honey in the back. It's hard as a rock, but you can still lick it. It doesn't do anything for wounds, but- well, it's super sweet, and a good way to comfort someone. If you're out of thyme, give them that. Dandelion leaves are about the same as thyme, but we're completely out of those. Oh, and make sure that no spiders are living in the cobwebs before sticking them on. Some of them can bite, and that's the opposite of helpful."

"Petalpaw!" Sedgepaw snapped, stopping mid-pace to glare at her. "She heard you the first five times."

Rowanpaw's tail wrapped around Petalpaw's side, pulling her close. "No, no, it's okay," the ex-rogue meowed. She had opted to stay and leave room for other warriors to get revenge for Poppykit and Swiftmist. "Keep going, Petalpaw. Tell me about burdock again."

"It's the root," she corrected absentmindedly.  _Oh, StarClan, why didn't I say goodbye to Beepaw and Stripepaw when I had the chance? What if I don't make it home after all?_  "You use it for rat bites."

"I got bit by a rat once," Cloudwillow mused. He held his paw up to the moonlight. "Huh. Looks like the scar faded."

Sedgepaw came over and nosed her ear, grimacing. "Sorry. I'm just nervous."

"It's fine."

Lionpaw hobbled back to them with the biggest bird on the pile, plopping it down at their paws. "Come on, guys. Let's share fresh-kill before we go."

 _In case we don't get to again_ , went unspoken.

The chatter ceased as the crunch of pawsteps on snow alerted them to Graystar's return. Throughout the Leaf-bare, Petalpaw had seen many sides to the leader. She'd seen business-like professionalism. She'd seen a tired mom. She'd seen the sick cat. But today, for the first time, she saw the warrior. Her long fur seemed to ripple like the water, groomed smooth and sleek. Each step she took had a purpose, her tail billowing behind her as she gathered their attention with it. A bright fire glowed in her eyes.

"I will take one patrol, and Volespring will take another," she proclaimed. "Tallblaze, Fluffywing, Cherryfur, Blackstorm, and Sedgepaw will come with me. Volespring, you take Carpjaw, Dawnbelly, Hawktail, Petalpaw, and Lionpaw. You'll be our second wave."

Rowanpaw leaned over to headbutt Fluffywing's shoulder. "Good luck, mentor."

"Thanks," he grunted, shaking a little with nerves. "I'll need it."

Whitestripe brushed by Petalpaw, giving her a quick lick. "You could stay here," she murmured into her ear. "You don't have to fight."

Petalpaw shook her head. She could smell Featherpaw on the breeze, and knew he would be watching over them. "I'll be careful."

Graystar spoke again. "I don't want any fish-brained stunts tonight. Don't bite off more than you can chew, and trust in your Clanmates, and we'll all come home." She tipped her head back. "RiverClan! RiverClan!"

"RiverClan!" they echoed. Petalpaw didn't hesitate to join in. "RiverClan! RiverClan!"

* * *

Carpjaw and Volespring were side-by-side as they slipped through the night, quietly talking strategy. Dawnbelly hovered just behind them, trying to poke his nose in. Hawktail kept his eyes firmly on Lionpaw, who was awkwardly keeping pace with Petalpaw, as he brought up the back. The apprentice was clearly still unused to only having three paws, and more than once they stopped so he could right himself.

 _StarClan, let us all see the next dawn_ , she prayed, mostly because she felt like she was supposed to.  _If not, let the end be swift. We've all had it up to our ears with suffering._

The reek of badger began to flood her mouth and nose. Petalpaw's ears flattened, forcing images of Poppykit out of her mind. She didn't think she'd ever truly be over seeing the kitten die at her feet. In the dark she could just make out Graystar's thick fur fluffing up like the mane of a LionClan warrior, tail curling over her back. She picked up the pace while Volespring hung behind, letting the leader position the groups as she pleased.

Petalpaw hadn't known what a badger's den looked like, but found herself sorely disappointed when Hawktail gestured to it. A small, sunken hole was placed amongst the snow, surrounded by more flat terrain. It reminded her of a rabbit tunnel. The medicine cat had always assumed it to be something much greater- or maybe just more intimidating.

"Hey, Volespring?" Dawnbelly meowed suddenly.

" _Not the time_ ," Volespring hissed as she crouched, waving her tail for them to do the same. Her eyes never left the hole.

"I know," he admitted. "I just wanted to say- you're a good deputy. I don't think I've ever told you that before, but it's true, and I wanted you to know. It's what makes competing with you so much fun."

The brown she-cat snorted. "Oh, cow-cat. You say that like you're anywhere near my level." Volespring spared him an amused look. "But compliment accepted anyway."

The momentary reprieve was shattered when Graystar strode forward by her lonesome. Petalpaw's breath caught in her throat as she moved slowly towards the den.  _The smell is bad enough from over here!_  They'd all seen what badgers could do, from Featherpaw to Poppykit and Swiftmist. The molly admired the senior warrior's ability to look so calm.

Graystar stamped a paw. "Come out, flea-breath!" she yowled. "Come out and face what you've done!"

A hissing, snorting sound accompanied the badger as it begrudgingly poked its head out. It was easily the ugliest creature Petalpaw had ever seen, with a wedge-like head and tiny ears. The large predator growled at Graystar as a warning, but she did not back away, snarling back at it. For a few, tense seconds, neither of them moved, until finally the badger had had enough and started climbing out.

"RiverClan," Graystar meowed. "Attack!"

The first wave came pelting out of the bushes up the hill. Cherryfur and Blackstorm led the charge, letting out a vicious war cry as they went. The calico leaped onto the badger's back while Blackstorm went for its vulnerable side, slashing with razor sharp claws. Tallblaze and Sedgepaw went together, as they always did, lashing out with quick bites before backing away. Fluffywing joined Cherryfur, sinking tooth and nail into its back. The badger roared, confused and overwhelmed, striking out blindly. Graystar hooked her teeth into its paw.

 _This is too easy_ , Petalpaw thought suddenly. Something niggled at the back of her mind, but she couldn't quite decipher what.  _There's no defensive scarring on the badger. Wouldn't Volespring, trying to save Poppykit and being brutally injured, have left a couple?_

It hit her like lightning.

The cub Poppykit had killed.

"Wait!" Petalpaw screeched. "There's a mate-"

In a sick flash of irony, the same hiss-snort echoed behind them as the second badger erupted from the grasses. Volespring yelled for them to scatter, which they followed without delay. Petalpaw didn't think she'd ever run so fast in her life, black fur skittering up her spine in spikes. There was a yelp, a thud, and when she turned Lionpaw was digging his teeth into the badger's shoulder as it prepared to strike, Hawktail bleeding heavily from a head wound.

_No!_

Petalpaw launched herself into the fray, shoving Lionpaw away like he'd done for the gray and white warrior. All she could think of was the nights she spent with his chin tucked between her shoulder blades; the pure terror on his face as he fell off that cliff.  _He's saved me more than once- it's time I returned the favor!_  The coppery taste of blood exploded in her mouth as her teeth sank into the badger's arm. She squeezed her eyes shut and ignored the urge to retch.

She didn't see what happened next. All she knew was agony, exploding through her body like fire. Petalpaw wailed and fell to the grass, which was quickly turning red underneath her. Carpjaw came out of seemingly nowhere to attack the badger, diverting him from sending a killing blow. The senior warrior goaded him away with a flick of his tail, calling insults over his shoulder.

"Petalpaw!" Lionpaw's nose poked her side. It was cold. "You're bleeding!"

"I noticed," she panted. Petalpaw grit her teeth and forced herself to raise her head and check the damages. A gasping slash wound dipped across her belly and onto her chest, just under the bend of her right arm. A wave of sickness rushed over her. "Ooh, that's not good."

"What can I do?"

"Nothing." Petalpaw headbutted his shoulder, trying and failing to look chipper. "Go fight, Lionpaw. I'll be on my paws in a second."

Lionpaw hesitated a moment, looking like he wanted to argue, before finally touching noses with her. "Be safe, Petalpaw," he meowed, and then he was gone.

Spots crowded the black and white molly's vision. She set her head on her paws like she was planning on taking a nap in the middle of the battle. She didn't think the wound itself was lethal, but that didn't mean that it hurt any less. Petalpaw knew she should roll onto it before the bleeding got out of paw, press it into the snow like she'd told Lionpaw to do moons ago. She didn't move.

"Get up," a voice hissed, and then teeth were in her scruff, lifting her off the ground. "It's not your time yet."

Petalpaw moved into an awkward sitting position, opening her eyes. Featherpaw's scent was almost unnoticeable amongst the tang of blood, but she'd know him even without a nose. "I'm shocked you came," she rasped. Her throat felt dry. "I thought badgers scared you."

"They do," he admitted with a shrug. "But I knew you'd need me."

Volespring's voice caught their attention. "Graystar is down! Warriors, protect your leader!"

Petalpaw stood, ears pricked. A lump of gray fur was surrounded by RiverClan warriors, led by the deputy. She forced herself to move, gimping slowly across the snow. Time stood at a standstill in the apprentice's eyes. She felt like a snail amongst leopards as she moved to help, collapsing against Graystar's side. Blood was gushing out of a wound in her chest. The leader's eyes stared straight ahead, glassy.  _I'm too late. She's losing a life._

Blackstorm screamed, catching her attention, but she wasn't in danger. Rather, she was victorious, sinking her teeth into the badger's stomach. The predator let out an anguished gurgle and slumped to the cold ground, overwhelming by all the wounds that had been inflicted on it. Even from this distance, Petalpaw could see the life leave its form. Cherryfur leapt onto the creature's back and let out a cry of her own, celebrating the justice of her daughter. Blood caked her haunches.

Graystar shifted. Petalpaw backed away as the long-furred molly stood up. The wound was gone, leaving a thick scar down the center of her chest.  _I sure wish I could get healed like that._  Blood was dripping down her leg at this point, pitter-pattering on the snow. It was getting harder to think.

"Attack!" Graystar roared, clearing the warriors with one bound. Petalpaw followed sluggishly, digging her teeth into the surviving badger's knee while Graystar sunk her claws into its' thick scruff, holding it off from attacking. Featherpaw's eyes bored into her, silently pleading that she not die just yet.

A hush fell over them as the badger sunk to the ground with one last growl, accepting its fate. Petalpaw backed away, hating the smell of death almost as much as the smell of badger. She forgot to go easy on her wound, sending new jolts of pain through her as it stretched. There was a nick on her ear that she didn't even remember getting, as well as a cut on her hip.

"We won," Graystar declared, startling her. "Dawnbelly, Cherryfur, make sure the den is empty of cubs."

The medicine cat flopped onto her haunches, a ringing in her ears. She wondered, belatedly, if their battle had been heard in WindClan. It wasn't uncommon for sounds of violence to carry across the Clans. She hoped, if that were the case, they knew that they were victorious.

"Oh, look," Petalpaw slurred, squinting at the sky. "It's dawn."

Her eyes rolled into the back of her head. Petalpaw was unconscious before she hit the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The climatic battle! Sort of! I've never been very good at battle scenes, lol. In a way, the badgers were kind of the Big Bad in this story- by which I mean having them involved gave Petalpaw the drive to fight the boss battle, to move forward, to fight. At the end of the day, they were just trying to survive too.
> 
> I had a lot of ideas come and go for this one, actually! One plan involved Beetlestar bringing a patrol to help fight, but I figured all of RiverClan was enough to handle two badgers. Another had Petalpaw going out a lot sooner, and having her spirit peruse the battlefield and heal wounds, Featherpaw by her side, only to disintegrate when they found her, but it didn't seem like anything done in warriors so far, and struck me as just a little odd.
> 
> Sorry this took so long! I wanted to re-read Resilience from the very beginning before attempting this. It gave me the idea of Petalpaw listing off herbs in her nervousness.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	38. Brave

_The world had turned black and white, and Petalpaw's colors had swapped- white, with a black belly, chin, and paws- as she walked through it, smiling. She hadn't felt so at ease in ages._ If this is the journey to death, than I can get why some cats welcome it! _It felt like she could do almost anything- fly, even._

 _She stretched her long body out. The gash was still there, and it still stung, but bubbles floated up and away from it rather than blood. Petalpaw preferred that. She broke into a sprint, flinching a bit on every bump and jostle. It just felt right._ I'm a WindClan cat. We run. It's who we are.

_The darkness melted away into long, tall grass. Her pelt had returned to normal, but the world had not. Stamping paws warned Petalpaw of Featherpaw's approach, the StarClan cat brightly lit against the colorless field as he sprinted across it. In his jaws was a robin. "Want a bite?"_

_Petalpaw put on a burst of speed. "No, thanks!"_

_To her surprise, Featherpaw caught up with her, panting out his nose. "Don't make me tackle you!"_

_She stuck her tongue out at him. The mere concept of standing still seemed impossible. "Try it!"_

_Petalpaw wasn't trying to be rude. She's wasn't even trying to avoid him. But she also feels really,_ really  _good, and it's been so long since she's raced someone for fun. Featherpaw is close behind her, but she didn't detect any haste in his stance as they flew across the field. She was hardly touching the ground. She wondered, belatedly, where the finish line was._

_This continued until Petalpaw was stopped- or, rather, tripped- by a tiny bundle of fur hidden amongst the grass, sending her sprawling on her back. Jostled and a bit dizzy, she stayed that way for a moment, ultimately rolling onto her side and shaking herself, ears flopping around._

_"Alright," Poppykit meowed, sitting up. She'd been the lump. "Time to get serious."_

_She tilted her head to the side. "Already?"_

_Featherpaw set the robin down. "Eat this. It's good for your health."_

_Petalpaw shied away from the fresh-kill, tail twitching. "No, thanks. I'm really not hungry."_

_Poppykit was on her back now, front paws draping across her spine. "Eat. It will make you well."_

_"Can't I just stay here?" she asked. "I mean, the fact that I'm here means I'm half-dead already. Why bother?"_

_"It's not your time, fish-brain!" the apprentice snarled, shocking her. "You can't just lay around and die. That's not the way of the wild. Who will take care of your family? Who will decipher criminally vague messages from the dead?"_

_"Why do I have to do either of those things?" Petalpaw retorted, sitting up abruptly. Poppykit slipped off into the grass. "WindClan has a medicine cat! My family has each other! I'm_ one _apprentice who got in over her head!"_

_Featherpaw's ears fell flat against his head. "Where's your bravery gone, Petalpaw?"_

_The word alone made her flinch. "I never had any! And, if I did, it's all gone now. I'm scared almost constantly, and I never go anywhere. I just sit around and hope I'm doing something right. How is that life? How is that bravery?"_

_Poppykit nosed her leg. "You're braver than you know, and that just proves it."_

_"Stop beating yourself up over things you can't control," her friend- because he truly was just that- advised, bumping noses with her. "Just look how far you've come, and how far you'll go. You're not even two seasons old yet. You've got all the time in the world." Featherpaw put a paw on the robin. "But only if you're willing to try."_

_Petalpaw studied her paws a moment, indecisive, then looked into the faces of the two StarClan cats who'd come this far just to help her. "Okay."_

* * *

"Ow," Petalpaw groused, cracking open her eyes. Her shoulder was doing far more than sting.

The first thing she noticed was that she was in the medicine den. Granted, it was still fairly smushed, and her nest was more than a little damp now that she was looking at it, but the reek of herbs was unmistakable.  _They must've dug it out after the battle. Makes sense. Some of the hardier plants might have survived._  Something shifted against her side. Petalpaw turned her head slightly, only to find herself nose-to-back with Stonebird's familiar tabby gray pelt.

"Howdy, youngin'," he rasped, opening his eyes. "You gave us a right scare."

Nostalgia slammed Petalpaw full-force. It hadn't been that long ago when she'd stayed by his side, helping him fend off Greencough. _I guess he just returned the favor._  "It wasn't lethal, Stonebird."

"The wound wasn't, but you were bleedin' pretty bad," he corrected. "It wasn't exactly a short walk back neither."

Petalpaw checked the wound. She couldn't really tell how well it was healing, as it was well-wrapped, covered in cobwebs and other herbs she could decipher if she tried, but she was too exhausted to check.  _Whitestripe knows what she's doing. I'm sure it'll be fine._  Dried brown blood stuck to the edges, so she quickly looked away, not wanting to drudge up bad memories of Poppykit. She touched Stonebird's ear. "Thank you for staying with me. It means a lot."

"Aww, I was just keeping it warm," Stonebird rumbled, then got to his feet. Petalpaw immediately felt a chill on her side as he hobbled out of the medicine den. "Hey! She's up!"

A low rumble of congratulations reached her ears, making her smile just a little. The thudding of feet came next, and before she could blink she was being tackled by Lionpaw, the white tom wriggling with happiness. Close behind were Sedgepaw and Rowanpaw, the former trying to get him to let up while the latter laughed.

"Apprentice squad is back together!" Lionpaw declared triumphantly, having finally settled in on her good side. Sedgepaw gingerly took the bandaged part, while Rowanpaw was draped across all three of their backs, purring up a storm. "Aww, man, you shoulda  _seen_  how awesome we all were, coming back all beaten up! I think we gave Cloudwillow and Sandstream a heart attack!"

"You sure gave me one!" Rowanpaw added with a laugh.

Petalpaw buried her face in Lionpaw's side. "Are the badgers dead, or did I hallucinate that?"

"They're dead," Sedgepaw reassured her. "We were  _gonna_  celebrate, but we couldn't. Not until you were up and moving."

Rowanpaw stretched out her neck, showing off the thick scar there. "We're gonna be scar buds!"

"Ha!" Lionpaw snorted, gesturing to his nub with his muzzle. "Fat chance.  _We're_  gonna be _arm_  buds."

"There's no reason I can't be both," Petalpaw meowed reasonably. "But, if it's okay with all of you, I'd much rather be nap buds."

"Nap buds for life," Sedgepaw agreed, eyes already drooping. "Lionpaw kept me up all night again. Honestly, and you say  _I'm_  a worry-wart."

"Hey, at least  _I_  don't pace until the grass is flatter than a Thunderpath."

The medicine cat chuckled. The warmth of sleep was tugging at her gently, and far be it from her to oppose. Petalpaw closed her eyes and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda short, but also pretty important to me. Man, it's hard to believe there's only two chapters left to this. (Yeah, you read that right.)
> 
> As someone with a lot of anxiety and depression, Petalpaw's journey has been important to me from a mental standpoint too. This gal means a lot to me lol. But, as the story is coming to an end (with other ones relating to Petalpaw's life probably coming sometime in the future), I just started writing another medicine cat story I've had the concept of for a while: Red Pearls!
> 
> Red Pearls stars Brightfur, a medicine cat of ShadowClan, as she seeks to escape the claws of her mentor, Ravenwind, and rekindle the lost trust between Brightfur and her Clan. Whereas Resilience was all about how family stretches across borders, Red Pearls is about losing your passions and finding new ones. Also, there's a heckuva lot more murder to be happening on Red Pearls.
> 
> -Mandaree1


	39. Rocks by the River

"Y'see? It's not so bad," Lionpaw encouraged as Petalpaw limped out of the medicine den, half-leaning on the equally wobbly tom. While her wound had healed okay, leaving a bright pink scar in its wake, she'd soon found that the paw couldn't handle the full weight of her body just yet. Maybe it never would. "If you fall, just do what Volespring does; pretend it was on purpose and walk away with your head up. It's done me wonders so far."

Volespring glanced up from her fish, licking her lips. "Never fails."

Petalpaw laughed, shaking her head bemusedly.

The warmth of Newleaf was beginning to take over RiverClan. It was an odd sight to the WindClan cat, who'd been born in the heat of Greenleaf. A gentle cool breeze blew through her pelt. The ground was wet from dew, sinking just a little in some places. Flashes of bright green had begun to take over the trees and bushes. There seemed to be no end to the snowmelt, which left puddles for the kittens to play in and warriors to take quick drinks from, and the fish were starting to return more and more to their daily diet. _If this is what it's like every season, I can see why all the older warriors are willing to wait for it to come._

Suddenly, Lionpaw nudged her. "Come'on. I've got something I want to show you."

Petalpaw craned her head around to check to see if Whitestripe had any argument, but the brown and white tabby was nowhere to be found. She took that as a good sign and gestured for him to lead on.

Together, the duo wobbled out of camp and to the main river running through the Clan. They stopped to lap at the cold waves a moment, then continued on. Petalpaw took a quick peek at her reflection, and found herself much bigger than she remembered. She was almost as tall as her father now, and would only keep growing.  _I have all the time in the world_ , she thought, giddy. _I really, really do._

They padded up the river for a bit, pebbles skittering under-paw, until they finally broached solid rock. They went a little further. Eventually, Lionpaw and Petalpaw came out at a place where rock met soil. A small pile of stones was stacked near a tree, and, nose pressed against one, sat Sedgepaw.

"Hey, bro," said Lionpaw quietly. "I figured you'd gone on ahead."

Sedgepaw glanced at him out of corner of his eye, slowly nodding. "I just wanted to pay my respects." Then, catching the confused look on her face, he explained: "This is mom's grave."

"Oh." Petalpaw swallowed and approached solo, sitting down next to him. "I didn't think RiverClan warriors were buried under rock piles."

"They aren't, usually." Lionpaw squished between them. "But we wanted to make sure we always remembered where she was."

The medicine cat bowed her head and closed her eyes. It only felt right to pray now.  _Thank you, Littlepelt. You did so much for me. I just wish I could've done the same in return._

"Do you see her often?" Sedgepaw meowed. "In StarClan?"

Petalpaw reluctantly shook her head. "It's usually just Poppykit and Featherpaw. Littlepelt's only come to me once."

To her surprise, he accepted that information without complaint, nodding. "Good. It means she's busy being happy."

White fur brushed up against her nose as Lionpaw moved closer, wrapping his tail around her's. He looked solemn. "I know we'll see each other at Gatherings," he said. "But I'll still miss you."

"I'll miss you too." She touched her nose to the spot just above his eye. "I'll miss both of you. You guys mean a lot to me, you know?"

"We know," Sedgepaw purred, blinking slowly in a show of affection. "But it won't be that bad. I mean, we share a border. We can still catch glimpses every once in a while."

"We should meet!" Lionpaw blurted out suddenly, startling both of them. "At claw-moon. One claw-moon a moon, I mean, so we're not too suspicious. And just... talk."

Unease prickled under Petalpaw's pelt. "That's against the code."

"It would be for  _warriors_ ," he replied stubbornly. "But you're a medicine cat! You take no sides! What harm is there in two brothers meeting up with a medicine cat every once in a while to chat?"

"What if we let something slip?" Sedgepaw exclaimed, eyes wide. "We could seriously hurt our Clans!"

Lionpaw snorted and rolled his eyes. "Really? And who are we gonna tell? 'Hey, Graystar, we've been meeting up with Petalpaw against the rules. Now, I know you're mad, but we got some _super juicy gossip_  you just _gotta_  hear'?" He turned to Petalpaw. "We're a family. It shouldn't be wrong to act like one."

Petalpaw put a white-tipped foot on Littlepelt's stones, wanting more than ever to hear what StarClan would say. She didn't know if she'd like what they'd tell her, but at least then she wouldn't have to worry about setting their ire on her home. On  _all_  their homes. She shook the idea off. _I can't rely on the dead for everything._

"Y'know what?" she meowed. "That sounds lovely."

* * *

They padded into camp just as Graystar threw back her head to yowl. "Carpjaw! Carpjaw! Carpjaw!" Petalpaw, Lionpaw, and Sedgepaw hastened to add their voices to the call as the new elder crossed the clearing over to Stonebird, bumping foreheads with his old friend.

_I hope Swiftmist can see this from StarClan. She'd love it._

"Guess I'm the oldest warrior now," Tallblaze mused as the noise died down. She looked at Sedgepaw and shrugged. "Just means everyone has to listen to me." Sandstream poked her in the back with a mischievous twinkle in his eye, grinning ear to ear. Tallblaze stuck her tongue out at him. "Yeah, yeah, you're almost my age. Rub it in, why don't you?"

A rustling gave them all pause. The air turned sour in an instant as Beetlestar padded into camp, followed close behind by Ravenfur, Cloudear, Lichenfang, and Foxpelt. Petalpaw couldn't help but notice that, barring her deputy, the WindClan leader had chosen her more peaceful warriors for this occasion.

"I'm sorry to intrude," Beetlestar meowed, dipping her head. "But you have someone who belongs elsewhere."

Graystar's pelt was beginning to fluff up as she studied the patrol. "Did you really dare cross into my territory  _and_  my camp without proper escort?"

"We waited, but no one came," Ravenfur growled evenly, eyes slitted. "I didn't know RiverClan had gotten so sloppy with its patrols."

Foxpelt brushed past Ravenfur, pointedly shoving him as he did so, and set a small bundle of catmint down at Beetlestar's paws. Most of the herbs had been picked carelessly, and still others were shriveled up and brown. The reek alone made a couple warriors shy away.

"You asked for all the catmint in our territory, Graystar," Beetlestar said. "Well, now you have it."

"Whitestripe," Graystar prompted, and the medicine cat scooped up the bundle. She regarded the WindClan cats coldly. "Today is no day to fight. You accuse RiverClan of slipping on patrols, but I fear it may be WindClan who has forgotten their manners, barging in right after an elders' ceremony like this." She flicked her fluffy tail. "Petalpaw, you may go. May StarClan light your path."

Something heavy welled up in her chest as she politely bowed her head. "And your's, Graystar. Thank you for taking such good care of me."

"Perhaps there's some hope for you rabbit-munchers after all," Volespring grunted, eye glowing, as Petalpaw  _mrrowed_  with laughter. She started to walk toward the patrol, only to be stopped by Whitestripe, who dropped the catmint to bury her nose in Petalpaw's back.

"Go safely, little one," she whispered. "RiverClan may not always be your friend, but I will be."

Petalpaw pressed her head to Whitestripe's throat. "Thank you."

Rowanpaw padded forward to pat her good shoulder with her paw. "Hey, thanks," she meowed. "It's thanks to you and Lionpaw that I'm here right now. I'll never forget that."

"I won't forget that either," she promised, reaching down to bump noses. "You mean a lot to me too, Rowanpaw. I'm sorry I don't say that as much."

"Petalpaw," urged Beetlestar, seeing that only more cats had stood up, preparing to give personalized farewells. "It's time we got going."

She pulled back and crossed over to the WindClan cats, ears half-lowered respectfully. Petalpaw was hyper-aware of the fact that she smelled almost nothing like them at this point. She looked back to find all of RiverClan watching her. Stonebird was sorrowfully blinking after her while Carpjaw cleaned his back to comfort him. Cloudwillow and Fluffywing were turned away, heartsick. Hawktail had Lionpaw and Sedgepaw with him, as always, and he stared after her like he was losing a daughter. Patchkit and Tansykit boggled at her from between their mothers' legs, while Hollykit pressed her muzzle to Blackstorm's belly.  _It's like they're losing a Clanmate._ Only Dawnbelly seemed unopposed, ears tilted backwards aggressively as he glared at the hostile warriors.

Their sorrow gave her the courage to lift her chin a little, nodding a silent goodbye as the other WindClan cats slipped out of the camp. Finally, when Lichenfang's tail flicked for her, Petalpaw turned and plunged through the reeds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This, right here? This hurt my feels to write, ya'll.
> 
> Only one chapter left! Gosh, that's amazing. When I started Resilience, I wasn't even sure I'd ever finish it, and now look at this. The original is almost done, and I have a possible sequel idea churning! And, if nothing else, I have a little two-to-three chapter 'fic I'm definitely planning on making. It's gonna be from Beepaw's POV, with them all being young warriors (medicine cat, in Petalpaw's case)! There's gonna be full names out the ears, ya'll!
> 
> -Mandaree1


	40. End

"What happened there?" Lichenfang nodded to the scar on her side. "Looks pretty nasty."

"Nothing," Petalpaw lied. After the spectacle they'd just made at Carpjaw's ceremony, she didn't think it was right that she reveal such sensitive information as the badger invasion. Graystar would do so at the next Gathering, surely, to show how strong her warriors were. It could wait until then. "It's healed up, so don't worry."

The brown and black molly looked uncertain, but before she could prod further Beetlestar spoke up. "Birdleap will be the judge of that."

She bristled, insulted. "I'm a medicine cat! I know when things are healed!"

"You're an  _apprentice_ ," Beetlestar retorted. "And, granted, I'm sure you know much more about healing than I do, but it'll make us all feel better if you go to Birdleap once we're home."

Petalpaw lashed her tail irritably but decided not to argue. _I'm not even out of RiverClan yet and already they're acting like I'm made of glass!_  Ironically, she looked to be the most well-fed out of all the cats, plump where they were scrawny and thin, but she suspected that drew back to the rabbits having not repopulated yet. The fish never seemed to stop in RiverClan, though most were tiny and not worth the effort.  _Resting in the medicine den helped that, too._

Foxpelt slowed down a little so he was walking beside her. "What's the matter, Petal?"

"Nobody in RiverClan ever thought I wasn't able to speak for myself," she muttered mutinously, then glanced at the other warriors, thankful she hadn't been overheard.

The ginger tom shrugged. "Everybody in RiverClan got to see you grow," he meowed sensibly. "Beetlestar's just worried for you, Petalpaw. You've had a hard time."

Petalpaw turned her head slightly to study him. All she knew of Foxpelt was that he had been outspoken against her father when Beetlestar decided to up patrols. At the time, she'd just assumed he was argumentative by nature, and liked to cause trouble. But now she had begun to realize it was the exact opposite- he didn't like a lot of conflict, and preferred a more peaceful environment. "Well, it'd help me a lot if she'd just  _listen_  to me," she answered finally. "She just said I know more about herbs than her."

"I can understand that." Foxpelt dipped his head. "I'll talk to her."

 _I can do my own talking!_  She swallowed the complaint. Petalpaw knew Foxpelt was trying, even if he wasn't exactly managing to pull it off.

As the horseplace came closer and closer, Petalpaw forced herself to ignore the anxious twitch wriggling in her belly. The reek of RiverClan was behind them now, clinging to their paws and her fur. As excited as she was to see her family again, the apprentice couldn't help but feel that things still weren't quite clicking between her and the WindClan warriors.  _They went so far to get me back- why can't they talk to me like one of them?_

"May I?" Cloudear meowed, gesturing with his muzzle to the place Foxpelt was trotting. The ginger nodded and picked up the pace to walk by Beetlestar, murmuring into the white and brown molly's ear. "Hello, Petalpaw."

She flicked her ear. "Hi."

"I'm sure this is awkward," he went on. "And I'm not going to push. I know I'm not Ravenfur. I'm not trying to  _be_  Ravenfur. But I do want to support you and your brothers. I just... wanted you to know that, I guess."

Petalpaw stared at the multicolored tom a moment, floored, then bumped noses with him. "Thank you. That means a lot." Cloudear nodded back at her. "Are you excited to be a dad?"

Cloudear's eyes half-closed at the reminder as he purred. "Excited isn't even coming close."

"Let's take a break!" Beetlestar called, startling them. "There's a stream up ahead, and we could all use a drink."

Grass bent and broke under their feet as the patrol bent down to lap at the cool water. Petalpaw, who had quenched her thirst before they'd even arrived, awkwardly stared at the waves. Little flashes of scales caught her eye as tiny fish flitted down the stream. She had to resist the urge to strike out; she didn't think the elders would appreciate a minnow for lunch as much as she'd come to enjoy them. They were small, true, but they made for a good snack.

Despite being the one to call for them to pause, it was Beetlestar who stopped drinking first, coming around Petalpaw's side. The WindClan leader nodded towards the hills. "If you'd like to go ahead, you can."

"Really?"

"Of course. This is your territory too; it's only fair you get to walk through it."

The first few steps on her own were awkward and uncoordinated. It had been moons since she'd had the space to run free, and it felt like she was breaking some rule. Petalpaw looked back, half expecting them to stop her, but Beetlestar nodded encouragingly and Foxpelt winked. Emboldened, she broke into a sprint, flying over the heather like she'd always dreamed. Fireflies flitted around, preparing to settle in for the day.

Petalpaw came to a halt on a particularly tall hill, looking over her territory. It was strange to think she'd only seen it once before being taken away. The gentle slopes and long grasses just felt natural. She could just make out a hunting patrol from her angle; Maplewing and Heathertuft were keeping close behind a hare, in-sync in ways she could only imagine. Out of the foliage came Wolfpaw, who pounced and bit down hard on the prey's neck. Petalpaw knew they didn't see her, but she waved her tail at them anyway, if only for good luck.  _I've gotten so used to waiting for the food to come to me. Learning to catch rabbits is going to_   _suck._

"Petalpaw!"

A shudder ran up her spine as she strained to look across the moor. Beepaw and Stripepaw were sprinting towards her with abandon, shouting her name. Petalpaw was struck again by how much they'd all grown when Stripepaw tackled her, unintentionally knocking the air out of her. Beepaw came around her other side and nuzzled her face.  _This feels familiar..._

They eventually let her up, chatting amicably, but Petalpaw hardly heard. She watched the fireflies flit around and laughed, overjoyed to be home.

* * *

WindClan camp was mostly empty when she padded inside, taking a deep breath. She suspected Beetlestar had done that on purpose; to give her some time to adjust. That suspicion was heightened when Raintail knowingly slid out of the nursery, trotting over to meet her.

"You've gotten so big," she mused as she cleaned her face. "But you're still my baby."

"I'm just a baby who can patrol," Petalpaw quipped.

Raintail's eyes lit up. "Oh, I'd like that very much. All of us on a patrol together." She moved forward to press her forehead to Petalpaw's. "Whatever the case, I'm just happy you're home."

"Me too," the medicine cat admitted, closing her eyes. Her purr was loud enough she was sure she was shaking a little. "I missed you."

"Hi."

The two she-cats jumped apart. Finchkit had come out of the nursery as some point, and now sat at Raintail's paws, blinking big green eyes up at her. Petalpaw thought he didn't look confused or jealous- rather, just expectant.

"Hi, Finchkit," she meowed awkwardly. "I'm- I'm your big sister, Petalpaw."

"I know," he answered simply. "I dreamed about you. You were standing over us and talking to Raintail."

Petalpaw opened her mouth to ask what he meant-  _he had been too young to remember when she visited, right?_ \- when a gray and white blur knocked into Finchkit. Owlkit had flung his front paws around the smaller kit's neck in a backwards hug. "Hey!" he wailed. "How come you didn't tell me we had company?"

Stripepaw chuckled and bent down to separate the two of them. "We wanted to surprise you. This is Petalpaw, by the way."

Owlkit's eyes got even bigger. "Wow! Aren't you a medicine cat?"

"That I am."

"Wow!" he repeated. "We've got warrior  _and_  medicine cat siblings!"

"Petalpaw!" rasped Firefoot as he hobbled out of the elders' den. "Why don't you come over and tell  _us_  stories for once, eh? Bring the whole family."

She still didn't feel comfortable telling them about the badger attack, so instead she settled in and told them about how she, Lionpaw, and Sedgepaw took down a swan on their first hunt. Finchkit and Owlkit sat at Raintail's side, listening eagerly, while Stripepaw and Beepaw dozed next to her, worn out from the excitement of having their kin back.

The scent of fresh-kill gave her pause. The hunting patrol had returned. Stripepaw snorted and nudged her. "Look, look, look," he murmured mischievously. "Watch."

"Watch what?"

"Just watch."

As Wolfpaw padded into the camp, rabbit held high in her jaws, Beepaw jumped to his feet. The gray tom raced across the clearing to meet her, ears pricked and eyes bright. Petalpaw couldn't hear what they were saying, but Wolfpaw playfully nudged Beepaw's shoulder, and Beepaw was laughing.

" _Somebody's got a crush_ ," Stripepaw sing-songed, grinning ear to ear.

"When did this start?" Petalpaw asked, floored.  _Have I been gone so long I didn't even get to see my brother fall in love?_

"Not long ago," he reassured her. "But it's been hilarious to watch so far."

Wolfpaw caught sight of her and perked up, haring over with the food. Beepaw looked marginally upset that she hadn't said goodbye, but then realized where she was heading and followed. The white she-cat proudly deposited the fresh-kill at her paws. "Think you can handle fur again, fish-breath?" she meowed teasingly, but Petalpaw could see a spark of uncertainty in her blue eyes.

 _She still hasn't forgiven herself for what happened._  Petalpaw pawed at her scruff. "Only with company."

They all settled in for a meal. With so many, their shares weren't the biggest, but she dug her teeth in without complaint. The taste burst through her mouth, and Petalpaw went weak with nostalgia. It was as tasty as she'd hoped it would be.

* * *

That night, she settled into the nursery with Stripepaw and Beepaw. Finchkit and Owlkit were sprawled in their nest, while Raintail was curled on the very edge. Petalpaw found herself missing reeds like a toothache as she set her head down in the edge of the heather. It felt weak and flimsy.

A shuffling caught her eye, and she glanced at the entrance. Ravenfur's bulky black pelt was blocking the way. He settled down without a word, keeping a protective vigil. Something softened in Petalpaw's heart at the gesture; but she knew, without fail, that he would be gone before dawn.

She slipped into sleep, dreaming of the big hill she'd been on earlier. It was Greenleaf now, and all the foliage was tall and well cared for. Tiny pinpricks of wild rabbits registered in the distance as they slipped out of their burrows to graze. Petalpaw laid down on the warm grass and stretched open her jaws to scent the air. Tiny paws found themselves on her side as a familiar little body crawled up, staring out at WindClan for the first time.

"You were right, Petalpaw," Poppykit breathed. "It's  _gorgeous_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: This whole chapter is basically set to "I Will Always Return" from the Spirit soundtrack.
> 
> A lot has changed in this story tbh! (And this is all just off the cuff; I'm sure I could think of more, given time)
> 
> In the beginning, the only death I had for certain was Poppykit's, and, even then, a lot about her changed. She was originally gonna be Petalpaw's closest friend in RiverClan, and they'd do all sorts of things together. One thing I wanted to do in-story but couldn't fit in- tho I managed to sort of do it in a dream- is for them to climb a tree overlapping the camp and watch and talk. The ending with her agreeing that WindClan was beautiful was always the plan, though.
> 
> Dawnbelly was picked at random to be the warrior who snatched Petalpaw- his personality, like the others, just evolved along the way. I also considered making a chapter from his perspective, his journey to the barn, meeting Missy, and ultimately getting sense smacked into him by the ghost of Littlepelt, but it felt out of place with the Petalpaw-driven narrative.
> 
> I didn't intend for there to be so many dream scenes, or for Featherpaw to become such a prominent character in them. He wasn't even going to be name-dropped until Petalpaw was talking to him and Poppykit in the half-dead zone.
> 
> Not to mention Rowanpaw! She didn't even exist until later on, after I'd been working on the story for a while! That includes everything else about the cave arc- Hailface, Badgerberry, Barkthroat, Dogwood, Portal, etc. I think I always had an idea for Lionpaw losing his arm, but I wasn't sure how to make that happen.
> 
> Sandstream was originally the one intended to be killed by badgers, rather than Swiftmist, and his death was going to give Carpjaw more resolve, but it reminded me a bit too much of Snowkit. (Also, him being mute was entirely out of nowhere- I just noticed that he'd made multiple appearances and said nothing, and figured disabled warriors are always a good thing. It is one of the weakest attitudes in all of the series.)
> 
> Wolfpaw was going to stay in RiverClan with Petalpaw after she found her at one point, but it didn't really worm its way in. There was a brief concept of her wanting to be a med cat, and Petalpaw resigning once she got home, but that was completely off-kilter with the ongoing storyline (be brave, be yourself, don't ever let anyone hold you down) that I scrapped it. Not to mention Wolfpaw has a bit of a mutual thing going on with Beepaw.
> 
> Speaking of Beepaw; the next story will be starring him! Granted, it'll only be two or three chapters long, but it's still gonna be him. Until that comes out, how 'bout you check you Red Pearls? It stars Brightfur, murder, and a LOT of siblings.
> 
> Until next time!
> 
> -Mandaree1

**Author's Note:**

> I know I'm best known for my gay kitties (and believe me, I love my gay kitties, and gay kitties will probably appear), but I felt like exploring how it must feel to be a kit in the Clans. Something other than them just being under-paw and playing plot-related kit games. It's not easy, being a kit in the Clans. Your dad hardly shows up, and when he does he's just excited because you'll make a good warrior, but who says you wanna be a warrior, anyway?
> 
> -Mandaree1


End file.
